by J. S. Scott
I was doubtful that he even had to look at prices, and didn’t have a clue how much a dress cost.
“Then buy them and let’s get the hell out of here,” he replied.
Dane had been tense, but he’d been so good about letting me look from store to store.
“I think I’m good,” I said in a falsely cheerful tone. “I think I have enough stuff. I can just wear something I brought with me.”
I really had wanted a few nice things, but I just wasn’t willing to spend this crazily. My frugal instincts were too strong to piss my money away on something frivolous. I was too sensible to throw caution to the wind.
Dane frowned at me. “Then why are we here?”
“I think we should go look at the men’s shops for you.” I reluctantly let go of the garment I was fingering.
“Not until you pick something.”
Unfortunately, he had that stubborn look that told me he wasn’t going to accept my excuses, so I told him the truth. “I can’t spend this much on one dress.”
“You won’t. I told you I’d pick up your clothes.”
“Not happening,” I told him. “I’m not letting my boss absorb the cost for my personal clothing. You already let me tag along with you so that I didn’t have to pay airfare, and I’m staying with you in your suite.”
He shrugged. “I want you to have something nice. I want to buy stuff for you.”
His voice was so sincere that I wanted to cry. Dane did things just to make people happy, and his offer touched me. “I appreciate it. I really do. But I can’t do it. Besides, I’d be terrified to wear anything that was this expensive. I’m more comfortable in my old stuff. Let’s go check the men’s store.”
I led the way, and Dane had no choice but to follow me.
He caught up with me as soon as I left the store. “Wait, Kenzie. I don’t want to leave here without getting you something you wanted.”
I stopped abruptly as his strong hand curled around my upper arm.
“I’m sorry,” I said remorsefully. “I had no idea that all the clothes would be so pricey here. I guess I should have known since this is an expensive resort.”
He swung me around gently so we were face-to-face as he replied, “Look, I don’t know how it feels to be poor, but you don’t have to sacrifice anything to let me buy for you.”
“It feels humiliating,” I answered honestly. “I can’t remember getting a new clothing item in my entire life. I got really good at revamping old thrift store clothes. Paying my rent and eating were more important than new apparel.”
“Then why don’t you let me buy them?” he asked, obviously perplexed.
I took a deep breath and let it out. “I may be poor, but I still have my pride, Dane. I’ve always taken care of myself.”
He released my arm, but he didn’t move away. “Yeah. And what I’m saying is that you don’t have to completely take care of yourself now. I can help. I want to help.”
I shook my head as I turned and headed back to where I’d seen the men’s stores, Dane walking beside me since there was more room.
“I’m fine,” I assured him. “I can put something together from what I brought. It’s not like it was that important. Paige knows I don’t have money to buy the fancy stuff.”
“Stubborn female,” he grumbled.
“Stubborn male,” I retorted, my heart still swelled by Dane’s offer.
I knew there were no strings attached to his offer, but I still couldn’t accept. But it was so damn sweet that he just put himself out there that way, never expecting a damn thing in return for his generosity.
We entered the men’s store, and he counted heavily on my advice. I gave my opinions willingly, thrilled when he picked out everything I liked. I might have no idea what was trending in men’s fashion, but I knew what made him look even hotter than he already was.
He met with a personal shopper to get some of the accessories he needed, and asked for the merchandise to be delivered to his room. I waited outside so I could absorb the beautiful weather.
It seemed like he’d been gone for hours when he finally arrived back to the bench I’d been occupying.
“We’re all set. Let’s head back to the suite,” he said, sounding relieved that this outing was over.
I fell into step beside him on our short walk back to the beachfront room.
“Not one person even looked at you funny,” I observed. “Are you convinced that your scars are no big deal?”
“Nope,” he contradicted. “I just got lucky that nobody looked all that close.”
I released an exasperated breath. “The reason nobody cares is because they aren’t that visible anymore.” I hesitated before I asked, “Why did you put mirrors up in your house?”
“Because I wanted to see myself,” he said vaguely. “And I didn’t think it was fair to you not to have them. It’s inconvenient.”
“I have scars,” I reminded him.
“Not like mine.”
My scars were very similar to Dane’s: old, healed and hardly noticeable. Granted, I’d escaped by covering mine in a pile of makeup for my jobs, but that didn’t mean I thought they were completely unsightly. I’d just wanted to survive in a world where beautiful was the best way to look if one wanted unskilled employment. Nobody wanted to see a scarred receptionist.
The difference between me and Dane was the fact that I hadn’t been traumatized over my scars when they’d been fresh and more noticeable. He had, and it had ingrained the rejection in his mind. His recovery time had been horrendous and painful, while mine had been shorter and less complicated.
I hadn’t lost my only parent in my incident. I’d grown up alone, while Dane felt like he’d been completely abandoned. He’d associated his loss with his scars, and it had done a number on him.
“We don’t always see what is,” I explained as I kept pace with Dane. “What we see in the mirror is our truth, but it isn’t what other people think.”
