A car cut her off, almost causing an accident. Her body shook.
Tears streamed down her face, making it too hard to see, so she put on her blinker and pulled over. Turning off the car engine, she put her head on the steering wheel and wept.
Thoughts whirled in her head. What had she done? She’d just kicked the man whom she loved out of her life! What was she, a complete idiot?
Confusion made the tears come faster. Her hands slammed against the steering wheel.
A loud rap on the window startled her. Laurie looked up to see a police officer. She turned the key halfway and lowered her window. “Y-y-yes.”
“Ma’am, are you okay?” The police officer looked concerned. She needed that right now.
“No,” she sobbed. “I’m not. I might be pregnant and I just told the father to take a flying leap.” Groping in the center console, she found a small packet of tissues. She blew her nose. Speaking very fast, she asked, “Did I make the right decision? I mean, I did, right? I caught him with other women, and that says he’s a jerk! Right?” She was now weeping with an open mouth, so she could breathe.
“Christ,” he muttered under his breath. “Ma’am, is there someone you can call? I’ll wait with you.”
“P-p-papa G-g-gich,” she stammered. Grabbing the cell phone from the empty passenger seat, she shoved it into the cop’s hand. “I want Papa! Waaaaaahhhhh!”
A part of her brain knew she was opening not just a can of worms, but a box of vipers by inviting Gich into the situation, but the stress of the moment had gone well beyond her ability to cope. If ever a girl needed her daddy, it was now, and Gich was the closest thing she’d ever had to a parent who cared.
“Sir, this is Officer DeGines. Is this Papa Gich? Your daughter is sitting in her car on Orange Avenue in Coronado. I think she’s going to need a ride home.” The cop paused. “No, sir, she was not in an accident, but the, uh, hormones of her pregnancy might be adding to the, uh, situation, sir.”
“What? Pregnant!” Gich’s voice shouted over the phone, and she could hear him clearly. “Well, that fucking asshole! I didn’t see that one coming. I’ll be right there.”
It seemed as if only a few minutes passed before Gich’s truck pulled up in front of her car. The cigar stump usually clenched between his teeth was missing, and he was wearing a clean button-down Hawaiian shirt. He’d probably done that for her, made himself respectable so the cop would let him take her home.
Gich shook hands with the police officer. They traded comments and then Gich helped her out of the car. He didn’t utter a single negative word as he placed her safely inside the cab of his truck and then fetched her purse and locked her vehicle behind him. “I’m here, sweet Laurie. You can relax.”
She blew her nose on the wad of crumpled tissues in her hand. Suddenly, familiar scents tickled her nostrils: Gich’s musky aftershave, the faint scent of his robust cigar, and sea air.
Help me! Would Gich take her to his home? Living in a small house on the edge of the ocean in Imperial Beach made everything smell like salt water. As a child, she’d adored it. Life was easier then.
Lying down on the seat, she placed her head on his lap. His hand stroked her hair for a few seconds and then settled on her shoulder for balance while he snapped the seat belt around her, and then he started the truck. Of course, he never put one on. He detested being restrained by convention or the law. The rebel instinct was alive and well in him. But he always made sure she was safe.
Slowly he pulled away from the curb and headed toward home. “Thank you, Papa Gich.”
“I’m here, Laurie girl. I’ll always be here.” His words drew a few more tears to drip from her swollen eyes. She loved him more than she could say and was grateful for his presence in her life.
The tears dried, and unfortunately, hiccups surfaced from deep in her diaphragm to accompany them on their journey across the bridge.
“I love you, Laurie,” he said, his voice heavy with emotion. “I will always stand by you.” She knew he was telling the truth. Gich was always true to his word—the one man she could count on.
“Papa Gich will make it better,” he said as she closed her eyes. Gich would take care of everything—just as a daddy should always do for a child.
Chapter 13
Keep your eyes up and your ass down.
—Favorite saying of Moki Martin, retired SEAL
“Roaker! You selfish son of a bitch! What the hell were you thinking?” Gich appeared in front of him on the street, almost as if he had materialized there. The man flew under everyone’s radar, and it didn’t surprise Jack that his mentor would seek him out.
