Silence fell across the room.
“Right. Now, what are we going to do about Mum?”
“Do we have to do anything?” Ryan asked calmly.
I got it. I really did. But I just couldn’t walk away. It wasn’t me. “Yeah, we do. She’s still our mum.”
“Is she ever going to act like it?” Holly asked quietly.
Her words hurt. Until that moment I hadn’t given it any thought about how much all this drama was hurting Holly. After all, a girl only has one mother.
I needed a drink. Escaping to the kitchen, I swiped a bottle of water from the fridge and took a long gulp. Rubbing my face, I wished this whole day was over. I was still sleep deprived, and now, because of all this bullshit, I couldn’t even go home to my own bed. I’d given that up to Mum. I’d be couch surfing in my own lounge room unless we put aside the petty bullshit and figured this out. Somewhere along the line, it had become our responsibility to deal with the adults in our life.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, dragging me out of my heavy thoughts.
ClickChick7: The ones we love the most always know exactly how to hurt us the worst.
As I read her reply, my already heavy heart suddenly felt even heavier. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t the only one struggling with the ones we loved at the moment.
Chapter Fourteen
Carly
My whole place smelt like lemon. It was so clean you could eat off the floor. It’d been four days since I’d woken up wrapped in Gage’s warm arms, his very prominent erection digging into my ass. I should’ve been pissed I hadn’t heard from him since he’d followed me home. I wasn’t. Sure we’d shared a hot as hell kiss before spending the night cuddled up in each other’s arms, but he wasn’t the one I was waiting to call.
I’d known Payton had gone and got married for four days now and I still hadn’t gotten over it. I was pissed. After everything we’d been through, after everything I’d given up for her, the very least she could do was to tell me. I got it. I might not like it, but I understood. After all the bullshit that had gone down when she was planning the wedding to my douchebag brother, I understood the whole not wanting a big drama-filled wedding. That didn’t mean she had to completely cut me out either. She could have called me. Right after. The next morning. Anytime really. I still would have been hurt, I doubt that could be avoided, but at least then I wouldn’t find out by accident in front of a group of people I didn’t know.
It stung.
She was my best friend in the world, and on the most important day of her life, she hadn’t included me.
For the last two days I’d let my anger and disappointment motivate me. I’d scrubbed this place from top to bottom. It wasn’t that bad, but a guy’s concept of clean and mine were miles apart. I wasn’t officially OCD but I was bloody close. I’d taken down curtains and washed them. I’d scrubbed the grout in the shower until it was once again white. In fact, I’d used so much bleach on this place, a few times I’d been forced to step outside to get some fresh air for fear of asphyxiating on the fumes. My fingernails were shot to shit and the skin on my hands was rubbed raw.
Now though, I had a problem. I was starving and the fridge was bare. It’d never been my intention to become a hermit, but for a couple of days that’s what I felt I needed. Some space to calm down and get my shit together. Payton and I’d been through so much, I didn’t want to let this come between us. Years of friendship meant more. I just had to let the sting dull a bit first.
Swiping my keys from the bench, I jumped in the car and bumped down the drive. I’d have to speak to Connor about the drive. After the last couple of days of much needed and greatly appreciated rain, the once small potholes I was able to navigate my way around had now turned into deep craters. First things first—I needed coffee. I’d run out two days ago and been too stubborn to go into town and get some.
Half an hour later, my trolley was full and I was waiting at the checkout. I hated grocery shopping. It was the bane of my existence. It was actually one of the things I missed most about living in Sydney. There, I could go online, click what I wanted, and it would show up on my doorstep within twenty-four hours. Anything I wanted. When I’d first discovered this service, I didn’t believe it. Surely it couldn’t be that easy. But I experimented. I created the strangest shopping list I could imagine. There it was. Six hours later, packed in plastic shopping bags, no questions asked. I fucking loved it. Here though, in the middle of nowhere, I was forced to drive into town, pick items from the shelf, then deal with the chatty cashier before packing my own groceries and hauling them to the car. When I got a boyfriend, if I ever got a boyfriend, this was going to be his job.
Shopping when emotional was never a good idea.
As the surly teenager at the checkout scanned each item, most of which I couldn’t even remember tossing in, I couldn’t believe all of my impulse buys. There was all the essentials—ice cream, chocolate, noodles, biscuits, and coffee, but then there was all the shit I didn’t need. Vanilla scented bath salts. Three dozen hot cross buns and a fruit cake. It seemed I couldn’t let go of Christmas but I was more than ready for Easter. I was an idiot. And the girl behind the counter was judging me with every item she bagged. Like she was in any position to judge. She had more piercings in her ears than she could probably count, and just as many pimples dotting her face.
As quickly as I could, I handed over some cash and got out of there. After loading up the car, I looked over at the bakery across the street. What I wouldn’t give for one of Payton’s lattes. I couldn’t do it though. I wasn’t ready. And anyway, I had ice cream in the car. In this heat it wouldn’t last long.
With one last look, I caught sight of her throwing her head back and laughing. I had no idea who she was talking to, but from where I was standing, out here in the heat in the gutter, she obviously wasn’t devastated about what had happened between us.