“Then I hate my goddamn truth,” he grumbled. “It’s fucking ugly.”
“Only to you,” I said. “Do you want to know what I see?”
“Probably not.”
I smiled as I looked at his profile. “I see a gorgeous guy who had to survive some horrible emotional and physical trauma at a young age. I see somebody strong, attractive, and worth knowing.”
“Your vision is screwed up,” he said with a humorless laugh.
“No, it’s not,” I denied. “You’re the one who isn’t seeing yourself for who you really are, Dane.”
“Then why did you run away from me?” he asked hoarsely.
Is that what he thought? That I’d run away from him because I wasn’t attracted? He had to know better. “It had nothing to do with you,” I said gently. “It was all me.”
“I offered you money for sex,” he reminded me.
“Yeah, that pretty much sucked. But I knew you well enough to know that you didn’t really mean it the way it came out. Or at least I hope you didn’t think of me in that way.”
“I didn’t. I swear. I’m just used to paying for everything I get.”
In many ways, his statement was sad. Nobody should have to pay for everything, especially somebody who wanted to be intimate. “I would have never taken your money. I think you know that. But it isn’t really the reason I couldn’t be with you.”
“Then why?” he persisted as we boarded the elevator that would take us up to our suite.
Because my life is a shit-storm. It always had been.
How could I explain to a guy like Dane that most of my existence had been spent running, just trying to stay alive?
When we were alone in the elevator, I answered, “I’ve always had to do everything alone. I’m not used to being that close to another person, and I don’t know how to believe in anyone. It’s not that you’re not trustworthy
. I just don’t…trust. My life depends on me taking care of myself, and not putting myself in a bad situation. I can’t afford to make a mistake.”
“And you see me as a mistake?”
Frustrated, I told him, “I’m not sure you can understand. I’ve never caught a break, Dane. Survival was just damn hard work almost every minute of my day. I didn’t have time to sketch or go for a walk on the beach. I had no time for my art. I can’t even swim. I never needed to, even though I lived close to the coast.”
Yeah, I’d told him I didn’t swim well, but the truth was, I really couldn’t swim at all.
He sent me a puzzled stare. “You never had anything good in your life?”
“Nothing,” I answered emphatically. “Not until I came to work for you.”
My life had changed since I’d come to the Bahamas. I had time off. I had a nice place to stay. I ate regular meals. I had a somewhat normal life.
And Jesus, Dane had no idea how amazing that was for me.
“You have no family?” he queried as he motioned for me to exit the elevator.
“None worth talking about. Most of them are in jail or dead. I told you that my father and mother were junkies and career criminals.”
He unlocked the door of the suite before he said, “How in the hell did you even survive?”
“Because I thought I had a way out. I thought I was going to make decent pay as a model. I didn’t want to be like them.” My eyes spontaneously manifested tears, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.
I wanted to go to my room, but Dane stopped me with a halting hand on my arm. “Don’t run away, Kenzie,” he requested in a low, growly voice. “You should be proud that you survived. You should hold your head up because you wanted to make something out of your life instead of pissing it away with drugs and crime.”
“I don’t know where I belong,” I confessed with a sob.
“You belong with me,” he answered. “You just don’t understand that yet.”
I swung around and faced him. “Why would you ever want somebody like me?”
“Because I see in you everything that you see in me,” he explained. “Hell, do you think I see what you do when you look in the mirror? I don’t. I see a woman so damn strong that she managed to beat back the odds of becoming just like the rest of her family. You didn’t take the easy way out.”
I hadn’t. I knew that. But I’d also wanted to experience what it was like to not be wanted by the police like my parents had been. My motivation had been pretty strong after growing up in the roughest area of Boston.
“I wanted something different for myself, but I found out just how much the world wanted me to stay in my neighborhood. Getting out was nearly impossible without some job training or a profession.”
“All you needed was one fucking break,” he said, his nostrils flaring in anger.
I shrugged. “I didn’t get it. Maybe if I hadn’t been attacked when I went to California, my life would be different. Maybe I would have made decent money as a model, which would have made college possible for me. But I try not to think about what could have been. I had to deal with reality.”
“Reality sucks,” he rumbled.
“Sometimes it does,” I agreed. “But you’ve given me my break, Dane. Don’t you see that? That’s why I didn’t want to screw things up by trying to have another kind of relationship with you. It could turn out badly.”
He was silent as his predatory stare stayed focused on my face. “It has nothing to do with me. You made yourself valuable, Kenzie. And not just for your face or your body, although I can’t deny I want that, too. You’ve single-handedly taken over and organized my art business, and my life. I didn’t have my shit together when you got here. I just like to think that I did.”
“You really think I’m doing a good job?” I asked hesitantly.
“Yeah. I do. I would have fired you if I didn’t think so. Hell, I wanted to fire you in the beginning, but you were so damn efficient that I couldn’t. You may not have a college education, but you’re pretty damn smart and organized.”
I smiled at him through the tears that were trickling down my cheeks. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
“If I’d known that, I would have told you sooner.”
