by E. L. Todd
Paul leaned in and kissed her on the lips gently. The contact was brief but it was enough to knock the wind out of her. She didn’t think they should be kissing, but if she wanted to move on from Blaise, she needed to start being serious with Paul.
“You guys are totally in love,” Lisa said.
“So stop telling us he isn’t your boyfriend,” Hannah said.
Paul rubbed his nose against hers. “Tell them, baby.”
“He is my boyfriend.”
They both clapped happily.
“And don’t you forget it,” Paul said as he glared at Gabe.
Gabe kept his mouth shut.
Alexandra rested her hand on his thigh just like she used to when they were together. The act was so automatic she didn’t even think about it. Every once in a while, Paul would lean in and kiss her forehead. Her friends continued their conversation but she kept paying attention to Paul, loving the way he smelled.
“Yuck,” Lisa said.
“What?” Alexandra said.
“It’s my disgusting future brother-in-law.”
Alexandra felt her heart rate increase. When she looked over, she saw Blaise standing there, looking at her with nothing but pain in his eyes. A man stood next to him and he was talking, but Blaise clearly wasn’t listening. He looked broken and shattered, like nothing in the world mattered to him anymore.
“Paul, stop touching me,” she whispered.
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t want Blaise to see.”
“Well, that’s too damn bad.”
“Paul…”
“Am I your boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Then I do whatever I want.”
“You don’t need to be cold,” she said.
“I’m not. I’m just changing my lifestyle for him.”
“Why do you even care?” Lisa said. “It’s not like he cares about you.”
Alexandra didn’t think that was true. “I should go.”
“No,” Paul said. “He can deal with it.”
“I think Blaise solved your problem,” Gabe said. It was the first time he spoke all night.
“Why?” Alexandra said.
Gabe nodded toward the door. “Because he already left.”
Chapter Twenty Six
Now that Blaise had hit rock bottom he had nowhere to go. So he went to the only place he thought he could find some comfort.
After he placed the flowers on the grave, he sat down and stared at the tombstone. His parents were buried together, his mother on top of his father. He thought it was what they would have wanted.
Blaise tried not to let the tears surface. He had to be stronger than that. But it was getting more difficult as the hours passed. And seeing Alexandra with Paul, looking happy, nearly made his heart give out. Without her, he was nothing. Without her, he was empty. But what made all of this unbearable was the fact that he hadn’t done a single thing wrong.
He never touched Danielle, and he never loved her. He was Alexandra’s, had always been hers. The knowledge only made him feel a million times worse. If it were anyone else, he would just dismiss her and move on. He was slightly angry that Alexandra didn’t believe him. She should have enough trust in him to know he was being manipulated. If he was smart, he would just forget about her. But he couldn’t do that. Even if he wanted to, it wasn’t an option.
Blaise didn’t believe in soul mates, that there was one perfect person for everyone on this earth. He didn’t believe a single person could understand him so well, be his closest friend, and excite him sexually in such profound ways. Alexandra was the only one. But because of her, he started to believe in fate. If there was one special person for everyone, she was his. Not Paul’s, despite what he may think.
He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do…” Alexandra clearly didn’t want to see him anymore, and if she didn’t want to be around him, there was nothing he could do to win her back. And Danielle was absolutely no help at all. “Dad, help me. Please help me.” He covered his face with his hands.
His father was his biggest role model. He always treated his mom like a goddess, but retained his authority at the same time. Even in the most stressful situations, he knew exactly what to do. And he always handled everything so well. He didn’t even break a sweat.
Blaise had almost ruined his family business, had emancipated the only family he had left, and he lost the woman he loved. He was pathetic, and in his heart he knew both of his parents would be ashamed of him. He wasn’t worthy of their name. He wasn’t a worthy son.
When he felt a tear fall, he took a deep breath and controlled his emotion. Crying wouldn’t change anything. He had to be stronger than that.
“I love you, Mom and Dad.” He stood up then walked back to his truck. Kane was staring at him, a sad look on his face. He always seemed to know when Blaise was suffering. “You can’t help me, boy.”
The dog whined.
“I miss her too,” he said sadly.
Blaise left the cemetery and drove to Danielle’s house on the other side of town. When he pulled into the driveway, he saw the light on in her bedroom. The rest of the house looked dark. Her parents were probably already asleep.
He left the car and approached her window. After he tapped on the glass lightly, she pulled back the curtain and flinched when she saw him. Danielle opened the window then leaned out.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered.
Blaise’s emotions were out of control. He was on the edge of a breakdown, about to snap at any moment. He ran his fingers through his hair so he wouldn’t smash her window with his fist. “Please help me…”
She stared at him, her face completely stoic.
“Please,” he repeated.
Danielle shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
He took a deep breath. “So since you can’t be happy, then I can’t be happy?”
“You belong with me.”
“Fuck no, I don’t.”
“Shh,” she whispered.
