by Emma Woods
And there I was: on the fringe. I’d been an integral part of making the night happen, sure, but I wasn’t a permanent part of the picture. This community of friends and neighbors beckoned me like none had done before. A part of me longed to fit into the puzzle of Birch Springs. To truly belong here.
The wind caressed my face, and I thought of my mother. When I got sick as a little girl, Mom would make me a nest on the couch. She would bring me apple juice with a straw and a plate of saltine crackers. She would make sure the TV was at the right angle and volume. She would lean down, kiss my forehead, and gently caress my cheek.
The tears were really falling then. I missed my mother so much in that moment that I thought my heart would burst. Almost twenty years later, I still felt her loss deeply.
After Mom died, sick days had little comfort. Dad was busy at work and let me know that I was being an inconvenience. There was a gaping chasm between us, and we were never able to build a bridge across it. Whichever house or apartment we lived in never felt like home. Home had been my mother, and she was gone.
Maybe that was what was pulling at my heart tonight. For the first time, I had a place in which I could build a home. A real home. One with warmth and memories, love and true friendship.
And that was terrifying to me, because I knew that as good as home was, the loss of it was a terrible thing.
Which was why I finished my tea, crept up to bed, and told myself that I would start looking for the next place to go first thing in the morning. I couldn’t risk staying in Birch Springs, in Bumblebee House, any longer.
Matt had offered to cover my shift the morning after the talent show. He’d predicted that I’d be wiped out. I’d been too stubborn to let him help me out, and so I was standing, uncharacteristically bleary, behind the counter at six a.m. the next day. I’d even allowed myself to drive to work, which I never did. But the snooze button on my phone had whispered its seductions to me, and I couldn’t resist.
There was a steady stream of our regular customers. Each had a word of praise for the talent show. Their kindness poked at the bruise around my heart. I tried to smile each time, reminding myself I’d be leaving soon.
I was at least more awake by midmorning. It didn’t hurt that I’d required a second cup of coffee to finally push me out of my bleary funk. I wasn’t anywhere close to cheerful, but I was at least able to pretend that everything was fine.
My pretense wobbled severely when the door opened and Nate came in. He waved at me before joining the short line of customers awaiting their Saturday morning caffeine fix. Sophie came in behind Nate, quickly donned an apron. and took over the cash register.
I was able to mostly ignore Nate while he ordered, though I had to hand over his drink. My eyes refused to meet his, so I don’t know if he noticed that I wasn’t quite myself.
However, when I handed over his cup, his fingers closed over mine. He paused, and my gaze betrayed me, swinging up in surprise and locking with his.
“Can you take a quick break? I wanted to talk to you about something,” he asked.
I looked over at Sophie, who hadn’t missed anything.
“Take your break. It’s cool,” she said with a suggestive grin.
I rolled my eyes at her, and she popped her gum in response, wiggling her eyebrows.
The café was mostly empty. The July weather was too beautiful to stay inside. I followed Nate outside to a tall table tucked into an alcove. We climbed up into our seats.
“What’s up?” I tried to sound nonchalant. My stomach was quivering, my heart was pounding, and my brain was busy telling them both to stop being ridiculous. We were leaving soon, and they had no reason to act this way.
Nate was unusually serious. He sipped his coffee, took a deep breath, then plunged in. “I know you haven’t always liked me too much, but I really like you, Emily. A lot. I didn’t handle it well in the beginning.” He looked embarrassed and nervous, and my brain stopped lecturing my heart. “I was hoping that you’d go on a date with me.” Nate’s eyes shyly met mine.
“I’d like that,” I answered automatically. I think my heart was eager to keep my brain from having its say.
“Really? Great! What are you doing tonight?”
And before I knew what was happening, I had agreed to let Nate pick me up at eight o’clock. He flashed me a relieved grin and said, “See you at eight, then.”
