“She’s right,” Ipod agreed. “It’s okay, A.J. You can do this.” He took off down the hall. “Later,” he called over his shoulder.
“You’ve never gotten yanked back to Oz from school,” Lex said. “It’s not going to happen the one day you wear regular clothes. You’re gonna be fine.”
“Yeah, well, how about the fact that I bolted from the room like a lunatic the last time I was there, totally violating rules six and seven. The whole class thinks I’m a nut case.”
“They’ve always thought you were a nut case,” Lex said. “That’s nothing new. Just concentrate on walking to your desk and sitting down. Nothing else exists. That’s all you have to do.”
“Yeah, well…”
“And besides, no matter what they thought before, I’ll tell you what they’re going to be thinking now. The guys are going to be thinking ‘Whoa, who’s the hot, new girl?’ The girls are going to be thinking ‘damn, she hid all that under that hideous hoodie?’ And I’m going to be thinking ‘eat your heart out, all of you, because my best friend looks freaking amazing.’”
I stared at my books and ignored the looks coming our way as we walked down the crowded hallway. It was hard. Although not as hard as it would be naked. I was momentarily yanked back to my daydream from Saturday. The comparison did make my present situation a little easier, but I was still nervous about fourth period.
“He’s here,” I whispered as we walked into homeroom. “I’ve been feeling him since we reached the grounds, but it’s even stronger now. He must be in the building.”
“So how’s the static?”
“Gone,” I said.
“Creepy crawlies?”
“They’re gone too.”
“You can’t argue with that.”
“Yeah, well…” I couldn’t. It was really nice not having my nervous system assaulted. But I was letting my guard down. I couldn’t believe I’d let the Bratz Doll get a reaction out of me, even if it was just a smirk.
“I like him, A.J,” Lex whispered, dropping into her seat. “I’m still cautious, but Ipod and I think he’s for real. We’ll take it slow. So chill, okay?”
I nodded and sat down. The last few days had been wonderful, and it was great having full use of my brain here at school. But I was apprehensive about too much change or too much good. It hit my pleasure/pain paranoia button—the one where if things got too nice, it meant that something bad was going to happen to balance it out…to take away the good and punish you for hoping.
Fate couldn’t be trusted. Fate was a bully who got off on slapping you down, if you stuck your neck out by wanting something, or called attention to yourself by being too happy. And after this weekend and in my new outfit, I felt exposed and vulnerable. I was totally violating the code. It made me anxious.
The first two periods passed slowly, but I got through them better than I had imagined I would. I even managed to smile and say thank you to a couple of comments about my appearance. It wasn’t that I was overwhelmingly shy or anything. I’d just adhered to the code for so long; I didn’t know how to be outside of it. I was an actor playing a part and I’d played it for years. I tried to imagine myself from their eyes…freak one day and the next just a girl. I mean, what did they think was under the stupid hoodie?
My third period teacher looked at me with confusion as I walked in the room and headed for my seat. He said “Hello Autumn,” slowly and looked like he was going to comment. But apparently, he thought better of it and let me pass without directing attention my way.
I appreciated that and gave him a faint smile. It was my first non-Lex class and I was really anxious. I wondered where Lex hid my real glasses and considered making a break after class to grab the backup hoodie I had stashed in my locker. But when class ended, Lex was waiting for me, leaning against the wall opposite the door. She knew me well. I wondered how she’d gotten out early, but I didn’t ask. I followed her to fourth period, feeling him grow stronger as we got closer to the classroom. My heart sped up and my legs got wobbly.
“Hold on,” I said, grabbing Lex outside the door.
She waited patiently, but the bell was about to ring, and we had to move. She pulled down my hood and fluffed out my hair. I immediately pulled the hood back up again. She rolled her eyes, but left it alone.
“I need something,” I pleaded.
It hit me hard as we walked in the door, but I was prepared this time and able to absorb it or let it flow past me. I don’t know how I did it exactly. It felt so amazing, it was hard as heck not to just sink into it, drop to the floor, and let it wash over me. But there was a classroom of people staring at me—including him—people who were probably just waiting for me to do something weird. I had to hold it together. I locked my eyes onto Lex’s back, and somehow, I just kept walking.
