‘How lucky they are. We’ll have a lovely Christmas, you’ll see,’ she said, squeezing his hand.
Federica was disappointed her father wasn’t joining them for lunch in Zapallar and swallowed back her tears. Helena suffered a confusing mixture of emotions. On one hand she was relieved and looked forward to some time without the unsettling weight of his presence, but on the other hand she was drawn to him like a reckless fly about the head of a bull. She felt compelled to be near
him if only to provoke a reaction. Ignacio commented dryly that he had already had three months on his own, but after their conversation the night before he understood that his son wanted time, not on his own, but away from his wife and that saddened him. He hoped they would wake up and realize their marriage was worth saving.
Ramon watched the car disappear up the sandy track and waved at Federica who waved forlornly back with her small, pale hand.
It was very hot. The midday sun pounded against the earth with its full force. He wiped his sweaty brow with his sleeve then headed back into the house. He went straight into the kitchen in search of Estella, but she wasn’t there. So he walked hastily onto the terrace, his heart pounding against his chest in anticipation, but she wasn’t there either. His eyes scanned the sitting room with impatience. He didn’t want to lose a moment. Finally he strode down the corridor towards his room. He heard the rustle of linen and the low hum of her voice as she sang happily to herself.
When he appeared at the door of his room Estella sprung around in fright. No one had told her that Don Ramon wasn’t going to Zapallar with the rest of the family. She remained startled, blinking at him with uncertainty. ‘Don
Ramon, you scared me,’ she said and her voice was breathless. She placed her hand about her neck as if attempting to loosen the clamp that had taken hold of it.
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I didn’t know you were here,’ he lied.
‘I can do your room later,’ she said, dropping the sheet and walking around the bed towards him with the intention of leaving.
‘Yes, you can do it later,' he replied, stopping her from going by grabbing her upper arm. She gasped. He then placed both hands on her arms and pushed her up against the wall. Her breasts heaved expectantly. He noticed a bead of sweat cling to the soft skin that formed the valley between them. He placed his finger there and lifted it off her body.
‘Are you nervous?’ he said, his dark eyes studying her anxious face.
‘You’re married,’ she replied foolishly.
‘Only in name, Estella. Only in name,’ he said regretfully. Then he lowered his lips and brushed them softly across hers. She swallowed to release the tension that made her throat ache and closed her eyes. He kissed the moist skin of her neck, running his tongue up towards her ear. It tasted salty and smelt of
roses. His hands found the bottom of her uniform and crept up inside it, his fingers tracing the soft curve of her thighs and hips. She caught her breath. Overwhelmed by the force of his charisma she felt her body go limp and surrender to a will far greater than hers. Moments such as these were the stuff of dreams and she was determined to steal her pleasure because tomorrow it might be gone. The bristle of his chin on her neck distracted her momentarily so that when his mouth fell on hers she realized his fingers were playing with the edge of her panties and caressing the damp skin of her upper thighs. When his tongue began to explore the smooth interior of her mouth she lost herself completely. His fingers pulled her panties aside and found the core of her longing where she ached to be touched. They remained pressed against the wall, their breathing heavy and in unison, their hot bodies bathed in each other’s sweat. His fingers felt the velvet of her most tender places and he enjoyed watching her eyelids flutter like butterflies as she abandoned herself to his caresses.
He laid her on the bed and lifted her dress over her head to reveal even brown skin and generous breasts. He had seen her body in his fevered dreams; it didn’t disappoint him in reality. He gently slipped off her underwear and gazed upon her bare sensuality with appreciation. She opened her eyes and looked up at him dazed with pleasure, her eyelids heavy and half closed. She was no longer shy or ashamed. She lay wantonly, waiting for him to do with her whatever he wished. He scrambled out of his shirt and shorts and stood before her, showing her the full glory of his naked body. She allowed her eyes to linger on it admiringly. Her face was aflame and her lips stung crimson from his kisses. She was beautiful and her beauty lifted him out of the misery of his marriage and he bathed in it and forgot himself.
