Sam shrugged. ‘I do understand.’
Fiona frowned at her. ‘But you don’t know anything.’
‘I know that you’re a good person and that you’d always try to do the best for your children. And that you wouldn’t mean to hurt anyone.’
Fiona nodded slowly, her eyes glassy. ‘I just feel so guilty. Gavin has stayed home with the kids all these years, he’s made all the sacrifices . . . It wouldn’t be fair to him . . .’
‘Do you love this other man?’
Fiona shrugged. ‘I think so. We can’t take it any further at the moment, regardless. He’s married, his children are quite small, much younger than mine. But we can talk, we have so much in common. And it’s passionate.’
‘That doesn’t last,’ said Sam, hating herself for being such a cynic.
‘I know. And I’m not sure that I’m prepared to give up my family life.’
‘But on the other hand, if the marriage is dead . . .’
‘What are you saying, Sam?’
Liz came out of the bathroom, propping herself against the wall near to them.
‘I don’t think you should stay if you’re unhappy.’
Fiona and Liz both looked at her, startled.
‘You’ve come a long way, baby,’ Liz remarked.
Max appeared at the end of the hall. ‘What’s everyone doing standing around here?’ she said. ‘The wine’s poured, but I couldn’t find a platter in the fridge, Sam.’
‘I haven’t made one up yet,’ she sighed. ‘I’ve got all the stuff though.’
They regrouped in the kitchen. Sam opened the fridge and passed out containers of olives and packets of cheese. There were boxes of crackers and chips already on the bench. They started picking from the containers, slicing off hunks of cheese with a steak knife, eating crackers straight out of the packet.
‘This is not very elegant,’ Sam remarked.
‘Still tastes the same,’ said Max. She picked up her glass. ‘Cheers everyone.’
They all murmured ‘Cheers’ and sipped from their glasses.
‘Sam,’ said Fiona after a while, ‘you were saying that I shouldn’t stay if I’m unhappy . . .’
‘Whoa,’ said Max. ‘What have we missed?’
‘I was just telling Fiona that she’s got to work out whether her marriage is worth saving. I don’t know that mine was.’
They all stared at her.
‘If Jeff hadn’t had the affair, we probably would have lived out our lives together, grown old as two bitter, resentful people, barely able to speak a civil word to each other.’
‘So you think it was a good thing that Jeff had an affair?’ Rosemary asked, perplexed.
‘Not exactly. The right thing would have been to come to me and tell me he was unhappy, long before he ever had the affair. But then again, if we could have talked like that, he might not have been so unhappy.’
‘Am I hearing you right, you’re not blaming yourself?’ said Max.
‘No!’ she insisted. ‘Jeff had the affair. But we were both to blame about the state of the marriage. We’d stopped talking, stopped sharing what was important to us. We were walking along paths that were slowly moving apart and we didn’t even realise until we couldn’t reach each other any more.’ She sighed. ‘It’s sad, especially for the kids. No matter how well we try to get along separated, they’d still rather we were all together.’
‘That’s what’s stopping me,’ said Fiona. ‘I want to give the girls a normal life.’
‘What’s normal?’ said Rosemary. ‘I stayed because I thought it was the right thing to do. Now the boys are getting a dose of living with their father without me around as a buffer. You know what Brendan said to me the other day?’
Everyone shook their heads, waiting.
‘“How did you put up with him for so long, Mum?”’
‘Still,’ Fiona sighed, ‘they’re a lot older than my girls.’
‘I know,’ Rosemary nodded. ‘No one can tell you what’s right for you. You’re the one who has to live with whatever decision you make.’
‘Have you ever regretted leaving, Rose?’ Liz asked.
‘Not for one minute of one day,’ she said plainly. ‘That doesn’t mean I’m deliriously happy all the time. I’m often lonely, and I’d like to meet someone, but I’m trying to be patient about it. There’s plenty of sex out there, but not a lot of commitment.’
‘So what are you going to do?’
She grinned wickedly. ‘I’ll just enjoy the sex for now.’
Everyone burst into laughter, dispersing the grey cloud that had settled on the group.
