by Liz Talley
Lucas leaving New Orleans, leaving her, stung like an open wound.
Ha.
She’d fallen in love with Lucas at the absolute worst time in her life and the bitter irony rubbed her like a new shoe.
The horn sounded again. Three sharp beeps and then a long drawn out wail.
“Go,” she said.
So he did.
Flora closed the door and shot Addy a puzzled look. “What’s up with you this morning?”
“Besides the fact Robbie is out there on the streets, and Lucas stood me up last night?” Addy said, dumping her cup into the sink.
“I see,” Flora said, crossing the kitchen half-full mug of coffee in hand.
Addy waited for her aunt to explain, but she said nothing else. “What do you see?”
“The same girl I’ve always seen. Pushing back, drawing in, closing ranks to protect herself.”
Throwing her half-eaten bagel in the garbage, Addy spun and put her hands on her hips. “What? I shouldn’t do that? The man who nearly raped and killed me and who still stalks me is out there somewhere, and Lucas is leaving this weekend. No sense in pretending this will have a happy ending.”
“Oh, my dear, if you expect to get shit on, you will.” Flora finished filling her mug, turned, and walked out of the kitchen.
Frowning Addy followed her aunt, but she was done with trying to make her understand the reality of her situation. Aunt Flora had been in her shoes before but hadn’t even tried to change Mr. O’Boyle’s mind. Even if the woman would have made her feelings known, the man likely wouldn’t have left his wife, children, or the life he’d created because of Flora’s love. It was easy for the woman to spout off advice when she’d not taken the risk herself.
Addy knew what needed to be done—she needed to end things with Lucas and focus on protecting herself against immediate threat. After all, what good would it do to tell Lucas about Robbie and the threats over the years? He wouldn’t be here to protect her anyhow.
So she’d protect herself. On all fronts.
And just like her aunt, she would cling to the memory of what she’d had with Lucas. Two days of sun-filled, happy memories. A lifetime packed into a weekend.
It would be small comfort in her lonely life, but better than no comfort at all.
She had no regrets about yesterday, but she wasn’t going to leave herself open for more hurt in the future.
Lucas spent the day working on the front porch. He put a new coat of glossy black paint on the rockers and started painting the porch flooring while the rockers dried in the sunshine. The day was gorgeous and the warmth on his shoulders and purpose in his stride made him feel like anything was possible. He was a walking John Denver song.
Homework was light, and Michael had no activities so he could mind Charlotte while Lucas took Chris to his motor cross practice. He’d never understood why his brother and sister-in-law had allowed Chris to participate in such a dangerous activity, but after seeing the boy on the bike, leaning into curves, looking like he’d been born on a motor bike, he understood. Chris had a passion for going fast… and perhaps channeling his reckless spirit into something he loved was smart.
The kid’s qualifying time seemed to please his coach, and the NOLA Springtime Classic was set for Friday night.
Maybe Addy would go with him. Could be fun watching the daredevil who’d been responsible for their meeting in the first place school some kids on the course.
Once Lucas got the kids in bed, he grabbed a bottle of chilled Riesling, and walked over to Addy’s.
She’d left the back porch light on and opened the door before he even stepped onto the concrete steps.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said, hoping the gift of wine and his silver-tongue would erase any lingering aggravation for being stood up the night. He’d felt horrible but knew if anyone Addy would understand. Plain and simple, his Addy got him, and that’s what had him thinking about their future together. Surely, fate had handed him a gift when he’d agreed to come watch his niece and nephews, and he wasn’t interested in returning this one. He might like to keep Addy forever.
“Hey,” she said, stepping aside so he could enter. She popped her head out and looked around before closing the door and sliding the dead bolt in place.
“Locking me in your lair, are you?” he teased. He plunked bottle on the counter and opened a cabinet door, looking for the crystal she’d brought out on Sunday. “Don’t worry. I’m not running from you.”
“Don’t,” Addy said, dropping her head.
“You don’t want wine?” he asked, closing the door and reaching for her, sliding his hands around her waist.
“No, and please don’t do that.” She tugged at his hands, stepping back from him.
Okay, so maybe she was miffed. “What’s wrong?”
She lifted her eyes and in the depths he saw something he didn’t want to see—something that said it was more than missing last night.
“Addy?”
“Look, I don’t want things to get weird, but I’ve just been thinking about what we’ve been doing.”
“Believe me, I’ve been thinking about what we’ve been doing all day long.” He reached for her again, wanting to knock down the bricks of discord she seemed to be piling between them. He wanted his sweet, funny Addy back.
“Seriously.” She pushed against him. “I need you to stop. You’re leaving in a day or so and-”
Lucas dropped his hands. “You’re shutting me out because I’m leaving?”
Addy sucked in a deep breath and refused to make eye contact. “Look, we both knew this was a temporary thing. We live in two different worlds. Sunday was great, but I think since you’ve got things under control with the kids, we should stop… whatever this is we’re doing. It seems safer.”
“Safer?” He blinked a few times trying to figure out why she was cutting him out of her life. They hadn’t even discussed how to handle their relationship. He’d thought she was open to more than a one time thing. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Where’s all this coming from? You’re that upset about me falling asleep?”