The moment the door closed behind him, my brain fog evaporated. I dropped my head into my hands. What had I just agreed to do? Dating Nate was a bad idea. I was way too emotional about him. Leaving Birch Springs would be that much harder if we got involved.
By the time I got home after work, I was a big knot of emotions again. I kept swinging between excitement and nervous anticipation and then regret and worry. Nate had actually asked me out! He’d picked me instead of those other girls from last night. But dating him was foolish, since I was planning on leaving soon.
Absolutely everything in my meager wardrobe was wrong. I hadn’t thought to ask what he was planning for us to do. I didn’t have many options as it was. What if he wanted to go hiking? Or to a fancy dinner? Or a concert? I tried on every possible combination of clothes before throwing up my hands in defeat.
“What’s going on in here?” Mae asked tentatively from the doorway.
I froze and looked around. I was wearing two different shoes, and every article of clothing I owned was spread around the room.
“Nate asked me on a date for tonight, but I don’t know where we’re going or what we’re doing, and I don’t know what I should wear, and I think it was a mistake for me to go out with him, and I hate everything I own.” I crumpled into a chair.
Mae, who was wearing an adorable work outfit, pressed her lips together, eyes sparkling. I couldn’t resist a self-deprecating smile.
“So, you actually agreed to go on a date with Nate?” She stepped into the room slowly, as if I was a dangerous animal who might attack at any moment.
“Yes,” I admitted, rolling my eyes.
“He’s pretty cute,” she said slowly.
“Yes,” I groaned.
“Okay, we can figure this out.” Mae’s voice became businesslike. “Where do you think he will take you?”
“I guess dinner?” I sat up a little. “I mean, he’s always seemed like the kind of guy who wants to impress a girl. I would expect him to want to go somewhere that’s expensive or trendy. But there isn’t any place like that around here.”
Mae tapped her chin thoughtfully. “There are a few restaurants within a forty-five minute drive.”
“But that puts us arriving around nine. That’s way too late for supper.”
“That’s true. Okay, I think your best option is a cute top with nice jeans and sandals. If you aren’t going to a really fancy place, jeans would work for everything.”
I slumped. “I don’t have anything like that!”
“I bet Rosemarie does. She’s taller than you, but you’re about the same size everywhere else. Let’s go ask her.” Mae grabbed my hand and dragged me from the room. I clomped after her on uneven shoes.
Once Rosemarie was informed of the situation, she was quick to offer her entire wardrobe to me. Between the two girls, I was soon changing clothes in the second-floor bathroom that Jill and Rosemarie shared. We’d settled on a very nice pair of dark-blue jeans and a gray, sleeveless blouse that was flowy and shimmery. My feet were smaller than Rosemarie’s, but she and Mae decided that my brown leather sandals would work with the ensemble.
By that point, they were invested in my date preparations, and we all trooped upstairs to make decisions about my hairstyle and makeup.
Their help was just what I needed. They had me laughing and forgetting all about my worries in no time. We had supper at the dining room table, and I felt a pleasant buzz of anticipation, nothing more. I refused to allow myself to think about the future. I liked Nate. He was attractive, fun, and actually sweet. I liked spending time with him. That was all I
needed to think about. I would not worry about what was coming down the road. I would enjoy tonight and the fun of being with a guy I liked, who liked me back. End of story.
It was my night to help with cleanup, but Mae refused to let me risk splashing myself with dirty dishwater and insisted we swap chores. I swept the floor and was allowed to help clear the table, but then Jill and Rosemarie sat with me on the porch, keeping up a stream of light-hearted chatter.
The sun was getting low in the sky when Nate’s Jeep appeared in the driveway.
“Have fun,” Jill said and made a quick escape.
Rosemarie gave my arm a squeeze and flashed an excited grin, and she followed Jill back into the house.
I took a deep breath, grabbed my purse, and slowly made my way down the steps to meet Nate at his car.
“Hi,” he said with a mostly-excited-but-slightly-nervous smile. “Are you ready?”
