Finding Him

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by Naomi Townsend


  Anika lays in bed her eyes are closed but her mind is racing a trillion miles a minute. The images of her family laying in that room purple and life less lace themselves into her mind. She Tries to shake it off but it won’t leave her alone. She wonders why does she have to deal with this. Why couldn’t God have just kept her family alive instead of killing them all. She feels guilty that she keeps blaming God but she doesn’t know what elses to do but blame him. She’s stop trying to find Him because she thinks He is hiding from her and she’s lost in feelings of anger, lonliness, and guilt.

  Anderson lays right next to Anika his back turned to her. He tries to make this heart stop racing so quickly. His heart feels like it’s going to explode. He is cared out of his mind. He knows God is going to get him through this but he’s scared that he’ll miss what God is going to do and he’ll be stuck. He’s scared he won’t know how to have a good relationship with God without his uncle’s guidance. He doesn’t understand why God would take his uncle away from him.

  In our darkest hours of utter hopelessness. At our point of the deepest heart wrenching and soul breaking desperation that is where God can work the best because we have emptied ourselves of our ambitions or plans and He can work the way He wants and needs to.

  Chapter 12

  Rock Bottom We saw Anika at a pretty low point when we first met her. But, I think we all know that a low point can always get lower. I heard somebody say once “the lower you go the higher you'll go,” or something along those lines. But, no words can mentally prepare you for the lowest of low points. No preparation can save you from the hurt of the lowest of lows. The first time is the roughest but the times after that are ½ a point as rough. But the low place is where you're the rawest and most vulnerable.

  Anika hasn't been able to focus lately she feels everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. She feels completely out of control and that everything is slipping slowly away from her. Her and Anderson have been in two different galaxies for a couple of weeks. Too distraught to even think about helping each other. They speak to each other but they're individual thoughts are so loud that they can only hear them.

  Debbie and Chris are the having the same issues as Anderson and Anika just add two babies. It's like zombieland in the house and no one can directly pinpoint why. They try to act like everything is okay but it's hard and no one is fooled.

  Anika goes to work as usual today she is a million miles away at work. She's in charge of the store today because the owner put her in charge out of nowhere. She goes about her regular work and tries to stay present during the day but that doesn't work. She's so distracted by her thoughts she doesn't notice that a man has been sitting in the store in the corner for over five hours. It's nearly closing time and there are a few people in the store. Anika starts her closing duties and announces the store will close in five minutes. The few people in the store rush to the checkout and she checks them out. When they're on their way out the man who had been sitting in the corner jumps up. He has a flash and goes to hit a mother and her baby. Anika jumps across the counter and blocks the blow. She collapses to the floor and the woman runs out with there baby. The man continues to beat her with the back end of the flashlight. He beats her unconscious and leaves her in a pool of blood. Anika thinks this is it the moment she's going to die. She closes her eyes and falls unconscious.

  Anderson comes home to an empty apartment. This is a signal something is wrong. Anika is always home before he is. He checks his phone nothing from Anika. He texts Debbie and Chris and asks them if they've seen Anika. They both say no but they'll keep an eye out. Anderson gets into his car and drives downtown to see if Anika's alright.

  Anderson pulls up to the store and the lights are still on. He assumes Anika hasn't finished closing yet so he gets back in the car. He sits in the car and puts the key in the ignition but something doesn't feel right. He gets out of the car and walks in the store as soon as he steps inside his feet land in a pool of blood. He follows the trail of blood and finds Anika beaten and bleeding at the end of it. He runs to her, he checks to see if she has a pulse. It's weak but she has once he calls 9-1-1 an tells them he's bringing her into the ER. He picks her up and gets her into the car and pulls out of the lot. He drives well over the speed limit and pulls into the ER parking lot. He grabs Anika and runs inside. He yells for help and a team of people swarm him. Anika is quickly taken out of sight and Anderson is left standing alone. He stands in shock he looks at his clothes covered with Anika's blood. He prays that she’ll come through this because he can't afford to lose the love of his life. He sits in the waiting room for hours waiting for updates. There are none. He calls his mom. But, she doesn't answer. He calls his dad and but he doesn't answer. He tries to call other people but no one answers. He decides to call the one person he knows will answer. He goes to the chapel and immediately gets on his knees. He prays from his soul pouring his heart out to God. He begs God not to take Anika but to restore her to the healthy happy person she used to be. In the end he knows it's not his will but God's will that is going to be done. This doesn't discourage him from asking God to save her but I'm his heart he knows that His will is better than his wants.

