by E. L. Todd
She pulled him into a hug. “Thank you, sweetie.”
He hugged her then pulled away. “How are you?”
“I’m doing great. I’m very blessed that I have such a wonderful niece to help me out.”
Paul smiled at Alexandra. “Yeah, she’s pretty great.”
Alexandra sighed then came back to the front of the house.
“Although, I wish she’d come home with me,” Paul said.
“That makes two of us,” Martha said. “Alexandra is too smart to be growing cotton and taking English classes.”
“Can you two stop ganging up on me?” Alexandra asked.
Aunt Martha ignored her. “Are you staying with us, Paul?”
Alexandra tensed.
“I’m just taking Alexandra out to dinner.”
“Oh,” Martha said. She looked at Alexandra then back at Paul. “I’m guessing my niece didn’t give you my invitation?”
“Invitation?” Paul asked.
Martha sighed. “Come stay with us, dear. You shouldn’t be staying at a cheap motel, blowing your money.”
He smiled. “I would love to.”
Alexandra didn’t like the sound of that.
“Good,” Martha said. “Get your stuff and come back. You’ll always have a home cooked meal, none of that fast food garbage.”
“I do like your cooking,” he said politely.
“Such a suck up,” Alexandra mumbled.
Paul looked at her. “What was that, baby?”
“Nothing…”
“Well, you two have fun.” Martha walked back into the house.
Paul walked toward her with a triumphant smile on his face. “I miss sleeping with you.”
“I have my own bedroom. You get the couch.” She got back into the passenger seat and shut the door. He sat in the driver’s seat a moment later then left the property.
“Two can fit on the couch,” he said.
She stared out the window.
“Why did this invitation take so long to get to me?”
“Because I don’t want you to stay with us. Aunt Martha is just too polite.”
“Aunt Martha says exactly how things are,” Paul said. “If I weren’t welcome, she would make that very clear, and probably with a gun.” He turned to her and watched her. “And why don’t you want me to stay?”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You know why.”
He pulled into the parking lot then turned off the engine. He grabbed her hand and held it, running his fingers across the knuckles. “I would never do something you weren’t comfortable with. We dated for a year before we finally had sex. I can be as patient as you want.”
She let him hold her hand.
“But if you are that uncomfortable, I won’t stay.”
“Really?” she whispered.
He nodded. “I admit it would be nice to save forty bucks a day and not eat out for every single meal, but you’re more important than that.”
She looked at him. “You would do that?”
“Baby, you know I would do anything for you.”
She sighed. “You can stay with us.”
He smiled. “Thank you, roomie.”
She glared at him.
He laughed. “It was just a joke.”
“Promise me you won’t do anything.”
His face turned serious. “I promise I won’t do anything unless it’s crystal clear you want me to do something.”
“Thank you.”
“But what’s the big deal if something did happen?” He stared at her face. “I think you’re more worried about yourself than me.”
Alexandra looked away.
“That’s what I thought.”
They walked into the restaurant and took their seat by the window. Paul stared at her like he usually did, his eyes lingering on her. He glanced at her lips every few minutes. He was never discreet about his gaze. He would blatantly stare at her and not give a shit if she noticed.
His gaze was so intense, she looked away. “How’s your family?”
“They’re good. Boring as usual.”
“And work?”
He shrugged. “It sucks working with your dad.”
“Was he pissed when you left?”
“Not really. I told him I had an internship.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Why would you lie?”
“What else would I have said?”
“Did you tell them we broke up?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because we aren’t broken up,” he said firmly.
“I’m getting really sick of hearing this,” she said with a sigh.
“Excuse me?”
“Nevermind,” she said quickly. “I just can’t believe you didn’t tell them the truth.”
“Why would I break my mother’s heart for no reason? She would beat the shit out of me if she knew I lost you.”
Alexandra hated thinking about his family. They were the nicest people she ever met. “I miss them.”
“They miss you too.”
They were silent until the waitress came over and took their order. After she left, it was silent again. Paul reached across the table and held her hand.
“I miss this,” he whispered.
“What?”
“Just touching you. I loved feeling your back against my chest while we slept. Even months later, I still can’t sleep without you.”
Her eyes softened. “Paul…”
He kissed her hand then returned it to the table. They stared at each but remained silent. His hand felt warm next to her, acting as a personal heater. He still wore the gray shirt he had that morning. Alexandra glanced at his chest a few times.
After their food was brought, they ate quietly. It was the first time Alexandra didn’t feel nervous around Paul. It felt normal again. He still held the napkin tight in his palm while he ate. He still had perfect table manners, eating like a guy who came from money.
When the bill came, Alexandra grabbed it.
Paul snatched it away. “I’m not doing the check dance with you ever.”
“Let me pay my half.”
He laughed. “My girl doesn’t pay for shit.”