“You bet,” I replied and climbed up into the seat beside him. “Where are we going?”
“Wait and see.” Nate’s smile turned mischievous.
The butterflies in my stomach gave an extra flutter.
11
I like to think that I’m an open-minded, nonjudgmental type of person. I try really hard not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about other people. But something about Nate had made me put on my super-springy judgment shoes, and I had jumped like I was an Olympian.
So I was completely and totally confused when he didn’t get on the highway and drive to the nicest restaurant Melbourne had to offer. Instead, the Jeep turned off the two-lane county road and onto a dirt path. I would have bet everything I had that Nate would try and impress me with his money. Despite his apparent reform, I was sure that going on a date with him would result in a long evening of expensive and pretentious activities.
But that dirt road shattered all my expectations. What in the world was going on?
I was suddenly very glad that I was at least wearing jeans. Mae’s advice was proving to be wise.
We only drove for a few minutes before the car slowed, and then came to a stop. Twilight was upon us, but Nate’s flash of white teeth when he turned to me and smiled was still unmistakable.
“We’re here,” he announced.
I hoped the dark hid the skepticism that was sure to be apparent on my face. Reluctantly, I climbed down and then stood, feeling awkward while Nate rummaged around in the back of his Jeep. Finally, he emerged with a cardboard box in his arms.
“Follow me.”
Since it was unlikely that he had a box full of weapons, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to go along with him. I did lift up a quick prayer that I wouldn’t be one of those girls who ended up on the news because she’d walked willingly into a dangerous situation when she knew she shouldn’t, not wanting to be rude. I was so busy thinking that that sort of thing would totally happen to me that I didn’t notice when Nate stopped.
“Here, have a seat,” he said after placing the box on the ground.
I saw in the dim light that there were two camp chairs set up next to a makeshift fire pit. Oh, we were going to have a fire under the stars! My heart melted, and all thoughts of being murdered evaporated. This was so much better than a fancy supper somewhere. Was Nate only doing this because he knew I’d prefer it, or was this his idea of a romantic date, too? And did it matter if the former was true?
It took him less than a minute to coax sparks into flames. Then he settled back into the other camp chair next to me.
The flickering firelight lit up Nate’s sea-green eyes, tanned skin, and white smile. I noticed that he’d shaved for this; his five o’clock shadow was gone. He was really too good-looking to be allowed. It wasn’t fair.
“I hope you don’t mind that I’m not taking you somewhere fancy. I took a risk. You’re not the fancy sort of girl, so I thought that going somewhere quiet where we could just talk would be fun.” His voice petered out.
I smiled and said, “I think it’s a great idea. You’re right, I’m not a fancy-restaurant type of girl.”
He looked relieved and sat back, shoving his hands into his pockets, legs stretched out in front of him. “Okay, best restaurant you’ve ever eaten at?”
“That’s way too hard! I could never pick the best, ever,” I shot back.
“If you could pick one place you’ve eaten at to eat at again, no matter where it is in the world, where would you go?”
I mulled that over. “Probably this little hole-in-the-wall Thai place in Florida. Best Pad Thai I’ve ever eaten. What about you?”
We talked for a while as the stars blinked into the sky. Soon the dark expanse above us was punctuated with thousands of diamonds. Nate would get up periodically to toss a log onto the fire, and then sparks would spiral up, as though to join their cousins in the sky.
Our chairs were close enough that our arms brushed, and when it grew chilly, Nate put his arm around my shoulders. He had even brought marshmallows for roasting, and we enjoyed devouring the nutritionally-void treats. I was terrible at roasting them to the golden brown that I liked best. I always grew impatient and plunged them too close to the coals. Whenever I pulled out yet another fiery, blackening glob on the end of my stick, Nate would blow it out and then offer to swap for the perfectly toasted marshmallow on the end of his stick, insisting that he liked them burned.
The whole night was entirely magical. I was sorry when the last of the coals flickered out and we climbed into the Jeep and drove home. We rode in silence and I, for one, wanted to hold on to the happiness for as long as possible.
