by Cody Lumiére
As we approached the library, memories of our friend Steven came flooding back. I looked over to Roddie to see that she too seemed to be having a reaction; it had been many years since we went to the library together. I half expected Roddie to scale the side of the building like old times but she kept her head low and walked straight into the library. It had been a good couple of years since I had been to the library either, I preferred to buy my own comics nowadays and the internet made it easy to get a hold of most anything I wanted.
Roddie immediately went over to a computer and started searching for all the occult related books the library had in stock. There weren’t many and the titles didn’t seem all that relevant to what we were after. We went around and grabbed what was available and sat down to see what we could learn. The most promising book we found was on shamanism and contained some curious information on how to obtain knowledge and power from “daemons” which evidently just meant spirits until the church came into power way back when.
“So what do we know so far?” Roddie asked after reading a passage on spirit evocation aloud. “I feel like Pastor must have initially wanted something from that shadow thing but now it’s using him as a source of food.”
“That’s… hmm. Could be, I guess. I doubt he’ll tell us, especially at this point… Yeah, he’s too secretive by nature…” I really didn’t care why he was doing it; I just wanted that thing gone from my home. Roddie must have seen my lack of interest in the subject as she turned to a section on how to banish unwanted spirits and entities from an environment.
“This book is pretty convenient, don’t you think?” Roddie said with a smile.
“It does seem that way but how do we know if it’s accurate? I don’t want to think about what might happen if we just end up making it angry.”
“Sure, but the only way we’ll know is if we try. It says here that we don’t need any supplies to perform the banishing ritual but we can add in incense and candles to make it more powerful.”
“I’m not going to take any chances, incense and candles it is.” I responded quickly.
“One more thing El, it has to be done with just one person…”
“Really? Well, it’s my problem so I’ll just have to deal with it. Besides, I could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you. What kind of incense and candles do I need?”
“It says here white candles would be best and Frankincense… and I just happen to have some of each back at my house. There is one more thing I should warn you about though El.” Roddie said in a stern tone.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“I’ve worked with a few spirits before and even the less nefarious ones can be pretty tricky to deal with. You need to have a lot of focus and a strong will or else they can fool you into all sorts of things.” It seemed Roddie was even more experienced in these matters than I thought; it was really unfortunately that I had to do this alone.
“I’m sure it will be ok. I have the light on my side after all!” I said trying to sound confident.
“I don’t know El, I would feel better if you’d let me teach you how to meditate first, you know, just in case…”
“I guess it couldn’t hurt.” I said with a sigh. I really just wanted to get this over and done with and learning to meditate would take time, time I didn’t feel I had.
Ch. 12
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Roddie and I practiced meditation after school every day for a week to make sure I had the basics down. The first day of practice was anything but smooth as I could barely manage to sit still and Roddie wasn’t the most patient of teachers. The second day I managed to stay still for around 20 minutes but my mind was anything but calm as Roddie warned may be the case. Evidently I completely lacked focus of any kind. The third day I kept still for a whole 30 minutes but just as before my mind would wander to everything and back again.
Meditation was easily the hardest thing I have ever attempted. Sitting and doing nothing for a period of time was definitely healthy, especially in our society full of stress and distractions, but when it came to focusing my mind… I failed miserably. Perhaps it was for this reason that I wasn’t exceptionally skilled at anything; a jack of all trades but master of none. I would move from subject to subject without too much time investment and would be quick to give up. Meditation, however, was one endeavor I could not give up on, not if I wanted some peace in my life and heck, this was turning out to be quite the enlightening experience; I was beginning to see how people could devote their lives to such practices and I was only just beginning.
My fourth day of practice finally yielded some results, I spent a whole hour sitting still and around the 40 minute mark I started to feel the room as a whole, with a harmonious calm washing over me. I ended up interrupting my trance from excitement about my progress and noticed that 20 minutes had passed in that state I was in, but it only felt like a minute at most. I looked over to Roddie who was smiling at me. “El, I could definitely feel something different from you towards the end of your session.”
“I felt like I was part of the room, maybe even the whole house, it was really peaceful.”
“Ooo, yeah. That’s definitely a good sign. I suppose you have more talent for this than I would have thought. What were you thinking about when that was happening?” Roddie asked with a sparkle of curiosity in her eye.
“Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t thinking. Do you think that I might have fallen asleep during that time?”
“You just seemed really focused. I don’t think that would be considered sleep but it does seem like meditation is like learning about the transition between wake and sleep.” I was immediately reminded of my old interest in psychology as a means to explain the voices I heard in the night. It seemed as though I went down the wrong avenue of study and would have been better off learning to calm my thoughts and explore my mind rather than reading about it.
On my fifth day of training I found that after about a half an hour, I would get random auditory hallucinations as long as I relaxed deeply enough. It appeared that I was slowly finding all of the answers I was looking for through my new practices but I was still unsure of my ability to successfully banish the entity that Pastor conjured up. Roddie seemed pretty optimistic about my progression so perhaps I was just being too hard on myself. During my sixth day of training I heard a soft female voice calling my name after just 20 minutes of trance. The voice sounded so familiar but I couldn’t put a face to it. Upon telling Roddie about the occurrence she warned that spirits can often take familiar forms as a form of trickery and to be weary of such things.