‘When do you start your new job, Sam?’ asked Liz, changing the subject.
‘You’ve got a new job?’ said Fiona. ‘It feels like you only just started the other one.’
‘I’ve been with Wife for Hire more than a year now. But I’m not giving it up entirely. I’m keeping a few clients, like Ted Dempsey. I still see him every week.’
‘What about that handsome American?’ asked Liz. ‘What was his name? Hal?’
‘He hasn’t been a client for quite a while.’ Sam glanced at Max, expecting some smart comment, but she didn’t make one. She probably knew by now that Sam wouldn’t tolerate mention of Hal. She had tried to talk to her about him after their drive up the coast together, but Sam had cut her off. Max probably thought she was being hard, but she didn’t realise how painful it was.
‘And what happened to the nice woman who was married to that dickhead?’ Max asked, thankfully moving the conversation along. ‘She used to give you all those great clothes.’
‘Oh, Vanessa and Dominic? They separated actually. She’s home in Armidale at the moment, her parents have a property there. I think Dominic’s still hoping they can sort it out. I don’t like his chances though.’
‘So what’s the new job?’ asked Fiona.
‘Well, I don’t know what to call myself exactly. I’m going to work, part-time at first, for an event management firm.’
‘Wow! That’s fantastic, Sam. And by the way, you can call yourself an events co-ordinator,’ Fiona added.
Sam looked at her dubiously. ‘Oh, I think entry-level, general dogsbody is the best I can hope for, for now.’
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself,’ Fiona insisted. ‘If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. And you certainly have the skills.’
Sam looked at the mess on the bench. ‘Hmm. I think they’re going to need some honing.’
‘Now’s about the time that I usually grab her head and hit it against a wall,’ said Max drily.
‘There’d be a lot of weekend and night work, wouldn’t there?’ asked Rosemary. ‘How are you going to manage with the kids?’
Sam nodded. ‘I’ve talked it over with Jeff. He’s actually hoping to cut down his hours at work, perhaps even change jobs so he’ll have more time with the baby.’
‘What baby?’ everyone but Max shrieked at once.
‘Oh, that’s right, you wouldn’t know of course. Jeff and his partner are having a baby.’
‘Good grief. How did that happen?’ asked Rosemary, wide-eyed.
‘The usual way, I suppose,’ Sam dismissed. ‘Anyway, he’s happy to be more involved, do some of the ferrying around after school, that kind of thing.’
‘You’re very lucky things are so amicable between you,’ said Fiona.
‘You wouldn’t have said that a week ago,’ said Max, raising an eyebrow.
Sam pulled a face at her. ‘So, tell the girls all about your boyfriend, Max.’
‘You’ve got a boyfriend?’ said Liz. ‘What, one that’s lasted longer than a fortnight?’
‘Mm. I can’t seem to shake him off.’
‘You mustn’t be trying hard enough this time,’ Sam quipped.
Max looked at her, folding her arms. ‘I’m thinking of cookware, pots and kettles namely. And the colour black.’
‘I’m not following this at all,’ Rose frowned. ‘Is he a chef?’
‘No, he’s a teacher,’ said Sam. ‘She met him at uni, he’s studying to be a school counsellor.’
‘Yes,’ Max sighed. ‘It’s true. Despite all my efforts to the contrary, I’ve ended up with the straightest guy on the planet.’
‘So it’s serious?’ said Liz.
‘Yeah, way too much a lot of the time, I keep telling him he needs to lighten up.’
‘He’s absolutely lovely,’ Sam told them. ‘He treats her like a queen, makes an absolutely perfect margarita, and he’s great with the kids.’
‘You marry him then,’ Max rolled her eyes.
‘Are you talking about marriage?’ Sam said breathlessly.
‘No, he is. Incessantly. But I told him I can’t possibly marry him.’
‘Why not?’
‘His name is Dan Watson.’
‘So, he has a bland name. That’s not really a good enough reason, Max.’
‘Think about it, Sherlock. You and I would be Holmes and Watson. It’s too corny for words, it has to be an omen. A bad one.’
The girls were all laughing.