Slipping into the car, I cranked up the air con and headed home. It was nap time.
***
“Open the door, Carly! I know you’re in there!”
My eyes cracked. It felt like someone was banging on my skull, but it was only the front door. Sitting up, I grabbed my phone and checked the time. I couldn’t believe I’d been out for so long. Four hours was a decent nap. It was just a shame that I still felt like shit.
“All right! All right! I’m coming. Keep your panties on.”
Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, my vision blurred and I saw spots. This was something new for me. Maybe I was just dehydrated. That was it. I was sweating and my singlet top was sticking to me. Swallowing heavily, I took a deep breath and headed to the door.
“Why’d you lock the door?” Payton snapped as I unclicked the latch.
“Hi to you too.”
I was being a bitch. I never liked being woken up and right now, I wasn’t ready to deal with Payton. It didn’t seem I had a choice though. She was here and it didn’t appear she was going anywhere in a hurry.
She strutted through the place like she owned it. I guess in a way she did. Everything was Beau’s, and she was his wife, so it probably was hers. At least fifty percent was. Throwing her handbag on the coffee table, she helped herself to a bottle of water from the fridge. Usually it wouldn’t bother me. We’d known each other so long that my home was her home and vice versa. Today though, I wanted to yank the water bottle out of her hand, tip it all over her head, and yell at her to wake up to herself.
“I saw you today.”
“Sorry?”
“I saw you in town. You didn’t come over. Why?”
“Why what? I went to get groceries. You know how much I love grocery shopping. So, I grabbed them and took off before the ice cream melted.”
“Bullshit! You’re avoiding me.”
“I’m not. I had ice cream. Do you want some? I got salted caramel swirl and boysenberry ripple.”
“Fine then. You had ice cream. What about the days before that? I hav
en’t heard from you since you left Mia’s.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Busy.”
“Yeah, busy. You remember. It’s when you have shit to do and people relying on you to do it.”
“Okay then. What’s been keeping you busy?”
Bitch was taunting me. I knew exactly what she was up to. Payton may not remember, but I sure as shit did. Whenever she stuffed up, she always found a way to make me feel guilty about it. This time though, I wasn’t going to let her. She did this. The least she could do is admit it.
“I’ve been booking shoots and editing. I’ve even managed to find time to enter a few photography competitions. Some of them have some pretty amazing prizes.”
“Like what?”
“Trips mainly. Some offer cash prizes, others offer having your photo published in their magazines, but the ones that really interest me are the ones where they send you somewhere incredible to take more photos. The one to Botswana sounds like a dream. I don’t think I have a hope in hell of winning, but if I could pick any, that’s the one I’d choose.”
That was the honest to god’s truth. I knew we were skating around the real issue, but I was in a shitty mood. I had a headache and the worst cramps known to man. Actually, not known to man, a man wouldn’t be able to endure something like this without demanding medical attention.
“Sounds pretty cool.”
“Yeah, it really does.”
Finishing my juice, I looked over at Payton, unable to stop staring at the sparkling ring on her finger. It was like a beacon I couldn’t look away from. Payton noticed me staring and bit her lip. She had something to say, but for some reason was holding back.
This sucked.
It really did.
Here I was with my best friend in the world, my sister from another mister, and it felt like there was this giant wall between us instead of a glass coffee table. I hated it. I wanted her to apologise so we could move on. But as much as I wanted it fixed, I knew I wouldn’t be able to let it go unless Payton went first.
Silence hung in the air like a bad smell.
Beyond the door, the rumble of thunder echoed. I found myself hoping for all the noise, it’d bring some rain with it. We needed it to cool the hell down. This heat was oppressive. I was gazing through the window when the bolt of lightning lit up the sky. If this storm did what it was threatening to do, we were in for a show.
My phone chirped and I wanted to get it, it just seemed rude. Instead I left it where it was and stayed still.
“So…”
“So…”
We were off to a fantastic start. At this rate, resolving this shit was going to take days. Why couldn’t she just admit she stuffed up, apologise, hug me, and then crack open a bottle of wine? With a glass of white in my hand, she could fill me in on all the details I was still missing.
“Come on, Carly. It’s been four days. You ready to talk to me yet?”
She was not starting off well. I thought Payton knew me. Like knew the real me. The one who was more damaged than I cared to admit. At least the Payton I used to know did. Maybe this new version had forgotten.
“I’m not not talking to you,” I confirmed. It was true. I might not be going out of my way to message her or drop by, but I wasn’t actively dodging her either.
“Bullshit!”
“What? I’m not.”
“I saw you.”
“What?”
“At the store. I saw you. You looked straight at me. Or through me.”
“I had ice cream!” I countered a little loudly. I should have been embarrassed. I should’ve been, but I wasn’t. I was annoyed. Not just at Payton, at the world. Everything had been shit lately. After all the crap that went down at Christmas with my mother and Hayden, I needed Payton and she wasn’t there for me. I felt like every emotion that I had was about to come barrelling out of me and Payton wouldn’t know what hit her. I wanted to hold it back. Desperately. I was struggling, though.
