I wanted to remind her that they wouldn’t have cared. I didn’t have to spend every waking second with her brothers to know they’d give up the shirts on their backs if Holly needed something. She had that effect on them. Hell, she had that effect on me.
“One Wednesday night I got back to the dorms later than normal. I’d stopped at the library to get a book. When I finally stumbled through the door, there was all my missing underwear. In a pile in the middle of my bed. I didn’t wear lacy G-strings or anything fancy, I was more a cotton boy-shorts type of girl, and it was all back. When I made it over to my bed though, I knew something was off.” She paused and swallowed hard. She was thinking. About something deep. Something dark. Watching Holly work through this was as fascinating as it was harrowing. She must have stumbled upon an answer she hadn’t considered before. Her dark, almost haunted features suddenly became filled with rage. Her eyes narrowed.
“I knew before I got to the bed. Looking back on it now, I knew. I think I always did, I just wanted to pretend it was different. Pretend it was happening to someone else. Make it someone else’s problem. It wasn’t, though. It was mine. And I couldn’t escape it.”
“What happened, Holly?” I encouraged her to keep going. I know I asked for this, now though, now I found myself holding my breath, wishing that was as bad as it got.
“They were covered in something. Every single pair. They stunk. They were filthy. I couldn’t even bear to look at them. I grabbed the bin from under the desk and threw them away. There was no way I was ever putting them on again. I’d rather wear none. I was stripping my bed when my roommate came in. When we’d first started sharing we got along great. Then something changed. I don’t know if I it was me or her. It didn’t take long for us to be nothing more than acquaintances who shared a common space. I found myself spending more and more time away from our room and dodging her when I could. I got a job at the local fish and chip shop a couple of bus stops over. It gave me something to do and put some extra cash in my pocket.” Shaking her head, Holly forced herself to focus. I could see her struggling under the weight of her tale. It sucked to be me right now. “She came in and laughed. I mean, really laughed. When she looked at me and said, ‘I wondered how long it’d take for them to bring them back,’ I knew she was a part of this. Whatever this was, I wasn’t sure, but Chantel was definitely involved. I should’ve asked questions. I should have ranted and raved, instead I said nothing.”
“It was a couple of days later the messages started. First it was texts only, but soon enough private messages were filling up my social media accounts. Ignoring it, I started blocking them and trying to spend time with my friends. I mean, I didn’t have many. I wasn’t one of the pretty, popular ones. I didn’t have a BMW parked in the parking lot. I didn’t have a fake ID which would get me into the hottest clubs in town. I didn’t sneak boys into my room.”
Even as Holly said it, I felt my anger subside. Slightly. I had no claim to her, even now we were nothing more than friends and neighbours, but I’d be damned if I was about to let anything happen to this girl. And God fucking help anyone who tried to hurt her.
“I started spending more time on my own. But the messages kept coming. As quick as I could block them, new ones would pop up. I shut down my account three times, creating new ones, and still they found me.”
Tears filled her eyes and all I could think about was taking away her sadness. I was desperate to tell her to stop. That I didn’t need anymore. I didn’t want it. I couldn’t, though. Part of me knew that if I wanted to get to know Holly, I mean, really get to know her, I needed to hear this. I needed to know what to avoid so I didn’t cause her any more pain. The other part of me hoped this was helping her. Obviously, it wasn’t making her feel all warm and fuzzy, but maybe talking about it with someone would help. Lighten the burden. Even if it was just a little. If I was the person she was opening up to, it didn’t matter how hard my fists were clenched in my pockets or how loud the grinding of my teeth sounded to my own ears, enduring this was going to be a walk in the park compared to the hell Holly’d been through.
“At one stage I was using my middle name and Mum’s maiden name and it still kept coming. It wouldn’t stop. I just wanted it all to stop.” Holly sniffed and her hand darted out from the cocoon she was wrapped up in. Quick as a flash, she wiped her eyes and her nose on the back of her hand before her shaky fingers disappeared again.
“What did they say, Holly?” My own voice sounded off. It cracked under the weight of my question.
“You know, the usual.” Her dismissiveness pissed me off. If steam could have come from my ears, I’m sure it would’ve billowed out. “I’m a whore. I fuck sheep. I’m nothing but some fugly country bumpkin. Who’d I screw to be allowed in here anyway. I was fat. No one would fuck me if I was the last living creature on the planet. That working at the fish and chip shop was going to be as good as it gets for me. I’m not going to lie, this shit hurt, but it was just words. I tried brushing them off and ignoring the world. I stopped going anywhere. I literally got up, went to class, the library or work, and fell back into bed. I read books. I read a lot of books. I mean like seven or eight books a week. On the weekends, when I wasn’t working, all I did was sleep and read. I didn’t eat. At least not really. I refused to go to the main dining hall to eat because I couldn’t stand the thought of being in the room with that many people. Noodles became my favourite food.”
“No one’s favourite food is Ramen noodles.” Shit! I hadn’t meant to say that. Out of everything Holly had just revealed, I had to call her out on that. I seriously needed someone to slap me up the side of the head.