Lex turned and gave me a little push as we reached our seats. I changed focus to my book bag and whirled around, facing the front of the room. I felt his power pulsing a few feet away. A long leg stuck out into the isle. It had to be his.
“Hey, Lex.” His voice was low, smooth, and sexy.
I felt my face flush.
“Constantine,” answered Lex. She gave me a shove and I dropped into my seat.
“Is this—” he began, but the bell rang.
“Tomar un trozo de papel para un examen sorpresa,” Senora Ortega ordered immediately.
A pop quiz. The test wasn’t hard but concentration was. After about ten minutes, I was able to dampen down my euphoria—at least enough to keep from floating out of my chair—and finish, before the teacher collected the papers. When she got to me, she stopped. She peered down at me intently, and said, “Autumn?”
I looked up at her and begged her with my eyes not to call attention to me. She looked at my paper, and I guess she recognized my handwriting. She nodded and moved on. I let out a breath.
I heard a guy a few rows over whisper, “Who’s the hot, new girl?” under his breath.
I heard a girl’s voice answer, “That’s no new girl. That’s A.J. Jones.”
“No way!”
“Way. She walked in with Lex. That’s her seat. It’s her.”
“No shit!” the guy’s voice said again. “Who’d a thunk?”
That seemed to start a conversation on the other side of the room. Perfect. I blushed and pulled my skimpy hood down as far as it would go. I brought my elbows onto the desk, so I could put my hands up to hide the sides of my face.
Senora Ortega launched into the lesson, and I stared at my notebook, counting the metal spirals that held it together. There were thirty-four of them. I counted them over and over: one, two, three, four...
I heard a piece of paper rip behind me. When the teacher turned to write on the board, Lex poked me in the back. I wasn’t about to turn around and she knew it. So I reached over my shoulder to palm the note I knew would be there. It was short.
Yeah, right, like I was even going to look at him, much less smile. Thinking of those eyes focused on me made me all quivery inside. Thanks a lot, Lex. I felt another flush rise up my neck and explode across my cheeks. Leaning down, I let my hair fall out of my skimpy hood to hide it. I missed my real hoodie something fierce. I needed to find a tree and have Lex say something to ground me.
I knew I had to meet him—I wanted to meet him. But this was too much, too fast. There was no question, at that point, about the origin of the energy I’d been feeling lately. It was definitely him. I didn’t really know what to make of it, what to make of him, and mostly what to make of my reaction to him. I sat there, analyzing, daydreaming, and wondering at the quality of his energy. I began to relax into the soothing harmony.
That was a mistake.
Suddenly I shivered, and the tingle began to creep over me, the one I get pre-jump.
Oh, no…no, no, no…
That wasn’t supposed to happen! My first instinct was to bolt…no…too visible. I caught my breath. A bathroom pass? How long would that take? I certainly didn’t want
to vanish on my way to the door. Besides, I was scared to move, as if movement might accelerate it.
The tingle got stronger.
The way it felt, I knew I wouldn’t make it out of the room. I laid my head on my arms in defeat—my worst nightmare was seconds away.
I knew I should have kept the hoodie.
After I escaped the flies, I wandered the central hallway, hoping to run in to her. Once again, luck was not on my side. I sprinted to homeroom and dropped into my seat just as the bell rang. I tried not to let it get to me. It was reassuring that I could feel her out there somewhere. She’d be in room 217, fourth period. I just needed to be patient.
I really sucked at being patient.
I looked for her every class change and caught just one glimpse of her from afar down a long, crowded hallway. She was out of disguise, which was curious. I wondered what had changed. She looked incredible. Every guy she passed stared as she walked by.
Stay away from her. She’s mine, I thought as I headed in that direction. But before I could get even remotely close, she must have ducked into a classroom. I didn’t see her again all morning. I could feel her, though, off in the distance.