He clenched his fists by his sides. “Danielle, she’s the woman I want for the rest of my life, the only one. Nothing you do will win me back. You may as well help me.”
She averted her gaze.
“After everything I’ve done for you….I can’t believe this is what I get.”
Danielle rested her hand on the window.
Blaise felt the anger break through. He glared at her, wanting her to suffer more than any person ever should. He wanted to rip her head off then stick it on a flagpole. He wanted to cause her as much pain as possible. The treatment he was receiving wasn’t fair. It was cold and wrong. “I’ve never met anyone more evil in my life.”
“I’m not evil,” she whispered.
He stopped his hand from breaking her window. “I hope he kills you.” Blaise turned around and walked back to his truck, the darkness settling on his shoulders. After he got inside, he peeled out of the driveway and hauled ass to his house in the country.
Kane jumped out of the tailgate when they arrived, and Blaise stumbled into the house until he pulled a beer out of the refrigerator. After he downed it, he smashed the bottle against the wall then grabbed another.
He turned on the shower then stepped inside, fully clothed. The warm water was splashing into his bottle, but he drank the beer anyway, tasting the diluted beverage. The tears he felt didn’t fall, but they burned behind his eyes. He stared at the drain for a long time before he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.
Chapter Twenty Seven
After Alexandra got off work, she stopped by Rob’s to grab dinner. She didn’t feel like cooking dinner and she knew Martha wasn’t up for it either. Paul didn’t know the difference between a spatula and a whisk. Unless he was making pancakes, he was a lost cause.
After she ordered her food at the bar, she took a seat and looked at her phone. She hadn’t spoken to Blaise since she saw him a few days ago. He looked shattered at the sight of her and Paul. Just thinking about it made
her want to cry. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, even though that’s all he ever did to her.
“Hi…”
She saw Gabe standing next to her. “Oh. Hi.”
He sat next to her. “Is it okay if I sit here?”
“It looks like it doesn’t matter.”
He sighed. “I’ll go if you want.”
“I have to call Paul every time I’m around you.”
“Oh,” he said. “That seems a bit…excessive.”
“It was either that or he would tell everyone what you did,” she said in an angry tone.
Gabe nodded. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell Lisa and Hannah.”
“I don’t want you to get a label you can’t get rid of.”
He stared at the surface of the wood for a moment. “You’re the greatest person I’ve ever known, Alex. I don’t deserve such compassion.”
Alexandra looked over the counter and waited for her food.
“I understand why he doesn’t want you to be alone with me,” he whispered. “But that would never happen again.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I don’t trust you.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“You should go,” she whispered.
He nodded. “I hope someday we can be friends again.”
“I don’t think so.”
His eyes darkened. “Okay.”
“And if I told Blaise, you wouldn’t be alive right now. If you should thank me for anything, it should be for that.”
“Then why hasn’t Paul killed me?”
“I can control Paul…I can’t say the same about Blaise.”
He nodded. “Well, have a good night, Alex.”
“Yeah…”
Gabe left her side and exited the restaurant. When he was gone, she felt immediately better. Her guard was constantly up when he was around. It didn’t matter if they were in a public place. The trauma from that night still haunted her.
After she paid for her food, she drove home. The lights on the porch were on, and the dogs were lying in their beds, enjoying the cool evening. When she walked inside, no one was in the kitchen or the living room.
“Hello?” she asked.
There was no answer.
She walked into her bedroom and saw Paul pacing the room. His arms were crossed over his chest and his eyes were wide. The sound of his heavy breathing was heard even feet away.
Alexandra immediately felt worried. “Paul, what’s wrong?”
He stopped in place then looked at her. By the look of surprise on his face, it was clear he hadn’t heard her come home. “Alex.”
She stepped toward him. “Are you okay?”
He took a deep breath. “My dad had a heart attack.”
Alexandra felt her heart fall in her stomach. Time froze for a moment as the sudden shock washed over her like an unexpected wave. “Oh my god…is he okay?”
Paul covered her face. “They had to take him to emergency surgery. That’s all I know.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. “I’m so sorry.”
He held her tightly. “I’ve never been so scared in my life…”
Alexandra rubbed his back and felt the tears form in her eyes. She wanted to tell him it would be okay, but she had no idea if it would be.
He pulled away then blinked quickly, hiding his tears. “I want to stay here with you but I can’t. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“I completely understand.”
“I’m trying to finish packing. My flight leaves tomorrow.” He turned to his suitcase and started to throw everything inside.
Alexandra grabbed her bag from the closet then shoved her belongings inside.
Paul stopped and stared at her. “Baby, what are you doing?”
“I’m coming with you.”
His eyes softened. “You are?”
“Of course,” she said quickly. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I—I just wasn’t expecting that. Who will take care of the fields?”
“I’m sure Blaise will help Martha out.”
He nodded.
“When does the flight leave?”
“The earliest one is in the morning.”
She sighed. “There’s nothing sooner?”
