by Donna Alward
“Aunt Molly!” The shout came from the living room followed by a tiny giggle. “You were pretty!”
She met Jason’s bland stare and he shrugged, so she followed him into the living room.
Sara was in the middle of the sofa, her chubby hands holding a white-covered photo album in her lap. “Look.” She pointed, obviously enthused. “Aunt Molly’s pretty dress. And you have funny hair, Uncle Jason!”
Her angelic face looked up, having fun with an album Molly never even knew existed. One that Molly would rather not look at, but she didn’t have the heart to take it away from Sara, not when the girl was having so much fun with it. She couldn’t expect a child to understand what she herself could not.
They sat down, one on either side of Sara, with a book that was a visual diary of their years together. The picture she was pointing to was their prom. Jason in his black tuxedo and she in a long blue gown, a corsage of white roses adorning her left wrist. Pictures of the two of them and friends they’d long since lost touch with. Other pictures from their final year of high school, when he’d lived in rugby shirts and jeans, and she’d had her hair permed into a blonde, unruly mass. There was one of them at a school dance, her arms around his neck and his resting on her waist as they smiled for the camera. Another of them at the school Christmas drive for the local food bank. At a skating party with their group of friends. Sara asked what each one was and Jason dutifully explained while Molly swallowed back sadness as the memories trickled in, warm and painful.
Jason’s mind drifted back as he touched a picture with his finger. This one, their hair damp and both of them dressed in oversized sweatshirts after a beach party and bonfire at the provincial park. That night had been the first night they’d made love after a year of dating. He’d known with all the wisdom of his eighteen years that he loved her, and that night, in his two-man tent, they’d gone all the way. It had been better than he’d expected. His nervousness had melted away the moment he’d held her warm, soft body in his arms and kissed her. He’d been her first. And she his. They’d learned all that they knew together.
For the next four years, they’d been inseparable, completing their first degrees and falling even deeper in love.
He flipped the page in the album and stopped.
He’d taken a photography course in his third year and as a joke, she’d modeled for him, hamming it up for the camera. He’d captured a few that he remembered now he’d kept, showing no one but putting them in his own personal album. One where she was laughing at something silly, her eyes and nose scrunched up and mouth wide with hilarity. Another of her sleeping after he’d loved her thoroughly, her hair rumpled, lashes laying long and full in slumber. Her cheeks were flushed and the silk strap of her ivory nightie was brushed off her shoulder, the sheets wrapped around her hips.
“Aunt Molly, you look just like Sleeping Beauty,” Sara breathed.
Molly laughed, the sound coming out husky and shy. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
“Was Uncle Jason the Prince that woke you up with a magic kiss?”
How could they resist such a guileless, enchanting creature? Jason watched as Molly put her arm around Sara and squeezed. “Yes, baby, he was.”
Their gazes met and delved deeply. No matter how hard they tried to pretend, how much Molly protested, nothing was over between them. Not even close.
He looked away again and turned a final page.
This was the one he’d loved the most, the one he’d forgotten entirely about until seeing it again. He’d developed it himself in the dark room at school. Experimenting with black and white, he’d taken a picture of her beneath the arch at the Christmas Ball in their fourth year. Her hands held her long skirt in her fingers as she had half-turned. She’d worn white that night, a strapless bodice and full skirt, looking more like an angel than a woman had a right to. When she’d looked over her shoulder at him like that and smiled, he’d captured it. He’d wanted to re-create that shot, but on their wedding day, perhaps with her bouquet hanging loosely from one hand as she held her skirt, and a few strands of hair loose after their long day.
Sara’s hands clapped. “You look like a bride!”
Molly swallowed hard. A bride that had never been.
She rose abruptly, avoiding Jason’s probing gaze. “I just remembered I have some phone calls to make.” The excuse was lame. It was Sunday. He had to know there were no calls, but he let her go.
“I’ll bring Sara over later,” he offered quietly. “We can talk then.”