Instead of looking at me like I was from another planet, for the first time since she’d built her nest and started her very sad tale, she smirked at me. You cannot believe how much better everything felt when her face lit up like that. I wanted to bust out my dance moves.
“They’re not so bad.”
“Are you a chicken or beef girl?”
“Why do I feel like there a wrong answer?”
“Because there is.”
“Fine. Beef are better. However I’d prefer shrimp.”
“There’s something wrong with you.”
“Why?”
“’Cause chicken are the greatest, hands down. The only one worth eating, if you have to eat them at all.” How the hell did we go from a deep, dark, heavy conversation to arguing over which cheap ass noodle flavour was the best?
“Nope. You’re wrong.”
“And you’re delusional!”
A moment passed and the witty banter faded. I used the silence to fidget where I sat. My ass was aching. I needed to toss this cheap chair out.
“I got a break, though. All of a sudden everything just stopped. The people crashing into me as I passed down the hall. Every time my notifications pinged, my heartbeat still sky rocketed, but there was no nasty surprises waiting for me. I let myself believe it was over. After ten days of nothing, ten blissful days, I convinced myself that whatever had been going on, I’d survived and it was over.
“Ryan came down to see me one weekend. I don’t think the others even thought about it. I never asked why, it wasn’t really my place, but every couple of weeks or so Ryan would come visit. He’d take me to lunch or dinner, whichever fit around his plans. Although I never said anything about what was going on, somehow he knew. It was freaky how he could read my mind. He brought me clothes, shoes, makeup, books. I hated that he was spending his money on me, but not once did he head home without buying me something. Some days, he’d show up with a bag full of stuff when he arrived and then STILL take me shopping.”
“That’s cool,” I offered. Ryan was a good guy. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. He came across quiet and unassuming, but I doubted that would hold him back if he found out what the fuck was actually going on.
“After he dropped me home one afternoon, I was bouncing off the walls. We’d had the best day. We’d just
gone to brunch, then for a wander through the shops. I even managed to convince him not to buy me anything. I hadn’t seen him in about six weeks, and something was going on with him. He was kinda down. I mean, he faked happy the best he could, but he’s my brother. I could see past his bullshit. He wouldn’t tell me, though. I even tried bribing him with ice cream. I figured he’d talk when he was ready. I climbed out of his car and Ryan walked me to my door. He always did that. At first, I thought it was strange. I mean, it wasn’t like he was going to get a goodbye kiss or anything. That day he hugged me extra tight. I didn’t want to let go. I wish I hadn’t. I’ll never forget it. He kissed me on the forehead and made me promise to call if I needed anything. When he walked away I felt like part of me left with him. Even now, I don’t know what was different about that day, but everything was.”
I felt sick.
It was about to get a whole lot worse. And if I was being honest with myself, I already wanted to hit someone. Or something.
Holly wriggled herself around until she was curled in the foetal position, hugging her knees tightly. The blanket was tucked up under her chin, and with her hair going every which way, I could barely see her face. My fingers were itching to push the strands away that were covering her eyes, but I didn’t move. Not an inch. Part of me knew she’d done it this way on purpose. The less I could see of her, the easier it would be.
“What the fuck!” Gage snarled as he kicked open my bedroom door.
I was in his face before he had a chance to step foot inside my room. I could feel his breath on my cheeks and the heat from his skin as we stood toe to toe. His eyes were wide and wired.
“Let’s go downstairs,” I offered, wrapping my clammy hand around his wrist.
For a minute Gage stood there seething, staring over my shoulder at his sister. I didn’t have to look to know exactly what he was seeing. It was the same sight I’d been unable to tear my eyes away from for the last half hour. Holly had told me everything. At least I think it was everything. What she had told me was fucked. How she was still standing, how she was still functioning day to day proved yet again just how incredibly strong she truly was. Even if she couldn’t see it, I definitely could. When she finished, I could see her sobbing. Her chest rose and fell too quickly, black lines ran down her cheeks and her words were punctuated with gasps. It physically hurt to sit where I was and do nothing. Nothing but listen to her get it off her chest. Now she was snoring softly. Undoubtedly her confessions had drained her. Fuck, I was tired just listening, I could only begin to imagine how much worse she felt.
Looking up at Gage, he seemed reluctant to move. I could understand his dilemma. I didn’t want to leave her either. At least here though, asleep in my room, I knew she was safe. No one would hurt her here.
“Let her sleep, Gage. She needs it.”
I knew I was risking my balls telling him what to do. It was the best thing about being an only child. I didn’t have anyone I had to protect like Gage did. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through, knowing what’d happened to Holly, or more than likely only half knowing. Throughout her purge, Holly kept reminding me, perhaps she was just reminding herself, that no one knew. Sure, they knew some, but no one knew the whole sordid story. Well, I guess I knew as much as she was willing to tell anyone.