When they lay entwined on the half-made bed, illuminated by the shimmering sunlight that crept in through the shutters Estella had closed to keep the room cool, Ramon felt the satisfied aching of his loins and the slowing thud of his heartbeat. He looked down at her burning face and long ebony hair that spread out across his chest in a glossy fan. She noticed him looking at her and smiled contentedly. He ran his hand up and down her naked back, his fingers playing with the bumps on her spine absentmindedly. Most women he wanted to get rid of the minute he was finished with them, but there was something warm about Estella. He wanted her to stay.
‘You’re very nice to lie on,’ he said at last.
Estella felt drunk with love. Thank you, Don Ramon,’ she replied, wanting the afternoon to last for ever. She could hear his heartbeat in his large chest and feel his hair against her face. He was soft and warm to lie on too. She wanted to tell him but in spite of their physical closeness she knew they were oceans apart by the very nature of their places in the world and cautioned herself against speaking out of turn.
Federica rode the little pony up and down the beach. Helena even let her trot by herself while she led Hal’s pony by the reins. Papudo was a pretty fishing village overlooking the sea, nestled at the foot of hazy blue mountains. Mariana bought them ice creams while Ignacio sat in the shade of the eucalyptus trees drinking coffee and guarding Federica’s precious butterfly box while he played Solitaire. Helena had enjoyed lunch in Zapallar, the children had enchanted them all with their innocent conversation and laughter and she had barely thought about Ramon.
Federica hadn’t stopped thinking about Ramon. She missed him. She had wanted him to watch her riding and remembered how he had once built her the prettiest castle in the sand decorated with white petals and shells. When they piled back into the car to drive home for tea she felt her spirits rise with the thought of seeing him again.
Ramon made love to Estella for the second time. She was a delicious feast and there were parts of her he hadn’t yet tasted. Once he had satisfied his lust and his curiosity he pulled her laughing and protesting into the shower where they reluctantly allowed the water to wash away all traces of their adultery. It was only when he towelled himself dry that he looked at his watch. It was late afternoon. They would be back any minute. He told Estella to go and change her uniform that was creased and stained with sweat. She panicked when she saw the state of the room and thought of all the chores left undone that might expose her. But Ramon wandered out onto the terrace where he sat in the sunshine, picked up his father’s book and began to read with a contented expression softening his rugged face.
Estella ran into her room where she hastily tied her hair in a plait, changed her uniform and patted her skin with cologne. She then set about making up the rooms without further delay. She hadn’t time to dwell on the sweetness of
the afternoon, the languor of their lovemaking or the passion that had made everything else seem unimportant and dispensable. When she heard the voices of the children as the door in the hallway was thrown open she gasped because they would be expecting tea and she hadn’t even begun to make it.
‘Papa, I rode a pony all by myself!’ Federica cried, rushing to her father’s side. He was in a good humour and pulled her onto his knee.
‘All by yourself, you clever monkey,’ he exclaimed and chuckled, kissing her hot cheek.
‘Hal rode too, but Mama had to lead him, he�
��s still too small to ride by himself. Abuelito looked after my box. He guarded it all afternoon,’ she said proudly, placing it on the table.
‘I hope you don’t forget it one of these days,’ he said.
‘Papa! I will never lose this box,’ she replied, astounded that he would even, for one minute, think she could mislay her most important possession.
‘Fede rode all by herself,' said Mariana, fanning herself as she wandered slowly onto the terrace.
‘You look exhausted, Mama.’ He smiled fondly at her.
‘I am, Ramon. It’s been hot and tiring. But it was lovely. We missed you, mi amor.1 She sank into an easy chair.
‘Well, it’s been very quiet here,’ he said, yawning. ‘I’ve done nothing all afternoon but read Papa’s book. It’s rather good.’
‘Me alegro.’ She sighed. ‘I’m glad you had a nice time.’
‘How about you and me go for a swim this evening before bedtime?’ suggested Ramon to Federica, suddenly wanting to make up for not having joined her for lunch.
