by S. B. Niccum
“No,” he said flatly. “Good grades, maybe, but not this. Not valedictorian and five scholarships. You wouldn’t have started a charity and given six ladies a purpose to their lonely lives. I would have monopolized all your spare time; we would have spent every evening on the phone planning our next weekend.
“It would have been fun—no—heaven, but what if you didn’t get a scholarship? What then? How would you have paid for college? Would you have let me pay for you? I would, I can; I have a trust fund you know.”
I shook my head humbly. I would have never let him pay for my school.
“So you could have gotten a job, and saved up,” he continued with a pleading tone, “but would have had to put college on the back-burner and that was your dream! Eventually this could have become a source of bitterness between us. I didn’t want that.”
His logic was perfect, and wise beyond his years. I looked up at him, now understanding his point. He slid his hand under my chin and with his thumb he stroked my lips. “Then there’s this … This would have been another problem altogether. This would have made us both fail out of school. I guarantee it!” He mumbled as his lips brushed against mine.
“Yeah, right!”
“Oh, you doubt me? You don’t think this is distracting in the least?” He trailed his fingertips down my neck, my shoulders, then and my arm until he entwined his fingers with mine. This simple and gentle gesture sent my heart racing, and my breathing into irregular gasps. I tried to resist the urge to kiss him, but without my permission, my lips parted and my arms wrapped tightly around his neck. To drive his point home he pressed me against his jeep, giving me no option but to give in—not that I objected in the least.
I never thought of a kiss as a means of communication, but I found that this kiss was just that. It spoke of frustration and desire—pent up passion that was just now finding a release—like when you shake a pop bottle and you finally open up the cap. These feelings were now gushing out like fizz, and our kiss spoke of that. My mind reeled with scenes of his face, flashes of him and his smile, all things that I’ve never seen in real life—scenes that must have happened in my dreams or … somewhere else; some place hazy and ethereal.
Then his words made a whole lot of sense. He was right. If this passion had been unleashed a moment too soon, it would have consumed us both. Now was the right time for us, now we could move forward.
“So do you still blame me?” he asked sheepishly as he pulled back a bit, giving me time to catch my breath.
“Blame you?” I felt dazed, drunk with adrenaline. Looking at him was like heaven, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life looking at him. “Blame you for caring enough to let me grow up?”
“Yeah,” he smiled.
“No. But if you ever—” He didn’t let me finish, and I forgot what I was about to say the moment his lips touched mine again.
Chapter 14
From graduation, Alex drove us to the local marina, where we boarded a sailboat.
“Is it the Odysseus?” I asked as he helped me into it. He froze mid stride, then gently lowered me in.
“The Odysseus? How do you know about the Odysseus?” he asked with suspicion. Just then I realized what I had done. I had gotten dreams and reality mixed up! I knew this would happen one day! I bit my lip and closed my eyes, hoping that the boat would swallow me whole. His eyes were huge and looked questioningly back at me.
“The Odysseus is moored in Galveston, it’s my grandfather’s boat,” he said cautiously while his mind processed what I had just asked.
“Oh…then maybe that’s where I heard about it?”
“No, we didn’t talk about the Odysseus at my grandfather’s house that night.” His turquoise eyes burrowed into mine. I swallowed hard, and remembered the dreams, several really, where we sailed in the open ocean on board the Odysseus. Then I remembered the picture that Dorian drew for me. The house, with the sailboat docked in front, bearing the same name. …Could this be? Did he really have a boat named The Odysseus? I thought I had used that name in my dreams, because of the picture. So if the boat was real … then …
“Tess, honestly, how do you know?” he insisted with intensity, but I was petrified and mortified all at the same time. Part of me was trying to make sense of the fact that I had gotten the name right, and the other part of me was hoping to forget all about it.
“I don’t know,” I lied. I needed time to think through this. He stared at me still, chewing the inside of his cheek while I bit my lower lip. We were at a standstill. Someone had to make the next move, and it sure wasn’t going to be me.
He nodded slowly and backed away. He looked disappointed, which was interesting. “Why?” I asked, now curious myself at his behavior.
While untying ropes and pushing us off the marina, he seemed to mull the simple question over. He drove us in silence out of the no-wake zone, then killed the motor and unfurled the main sail. “What if I told you that I’ve been dreaming of you for the past three years?” he said as he tightened some ropes. “What if I told you that the dreams I’ve had of you were so real, that—”
“—That they made you unsure of what reality is?” I finished.
“Yeah,” he replied, and peered into my eyes. “In my dreams, I’ve taken you on board the Odysseus to all the islands and places I’ve been. We’ve even gone deep sea diving—”
“—Without any diving equipment?” I completed his sentence again. We stared at each other wordlessly for a few moments, then he rushed to grab hold of the tiller, to avoid some oncoming boats. Once we were safely going in the right direction, he waved me over to him. I sat next to him, looking out toward the water. It was amazing to think that we were still in the same town where I grew up. Being out here felt like a different world. And being here with the actual physical version of Alex was downright mind-boggling. I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. He had made his move, now it was my turn.