“Paul, I’m not your girl.”
“Stop saying that,” he snapped. “You don’t sound convincing at all.”
She sighed. “I told you I needed time.”
“And I’m giving you that.”
“No you aren’t.”
“Yes, I am. If not, I would have dragged you back to New York by the hair. You’re lucky I’m such a gentleman.”
“Gentleman?” she said with a laugh.
“That’s right.” He stood up then pulled her from the seat. He held her hand as they walked outside and got back into his car. They drove back to his motel to gather his things before they returned to her aunt’s house.
“What are you doing this weekend?” he asked.
“The girls want to drag me to a party.”
He nodded. “The girls and Gabe?”
She rolled her eyes. “Leave him alone.”
“What?” he snapped. “He seemed pretty fucking pissed when he realized I was your boyfriend.”
“You’re not my boyfriend! And he was mad because we just talked about it.”
“Talked about what, exactly?”
“I told him I wasn’t in the right place to be in another relationship, and that was my polite way of letting him down easy. But then he said he didn’t have feeling for me so I felt like a conceited asshole.”
“Well, he clearly does.”
“I think he was just upset I lied to him.”
“I don’t,” he snapped.
When they parked outside, they carried all his belongings inside and piled it in the living room. Alexandra pulled out an extra blanket and pillow and laid it out for him on the couch. When she was done, Paul was standing in his boxers. The muscles of his chest and stomach were prevalent even in the darkness. The tattoo dow
n his ribs was noticeable, the blank ink contrasting against his pale skin. His hips were thin and his boxers hung low. His legs were thin but defined. Paul ran every morning and it showed. She swallowed the lump in her throat while she stared at him.
He came closer to her then stopped when he was a few inches from her. He grabbed her hand brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. Then he placed it on his chest, knowing she loved feeling it. Against her will, her fingers moved across the skin. His put his hands on her hips and pressed his face closer to her. His warm breath fell on her face, making her heart race. Emotions coursed through her like electricity. Before her hormones took over her thoughts, she stepped back and walked into her room, the image of his chest ingrained in her mind.
Chapter Nine
Alexandra woke up early the next morning so she could tend to the fields. When she entered the living room, Paul was still asleep on the couch. The blanket was bunched around his waist, revealing his chest. She stared at his side, looking at the lyric quotes that were inked onto his skin. His chest rose and fell at a steady rate. When Paul was asleep, he always looked so peaceful. She tore her gaze away and walked outside.
When she reached the field, she stopped and stared at the wide expanse of land. It stretched for miles. Whenever she was in the fields, she thought of Blaise. They hadn’t spoken in almost a week. He called her excessively, and left so many voicemails that her phone stopped functioning. She didn’t listen to any of them. His story was always the same. The longer she spent time with Paul, the more she realized she didn’t belong with Blaise. If he could hurt her so much, he obviously wasn’t the right man for her. Paul hurt her when he kissed that other girl, but it wasn’t the same. She couldn’t explain why.
After she finished her chores, she walked into the warehouse and sat in the loft for a long time. She pulled her knees to her chest and felt a few tears fall. She hated crying over Blaise. Enough time had passed. She needed to just forget about him and move on. And Alexandra had no one to blame but herself. She was the one who decided to take a chance and sleep with him when she only knew him for a month. It was a very stupid decision.
The worst part was not having anyone to talk to. Paul was always there for her, but this was a subject that couldn’t be breached. Just because Paul hurt her didn’t mean she wanted to hurt him in return.
When the pain overcame her, she took out her phone and stared at a picture she and Blaise took in the back of his truck when they were at the creek. Her weakness overcame her, and she called him.
“Alexandra?” Blaise’s voice was frantic. “I’m so fucking glad you called me. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a damn week.”
She sniffed, feeling her heart convulse at the sound of his voice.
“Alexandra, is everything okay?”
“Please stop talking,” she whispered.
He said nothing.
She took a deep breath. “Could we please not talk about us or our relationship—any of that?” She wiped her tears on her shirt.
Blaise paused for a long moment. “What did you want to talk about?”
“I don’t know…”
“Well…I’m in California right now.”
“What?” She wondered if she heard him right.
“There was a catastrophe at my cotton field. I’m trying to save my plants from pesticide poisoning. There are a few experts here.”
“Oh my god,” she said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No,” he said simply. “I’m taking care of it. But thanks for the offer.”
“I can’t believe that…”
“Yeah.”
They were silent.
Blaise cleared his throat. “Why did you call me?”
She twirled a piece of hay in her fingers. “I—I just miss you.”
“God, I miss you too. Alex—”
“Please don’t go there.”
He sighed. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay,” she said quietly.
“How’s Martha?”
“About the same.”
Blaise sighed. “Is anything new going on?”