She didn’t wait, didn’t want to think about his persistence that they hash this all out. Right now she had to escape before she made an absolute fool of herself.
*
Molly looked around the house one last time, making sure everything was perfect. The appliances gleamed, the floors shone. Sara’s toys were tucked away in a corner of the living room, stuffed into a yellow tub. A batch of cookies filled the cookie jar on the counter top and fresh sheets were on the beds.
Jason had volunteered to pick up Kim, leaving Molly time to ensure everything was done and dusted. Molly was growing quite used to the homey look Kim used with her decorating, and in the back of her mind even preferred it to her own precise, if somewhat sparse, decor. This house was a home. The furniture might have been mostly secondhand and unmatched, but Kim had a knack for taking nothing and making it look as if it belonged. Handmade accents added to a sense of intimacy. Molly’s condo was a showpiece, no personality. It had all the proper decorations, color coordinated and in the right place… Classy by all standards. It was incredibly perfect and lonely.
It was like living in monochrome and moving into color. And, Molly would admit to herself, her life reflected it.
She ran a hand over the secondhand dining table, following a beam of sunlight on its surface. For years now, she’d told herself that her career was all that mattered. That she didn’t want marriage and a family. She’d avoided home, telling herself she didn’t have the time. Now she knew the real reason why. Home scared her. Being with Sara, seeing how wonderful a daughter she was, how great Kim was at being a mom, being with Jason again, letting old feelings carry her away. The way he cupped his hand around her neck when he kissed her, or melted her with a simple gaze across a snowy hill. It made her want things, things she had already given up and had no right to anymore. Things that were all on the other side of the choice she’d made.
With a sigh, she sat in a chair and stared at her briefcase in the corner. She’d hardly opened it since arriving, and there would be consequences for that. Perhaps now she could play catch up. Thing was, she didn’t want to.
She heard the truck pull up in the driveway and pressed a hand to her stomach, inexplicably nervous. Kim was coming back to her house and Molly wanted desperately for her sister to approve of how she’d kept things. She wanted it to seem like Kim hadn’t even been away. For the first time in six years, the law wasn’t her first priority. Now she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She had no priorities. She felt completely at sea. Without her work, what did she have? Did she have a life? Even her social life in Calgary revolved around clients and events. Then Jason had to make an appearance. Jason, who was doing exactly what he’d said he would, minus the wife and kids. Jason, who was dedicated to his work, but also dedicated to his friends and who still knew how to cut loose and enjoy the simple things, like sledding on a frosty January afternoon. Suddenly things weren’t so black and white. He wasn’t wrong and she wasn’t right. He was all those things he’d been long ago…kind, sexy, smart. Knowing he hadn’t let go of her either made the pull all that much stronger.
Molly covered her face with her hands. She’d managed to avoid the conversation he was determined to have. When he’d brought Sara home on Sunday, she’d faked a migraine so he wouldn’t press. She had no idea what to say to him. Oh, why couldn’t she just stop thinking? It was far too time-consuming and fatiguing.
The door opened and voices jumbled together. Molly rose from her chair
, leaving her thoughts behind as she hurried to the foyer. She pasted on her cheeriest expression. “Welcome home!”
Kim looked up as she moved gingerly, taking off her jacket. Jason hung it up for her while Sara danced around her feet. Molly watched as Kim’s gaze swept over the polished staircase, the tidy living room.
“Gosh, it’s good to be home.”
“It didn’t seem right without you,” Jason said, taking off his own coat then pressing a kiss to Kim’s forehead. “Now you remember what the doctor said. Home but rest. Lots of it.”
“Stop worrying.”
“It’s my job to worry about you. Don’t you know that by now?” he cajoled.
“I’m not going anywhere fast, so you can stand down.” Kim smiled up at Molly. “Good to see you, sis.”