“I’ve had those dreams too,” I finally confessed. Alex nodded and placed his free hand over mine, then slowly started tangling his fingers with mine. This reminded me of that time at the art gallery, how this simple touch sent shivers up and down my frame—they did so again. We made no sound for a long time; we just sailed, only the wind and the water splashing against the sides of the boat broke the silence. My mind, however, was far from silent; it was in fact, filled with anxiety, excitement and eagerness. A million thoughts crowded in there all at once. Could this be? Could those dreams have been real? No. They couldn’t have been real, but they could have been shared—couldn’t they?
“How’s Celeste?”
“I’ve banned her, she was driving me nuts,” I said with a laugh, and then realized too late to what I had just admitted. I turned my head and looked horrified into his eyes. His face wore a smirk from ear to ear, but his expression of “got’ya,” was too much for me. I turned my head and buried it in my hands.
Instantly he pulled my hands down and drew me to him. “So, it’s true. It’s all true.”
I nodded, admitting to it all. It might as well come out; eventually he would have had to know. Better to have it out now, before I got too involved. Before I fell too deeply in love with him…. Ha! Who was I fooling? I already loved him too much. How could this get any worse?
“Here I was all this time thinking I was crazy for fantasizing and obsessing about you. I thought I was mental!”
I looked up at him through blurry eyes from crying. “You thought you were mental?”
He nodded. “Of course. At least now I know that we’re both mental! If I end up being committed to a hospital, I’ll just make sure they put us in the same wing.” I laughed, releasing all the tension that I had been holding inside.
“What—what about … Celeste?” I asked wanting redemption from that bit of craziness too.
“She’s the one Dorian drew right? Your Guardian Angel?”
I nodded.
“I saw her,” he stated, and I remembered that th
e last time I shared a dream with Alex; I had seen that flash of light. At the time I thought I was just dreaming and getting my wires crossed, but now…this was new.
“Great! Add something else to the paranormal list!” I exclaimed. “You actually saw her face?”
He nodded. “She didn’t look very happy with me.”
“But how?” I wondered. This was getting complicated; even now I started to doubt weather I was really here with Alex or dreaming again.
“So … it’s true then? What you told me that night?”
I exhaled and nodded.
“You can hear her?”
I nodded again. He pursed up his lips and mirrored my motion.
“So… what now?”
He flashed a smile that quickly faded into a more serious look. “I see dead people.”
I shoved him and he laughed. “Well…I did. Didn’t I?” His look was something between consternation and elation.
“I talk to dead people,” I offered sympathetically.
“Well, it’s weird … but I think I like it. Who wants to be normal anyway?” He stretched his hand and, grabbing mine, pulled me toward him. And a shadow passed over his face as he did so.
“What, what is it?”
He didn’t answer; instead he turned me around and pulled me tightly against his torso. I burrowed my back into his chest and looked out as we sailed toward a secluded cove.
“You know, I’ve only seen the ocean through your eyes.” I mentioned after some time.
“I guess that’s right.”
“How do you think that works?”
“The dreams?”
I nodded and he shook his head. “Who knows how anything like that works? Look at Dorian, how does he do what he does? How does my mom know that certain things are going to happen before they actually do?
“My dad says that we only use about 10 % of our brains, so what’s the rest of it for? What if these special abilities are simply parts of the brain that go unused in most people? Maybe we’re just … more evolved.”
“I like that,” I said absentmindedly. “More evolved. Sounds better than crazy.”
We had now reached an inlet and Alex released me to go let the anchor down. “Katie left a swim suit for you to wear down in the cabin. You can go change if you’d like,” he suggested as he pulled his shirt off and tossed it casually on the seat.
I tried not to ogle, but I’m afraid that I did. He got crow’s feet on his eyes when he smiled and I liked those too, almost as much as his dimples. I hurried down into the cabin, because my face was burning red and the moment I stepped back up, it was Alex’s turn to ogle.
Katie had good taste, her swimsuit was a simple yet classy, white tankini with black trim, but I was only used to wearing Speedos, so after shifting my weight uncomfortably for a few minutes, I dove overboard. The water was just a few degrees cooler than the outside temperature, but it was refreshing enough. When I came up for air, Alex was tying a knot around a huge inner tube that he threw in before jumping in himself.
He deliberately floated up right in front of me and shook his head to one side, flicking water from his hair in my face. This action on his part provoked a water fight of sorts that inevitably ended with my hands pulled behind my back and his face inches from mine. I felt a greedy sense of entitlement come over me, so I freed my arms from his grasp and wrapped them around his neck. The last thing I saw was a smile stealing across his face, before our lips touched.
A kiss is worth a thousand words, they say. Well … they’re right. Like the first kiss, this second kiss was filled with passion, but yet different. The other kiss was meant to prove a point, this one made it. But then, something interesting happened, the kiss slowed down until it became soft and it spoke of understanding, acceptance, and tenderness. Next it became deep, revealing our true feelings—feelings that we had for each other, but had never uttered out loud before. It spoke of a deep rooted bond that we knew existed, not just because of the recent dreams we had shared, but because of something much, much older, something inexplicably ancient. And it also spoke of a promise, that this would certainly not be the last kiss, but the first of many more yet to come. Our lips moved apart at the same moment; this kiss had summed up almost all we had to say—all but one thing.