“No.”
“Then what’s all this? Why are you all of a sudden done?”
“Because.”
“Your answer is ‘because’?”
She lifted her gaze. “Look, I don’t have regrets, but I don’t want to—” She stopped and seemed to gather herself.
Lucas waited, giving her room.
“You want the truth?” she asked.
“It’s usually the best policy.”
She bit her lip before sighing. “You and the kids are distracting, and I need to go back to my world. These past few days have been a fun interlude, but reality is knocking, Lucas. For both of us. Time to get on with our lives.”
Her words were cold water down his back. He’d never expected this from her. “So you get to decide this?”
“Oh, come on, we both knew what this was.”
“Are you afraid of getting hurt?”
Her eyes shuttered. “You can’t have that power over me.”
Sharp pain hit his chest. Damn. She made it sound no different than what Tara had suggested. Big people. No strings. Walk away. “So you feel nothing for me? What we shared was about sex and that’s all?”
“Isn’t that what you thought?” she asked, wrapping her arms about her waist, looking more little girl lost than coldhearted bitch. But, still, her words had teeth, and they shredded his hope.
“I didn’t stop to put a definition on it.”
“Yes, well, I have a lot to deal with right now. It would be better for us to say our goodbyes now. Why drag it out?”
He didn’t know what to say. Hurt shuddered inside him and he shifted his gaze to study the condensation rolling down the chilled bottle of wine. Reality had stolen his glee, mocked his happiness, and rocked his heart.
There was nothing good about not being wanted. He cleared his throat, and s
he looked away from him. Good Lord, she couldn’t even look at him. “How can you be so cavalier about this?”
“I’m not cavalier. It’s just better for me this way.”
“Better for you? I see.”
“Well, come on, don’t act like you thought we had a future. You said you don’t even believe in love.” Her words crashed like rocks on a stone floor.
“That’s not what I said. And I messed that up.”
“But you intended this to be temporary.”
He shook his head. “Sure, I put off thinking about leaving, but I didn’t think we’d be so abrupt about it. Haven’t we grown into something more than ‘fun’?”
Addy took several seconds to answer, but finally she looked at him again. “Robbie Guidry, the guy who tried to rape and kill me, got out of prison yesterday.”
“So? What does that have to do with this?”
Her face gathered into a thundercloud. “Don’t you get it? My life has just gotten infinitely more complicated. I can’t be distracted because I can’t think when I’m with you. And what about the kids? I could put them in danger.”
“Addy, that was, what, fifteen years ago? I doubt this guy’s interested in repeating his last mistake. Don’t you think you’re over-reacting?” And as soon as he uttered that last word, he knew he shouldn’t have.
Never tell a woman she’s over-reacting.
Addy’s expression grew even more irritated. “You have no idea how I feel.”
“Maybe so, but you shouldn’t shut me out because you’re scared of some phantom, I don’t know, possibility? This is illogical, Addy.”
“Hell, yeah, it is. You’re leaving. I’m staying. So right now, I need to declutter my life.”
He stiffened, feeling like she’d punched him. “So I’m clutter?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you. And besides you’re taking what I feel and making my concerns sound stupid.”
“Maybe they are stupid.”
Annnnd he really shouldn’t have said that, but it hurt to be tossed aside like he didn’t matter. She’d taken what she’d wanted from him and was done.
Maybe all he’d been was a cowboy fantasy—her Sheriff Cade McGarrity stand-in, fulfilling her desires. No different than any other woman in his life. He’d been a fool to want more with her.
Her eyes crackled as she advanced on him. “How dare you call me stupid? What do you know about what I have been through?”
“I didn’t call you stupid, only the fact you’re using your fear to push me away.”
“You’re leaving, Lucas.” She stopped and sucked in a breath, her hands fisted at her sides. “The mistake I made with Robbie all those years ago still haunts me, and I can’t make that same mistake with you.”
“You’re comparing me to a man who tried to kill you?” Anger poured into him at her unfounded accusation.
“No, but you make me do things that don’t make sense. I can’t think when you’re around. You invade every space, occupy every thought. And now Robbie’s out, and I can’t be the woman I was Sunday. It’s irresponsible.”
Lucas stared hard at her, trying to see beneath her defenses in order to understand what drove her to believe he was bad for her. “He was the wrong guy to be with, Addy. But I’m not, and it’s a shame you can’t put aside your irrational fears to see that.”
Addy’s gaze sliced him as efficiently as a cleaver. He almost looked down to see if he bled. “You need to leave.”
“Yeah.” He grabbed the wine bottle and tucked it under his arm. “I think I do. No sense wasting any more time on something you’re not going to let happen. See ya.”
He felt her hurt from across the room. It was as if she’d been waiting for him to say those words, as if his declaring them justified her actions.
This was what she wanted.
And evidently what he wanted too because he’d said the words, hadn’t he?
As he closed the door and stepped into the night, he recognized the pain ripping him apart. He’d felt this once before, years ago, when he’d walked away from Courtney and his brother, his illusions shattered.