“Took you long enough,” said Jack, annoyed. “For the record, those ladies had just toured the base and Spasick—Team ONE’s Intel Officer—asked me to drop them off here. He had back-to-back commitments.”
“Do you think I give a flying fuck about tourists? I’m talking about Laurie.” Gich pointed a finger into Jack’s chest and it felt like a spear skewering his heart.
He had nothing to say. No words. Whatever was coming his way, he’d own it like a man, but fuck, he wished he didn’t have to do this.
“Oh, so that’s how you’re going to play it. No words. No defense. You just going to take it.” Gich’s face was red and his fists were like two large hams. “I’d like nothing better than to beat you senseless. Pretty fucking futile if you didn’t fight back.”
“Aw, you called me, pretty!” Unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, Jack shook his head. Emotions pounded his heart and brain, making his head feel like it was about to explode. When he looked up, Jack sought Gich’s eyes with his own.
Tears slid quietly from his eyes. He didn’t bother to wipe them away. “Gich, what the hell am I going to do? My whole life is screwed up and I’m hurting the people who are most important to me.”
His gaze held tight and then slowly the fury slid off Gich’s face. The man scratched his chin, hemming and muttering to himself. Finally, he took Jack’s arm and led him to a table tucked next to a local café. They sat down on opposite sides of the table.
Jack couldn’t stop the waterworks. Silently he wept as Gich watched him.
After a time, Gich punched Jack’s arm and said, “C’mon Jack, crying lets the pain out, and now it’s time to stop and address the problem. Give me the Sit Rep.” This was one of the reasons Gich was a top BUD/S Instructor. He was always teaching the newbies life lessons.
Shrugging off the mantle of frustration and upset, Jack wiped his face on his shirt and looked Gich in the eyes again. “She told me not to contact her. I’m not letting her go through this alone. I want to marry her. I will provide for her and the child. And I need her to get that.”
Leaning back in his seat, Gich stroked his mustache. “My boy, the fact you started this discussion focusing on her, with all the crap you have going on, shows me that you have honor. But I knew that about you—you stepped up in the past and continue to do it in the present. So then, why didn’t you call her for six weeks?”
“The XO forbade it, ordered me to withdraw completely, and I follow orders. What happens if I don’t? The repercussion for not doing as we are told is—I would be thrown in the brig, and Laurie could be in trouble for eliciting information that threatens national security.” His emotions rode so high, Jack spoke as if he were running a race. “I know, it sounds like a load of shit! The killer hook was the fact that Laurie helped me. The fucking doctor who put all of this in motion couldn’t and he hated that fact!”
Slamming his fist on the table, which made the steel and wood frame vibrate, Jack shook his head, wishing it were a big mistake. “I shouldn’t have told that doctor anything. Not a goddamned thing! I was so fucking thrilled to have some of my memory back that I babbled like a two-year-old. Why didn’t I think first… think about the fact that the XO would be reviewing any important notes with the doc?”
Gich’s eyebrows lifted. “Well, well, well, that is interesting. All of your �
��sessions’ are confidential and the XO didn’t have a right to know those exact details unless your doc’s a dick and you pissed him off. Though the Navy does have a few peculiar regulations when it comes to National Security and civilians.” He stretched his legs in front of him and said, “Let’s face facts, Jack, you’re a SEAL. You could have found a way around ‘not talking’ to her. Texting. A letter. Or calling your old mentor for a drink and asking him to pass a message on to the lady I didn’t want you to date.”
“Fuck! Why didn’t I think of—?”
“You didn’t use your noggin, Jack! Half of me wants to believe this cock-and-bull story of yours, and the other half feels like you’re blowing smoke.” Signaling the waitress, who had been lingering just inside the door, he ordered. “I’d like a black coffee with a shot of whiskey, and he’ll have the same, but unleaded. Don’t tell me that you don’t have whiskey, because I saw your cook, Charlie, less than twenty minutes ago buying a bottle for some fancy damn recipe.”