‘Yes please, Papa,’ she enthused. ‘Abuelito can look after my box again,’ she said and watched him come out into the sunshine in his crooked panama hat. ‘Can’t you, Abuelito?’
‘What’s that, Fede?’ he replied, opening his eyes wide, pretending to look startled. Federica giggled; she loved it when her grandfather pulled faces.
‘You can look after my box while I’m swimming with Papa in the sea,’ she said.
‘Careful the crocodiles don’t eat you,’ he said humorously.
‘There are no crocodiles in the sea, silly!’ she laughed.
Estella emerged with a heavy tray of tea, cake and biscuits. Ramon helped
her unload it onto the table. Their eyes met and there passed between them the silent bond of complicity. She looked the same as she had that morning except the corners of her mouth curled up with satisfaction in spite of her efforts to dissemble.
‘I think Estella has a lover in the village.' Mariana commented once the maid had retreated back into the house.
‘Dios, Mariana, what does it matter?’ said Ignacio, slicing the cake.
‘Oh, it doesn’t matter, Nacho, I’m just rather curious as to who it is,’ she replied, taking a cup and saucer and handing it to Helena who emerged with Hal from the dark sitting room.
‘What makes you think she’s got a lover, Mama?’ Ramon asked, amused.
‘Because she glows. It’s a woman thing. I can sense it in her step and in her eyes.’
‘You perceptive old devil,’ he laughed. Helena sat down next to Federica and lit a cigarette. The sight of her husband made her feel uneasy.
‘I might be old, mi amor, but I’m not a devil,’ Mariana replied, her pale grey eyes smiling at her son affectionately.
‘So what if she has a lover,’ said Ignacio, shrugging his shoulders.
‘Who’s got a lover?’ Helena asked, handing Hal a piece of cake.
‘Estella.’
‘I agree,’ she replied. ‘It’s a woman thing, as Mariana says. It’s in her eyes.’
Ramon laughed heartily. ‘Good girl. No wonder she looks well. She looks satisfied,’ he said with pride.
‘Well, if he’s compromised her I hope he marries her. Some men aren’t as honourable as they should be,’ said Mariana sternly. ‘Poor girl, I hope she knows what she’s doing.’
Ramon chewed on the cake. ‘Good, isn’t it, Fede?’ he said, smiling down at her. She grinned up at him and nodded. Mariana watched her granddaughter and noticed that she never took her eyes off her father. She loved her mother too. Helena was a good mother. But there was a very special bond between Ramon and his daughter. She was saddened that he had to rush off and leave her all the time. She watched the child’s adoring face and felt pity for her.
Chapter 7
The next few weeks were hot and languorous. Mariana took time to enjoy her small grandchildren and give Helena a break from domesticity. She noticed that her daughter-in-law was often tense and unhappy, usually when she was with her husband, for then she smoked twice as many cigarettes as usual. She also noticed, however, that she was constantly watching him. When she spoke it was for his benefit and when he didn’t react she would go silent as if intent on forcing a reaction. At times Ramon barely acknowledged her presence. But Mariana refused to believe that their marriage was disintegrating and put it down to the natural estrangement bred during their long months apart.
Federica and Hal played on the beach, dipped in the cold sea and entertained themselves drawing pictures and showing them to their proud grandparents and parents who applauded them and loved them, making them feel cherished and secure.
Ignacio watched his son with increasing gloom. He disguised his pessimism behind the face of a clown that he put on for his grandchildren to play the fool. But inside he knew that unless his son settled down and looked after his family properly, Helena really would leave him. He wondered whether that would mean she would leave Chile altogether. It would break their hearts if she took her precious children to England. They would grow up on another shore, with other grandparents and forget their Chilean family. It would be all Ramon’s fault. He was selfish and irresponsible. That marriage had been doomed right from the start.