“Okay! Okay! You had ice cream. You didn’t even come over though and get coffee. Don’t forget, Carly, I know you. You’re addicted to your coffee, and not once in four days have you come into town to get one.”
“It’s my New Year’s resolution. Cut back.”
“Fuck off, it is. You’d give up photography before you cut out caffeine.” Shit! That was the thing about best friends. They knew you too well. They knew what your priorities were and they knew when you were lying through your teeth.
“Are you pissed that I got married? Is that it?” Payton asked as she twisted her fingers in her lap. She was nervous, and if anything, that just made me feel worse.
“No!” I declared adamantly. I might have been pissed at the way she got married, at the fact she hadn’t included me, at the fact she hadn’t even bothered to tell me, but I’d never be upset that she got married. Not if he made her happy.
“Is it Beau? Do you not like him?” Payton held her breath. “Has he…has he done something?”
I could read the fear in her eyes. Best friends could do that. “Absolutely not!” I said quickly, putting her out of her misery. After everything my asshat brother had done to destroy her, I wasn’t about to let her think, not even for a second, that Beau was the same. I might not know him well, but I knew he was about as opposite to Hayden as you could get. And that was a good thing. A very fucking good thing.
“Then what? What did I do that’s had my best friend in the world avoiding me for the last four days?”
“Nothing.”
I felt stupid. I couldn’t admit that. I felt like I’d somehow stuffed up. Sure, Payton hadn’t invited me and she hadn’t told me, but I was being a bitch and making her feel bad about it. She should be excited and happy and walking on air. Instead she was sitting in my lounge room looking decidedly miserable while I avoided the truth. I knew I was being awful and I should let her off the hook. The problem was, I was hurt too.
“Nothing.”
“CARLY!” Tell me! Tell me so I can apologise. Tell me so I can fix it! I need my best friend back. Please!” As tears teetered on her eyelids, I cracked. I couldn’t do this any longer.
“You-did-it-without-me.” My admission came out so softly I barely heard it myself.
In the distance another rumble of thunder echoed, leaving us silently staring at each other.
“What?” Payton squeaked.
“I wasn’t there.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t know what more to say. The truth was out there now, but it wasn’t setting me free. If anything, it was holding me hostage. I hated it. And I hated myself.
Before I had even thought of a way to make the hurt end, Payton threw herself into my arms. Wrapping my own arms around her, we held each other for a long time. There was sobbing and apologizing and giggling all mixed in together.
That was the thing with me and Payton. We were best friends. And to us, that meant something. It didn’t mean we never stuffed up. It didn’t mean we never hurt each other. What it meant was, when things did go wrong, when things tore us apart and threatened to derail our lifelong friendship, we got through it. Sometimes it hurt and sometimes it left scars, but together we pulled the other out of the darkness and built something even better. Even stronger.
“I wish you’d have been there.”
“Me too, Payton. Me too.”
When the crying subsided, Payton declared it her bachelorette night. Since she’d had a shotgun wedding, she never got to do the girly thing. All though I was PMSing badly, I needed this as much as she did. Thankfully Payton’s idea of a wild night was the same as mine. Chocolate, Channing Tatum, and pizza.
While I jumped in the shower, Payton raided my closet to find some trackies. Looked like we were in for a sleepover. Good thing I stocked up on goodies. Although I offered to invite Mia and Josie, Payton wanted it to be just us. I think she was trying to make up for everything. She didn’t have to, but I appreciated it.
Turns out, a night just h
anging out was exactly what we needed. It would take some time for me to get used to Payton being married. I mean, she was married. She had a husband. I couldn’t even commit to a pet. I hoped we weren’t growing apart as our lives changed, and if we did, I prayed we were strong enough to fight for our friendship. After all, it was the one thing in my life that meant the most to me.
***
Someone snuggled up behind me and suddenly I was wide awake.
Unfortunately.
I was so not ready to be awake yet. Or maybe ever. My head felt like it was being squished in a vise and my stomach, oh god, my stomach. Sitting up, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and found myself wondering where my pants were. Even when I was on my own, I wore my favourite pyjamas every single night. They made me feel comfortable and safe. Not last night though it seemed. I was sitting there in my black granny panties and beige bra. Not my best look I’ll admit.
“Rough night?”
Whoa! Where the hell did that come from?
Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, I felt the dry crusty goop break off. Damn, was I attractive this morning. This, right here, this is why I lived alone. The complete lack of hair style, the stomach gurgling, the morning breath, and the crusty eyes. No one should ever have to be exposed to this. Hell, most of the time I didn’t even want to see myself looking like this. Until I had a shower and at least one cup of coffee in my system, even I didn’t even risk looking in a mirror.
“Agh,” I groaned as my stomach churned again and I turned around.
Standing there, leaning on the door frame, looking altogether too smug for my liking, was Gage fucking McIntyre. Where I looked like something someone dragged out of a gutter, he looked like he’d stepped from the pages of one of those sexy ass country boys catalogues. His dark denim jeans hugged him in all the right places and his sky blue button down shirt made him look like something I wanted to taste. After I brushed my teeth, of course. Even though his hair was still damp, his smile crooked, and his eyes wide, there was something mischievous about him.
Meet The McIntyres - The Complete Series Page 37