On my seventh day of training I actually saw a spirit for the first time, if you don’t count the shadow thing. The spirit was a beautiful woman and when she said my name I immediately recognized it as the voice from the day before. It was a short encounter but it filled me with so much love and I somehow knew it was my mother, but how could that be? I decided not to tell Roddie about this experience as she would rightfully cast doubt upon it but the more I thought about it, the more sure I became that I had seen my mother whom I had never met.
I was filled with more determination than ever to succeed in banishing the shadow from my home. Sure, it was only a week of training but I had so much success with my efforts that I couldn’t help but feel confident and besides, I had been staying over Roddie’s house the whole week and missed my bed. I told Roddie that I felt ready to attempt the banishing ritual and while she was skeptical, she agreed to help me practice.
It was now Saturday evening and Pastor would be doing another ritual tonight. I figured a few rehearsals until tomorrow night would be enough to pull it off. The ritual called for a custom prayer to be read aloud with authority addressing the entity and demanding it to leave the space and never return. I pondered how I wanted to refer to the entity, shadow man? No, too cheesy and I didn’t know if it was even a shadow or a man for that matter. I eventually decided to just cast out all darkness from the church.
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Sunday came and went in a flash and I still didn’t feel ready for this evening’s ritual. I had completely forgotten that I’d need to perform the ritual in the basement which meant I had to once again swipe Pastor’s keys when he was asleep, but this time I didn’t have the advantage of him being drunk. The weather had been acting very strangely for the last week, lots of thunderstorms and a darkness that would have given night a run for its money.
I said my goodbyes to Roddie and with my backpack stuffed with incense and white candles, I started my trek back to the church. The wind howled around me and I started to once again get the feeling that I was being followed. I decided to put my training to work, as minor as it was, quieted my mind and allowed myself to experience my fear and anxiety. After a couple of minutes I felt surprisingly better, even the wind calmed down a bit and the sun peeked through a gap in the clouds, if only for a moment.
After getting inside the church I quickly ascended to my bedroom to hide my supplies. So far so good and no pastor in sight I thought to myself. I decided to make my way down to the kitchen and grab a bite to eat. Upon reaching the kitchen I saw that there was a formidable amount of dirty dishes that had collected in my absence, I guess Pastor really hated cleaning. I went ahead and started cleaning up and I must have been making a good amount of noise as Pastor soon came down to greet me. He actually seemed pretty glad to see me as opposed to his usual lack of interest, but then again, perhaps he just wanted this mess in the kitchen cleaned up. We chatted awhile about the state of the church and what I had been learning in school lately before he went off to the store to buy some groceries, which was good because we had run out of cereal.
All in all things seemed pretty tame and dare I say normal at the church. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to do the ritual after all. After I finished cleaning up I went back upstairs to read comics until I could begin my cereal feast. The latest issue of Hawk-man arrived in the mail while I was out and I was eager to tear into it; this issue was entitled “Hawk-man: The Choice.” I guess Hawk-man, like me, was at some sort of crossroads. While reading, I found myself in a familiar pattern of thought where I wished that I could see the truth in all things like my favorite comic book hero. It would be so nice to just comprehend what exactly was happening here at the church so I could make a well informed decision rather than one based on fear and emotion. Perhaps my desire to escape reality was one of the bigger pieces of the puzzle of my life and all I had to do is accept things for how they are and everything would become easier.
“Elliot! Come help me unpack all this stuff!” Pastor called out from downstairs. My little existential crisis managed to burn enough time for Pastor to have gotten the shopping done and return. I walked downstairs to see Pastor smiling holding up an unusual amount of my favorite cereals in a few bags. “They had a big sale on cereal so I decided to stock up.”
“Thanks, that was really nice.” I said trying to play it cool. Why was Pastor being so… fatherly all of sudden? This was really throwing me off, maybe… Pastor finally cut ties with the darkness and everything had calmed down in the church. I guess I would have to hold off on my ritual until I knew for sure if things had changed, no use stealing his keys and wasting a bunch of time for something that might be gone. Now that I thought about it, the church did feel… lighter somehow. Why couldn’t I just have had a normal life, with normal problems? I think I’d much rather lose some sleep over some girl not liking me back or some other such nonsense compared to the depth involved in my current situation. There I go again, trying to avoid the situation at hand.
I decided to postpone the ritual for at least a week, until I could verify if Pastor was still engaged in his Saturday night rituals. It was very likely that something paranormal would happen to me in the church by the end of the week. I would be able to keep practicing meditation with the extra time too, just in case. After enjoying a couple bowls of cereal I went upstairs and started getting ready for bed. I may as well get a head start on furthering my experience with meditation this evening.