“I love you,” we both breathed out at the same time. Neither one of us was surprised to hear those words fall from the other's lips. There were no other explanations needed, and nothing else to add. It was a simple fact, and it had to be stated.
Alex reached for the rope that held the tube without taking his eyes off of me. He wore a crooked smile as he did this, and once he had the tube in his hands he jumped up onto it and extended his hand for me to take. He sat me across his lap and I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his chest. We stayed like this for some time; he stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head, while I drank in every ounce of this moment.
“Oh … look at them Max!” Celeste said enviously as Tess and Alex indulged in a kiss.
“Celeste … we should go,” Max whispered.
But Celeste didn’t budge. She missed those days so much.
“Celeste, this is private. How would you have liked it if they had watched us … ” Max encouraged, but Celeste was not moving. “Come on, honey. It’s bordering on haunting.” Celeste was enthralled now, and jealousy started to creep inside her.
“Celeste!” Max yelled.
A sound, a voice, sent chills through my veins and made me jump. I knew what that voice was. I looked around me with alarm. Was Celeste watching us? If she weren’t already dead, I would have killed her!
Celeste startled and realized what she had done, so, letting out a breathless sigh, she started her ascent. Max chuckled and put an arm around her. “I miss it too, mi amor.”And together they rose up.
“What’s wrong” Alex looked perplexed. “Look at you, you have goose bumps.”
“Celeste … ” So she hadn’t gone away, she was just keeping quiet! This, in a way, was somewhat reassuring, because deep inside I didn’t want to lose her … that nosy little ghost!
Alex rubbed my arms, “Celeste? Is she here? Was she … watching us?” he looked a bit spooked.
“I think so,” I said looking around me and straining my ears.
“You know, she didn’t look that happy with me the last time I saw her. She did tell me to keep my hands off you.”
“Oh … just ignore her! I do.”
“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having a Guardian Angel?”
We had towed ourselves back to the boat and Alex pulled out a cooler filled with food and cold drinks. He proceeded to spread a blanket on the bow of the ship and set up a cozy little lunch for us. We ate in silence for a while; I would have considered it a comfortable silence, except for the fact that I could feel a weird vibe coming from Alex. I found this to be perplexing, seeing how we had aired out all the weird stuff already.
“Tess, I have to tell you something,” he finally said, once he swallowed a bite of food. “Remember how I told you, in that one dream, that I wanted to join the Navy?” I nodded. “Well … I did.” I nodded again, slowly now, and braced myself.
“That’s what I’ve been doing this last year.”
“I thought you were in school?”
“I was! I did both.”
I stared at him blankly, not sure of what the problem was here; then it dawned on me. I started to shake my head and a look of pure misery crossed his face.
“I’m sorry,” he said with an anguished look on his face. “I—I didn’t know that I’d be deployed so soon.”
Tears now filled the rims of my eyes, promising to spill over any second. “When? Where?” I gasped.
Alex closed his eyes and looked down. “I have to report to a base in Fort Worth early tomorrow … and I can’t tell you where I’m going.”
Chapter 15
To say that I lost it, would be a total understatement; but I didn’t completely fa
ll apart either—I was going to save that for tomorrow morning. But cry I did, until my cheeks burned from the sun and the salty tears.
“I promise that we’ll be together every minute of every hour until I have to leave. We’ll stay up all night, which gives us thirteen hours. That’s … ” he calculated in his head, “seven-hundred-eighty minutes.” I looked at him, swallowing a sob. He was right; we had to make every minute count. There was no way to change things; my tears would not change anything. I had to pull myself together and enjoy this day … somehow.
“Just one more question, before we make this subject taboo,” I asked as I tried to compose myself. He smiled weakly and nodded. “How long will you be gone?”
“A year,” he stated and I nodded, swallowing another wave of grief.
After that, I made no more mention of his impending departure, no comment about the fact that our nation was at war and that he would be going into harm’s way. I simply tried to live in the here and now, and so did he.
We took a few more bites of food, then we laid on the bow and, with interlaced fingers, talked, and talked, and talked; just like we had in our dreams. Only this time I could feel his warmth and his touch. If I could have suspended time, I would have frozen us in this moment forever. There were moments when I wanted to pinch myself, just to make sure this was really happening, that I was really opening my heart and soul to the real Alex, and that he was opening up his soul to me.
He was a deep thinker, and he asked me some of the oddest questions, things I hadn’t really thought about much—like what’s the purpose of life, and why are some people born with disabilities? Why can some people pick up an instrument and learn how to use it without instruction, or why did some others have special gifts, like sharing dreams?
Then he told me that he wondered and worried that he was deficient in some way, because he had no defining quality, or gift like I did, or like his sister and mother, or his father who clearly was a gifted psychiatrist. He even thought his grandfather was a gifted soldier, a master strategist, but who was he? What was his gift, his calling?