  While Anderson is pouring out his heart Anika is having an encounter of her own. Anika has been in surgery for a few hours now and she's been on a crazy journey. “Anika,” a commanding voice says. Anika looks around trying to see who it is. “Anika,” the voice says again. “Yes,” she says. The voice tells her to come where it is. She follows the voice until she's standing in front of this light that's so bright she can't look at it. She wonders, is this the light everybody talks about? “Anika why won't you trust Me?” The commanding voice says a little hurt. “Because I don't know you,” Anika says confused. “Anika why won't you trust Me?” Anika realizes what's going on and she answers honestly. “ Because you keep hurting me,” she says. “Everything I love You take from me. Everytime I get closer to you my life gets harder. Everytime I pull away I lose something. There is just no winning with You. So I can't trust You because you take away everything I love,” Anika says a hint of anger in her voice. “Why do you think I want to hurt you? Don't you know my heart hurts when I see you suffering?” “ It seems like you're out to get me lately. Is this a Job situation where You’re letting the devil torment me?” Anika says. “I just don't understand why you took my entire family away from me,” Anika says tears streaming down her face. “ I’m never out to get you in a vengeful way Anika. I want your heart so I can use you for My plan. I'm never trying to hidt you. Some people have already fulfilled their part in my plan and their earthly duty is done.” “But, my brothers and sisters were so young they hadn't even gotten a chance at a life!” Anika says. “ The life you speak of is only temporary. It's a vapor in the wind. But, life with Me is forever and ever and ever and ever. Don't get caught up in the people and places in this life Anika. Get caught up in Me. If you get caught up in Me you'll be free from from the weight that has been weighing you down.” Anika sits down. And talks for a long time.

  The nurse finally comes out to give Anika's family update. She looks around and sees Anderson. “Do you know where the girl you brought in family is?” She asks. Anderson stands up. “That's me. What's going on?” He asks. The nurse laughs “that's sweet but I need her parents.” Anderson explains Anika and his situation. The nurse pulls up Anika information and finally tells Anderson what's going on. Anika has just gotten out of surgery and she's waking up now. The nurse leads Anderson to Anika's room. Anika is all bandaged up and she smiles when Anderson when he walks in. “You're not going to believe what happened.” She says.

  Anika tells about the encounter she had with God. Anderson is in shock because he had just had a crazy experience with God to. Isn't it cool how He works? The rest of the night Anika and Anderson discuss everything they went through.

  Chris and Debbie don't know about Anika's situation but they are having an encounter of their own. Debbie and Chris have just put the ba
bies down an are sitting in the living room. They're talking when suddenly a loud wind starts up outside. The house rattles and shakes. Chris and Debbie look at each other. And in an instant it stops. Chris sits back in the couch. Debbie looks at him. “Chris that was my answer! Well out answer!” Chris looks at her as if to also what is she talking about. “ Look we've both been going through some stuff spiritually. I don't know your whole deal but I prayed about my next step. And apparently you're apart of that step. We're supposed to start something here Chris.” Chris sits up. “ Tell me why I've been thinking about starting a thing that helps young soon to be and new mother's and father’s,” Chris exclaims. Debbie smiles at him. “Meet me at the table in 2 minutes. I have to go get my book, so we can plan this out!” Chris dashes to his room. In two minutes he's back with two notebooks, pens, and drawing tools. Him and Debbie get to work on this plan. They ask God for the direction and work well into the early hours of the morning on their plan.

  Chapter 13

  The View from Up Here Anika is released from the hospital after a couple of days. Debbie and Chris freaked out when they heard the news and rushed over to the hospital. They've had a hard time leaving Anika's side if it weren't for the babies they wouldn't. No one tells the group about they're encounters yet but they plan to meet to talk.

  When Anika and Anderson get back to the apartment they find an older lady and gentleman out there door. “Hi,” the older woman says. She's about 80 years old with powder white hair pulled back in a ponytail and red lipstick. Her husband looks around 80 to and he has a baseball hat on and head bald. Anderson and Anika say hi to them hoping that would get them away from their door. But the couple doesn't move. “ I'm Lucy Mayfield and this here is my husband Bart. One of the nurses told me about y'all's situation. And I thought to myself. Now Lucy you have all this wisdom and these children obviously need it. So, I thought we'd come over and invite y'all to dinner tonight.” Anderson and Anika can't say no so they agree and ask if it's okay if the bring two friends. Lucy is happy that more people are coming. Bart doesn't seem that enthusiastic.

  That night Anika, Anderson, Debbie, and Chris head over to the Mayfield's apartment. The Mayfield's live two doors down from Anika and Anderson. Mrs. Mayfield greets them and rushed them in. Bart is sitting in his chair waiting for them. Debbie and Chris introduce themselves. Everyone sits on the couch and looks around awkwardly. “So are y'all married to?” Bart asks Debbie and Chris. “No sir were not married. He's just my roommate and business partner. Debbie says with a smile. “Business partner?” Anderson and Anika ask. “Yeah that's what we want to talk to you guys about tonight,” Chris says. “But I do have twins,” Debbie says. In true mom fashion she pulls out her phone and shows Bart pictures of Annie and Andy. Bart smiles as she shows him the pictures. “So is he the dad?” Bart asks. “No Chris isn't the dad. Their dad died before they were born.” Debbie says “Well they have wonderful mother. I can tell,” says Lucy from the kitchen. Debbie thanks her. “So Mr. Mayfield you know a little about us tell us about you and your wife.” Anika says. “Well I'm old,” they all laugh. “I used to be a youth pastor and my wife was a youth leader. So we've dealt with many variations of y'all's situations. My wife is always on the lookout at for young people to mentor and encourage,” Bart says. “I'm impressed,” Debbie says. “It get better. My wife is a sensationally cool. We have two kids and five grandkids and two great grand kids. But, we don't get to see them that much.” Bart says. “But since we have y'all for the time being let's eat!” Lucy says.