‘And,’ she continued, ‘you have such a crook sense of humour, Sherl, it’s only a matter of time before you say something really lame like, “Elementary, my dear Watson”. I’m not prepared to take that chance.’
‘Well, I think we should drink to Mr Watson,’ said Fiona, picking up the bottle. ‘And wish him luck – he’s going to need it.’
‘Should I be offended?’ Max asked suspiciously.
‘Not at all,’ Fiona assured her, refilling her glass. Liz covered hers with her hand.
‘I’m fine.’
‘You’ve hardly touched your glass,’ said Sam. ‘Are you on medication or something?’
‘No,’ she shrugged. ‘I’m driving.’
‘And you haven’t been outside for a cigarette,’ said Rosemary.
‘What’s going on, Liz?’
She gazed around at the group, a slight serene smile on her lips. She looked like the Mona Lisa.
‘I’m pregnant,’ she said simply.
Everyone’s jaw dropped at the same time as though they’d rehearsed it.
‘At first I didn’t know what to think.’ Her voice was quiet and steady. ‘I was scared. I’m too old, Will’s going to be sixteen this year, what about my job? But dear Michael,’ she paused, looking dreamy. ‘He acted like he’d just won Lotto. So, I had all the tests, because of my age, and it turns out we’re having a perfect baby girl, and we’re naming her Charlotte.’
They were all stunned, staring at her.
‘So there you have it,’ Liz murmured softly.
Sam sniffed. ‘It’s wonderful. Congratulations,’ she said, crossing the room and throwing her arms around Liz. The others all milled around, taking turns to hug her, blotting tears from their eyes, laughing at their own mawkishness.
‘Let’s drink to all of us,’ Max announced, picking up her glass. ‘To babies, weddings, divorces, the whole catastrophe. At least none of us can say life hasn’t been interesting.’
Ferncourt Primary School
‘You have to be very brave and try not to cry. I know it seems scary, but it’s not really.’
Ellie looked seriously at her mother.
‘I’ll try to remember that,’ said Sam, who was crouched down at eye-level with her daughter. She looked at her, all dressed in her brand new, green-checked uniform, her dark hair pulled back into two pigtails as requested, and tied with green ribbons. The uniform was a good fit, but for some reason uniforms always looked too big on the first day at school.
‘Daddy, I hope you brought a hankie for her, because you know what she’s like.’
Sam smiled, despite the ache in the back of her throat. Jeff crouched down next to her, taking hold of Ellie’s hand.
‘You have a wonderful day, sweetheart,’ he said.
‘I will, Daddy.’ Just then the bell rang. Her eyes lit up. ‘That’s the bell!’ she exclaimed. ‘We can go in now!’
She threw her arms around Jeff’s neck and hugged him tight. Then she turned to Sam.
‘Mummy,’ she admonished, touching Sam’s forehead. ‘You’ve got a sadline. You have to be happy.’
Sam put on a smile that she hoped looked happy, while she struggled to keep the tears at bay. But as she hugged her baby daughter, who was not a baby at all but a big schoolgirl, she finally lost the struggle. Tears filled her eyes and she was frightened to blink in case they streamed down her cheeks.
Ellie stepped back to look at her mother’s face and shook her head. ‘I knew it,’ she said, her hands on her hips.
Sam sniffed, carefully blotting under her eyes with the corner of a tissue. She couldn’t speak though, she didn’t trust herself. She stood up next to Jeff.
‘I have to go now. Take care of her, Daddy.’
‘I will.’
Sam steeled herself as Ellie lined up with all the other schoolchildren. From behind they looked like rows of backpacks with legs and little heads poking out at the top, wearing oversized hats. The teachers were welcoming them to big school, but Sam tuned out. She had to concentrate on holding herself together. She took a deep breath in and out, and then she felt Jeff’s hand interlocking with hers and holding tight. She glanced at him and he smiled reassuringly.
Finally they got the lines moving. Ellie turned around once as she came to the door of her classroom. Her face was beaming as she waved excitedly at them. They waved back. And then she was gone.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ Sam gulped. They turned and walked smartly across the playground and through the gate. When they were out of sight, she let out a sob. She felt Jeff’s arms close around her and she didn’t resist, leaning against him. Sam realised that she didn’t feel anything, only comforted, like she would if it was Max. Which was something of a relief.