Paul shook his head. He pushed his bag aside then sat on the bed. The quick rate of his breathing showed his obvious despair and stress. Alexandra hated to watch it. She sat beside him then grabbed his hand.
Nothing was said for a long time.
“I can’t lose him…”
“I know,” she whispered.
“He’s…he’s everything to me.”
She kissed the corner of his eye, feeling the moisture on her lips.
He took a deep breath then squeezed her hand. “You don’t have to come with me.”
“Paul, there’s no where else I’d rather be.”
Paul nodded. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” She rubbed his back. “I got some dinner. Are you hungry?”
“No,” he whispered.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yeah.”
“What?” she asked.
“Sleep with me.”
“Okay.”
He pulled his clothes off then got into bed. He stared at the ceiling but said nothing. It wasn’t that late but Alexandra didn’t mention it. Martha would probably wonder what they were doing, but that didn’t matter right now.
Paul pulled her to his chest and rested his head next to hers. The tears didn’t fall, but Alexandra knew how upset he was. The sound of his quick breathing, and the feel of his sporadic heartbeat conveyed everything he didn’t express. Alexandra wished she could fix it.
After she ran her fingers through his hair and down his chest, he finally closed his eyes. Within an hour, he fell asleep. Alexandra stared at his peaceful face for a long time. Paul’s father was a great man, sweet and noble. The idea of him being in pain was just as difficult for Alexandra. And she knew how close Paul was to his father.
She finally fell asleep, but she didn’t dream of Paul or his family. Her thoughts wandered back to Blaise, the person she always dreamt about. But they weren’t good dreams. Blaise was with Danielle, living together in his country house. They had a child together. The image made tears burn under her eyes.
The next morning, they packed everything and shoved it into the back of her truck.
Martha hugged Paul. “I’m sorry, honey.”
“I know,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
“If you need anything, let me know.”
He nodded.
She pulled away and looked at Alexandra. “How long will you be gone?”
“Uh…I don’t know.”
Martha stared at her then nodded slowly. “You don’t have to come back at all, dear.”
“No, I’ll return.”
Martha sighed. “I hope your decision changes.”
Paul grabbed her hand. “We need to go, baby.”
“Okay.” She hugged Martha before they walked out the front door.
When she saw Blaise’s truck outside, her heart fell. This was the last thing she needed. He was standing in front of her truck, his arms across his chest.
Paul glared at him, and his muscles immediately tensed.
Alexandra reached him first. “Blaise, this is not a good time.” When she looked at his face, she could tell something had changed. His eyes were more hollow and empty than they’d ever been. She could see his heart convulse deep within, damaged and wounded.
“Alexandra, I can’t live without you. You don’t belong with him. I can’t prove my innocence to you, but I can keep fighting for you. I won’t give up.”
Paul stepped forward. “I’ve been really fucking patient and understanding about this whole situation, but that mercy is gone. She already picked me, asshole. Not you. Now leave her the hell alone.”
Alexandra put her hand on his chest and pushe
d him back slightly. “Paul, let me handle this.”
“No, now he’s just harassing you.”
Blaise glared at him. “I’m not the one who cheated on her. You’re a worthless piece of shit.”
Paul stepped toward him but Alexandra moved in the way. “Stop,” she commanded him.
He released a deep breath from his lungs. The veins in his forehead pulsed.
“Step back,” she said. “Let me handle this.”
Paul retreated a few feet away.
Alexandra turned to Blaise. “Please go. This isn’t a good time.”
Blaise eyed the suitcases. “What’s going on? Are you going back to New York?” His voice carried a twinge of panic. “You weren’t going to fucking tell me?”
“Keep your voice down,” she said gently. “Paul’s dad had a heart attack. He’s really on edge right now. Please don’t make him more upset.”
“You think I give a shit about how he feels?”
“Blaise.”
He sighed. “Are you coming back?”
“Yes. I just don’t know when. But it’s none of your business. I said I didn’t want to see you anymore. I meant it.”
He stared at her. “I can’t stand aside and let you choose him.”
Alexandra tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ve already made my decision, Blaise. I’m sorry.”
“But it’s the wrong one,” he snapped. “I did nothing wrong.”
Alexandra stopped her tears from falling. “I can’t have this conversation over and over…”
“Then be with me and save yourself some time.”
“Blaise, you need to leave.”
His blinked quickly, hiding his forming tears. “I can’t…I can’t stand this. My life is totally ruined. All I do is think about you. I’m totally disabled. I’m lost…confused. You’re the one, Alexandra. I—I don’t know what to do.”
“Blaise, I hate hurting you. Believe me, it hurts me as much as it hurts you.”
“It doesn’t seem like it,” he said bitterly.
“I can’t count the number of times Paul held me because I was sobbing over you.”
Blaise stepped closer to her, his face inches from hers. “Then let me hold you.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “You keep giving me the same argument, but it isn’t enough. I already said that. And if you’re never going to give me that proof, then I need to move on. And that’s what I’m doing.”