Molly offered a shaky smile. It was obvious that she was no substitute for Kim; Jason had as much as said so. It didn’t seem right without you. Clearly Jason and Kim were closer than Molly had imagined. She recalled the white, strained look on his face as he described Kim’s accident, then Kim’s flushed cheeks later when Molly asked her about their relationship. Her eyes narrowed as her suspicions renewed. But if Jason were now hung up on her sister, he wasn’t the kind of man who would try to seduce her in a laundry room. Or on a snowy hill.
Was he?
If he were as confused as she was, maybe he just would. And she’d be the woman in the middle.
“Molly? You okay?” Kim’s soft voice interrupted, and Molly’s feelings were suddenly overshadowed by the overwhelming relief that her sister was truly okay and back home where she belonged.
Molly waited for the crowd by the door to spread out. “Can I hug you? I don’t want to pop any stitches or anything.”
Kim laughed, winced, then came forward and put her arms around Molly.
Molly closed her eyes. Right now she felt closer to her sister than she had in several years. Kim had been only nineteen when Molly had left for law school. With their mother gone… Molly realized now she’d left Kim all alone to finish growing up. It was high time she made up for some of her decisions. What happened couldn’t end here. She had to continue being involved in her sister’s life, in Sara’s life. It wasn’t fair to any of them otherwise.
“I couldn’t have done this without you,” Kim whispered in her ear. “The house looks great, but what counts is that Sara is happy. She talked about you the whole way home. I’m so glad you came,” she said, stepping back and looking Molly dead in the eye. “I don’t know how to ever repay you.”
Molly sniffled. “No payment necessary. We’re sisters. I should have been here long ago.”
“You’re here now, and that’s what matters.”
Kim squeezed her hands, and they laughed a little with misty eyes.
Molly cleared her throat, smiling shyly. “Hang on. I’ll turn on the coffee maker. We have treats.”
Jason had stayed in the foyer, watching the sisters silently, but now he came forward. He knew very well from Kim that Molly hadn’t visited for several years and also knew how hurt Kim had been by that. Seeing Molly acknowledge that gave him hope. Hope for her. Hope for them. He was beginning to see that Molly wasn’t as cold as she’d appeared when she first arrived.
“I’ll give you a hand, Mol,” he offered. “Sara, why don’t you and your mom go into the living room? You can show her the pictures you drew of Bubbles yesterday.”
In the kitchen, he took out mugs while Molly arranged cookies and brownies on a frilly plate. She took them from a plastic container on top of the counter and not a bakery box. The woman who’d arrived a few short weeks ago would not have baked homemade goodies. His lips curved into an easy smile. She’d changed more than she realized.
“You’re a good sister, Molly.”
She stood back, analyzing the plate, moving a few brownies around. “No, I’m not. But I’d like to change that. Kim deserves better. We only have each other and I took that for granted.”
Jason took her hand, tugging until she faced him. “I’m glad you realize that. She’s very special.”
A look flashed over Molly’s face, and for that brief second he thought he saw distrust. But just as quickly it was gone and he was left wondering if he’d been imagining things.
Especially when she replied, “I know. And Sara should know her aunt. I’ve been selfish. I had intended to go back to Calgary as soon as Kim was released, but now I find I want a few more days…to make sure she can handle things, you know?”
“You did what you thought you had to do.”
Her head snapped up, her gaze clashing abruptly with his. He met the look calmly. Perhaps this was what she needed to see things clearly, to finally get her priorities straight. Perhaps then….
What was it he really wanted? Molly looked away, putting away the container of cookies while a wrinkle formed between his eyebrows. Did he want her back, or did he simply want to let her go, tie up the loose ends between them and move on?
“Molly, I…”
“We’ll talk later, okay? Let’s just enjoy the afternoon. Kim’s safe and she’s home, and Sara is happy and secure again. That’s what’s really important. There’s time enough for us to talk later.”
She put the plate on a tray and he knew without a doubt what he wanted. He wanted what he’d lost six years ago.