Finally, fourth period came. The class was half-full when I got there. I grabbed the seat I had the day she bolted from the room. There was no avoiding it now, I told myself. My time had come.
Sitting at my desk, I sent my feelers out. I felt her approach, energy growing second by second. I realized I was so stoked that I was grinning like a lunatic. I shook my hands to loosen up and wiped the stupid grin off my face. The last thing I wanted to do was to scare her again. I opened a notebook and tried to look casual. It wasn’t easy.
As before, they walked in the door with seconds to spare. She looked amazing and she felt even better. I could tell she was focused on dealing with the energy…hers, mine. Who knew? She followed Lex to their seats, avoiding eye contact.
Lex spoke my name and nodded, but A.J. dropped into her seat, completely ignoring me. I said “hi” to Lex, but before I could introduce myself to A.J., the bell rang. Then the teacher dropped a pop quiz on us—foiled again. At least I was close enough to reach out and touch her, which I didn’t do, of course. I just spent the entire period watching her and basking in her energy.
She barely moved.
During class, I rehearsed opening lines and ran through all kinds of future, hoped-for scenarios. She sat totally still, facing front. A few minutes before class was up, Lex nudged her, and she reached back and palmed a note. She opened it inside her book, but I was too far away to read it. Whatever was on the note sparked something, because her energy spiked immediately.
I really wanted to read that note.
She pulled her arms up to the side of her face and bent her head down. A lock of auburn corn silk tumbled out, first one, and then another, and then a cascade. She let a wall of hair fall around her. As her hair fell, I detected a faint scent of jasmine.
Nice.
I was just sitting there, tripping on the scent of her hair; when suddenly, her energy became erratic. It began to build…first slowly and then escalating with a sensation I knew all too well. I felt a moment of panic. No way could she be jumping! There wasn’t a tree here. Surely I must be mistaken. You can’t just—it got stronger. Holy shit, she was on the verge—tree or no!
Not good.
I felt her struggle to rein it in, contain it, but she didn’t know how. The energy wavered and then began to grow again. I felt her panic deep in my gut, and I—this was no time to argue protocol.
I leaned forward and focused, reaching out my own power, laying a blanket of calm over her. I held it steady. The surge halted and in seconds began to retreat, slowly fading out of the danger zone. Once I was certain she was stabilized, I let my own power pull back slowly. As for the shock of realizing that she could jump without a tree…too complicated to contemplate in Spanish. But she was ready, no doubt about it.
She remained steady through the last few minutes of class. The second the bell rang, she jumped up and rushed from the room.
Lex grinned and shrugged. “Whatcha gonna do?” she said as she gathered up her books.
I beat Lex out the door. I didn’t care what it took. I was going to meet A.J. right then, no matter what. She hurried down the hallway, hugging the wall, clutching her stuff in front of her like a bag of groceries. I called her name but got no response. Totally determined, I whirled around in front of her, so she had to stop, or she would have run into me. Which I wouldn’t have minded.
“A.J.? Hi, I’m Constantine,” I said in what I hoped was a nonthreatening voice.
She stopped and stood motionless, staring straight ahead at my shirt. I could tell she was focusing hard on containing her power. Every cell in my body screamed out to touch her. She was so soft and delicate. I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that I had all the answers. I could show her how to handle her power. I could tell her what she was. I could be the one who was there for her.
I was close enough to breathe her in—jasmine and the air after a heavy rain. I inhaled slowly, letting her scent saturate me. Her energy wrapped around me and mingled with my own. In the midst of hallway chaos, time stopped. Our energies mixed and whirled, cutting us off from everything else. The frenzied world of Boulder High streamed around us—unnoticed and unimportant.
She closed her eyes, and I knew she was taking me in too. At least I hoped she was.
Then I just couldn’t help it, my hand floated up to her cheek completely on its own. Carefully, gently, I ran my fingers down to her chin and slowly lifted her face. Her skin was rose petal soft and it glowed with health. Her lips were full and moist and parted ever so slightly as she breathed in and out with ragged breaths. Soft lashes lay long and thick against a face completely bare of all the goop most girls wear. Bare skin was so sexy. I couldn’t help but run my fingers a few inches up her silky cheek.