‘Are you alright?’ he said after a while.
She pulled back from him. ‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ she sniffed.
‘It’s okay.’ He watched her dab at her cheeks with a tissue. ‘I don’t remember you being so upset when the other two started.’
‘Well, Josh was all macho and brave. A bit like Ellie, come to think of it,’ she smiled. ‘I was relieved as much as anything. But by the time Jess started, I knew just how much you lose them when they start school. It’s never the same again. They’re out in the world, there are other people who influence them, other people they admire. They have relationships that have nothing to do with you.’ Sam paused, wistful. ‘I was a mess on Jessica’s first day.’
‘I don’t remember,’ Jeff said vaguely.
‘Well, you weren’t around.’
‘I wasn’t?’
Sam shook her head. ‘Jess woke up early and got dressed so that you could see her in her uniform before you went to work. But you didn’t come to the school.’
‘The things I missed,’ he muttered ruefully.
‘Well, you’re going to get to do it all over again,’ Sam reminded him.
He sighed. ‘It frightens the hell out of me. I’ve been spouting all this stuff about wanting the chance to do it differently, now I’m going to get found out for the big fat fraud that I am.’ He paused. ‘It was all you, Sam, you held us together. How am I going to do it?’
‘You’ll be fine,’ she said, linking her arm through his as they walked back to where the cars were parked. There was something she wanted to say to him. ‘Jeff, the other day you said I was a good mother and a good wife, that I did all the right things.’
He nodded.
‘Well, I just want you to know that while I was so busy playing that role, I forgot that I was supposed to be having a relationship.’
Jeff stopped abruptly and stared down at her.
‘I lost myself too,’ Sam continued. ‘And I didn’t even realise it. And maybe I never would have if you hadn’t jolted me out of it.’
He was clearly overcome. ‘Thanks for telling me that, Sam,’ he said softly.
‘My
pleasure,’ she smiled. She walked on towards his car.
‘We did alright, didn’t we?’ Jeff said, following her. ‘They’re good kids.’
‘It’s not over yet,’ said Sam.
‘I guess not.’ He took his keys out of his pocket. ‘Have you got something to keep you busy today? You’re not going to go home and pine for Ellie, are you?’
She shook her head. ‘I have to take a client to the airport, and then I have my first meeting with the events company.’
‘So, the new career takes off?’ he remarked. ‘Go knock ’em dead, Sam.’
She smiled. ‘I’ll do my best.’ She considered him briefly before reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. ‘Bye.’
Jeff stood watching till she got to her car. She opened the door and looked back at him, waving as she climbed in. When she pulled off up the street she saw him in the rear-view mirror, still watching as she drove away.
The International Terminal was not particularly busy, so they didn’t have to line up for long to check in.
‘You don’t have to wait, Samantha,’ said Ted. ‘I’m sure you have other places you could be right now.’
‘Always trying to get rid of me,’ she replied, shaking her head.
She had finally talked Ted into going to London to visit Hugh and his family. The moment he’d shown signs of relenting, Sam had immediately booked a flight and informed Hugh so that he couldn’t change his mind.
‘I thought Andrew told me you were starting today?’ Ted asked her.
Sam nodded. ‘There’s a meeting at one. I have plenty of time. Why don’t we get a cup of tea?’
They sat at a table with a view of the tarmac. ‘I think airports are so exciting,’ said Sam.
‘Have you ever done much travelling, Samantha?’
She shook her head. ‘I had babies instead.’
‘You’re not missing much, let me assure you. The places are wonderful, it’s the actual travelling I’m talking about. Airports and customs and endless queues. And the flights. From Australia, everywhere is a long haul. It takes its toll after a while.’
‘Oh, that reminds me,’ said Sam, digging in her bag. ‘I got you something for the “long haul”. Talking books,’ she explained, passing him a package. ‘Apparently you can ask for a tape player on the plane.’
Wife for Hire Page 49