Ramon’s liaisons with Estella were snatched whenever they were able to steal some time alone together. She would creep into his room in the middle of the night when moonlight bathed the bed in silver and the scents of jasmine and eucalyptus rose up on the heat to wrap them in their heady perfume. They would make love in the secrecy of the small hours when the rest of the house were far away in their private worlds of dreams. At first Estella had captured Ramon’s curiosity and desire; she never even hoped to capture his heart. But little by little, in those magic moments when they lay together separated only by their skin, Ramon felt a strange power within her that ensnared him and refused to let him go. He missed her when he played the husband and father during the day and longed for the languid nights when she would appear to
love him again. He saw her face whenever he closed his eyes and felt her presence long before she entered the room. Her unique scent of roses clung to his nostrils and reminded him of their passion and their tenderness and he longed to carry her away with him.
Christmas came and went. His two brothers, Felipe and Ricardo, joined them with their wives and children, so that Federica and Hal had their small cousins to play with and the house disintegrated into a large playroom with toys scattered over the floors and laughter echoing through the rooms. It was only after they had left that Ramon and Helena sat down with Mariana and Ignacio to inform them of their plans.
‘We’re separating,’ Ramon announced flatly, staring at the floor so that he didn’t have to suffer his mother’s disappointment. There followed a heavy pause during which Mariana’s eyes welled with tears and Ignacio rubbed his chin trying to think of something to say. Helena had lit a cigarette and smoked it nervously, hoping that they wouldn’t see her as the villain of the plot.
Finally, Ignacio spoke. ‘When are you going to tell the children?’ he asked.
‘Do you have to tell the children?’ Mariana choked, wiping her eyes. ‘They’ll be so hurt, especially Federica. Can’t you just go on the way you are? You barely see each other as it is.’
‘Helena wants to take them back to England,’ said Ramon accusingly. Helena stiffened.
‘To England?’ Mariana gasped. She felt winded, as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She tried to breathe regularly but her breaths were short and shallow.
‘I feared the worst,’ said Ignacio.
‘All the way to England?’ Mariana repeated sadly, dropping her shoulders in defeat. ‘We won’t see them grow up,’ she whispered.
‘I can’t go on like this,’ Helena stammered, apologetically. ‘I want to start again.’
‘But why England, it’s so far away?’ said Mariana helplessly.
‘Only to you. To me it’s home. To me Chile is the ot
her side of the world. We’ll come and visit and you can come and see us. Ramon will, won’t you, Ramon? You said you would,’ she replied quickly.
‘Yes, I will.’
‘You can’t desert your children, son. You spend half your life in faraway
places, England won’t be much out of your way,’ said Ignacio gruffly.
‘I don’t want to hurt the children. But I’m unhappy and they feel it,’ Helena explained weakly. ‘Ramon isn’t at home to be a proper husband and help me raise them, I can’t do it on my own. I’ve had enough of this kind of life.’
‘But doesn’t it worry you how the children are going to take it? Especially Fede, she’s so sensitive. She’ll be devastated. I just have to watch her gazing up at her father with that adoring face to know that this will break her little heart,’ Mariana sobbed, taking Ignacio’s hand for support.
Helena felt wounded; Federica loved her mother too. ‘I know. I’ve thought about that. But they’re young. I can’t live my life for my children. I have to think about me too,’ said Helena, taking a long drag with a shaking hand. She wanted to add ‘because no one else is going to’.
‘Ramon, can’t you try? Can’t you stick around at least for a few months and give it another try?’ Ignacio suggested. But he knew his powers of persuasion weren’t as strong as they once might have been.
‘No,’ Ramon replied emphatically, shaking his head. ‘It won’t work. Helena and I no longer love each other. If we stay together we’ll end up hating each other.’
Helena swallowed hard and blinked back her emotion. He had said earlier that he loved her.
‘So this is it, then?’ said Mariana sadly, lowering her head.
‘This is it,’ Helena replied, sighing heavily.
‘So when will you go?’ Ignacio asked bleakly.
Ramon looked at Helena. Helena shrugged and shook her head. ‘I don’t know yet. I suppose it will take a while to pack up our things. I’ll have to tell my parents. We’ll have to tell the children. I suppose we’ll leave as soon as we’re able to,’ she replied, then began to bite her nails with impatience. She wanted to leave right away.
The Butterfly Box Page 8