The waitress laughed and went off to fill the order.
“Jack, you’re up Shit Creek and I don’t know how to give you a paddle.” Gich studied his fingers. “Laurie is my daughter. I adopted her, way back when her dad died, and I have to put her first. She isn’t like you or me. We can make do. We can make something out of nothing and be fine. Our lives are hard and filled with pain and torment, but we chose it. She was born into it, yet that doesn’t mean she wants to be tough all the time.”
The waitress placed the coffees and some napkins in front of them and left. Gich sipped his drink that looked more whiskey than coffee. The cook knocked on the window and Gich toasted him with the mug.
Gich pressed Jack further. “What else did the XO say? I can’t believe he didn’t give you any other out.”
“Fuck! Fuck! I can’t believe I didn’t catch that!” Jack sat up straight in his chair and looked Gich square in the eyes. “He told me to do what I needed to do—to heal. Fucking asshole, this was my out. Why didn’t I see it before?”
“Because you got stuck on emotion—missing her—and not on how to maneuver around the equation.” Gich snorted derisively. “Okay, now let’s see if I can wrap my brain around this, Jack. This was a miscommunication of sorts, and you like Laurie, is that right?” Putting his arm on the table, Gich leaned forward, staring at Jack, almost daring him to be a lothario.
“Of course, I like her!” Jack was incredulous. “I more than like her. And… and I know I owe you an apology, too. I should have come to you. I’d like to do that now, ask you if I can be with her.”
“That boat might have sailed, my brother. Laurie’s not like other people. She’s strong and can handle the truth, but deceit really pisses her off and her memory is eternal.” Gich stroked his mustache in contemplation. “What are you going to do about that?”
“Everything I can possibly do… with your help and blessing, of course,” said Jack. “I’ll marry her if she wants a ring; otherwise I’ll support her and be there when I can.”
Gich finished his coffee and then said, “I’d refine that speech. You’re not going to win agreement from her with that crap. Either love her and be with her or don’t bother.” Gich shrugged. “I went through something similar once. There was a lady I liked. I couldn’t own it, and she married my best friend, my swim buddy. The life I should have had went to someone else, and I’ve spent the rest of my life picking up the pieces of one of my biggest mistakes.”
Leaning back in his chair, Gich continued. “I’ll be honest with you, Jack, you’re not good enough for Laurie. No one is. But if it has to be a Team guy, then you’re one of the best I know. Don’t do this—go any further with Laurie—if you’re planning to ring out. She doesn’t need the heartache and neither do I.”
Jack’s gaze was steely. “I don’t quit, sir. That word is not in my vocabulary.”
Gich nodded. “We’ve got a long road ahead of us. I’ll do what I can to bridge the gap, and the rest of it will be up to you.”
“Thank you, Commander.” Jack grinned and then added, “Dad.”
A shiver went through Gich. “Shit! I guess that means I’m going to be a grandpa. I never thought I’d see that day so soon. And don’t you be spreading the gratitude so swiftly. You’re not secure, Jack. Not yet.” Gich wiped his nose on the back of his hand. “Come on, let’s go to McP’s for a real drink. This is going to require a serious strategy and thorough planning.”
***
Bringing another shot of tequila to his lips, Jack slammed it back and placed the empty glass on the table. The liquid burned a fiery trail to his gut. His head was already swimming and he knew it probably wasn’t the wisest move, but whatever challenge Gich put in front of him, he took. In many ways, it did numb the pain.
Fuck me!
His stomach rolled, preparing to toss the contents of three hours of drinking steadily. Jack stood, nodded to Gich, and actually made it to the men’s room before he hurled seven shots and six beers into the toilet.
When his stomach was empty, he leaned his head against the wall. Why am I doing this? Within ten minutes of arriving at McP’s they’d achieved a plan. Gich was going to talk to Laurie and convince her to hear her former lover and, he hoped, soon-to-be husband out.