She sighed and caught her breath.
I burned the moment into my brain’s hard drive.
Her energy began to build again. I let my power flow a little stronger now, helping her contain the surge that lay threatening to burst forth, should she let down her guard for even a moment. She had amazing control for someone with no training. Power, as great as hers, could be tricky. As for how that was happening with no trees near, or what was pushing her to jump, I didn’t have a clue. But I didn’t care about hows or whats or even whens.
I just wanted to be totally and completely now.
I felt her relax a little as my power compensated for hers, giving her control. She was matching my frequency, instinctually. We were in perfect harmony. As for the auditory aspect of it, it was the most beautiful music I’d ever heard.
Her skin was like velvet and I felt it warm at my touch. I said her name, softly, my hand still touching her cheek. She took a breath, bit her bottom lip, and slowly opened her eyes. And when her eyes met mine, I almost passed out. I had to brace my legs just to keep standing.
A jolt of electricity shot between us like lightening. I couldn’t tell if it came from me, or her, or if it was just an explosion of her energy connecting with mine. I didn’t know. I didn’t care. It was like nothing I’d ever felt in my life.
And I…
Suddenly, I was outside of time, experiencing it at a sped-up rate. I saw images like in a dream—tiny pieces of her timeline. Memories, hundreds of them, came swirling around me. I was in a hologram of her experiences.
They say that right before you die your life flashes before you. Only no one was dying, and what was flashing before me was her life. A younger her stood looking in a mirror as her mother bushed her hair. She was climbing a tree. She was hugging the walls at school, trying to be invisible. She was lying in a hammock, reading. She was laughing with Lex and Ipod. One after the other, memories passed through my mind, each containing the feeling she’d experienced at the time. I felt what she felt: her love for her mother, her need to be hidden, and her devotion to her f
riends. I saw who she was.
I saw the very essence of her.
Someone called my name in the distance. I ignored it. I happened again, right next to me.
“Hellooo. Earth to either of you,” Lex said. She waved her hand back and forth in front of our faces.
The power wavered, becoming erratic, unstable. The hologram faded fast into nothing. A.J. jerked reflexively, eyes still locked on mine. She dropped her stuff and it scattered across the hallway floor. Years of training kicked in. I fought for control, sending out a net of containment over both of us.
“Constantine!” This time it was louder, insistent. Damn!
I tore myself away from A.J.’s eyes to look down at Lex. What the…?
Suddenly, the cacophony of class change hit me—I was in the frickin hallway at school, for Pete’s sake. I stepped back, bumping into someone as I struggled to pull myself together. The link with A.J. snapped like a rubber band.
A.J. wavered as the connection broke, but Lex was right beside her, arm around her, holding her up.
“Earth to A.J.,” she said, giving her a little shake. “We need to bounce.”
A.J. blinked and gave Lex a look of confusion.
You okay?” Lex asked, grinning up at me.
I was too stunned to answer. I think I just stood there. I couldn’t stop watching A.J. Her hair had fallen into her beautiful, amber eyes. I desperately wanted to reach out and push that lock of hair behind her ear. I almost did, but then—
“Can you get that?” Lex asked, pointing to A.J.’s stuff.
Speechless, I picked up the books and bag and handed them over. Lex grabbed them with her free arm.
“Let’s go, A.J.,” she said, pulling her down the hallway.
Lex called something back to me, but I couldn’t understand the words. Or if I did, I don’t remember. I was still in a daze. Right before they rounded the corner, A.J. glanced back over her shoulder. Her eyes were huge and they locked on to mine one last time. I think I laughed out loud with the thrill of it.
I didn’t know about A.J., but I’d just been in her world. I was in awe. After something like that, all I could do was stand there, smiling. Which I did until a girl, with serious tattoos and heavy metal, shoved me out of the way.
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