  During dinner Anika tells them what happened to her at the hospital. Then Anderson tells what was happening to him at the same time. After Debbie and Chris tell what happened to them at the same time everyone takes a moment. “ Wow. It seems like God has gotten y'all's attention.” Lucy says. “ I need to see this plan Debbie and Chris so I can look it over. Anika and Anderson I want to talk to the both of you a little more. Debbie and Chris hand Lucy and Bart they're notebooks to look over and thank them for a good time and leave.

  The Mayfield's move Anika and Anderson into the living room. And they sit down facing them. “The both of you have special calling. Together y'all are unstoppable. I think that's why all of this had to happen to the both of you.” Lucy starts out in a serious tone. “ And y'all already know with great callings come great battles.” Lucy continues. “ Y'all have held each other up the best way y'all know how. But, it's time for the both of you to seriously unite because God has something so special for the both of you.” Lucy says. “You both have to let go of the past hurts. And find out who God is to both of you individually and together. From what I heard tonight both of you are starting to understand who you are in Him but you need to dig a little deeper.” Bart says. Lucy walks them to the door and says they'll talk soon.

  Anika and Anderson walk back to their room in thoughtful silence. How could they get closer to God together? What did that look like. They stay up late discussing what the Mayfield's told them and how they would start finding God together. They decided they should journal. Each of them would get a personal journal and then they'd have a journal they shared.

  Chapter 14

  Finding Him Anika begins journaling right away. She writes down her interpretation of the scriptures she reads, prayers, and personal feelings only her and God would know. She finds that reading and writing helps her understand God better and grows deeper in her relationship with Him. Anderson writes songs in his book about God. Anika doesn't know that most of the songs he sings around the house are the ones he's written. His songs are bringing Him into a deeper and more intimate relationship with God. In the journal they share they're are love letters to God and each other, interpretation of the scriptures they read together, prayers,poems,and other expression of love, worship, and admiration.

  As they grow deeper in there relationship with God they move closer to each other. The Mayfields mentor them as they move deeper in their relationship with God making sure they stay on track. They help them interpret scriptures that they don't understand and answers their questions.

  Debbie and Chris’ ministry of sorts takes off. They call it “The Love of Mother and Father,” and it is gaining success quickly. Lucy and Bart help them manage the financing. The success rates are high and Chris and Debbie actually feel like they're making an impactful difference.

  Anika and Anderson are starting a Bible study with some of the couples from “The Love of Mother and Father,” helping them to navigate their relationship with God and each other. They are starting to write a book titled “The Love I Have for You” it's a collection of their journal and thoughts on God's love through they're experience. The Bible Study is growing every week. Anderson sings the songs he's written which really helps boost the attendees. Anika and Anderson are still getting to know God and the deep they go the more they share. As one of the many ways of giving back to the kingdom

  Notes From the Author You may have started reading this book and thought you had it all figured out. Anika was going to end up falling in love with Anderson and it was going to be another teen love stories. Aren't you glad it wasn't?

  Finding God is a long and hard journey but it's always worth it. And the road is full of traps trying to keep you away from getting to Him. But, hardships make it so much more when you finally get Find Him.

  I know some of y'all are like that was a great story Naomi but I don't know how to find Him. Well let me help you. 1. Get a Bible and start reading. You might want to start with devotionals or jump right into the book itself either way is an adventure of a lifetime. I've found an effective method of flipping through the Bible and stopping on what I find interesting works out. Getting books on certain subjects in the Bible or the history of the Bible itself is a fun way to jump into the Bible. 2.Learn how to pray/ pray a lot. I know you're thinking you have to learn how to pray? Kind of learning how to pray cuts out wasted air space and helps you get to the nitty gritty of what you want to say. There are bunches of books on
how to pray just Google around or go to a bookstore and see which ones will work for you. 3. Take this seriously. If you're going to pursue a relationship with God you have to be serious. You have to want it with everything in you if you don't then it'll be easier to give up. 4. Memorize the Word. Psalms 119:11 says “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Memorize it'll be in your best interest. 5. Listen. Just listen. 6. Ask questions. There's knowledge to be found in a question. Trust me I ask at least 1000 questions a day. 7. Pray for a mentor. Most people are like go get a mentor you need one. But form personal experience it's best to pray and also for the right one instead of choosing the wrong one. 8. Go all in it's going to be rough and not make sense or be frustrating at times but you have to stay committed.

  You're never too young to let God work in your life. And he doesn't have n age limit on who can serve Him. Samuel was young when God called his name, King Josiah was 8 when he became King and 16 when he gave his heart to the Lord for real. Jeremiah was young when he started his ministry and there are so many other examples. Age doesn't define capabilities. “You are young, but don't let anyone treat you as if you are not important. Be an example to show the believers how they should live. Show them by what you say, by how you live, by your faith, and by your pure life” 1 Timothy 4:12 (Easy-to-Read Version).

 

 

 


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