She immediately thought of Paul, the ex-boyfriend that was sleeping on her couch. “No…”
“Has Gabe been bothering you?”
“No.”
“Let me know if he does,” Blaise said darkly. “I’ll snap his neck instantly.”
“That won’t be necessary.” She looked through the gaps in the wood of the building.
“Are you in the loft?”
His words made her eyes water again. “Yeah.”
“Can we talk when I get back? There’s something I need to tell you.”
She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. “No. There’s nothing to say.”
“Then why did you call me?”
She said nothing.
“Please see me when I get back. That isn’t a request.”
“I don’t know…”
“I’ll see you when I return. Thank you for calling me.” He fidgeted with the phone. “And pick up when I call. Did you listen to my voicemails?”
“No.”
“Please listen to them.”
“I already deleted them.”
He sighed. “I’ll tell you in person, then.”
“Bye.”
“Alexandra.”
She flinched.
“I love you.”
Alexandra stayed on the line but didn’t speak. The words would only make the break up a million times harder. It was already a stupid decision to call him. “Bye.” She hung up.
She dropped the phone on the hay next to her. His words still echoed in her mind. She needed to let him go. They were over.
“Baby?”
Alexandra stilled when she recognized Paul’s voice. Quickly, she wiped her tears away then looked over the ledge. “I’m up here.”
He looked up. When he saw her face, his eyes softened. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she lied.
He stared at her for a moment then climbed up the ladder. When he reached the landing, he sat beside her. “You can’t lie to me.”
She didn’t look at him.
Paul placed his hand on the back of her neck and rubbed her gently. When his fingers touched the strands that fell over her shoulder, her arms shivered. “Talk to me, baby.”
“I’m fine,” she said quietly.
He pressed his face close to hers. “Why won’t you tell me?”
She sighed. “You don’t want to hear about it.”
Paul dropped his hand. “I told you I want to know everything that bothers you, especially things that make you cry. Now tell me.”
She shook her head. “I hate hurting you.”
“You can’t hurt me more than you already have.”
“I wouldn’t want to hear about you and that other girl.”
He cupped her cheek and turned her gaze to him. “Well, you and I are different.” He pressed his lips to her forehead and held them there for a long time. “Now tell me.”
Alexandra took a deep breath. “I miss him. And I hate it.”
His features were fixed in place. He didn’t react in any way. “It’s normal to miss someone you care about.”
“But I shouldn’t care about him…”
“We all make mistakes,” Paul said gently. “Don’t let yourself carry that weight forever.”
“When we—were together—I thought it meant something. Now I feel like I’m just another chain around his belt, another trophy for his wall. He says he loved me, that he still does, but how could he? I just feel so stupid for falling or him.”
Paul looked away and stared at the hay below his feet, saying nothing for a long time. It didn’t seem like he would utter a word. “What happened with him?”
“I already told you.”
“In detail.”
Alexandra sighed. “Everything was perfect between us. Then I found out he was still living with his girlfri
end, who was carrying his child at one point. My friends told me everything….even his brother said they were still together.”
“That’s sound evidence,” he said simply.
“But he says nothing happened, that she only lives with him for a special circumstance.”
“And what was the circumstance?”
“He said he couldn’t tell me.”
He shook his head. “Whenever I hear about this guy I want to shove my fist through a wall.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“No,” he said quickly. “I’m just mad someone hurt you so much. He clearly used you, baby. I’m sorry to be so blunt about it, but that’s exactly what he did. He got his dick wet then left when you found out the truth.”
Her heart ached. “Then why do I believe him…at least a part of me?”
“It’s wishful thinking.” He turned to her. “Alexandra, I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m not just saying that. I would much rather come back and win you back from a guy who treated you right. And with me, you’d never have to worry about that. You can trust me to always be honest with you, to always love you.”
“But you cheated on me…”
“And I explained why. I was drunk and depressed. Nothing happened anyway. It wasn’t like I slept with her or even had feelings for her. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you.” He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips. “Come home with me.”
She stared into his eyes, seeing the blue irises shine.
“I’ll never hurt you again, baby. You have my word.”
“I—I don’t know.”
“Why?”
She pulled her hand away. “I’m just so confused.”
“What’s there to be confused about?” he snapped. “This guy doesn’t love you. He never loved you. I’m the man who made love to you every night for a year, the man who was your best friend through everything, the man who’s family you’ve already met, the man that will marry you right now if you agreed.” Her breathing increased as she listened to him. “Baby, I’ll wait forever for you because I’m the reason you ran away. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t fucked up. I realize that you wouldn’t have slept with him if I hadn’t caused it. But don’t waste any more time on this guy. You belong with me. It’s always been me.”
“It’s not just that…”
He sighed. “We’ll figure out what to do about Martha so we can go home.”