“I know it now.”
He finally released my arm and freed me. “You have a hell of a lot more value than you think.”
I nodded. “So do you.”
A knock on the door silenced both of us.
“The clothes,” Dane mumbled as he went and opened the door.
I gaped as several guys with moving dollies entered one after another, and Dane directed them into our rooms.
I followed, surprised when half of the packages were delivered to my bedroom.
I was silent as the men left, standing in my room, half afraid to see what Dane had purchased.
And why the stuff had been delivered here.
I approached the bed and lifted the lid on one of the boxes, shocked when I saw several apparel boxes inside.
After pulling them out one by one, I opened the lids.
“Oh, my God,” I gasped as I realized that every item had been one I’d loved from the stores.
“Don’t say no,” Dane said from the doorway.
I turned around, still holding the adorable black cocktail dress I’d found in the last box. “Why? You know I can’t accept.”
“But you want to,” he said. “For fuck’s sake, take it.”
Yeah, I did covet the items he’d bought. I couldn’t deny it. “How did you know what to buy?”
“I noticed a certain look on your face every time you stopped near an item you wanted. You looked like a girl staring at the candy you couldn’t afford. I took a saleswoman back to the stores to gather the merchandise with me.”
I looked inside the collar to the dress. It was my size. “And how did you know what would fit?”
He shrugged. “I looked after you’d looked for your size in the beginning. Probably before you’d found the price tag.”
The black dress was an item I’d really wanted, and I had looked for my size. “Dane, this is way too much. It’s practically a whole wardrobe.”
“It’s a couple of dresses and some accessories,” he contradicted. “Don’t say no. If you want to argue, you are my employee. I bought Theo and his family a new car for Christmas. I’m generous with valued employees. And this really isn’t much.”
Listening to him try to rationalize buying me clothes was kind of amusing. “Theo has worked for you for years.”
“Does it really matter, Kenzie?” he asked huskily. “I wanted to do it.”
I could see the pleading stare he was sending me, and I wasn’t immune to it. As much as I wanted the items, that wasn’t what made me decide to swallow my pride. More than anything, I didn’t want to hurt Dane by refusing his thoughtfulness. “I don’t know how to say thank you for all this,” I told him in a shaky voice.
“Then don’t,” he suggested as he reached into the pocket of his jeans. “And as long as we’re at it, I have a birthday present for you. I want to give it to you early.”
I took the small box from his hand and opened it. “Oh, my God, Dane,” I said, my voice catching as I stared at the most exquisite set of earrings and pendant that I’d ever seen.
He plucked the gorgeous necklace from the box. “It’s an aquamarine. It reminds me of the ocean and your eyes. It’s our birthstone.”
I was pretty sure there were diamonds surrounding the large, drop pendant, but I didn’t comment. Knowing Dane, the chain and everything else was white gold. How in the hell was I supposed to react to this? Nobody gave me gifts, and I was pretty overwhelmed. “It’s the most beautiful set I’ve ever seen,” I murmured as he put the chain around my neck.
“I know you’re thinking about i
t, but you can’t not take a birthday gift,” he said in a warning voice. “It will look nice with your dresses.”
Nice? Seriously? The jewelry was gorgeous. The pendant was large, but not so big that it wasn’t classy. The long chain left the stone and the surrounding diamonds nestled right above my breasts. My fingers shook as I took the earrings and put them in at Dane’s urging.
As I stood in front of the mirror to look at the results, tears were coursing down my face at such a rapid rate that I was nearly blinded. I blinked them away and stared at the woman in the reflective glass, stunned by the way the earrings and necklace glittered and shined.
“They suit you,” Dane said from behind me. “They do match your eyes.”
Our gaze met in the mirror, and locked tight. “I left your gift at home,” I confessed. “All I got you was a stupid art book.”
His eyes grew warm as he said, “I love art books.”
I nodded slightly. “I know. I wanted you to have it for your collection.”
I’d asked Theo to pick Dane’s birthday gift up for me when he was in the capital city, and it was wrapped up and under my bed at Walker’s Cay.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “No one has ever bought a book for my collection except me.”
I held the stone of the necklace in my hand as I answered, “It’s nothing compared to this.”
He shrugged. “It’s not a contest, Kenzie. And your gift will mean a lot to me.”
“Not as much as this,” I argued.
Nobody had ever done anything like this for me.
A sob escaped my lips, but I didn’t try to smother it. I started to cry, then turned and threw myself into Dane’s arms a blabbering mess.
He held me for an undetermined amount of time, not seeming at all anxious to let me go.
CHAPTER 24
Kenzie
“So how are things really going with Dane?” Paige asked me as we freshened up in front of the mirror in the lavish powder room later in the evening.
Everything about the restaurant we’d gathered in that night reeked of money. Even the bathroom was classy.
I’d missed my best friend so much. I hadn’t seen her since I’d left our shared apartment for New York, right before Paige had moved to Denver to work for Walker.