I started my meditation session in the shower which, I figured, was practically a form of meditation in itself. I focused on the sensations of the water streaming down over me and after a short while I noticed I started to have emotionally charged thoughts springing to mind. I tried to clear my mind but only a few seconds would pass before more emotional memories flowed to the surface. It seemed like the kinds of things that came to mind were at least somewhat dependent on the situation I was in. I mean, obviously our thoughts change with circumstance, duh… but just being in water had me so much more in touch with my emotions.
Perhaps I was just thinking too much, after all, I had a habit of taking extraordinarily long showers as I would get lost in thought. I shouldn’t be so quick to make up my mind, not without properly applying the scientific method. I chuckled to myself at the prospect of using science in tandem to religious type activities. So many people seek religion as a means to avoid looking closer at reality and feel like they belong and it’s all going to be OK. Applying the scientific method to spiritual development would destroy the ability to use religion as an escape. In fact, I should definitely being using science with my meditation practice… maybe I’ll start that tomorrow.
Ch. 14
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I woke up the next morning feeling especially refreshed. I guess I had fallen asleep while trying to achieve a deep trance, which was alright by me. I had a really nice, upbeat dream for a change too; I had been vacationing at some kind of resort and I remember the weather being absolutely sublime! Oh well I sighed, time to get ready for school.
As I was walking to school I remembered that Roddie was going to be expecting news about my ritual and I’m was sure she’d be disappointed that I didn’t follow through. I finally felt like I was forming a relationship with Pastor and how could I pass up an opportunity like that? The weather was really nice too, no clouds, surprisingly warm temperature for November, I really couldn’t complain about a thing. I saw Roddie waiting in front of the school entrance and cautiously made my way over to her. Her eyes lit up when she saw me approaching and she ran over to me.
“El! How did it go?!” Roddie asked, obnoxiously full of energy for the time of day that it was.
“Hey Roddie, uhh well… you see…” I started to say.
“Noooo! El! You didn’t do it yet?! You seemed so sure! That’s so like you to put it off.” Roddie said, apparently disgusted. As I expected, she came down hard on me for postponing the ritual but when I told her about Pastor’s new behavior she calmed down and seemed more understanding.
“I only hope he actually stopped all of that stuff. There’s really no way to know until next Saturday.”
“Yeah, I know. If he does it again I’ll do it for sure next Sunday.”
School seemed to drag on and on that day and I surprisingly couldn’t wait to get home. Once back at the church I found Pastor back in the kitchen preparing dinner. He greeted me in a somewhat excited way but was quick to shoo me out of the room while he finished preparations. Again, very strange behavior from him though I didn’t feel like it was anything to worry about, he seemed… genuinely happy… relieved somehow. I decided to try to keep the good vibes rolling and proceeded to clean the church until dinner was ready.
I eventually found myself back by the basement door. It was locked up as usual. As I pondered the situation I must have gotten lost in thought for some time as Pastor startled me out my trance.
“Hey El.” Pastor said in a soft tone. This caught me off guard as he would always call me Elliot. “I’ve finished our spaghetti dinner. Come on and join me!” Spaghetti was easily Pastor’s favorite food. I walked back into the kitchen to see that not only had he made spaghetti but he made his own sauce and garlic bread to go along with it. I felt as though it was some kind of special occasion, but for what?
It was a silent meal like always, though I felt like at any time Pastor was g
oing to let me in on whatever he had on his mind. I finished up and thanked him for the food but Pastor was too deep in thought to notice. I guess I had misread the situation or he hadn’t changed as much as I had hoped. Either way it was fine, I felt I had no reason to suspect anything so I just headed up to my room for some meditation before hitting the sack.
The next few days came and went in what seemed like a flash. Pastor maintained his pleasant demeanor and I continued to make progress with my meditation practice. At this point I was already hooked on my new hobby; there were so many benefits to meditation that I lost count. My stress went way down, though that wasn’t much of a surprise all things considered, and I was sleeping way better, that was until Friday night.
Ch. 15
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Friday we got a half-day at school which I was pumped for. The half day was due to some group who came in to talk to the student body about the dangers of drug use. It was already clear to me at my age that someone could get hooked on practically anything from hobbies, to work and the addiction would eat away at their life just the same. I would peg addiction and obsession as the major culprit in those types of situations but I suppose that’s how it goes. It’s considered noble to be a workaholic so “bad” drugs are considered to be the ones that contradict the 9 to 5 lifestyle while drugs like coffee which support it aren’t. I chuckled to myself for contemplating such things as I should just be grateful for getting out of school early.
My walk home started off pleasant, the sun was out and it was reasonably warm out but something that I could not name started to make me anxious. I stopped and looked around to see that I was alone; strangely alone since there should have been other kids on their way home around me, I wasn’t even a block away from the school yet. I quickly decided to put it out of my mind, however, the ground started to shake and I looked up to see that the sky was being consumed by clouds. Surely I was imagining all of this but as I tried to keep moving forward I noticed that my body was becoming so heavy that I could hardly walk.