But too soon, Nate pulled to a stop in front of Bumblebee House and turned off the engine. We both stayed seated, casting shy glances at each other.
“I had a really good time,” I said.
“So did I.” Nate cleared his throat, his brow furrowing. “Listen, Emily, I wanted to make sure to say this before tonight ended, so that things wouldn’t be weird.”
I bit my lip. That didn’t sound good.
He took a deep breath. “I want to be really clear about everything with you. I think I already told you that I like you a lot.”
I nodded.
“Good. I want to date you because I want to get to know you romantically. This isn’t a ‘just friends’ sort of thing for me.” The light above the garage cast a warm glow over us, and Nate looked sweet and earnest.
I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding and allowed a tiny smile to bloom. “Me either,” I confessed.
“I joined a men’s Bible study. Did I tell you that? I didn’t? Well, it was after you… well, after you told me off.” Nate looked away.
“I’m so sorry,” I apologized again.
But he cut me off, eyes swinging fiercely to mine. “Don’t be sorry, Em. I’m glad you said all of that. You were right about everything. I had gotten myself into a place where I didn’t care about anyone but myself, and I was bored with me. I was such a jerk.”
Not knowing what to say, I reached over and took his hand in mine. He squeezed it gently and smiled, eyes on our hands.
“Anyway, I joined this men’s group because I knew that I needed to get everything back into focus, and the best place I know to make that happen is at church. So, I joined the group. Matt’s in it, actually. Anyway, we’ve got a lot of single guys who are dating, and we’re working really hard to do the right thing and set up healthy boundaries in our relationships.”
I blinked in the dark, taken aback. This was not a conversation I ever expected to have, especially with Nate. Most guys were pawing at you the first chance they got. And here was Nate, setting up boundaries.
“I think that, for now, I’m not going to kiss you goodnight,” he said quietly. “It’s not because I don’t want to, believe me. But we’re just starting to date, and getting physical would skew our judgment. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I stammered. “You’re right.”
“Okay. I’m going to walk you to the door and give you a goodnight hug, and it’
s not going to be weird.”
We both laughed, since the entire conversation was precisely and exactly weird. But we did just as he said. We got out of the Jeep and Nate walked over to my side, took me by the hand, and we walked up to the front door.
“Goodnight, Emily. I had a wonderful time.” He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me.
I leaned into him, inhaling the aroma of woodsmoke and cologne. “I had a wonderful time, too.”
And then he was heading back down the walk, waving over his shoulder and calling, “See you tomorrow at the Beanery!”
I floated inside.
My shift didn’t start until noon the next day, which was a good thing, since we didn’t get home until after midnight. I slept late and finally went downstairs in search of breakfast around nine. Only Jill was still home, but she was quick to ask about my date.
“It was really good,” I said dreamily. “He took me out where we could watch the stars and just sit around a fire and talk.”
Jill didn’t look convinced that this constituted a romantic date. She wasn’t much of an outdoorsy girl and definitely would have preferred dinner at a restaurant to roasting marshmallows by a fire.
I giggled at her look of consternation. “Where did Marco take you on your first date?”
She glanced down at her sparkling engagement ring. “Gosh, it was so long ago I almost can’t remember. Oh, no, I do remember! We went to the best sushi restaurant in Phoenix, and then to a Broadway show that was touring. I was so nervous, I kept dropping my chopsticks.”
“Things turned out okay, though, right?”
“Of course they did. We’re engaged.” Jill’s smile looked a little forced. “I mean, it’s hard to be so far apart. But there aren’t a lot of teaching jobs in my parents’ town in Arizona, and Granddad was superintendent here. He sort of pulled strings to get me an interview.”
“How did Marco feel about you moving so far away?” I’d never talked to Jill about her fiancé before, and I was glad for the opportunity. Of all the Bumblebee girls, she was the only one in a long-term relationship.