This is what coming home to New Orleans did to him. His ordered life was messy, torn, and crumpled into something he’d never wanted. All because he’d fallen for the woman next door.
Addy slumped against the sink, feeling as if all her energy had been sucked down the drain. An empty shell of a woman, doing what had to be done so she could survive another day. She’d made him mad and had treated him as if he weren’t important to her. And he’d let her, even going as far to dismiss her fears as if she were a blooming idiot.
Oh, God, she’d broken things off with the man she loved.
Yeah… love had finally walked in and Addy had blocked it, shut the door, and twisted the lock.
She’d seen his face—the hurt and disappointment—and still she had persisted in destroying any future they had together because she was…
Refusing to acknowledge the word that popped into her mind, she covered her face with her hands.
No.
But being scared was healthy. Being scared would keep her alive, keep her from being hurt literally and figuratively. Lucas would leave and she would stay. She knew what she faced with the nutso who’d just been released from prison. She didn’t need the distraction of Lucas nor the distraction of love.
His words floated back. “He was the wrong guy to be with, Addy. But I’m not.”
Her heart pulled her toward the back door, toward the man who’d just walked out. What had he meant by being the right man? Maybe he had stronger feelings for her than what she’d thought. Maybe…
No. She’d sacrifice love for her life. Maybe that made her smart or maybe she was indeed the stupidest woman on the face of the planet. But either way she knew separation was the best way to protect everyone.
Trudging out of the kitchen, she steeled herself for a life without Lucas. She’d be okay, just like she’d always been. It wouldn’t be bad. After all, she’d been happy without him, hadn’t she?
Sunday seemed so far away, already a misty memory tucked inside the caverns of her heart, sure to arise to comfort her on lonely, cold nights.
No regrets.
Hope for the best but expect the worst. That was her father’s motto. Her motto.
She wasn’t going to dwell on how similar it sounded to Aunt Flora’s declaration that morning. She didn’t expect to get shit on, but she’d damn sure be prepared if any came her way.
No regrets.
It was the only way to move forward.
Days later, Lucas was still pissed at Addy.
How dare she act as if she didn’t have time for him? As if he were nothing more than a distraction? Hell, she’d insinuated he was halfway dangerous like the guy who’d once hurt her.
His ego was bruised, but his heart felt battered. He’d never expected her to end things like she did—wintery with flinty resolve. He’d not recognized the woman in that kitchen who’d tossed out what they had with little hesitation. No, that wasn’t exactly true. He’d sensed sadness, perhaps even regret, but obviously neither was sufficient enough to take back her words.
And he still couldn’t figure out why she’d wanted him out of her life so soon. The whole “Robbie’s out of prison” thing felt almost contrived. He couldn’t see the dude coming after her in revenge for what had happened fifteen years ago. The idea sounded too much like something he could watch as a cable television movie. The guy getting paroled was likely an excuse to keep Lucas back, to give a good reason to basically dump him.
Maybe she needed time.
Or maybe it was truly over between them.
He’d tried to keep his hands occupied with getting his brother’s house in order. He’d completed the painting of both porches, even calling in a roofer to fix a few shingles that looked damaged. The maid service had scrubbed every square inch of the house, and after one gave him a card of a professional organizer, he’d set up an appointment with h
er to organize the kitchen and the closets. The kids had been remarkably good for the past two days, as if sensing his hurt, not even mentioning Addy.
Well, except for Charlotte—she kept asking for chocolate chip cookies.
He’d glimpsed Addy only once, and she’d avoided eye contact. The sight of her literally made him ache so he’d turned his back and pretended she didn’t exist.
It was for the best. His emotions were as tangled as the blind cords in the living room, and he’d spent a good thirty minutes trying to untangle them only to have to take the scissors and whack the cord.
“Time to go, Uncle Lucas,” Chris said behind him.
Lucas turned to find Chris clad in a bright red racing suit. “Well, at least I’ll be able to find you in the race.”
“I’ll be easy to find,” Chris grinned, chest puffed out. “I’ll be the kid out front.”
Lucas chuckled as Michael came in wearing way too much cologne. “Dude, that’s way too much Axe body spray.”
Michael’s face fell. “Really? How do I get it off?”
“You don’t. And we don’t have time for a shower. Rule of thumb is one, maybe two, squirts,” Lucas said, glancing toward the stairway, placing the scissors high on the shelf of the nearby bookcase. “Don’t worry, we’ll put the windows down on the drive. Can you fetch Charlotte? Grammy and Grampy should be here in the next few minutes.”
Michael walked to the base of the stairs and hollered, “Charlotte!” at the top of his lungs.
“Okay, I couldn’t have done that,” Lucas muttered looking around for the Creampie backpack he’d put together for his niece’s stay with his parents. Michael was attending his first school dance with Hannah, the chick he had a crush on, and he hadn’t wanted to take Charlotte to the motor cross races, not with the way she climbed stuff. Luckily, his mother and father who’d gotten in last night had volunteered to mind Charlotte.
“We need to hurry,” Chris said, glancing at the clock. “I don’t want to be late.”