With a determined nudge, I pushed him out the door, letting it close with a soft click, but not before one last glance over my shoulder at Sleeping Beauty. I wanted to scoop her up from the windowseat and settle her in my bed. There she’d have room to stretch out and she’d be more comfortable. Even though I wanted to, I left her exactly where she was. I wasn’t about to risk waking her and scaring her half to death. She didn’t need that too.
I trudged down the steps with heavy feet. This girl was going to be the death of me. Seeing the look on Gage’s face, one of pure anguish, I knew either her brothers were going to end up tearing me limb from limb or she was going to emotionally decimate me. Neither sounded like a whole lot of fun. But right now, it felt like my own death was coming at the hands of a McIntyre.
As I headed downstairs, the moment my feet hit the bottom step, Gage was there. As much as I wanted to tell him to take a chill pill, I was more than slightly relieved it was Gage standing here, not Connor or Beau. Those two terrified me. God help any guy Holly brought home. He’d shit himself before he stepped foot on the front veranda.
“Want to explain why my sister is upstairs looking like she’s been dragged through hell and is asleep wrapped in your blanket?”
“Gage…” I tried to placate him. “She’s okay.”
“Like fuck she is,” he spat back as he tugged on his hair roughly.
“Wanna beer?” Fuck knows I needed one. If I could have torn myself away from watching Holly twenty minutes ago, I’d already be cracking my third. Either way, I needed something to drown all the thoughts and images in my head. Images I knew I’d never get past.
“Yeah.”
Leaving Gage where he was, I went to the fridge. I grabbed two bottles and flicked off the caps. Before I went back to face the firing line, I turned on the tap and splashed cold water on my face. If Mum was here she’d kick my ass for washing up in the kitchen sink, but I didn’t give a fuck. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. And in the big scheme of things, which tap I used to wash my face was the least of my issues.
“Here you go.” Handing Gage the beer, I headed into the lounge room and flopped down in the armchair. How Holly slept at night I had no idea. I was dead on my feet, but every time I closed my eyes, I just couldn’t let myself drift off. I watched as Gage took a long gulp from his beer.
“Start talking.”
There was no room for argument and I couldn’t blame him. Even though it’d only been a few minutes since he’d pushed his way into my bedroom, it’d felt like a lifetime. He wasn’t going to wait another second.
“Nothing happened.”
“Bullshit!”
“I swear it. I didn’t hurt her.” I was sweating and it wasn’t even hot in here. Under Gage’s interrogation though, it was stifling. “Holly freaked out when she burnt the pasta and took off. I brought her back inside and she started talking. It was like once she started, she couldn’t stop. It was fucking horrible the things she was saying. I lost count how many times I wanted to tell her enough. I…I just couldn’t do it though. She needed to get it off her chest and I just happened to be there.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” It wasn’t exactly the most eloquent response, but it was the most honest.
“How bad is it?”
“How much do you know?”
“Honestly, not a lot. I think Ryan may know more than me, but then again I don’t think he has the full story.”
“Lucky bastards,” I muttered under my breath.
“It’s that bad, huh?”
“Worse.”
“Fuck.”
“Do I need to know?”
“Probably not. If Holly tells you, then that’s her call. I’m not going to, so don’t ask. It’s not my place and I won’t betray her like that. She’s been through enough.”
“Sounds fair. Is she…is she okay though?”
“I don’t know. She will be…eventually. But I think it’s going to take time.”
“Shit.”
I finished my beer in one last gulp and stood. I wanted another one. No, I needed another. It’d been a huge twenty-four hours and I had school tomorrow. How the hell I was supposed to be human for that, I had no idea. Problem was, I didn’t have a choice.
“Another?” I offered, raising my bottle in Gage’s direction. “Nah, man, I’m good. I should get Holly and get out of here. Carly’s already wondering where I am.”
“Someone’s in trouble…” I teased. As soon as the words fell from my mouth I had no idea where they’d come from. I sounded like an eight-year-old girl. Next thing you know I’d be skipping around trying to tie my hair in pigtails.
Together we trudge
d up the stairs to my room. Cracking open the door, I found myself holding my breath. Holly hadn’t moved an inch. The tiny wrinkles between her eyebrows were adorable, as were the soft little snores she made as she slept peacefully.
“Why don’t you leave her to sleep? She probably needs it. I’ll bring her home when she wakes up,” I whispered, determined not to wake her.
Gage looked at me like I’d grown a second head. Then he looked to Holly, then back to me. I could read the indecision in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than the best for Holly and he was obviously torn. She felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in my room, but would she be okay being left here without a way home?
“You sure?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. When she wakes up I’ll drive her home.”
Even though Gage didn’t exactly seem thrilled with the idea, he agreed. After promising him to look after her a dozen different ways, he left me standing in the middle of the room, arms folded over my chest, watching her. When she shifted I worried about her rolling over and falling on the floor. The last thing I needed was to drop her home sporting a black eye. Another black eye. Taking a damaged Holly back to the McIntyre property would pretty much guarantee the only way I’d be leaving would be in a box. Something I admired more than I probably should from her brothers.
Meet The McIntyres - The Complete Series Page 61