Only now he had to figure out how he was going to make it happen.
Her hands shook as she poured a cup of milk for Sara, put everything on a tray and carried it into the living room. Sara had turned on the music channel and Kim exclaimed over the baking. Molly laughingly admitted she’d used a mix, but as they sat around the coffee table laughing and chatting, she knew she’d been missing out on something all this time.
Jason came in and took a seat, settling Sara on his lap and handing her the sippy cup of milk. Molly sat quietly, staring at the scene before her, imprinting it on her heart. To an outsider, seeing Sara on his knee, Kim’s smile as she picked a brownie from the plate, they looked like the perfect family.
Family. People who cared about her and about each other. Ones with childhood memories and stories. That deep connection. It was no wonder Jason had gravitated to Kim. He’d always wanted a family, ever since his brother had died when he was very young. Kim was the type of homebody he needed. Yet the thought of them… Molly had to acknowledge that she wasn’t willing to give him up, which was odd because he wasn’t hers for the giving.
She’d forgotten how familial closeness felt. Since she’d left Jason and Kim, she’d never felt it again. They’d been her family after her parents divorced, but after him there’d been no one. Now the feeling of it rushed back, full and bittersweet with the knowledge she’d given up this place once before and that she would leave it again soon. It surprised her to realize she didn’t want to. What if she were to consider the unthinkable? Was there still a place for her here? In Kim’s life? In Jason’s?
“Mol. Where did you go?” Kim’s voice intruded and Molly forced her face to relax, conjuring a pleasant smile.
“Not far. Sorry. I’m just glad you’re home.”
She ignored Jason’s gaze, the one that seemed to know exactly what she was thinking, and instead rose to refill the cookie plate.
*
How could she have forgotten?
Sara’s birthday was Wednesday. Tomorrow, Molly realized. Where had the time gone? She pinched the bridge of her nose. Kim would have had a party all arranged long before now, complete with presents and cake and probably a half dozen children running around. Kim was home, yes, but still on pain killers, still exhausted. And as nice as it was for Sara to have her mommy back, things were far from normal in that household.
Sara was turning four. Molly had missed enough birthdays that she was determined to make up for it. Kim and Sara were the only family she had left and so far she hadn’t even made an effort. That was going to change. Starting today.
When Kim had mentioned it this morning, asking Molly if she could run o
ut and pick up at least a few presents, Molly had known that wouldn’t be enough. Besides, Kim had been off work for nearly three weeks. She was a single parent. Molly didn’t have to read too closely between the lines to know that money was tight for her baby sister. To make up for past neglect, Molly was determined to make this birthday one to remember.
“I’ll look after it, I promise,” Molly assured her. “You get up some strength for a little party, okay?”
Except Molly had no idea how to organize a child’s party.
She and Jason hadn’t talked about what was happening between them since that kiss in the snow, and Molly knew they had to clear the air. Asking him for help would be awkward, yet she couldn’t think of anyone else to help with the party. She’d already decided against having extra children. She knew her limits and also knew Kim didn’t need that much commotion. It would be a family event. No one knew Kim and Sara better than Jason, so that afternoon Molly swallowed her anxiety and misgivings and stopped at the clinic.
Jason turned a corner and saw her there, waiting patiently for him, looking fresh and beautiful in snug jeans and Kim’s puffy pink bomber jacket, a scarf twisted around her neck. When she turned from the window to face him, sunlight backlit her golden hair and her eyes, normally a placid blue, glowed pale and bright.
She was his angel. Always had been, always would be. Ten years ago now, he’d fallen for her, and nothing had changed. But he’d been burned badly enough by her before that there was no way he’d let her see that. Not yet. Not until she came to him. He wouldn’t put himself out there and bare his soul only to have it thrown back at him again. But if he could get her to make the first move…
“Molly. What’s up? Is something wrong? Kim and Sara all right?”
“Everyone’s fine. Have you got a sec?”