Hell! A husband! I’m not ready for marriage. Yet Laurie was different. The woman was capable of pushing his head and heart ten different ways. Feeling his cock slide into her was a slice of heaven he’d be happy reliving for the bulk of his days.
God only knew if it would change things in their relationship, being married. Some of his brethren said it did and others really liked the security of being married. No more going from woman to woman or having to play “Guess your insecurities” or “Are you more fucked-up than me?”
The throbbing in his head lessened and he made his way to the sink. He washed his hands and splashed water on his face. Using his shirttail as a towel, he mopped his eyes and mouth and then straightened his clothing. Knowing this was as presentable as it was going to get, he left the washroom and headed back to the table.
Two more shots were waiting for him. Gich eyed him and then nodded. “You should have plenty of room for more, now.”
Jack wasn’t exactly sure what made him shake his head. Nonetheless, he sat down at the table and said, “I’m done, Gich. I’ve never been a drinker and I’m not going to start now.”
“Good on you, son,” replied Gich as he reached over and downed the drinks. “I knew you had a steady hand on the helm, Roaker. Now, keep thinking and living that way. Between us, I had to know that you would say your limit.” Placing the glasses on the table, he signaled to the waitress for a check. “Laurie’s biological daddy drank until everything disappeared. You and I have spent enough time together that I have a pulse on your personality, but I had to know if you had a line.”
Digging bills out of his wallet, Gich dumped them on the table next to the check. Then he leaned forward. “Toe the line, Jack.”
“Yes, sir.” That was a promise. “Out of curiosity, if I had kept drinking, what would you have done?”
Gich shrugged his shoulders. “Probably sobered you up and made you drink again, until you showed me a line.” He scratched his chin. “Though I could see the part of you that wanted to take the punishment I was dishing out. There’s a wiser part inside that wouldn’t let you put yourself in jeopardy and was quite done with the game.”
“Yeah,” said Jack was a slow grin. “My gut said it was time and I listened. Guess that’s good.”
“Always,” said Gich. “Now help an old man over to that Mexican restaurant on the next block for some food. I’m not going to waste excellent tequila by being a sissy bear and throwing it up. Instead let’s get some tamales and really give the alcohol something useful to do.”
“Sure thing. I need coffee,” said Jack as he accompanied the only man alive who could bring him to his knees and build him back up with a single look. Today, though, all alone he’d turned a corner. A piece
of him had grown—away from Gich and patriarchs and “must dos”—to be independent of the past and to know how clearly he was taking deliberate steps to shape his own future.
He was sure some men missed the signal to take a life-changing turn. The tools to make his life what he wanted it to be were right here, inside of him. It was about desire. In his mind anything was possible, if strategized properly.
Chapter 14
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
—Anonymous
The screen door squeaked as Laurie opened it wide to reveal Gich standing on her welcome mat. Somehow, she just didn’t feel particularly welcoming at that moment. “Hi, Papa Gich.”
“That has to be the most unenthusiastic, forlorn greeting I’ve ever heard.” He lifted his eyebrows. “Are you going to invite me in or am I going to have to stand outside?”
“Sorry. Come on in.” As she walked into her living room and over to her favorite stuffed leather chair, she said, “Since when do you need to be invited?”
Gich sat down in the twin of her chair. They had been a gift from him when she had moved in here, and the supple brown chairs had always been a comfort. Today, the weather was a little warm and her skin stuck to the sides as she moved. When Gich stared at her with a certain deadeye gaze, she knew that either she was in trouble or a sensitive topic was about to be broached. She wasn’t in the mood for any of it, but what choice did she have? He was the closest thing she had to family, and if he had taken the time to come here and speak to her, she would listen.
“Hey, baby girl. How are you?” he asked.
“Fine,” she said nodding her head. “The ob-gyn is going to call me back in a few hours.”
“You look better, Laurie.” He nodded at her. Gich didn’t look very comfortable in his chair either. “Did you get the tears out?”
“Yeah. You know, there are always more,” she replied. She couldn’t take the tension and finally said, “What did Jack say?”
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