Magic and Mayhem: Witchin' in the Kitchen (Kindle Worlds Novella)

by Kris Calvert

  “Good morning,” Felix shouted out, now climbing onto the counter.

  “Look Momma, it’s a mouse!”

  “Good morning,” Wanda said expressly to Felix. I watched the exchange unfold and found my heart pounding out of my chest. It was exciting but still daunting to me that all these enchanted beings were out like gay men in the West Village.

  “This is ah…this is Felix.” My throat was dry, but I somehow managed to get the words out.

  “Nice to meet you, Felix,” she said.

  “Hello,” Felix replied. “Everything here is wonderful. I’ve taste tested all of it.”

  “Felix,” I hissed giving him the side eye. I hesitated, trying not to seem rattled by the fact I’d never been in a room with so many enchanted beings at once. I’d spent my entire life hiding with other Witches and Shifters in plain sight with humans. We all knew who was human and who was enchanted, but we didn’t talk about it—we didn’t live openly with it. The fact that they were so comfortable with who they were was new to me. It was something I’d have to get used to—and quick.

  “You don’t have to be afraid of me, Deliveranth,” Bo said, slurring my name through his missing front teeth. “We won’t hurt you.”

  A smile broke out across my face and I felt my shoulders drop in relief. It was the first time in more than a century I didn’t feel as if I needed to be on guard constantly—and yet I knew in the back of my mind I needed to be on guard now more than ever.

  Walking around the bakery counter, I knelt to look Bo in the eye. “I would never hurt you either.”

  The adorable boy flashed me another toothless grin and I nodded to the case filled with treats. “What would you like to try?”

  “What are the brown ones with the purple froth-ting?” he asked.

  “That is a chili chocolate cake with lavender icing. It will help to give you a long life,” I said rising to get one from the bakery case. “It’s good for peace, best wishes and protection. It also tastes yummy and will likely turn your tongue purple.”

  He looked up to his mother. “Okay,” she agreed.

  “Shall I box it up?”

  “Yes,” Wanda replied. “You’ll have to save it for later.”

  “Awww,” Bo sighed.

  “Your momma is right. The cake will taste just as good later today and don’t worry, there will be something new for you to try tomorrow.”

  “How did you know I wath wondering that?” Bo asked.

  I gave him a wink and in turn he offered a giggle.

  “It’s all ready,” Felix shouted from the back counter where he’d tied the pink ribbon tightly around the white box for me.

  “Thanks for stopping in, and it was very nice to meet you Wanda, and you, Master Bo.”

  “You know, I’m part owner of the diner, just across the way. I’d love it if maybe you’d make some desserts for us. I’d need to speak with Jeeves about it.”

  “Jeeves?” I asked, choking on my spit. “Jeeves who belongs to Sassy?”

  “You met Thathy?” Bo asked.

  I nodded. “I gave her a little something to ah…tide her over.”

  Wanda made a funny face that transitioned into a smile. “You don’t need to say another word.”

  “I’d certainly be interested in sending over some treats. We could see how well they’re received at the diner.”

  “Well,” Wanda said, looking behind her at Wes. “We will look forward to that, but for now Bo and I are going to allow you to get back to work.”

  I nodded. “Thank you. It was wonderful to meet you.”

  I was pretty sure I’d already said something to that effect, but I was nervous with Mr. Sexy Salt and Pepper in the room and my mouth continued to spout drivel.

  “Well, well, well,” he said approaching the counter. I dried my nervous and sweaty palms on the sides of my apron and did my best to give him a genuine smile as I came from behind the case to meet him head on. Dressed in a dark suit, his steely eyes were familiar, but somehow different in the light of the new day.

  “The place looks great, Miss Parker. I trust you slept well last night in the apartment.”

  I nodded and found my breath shallow and quick.

  “Dee, I’m just going to go to the back and—you know—do the thing. The special cupcakes will be finished in mere moments.” Hopping from the counter to the stool, Felix shimmied his way down the leg and slipped through the crack I’d left in the swinging door that led to the ovens.

  “Well, aren’t you just like Cinderella with your little mouse helper?”

  “Who? Felix?” I tried to be as casual as possible while doing my best to read into the handsome man. There was no denying I was attracted to him, but just like last night, there was something different about him. Something I couldn’t put my finger on. Physically I found myself drawn to him—dangerously so. But something about him felt wrong to me—dangerously so. Every alarm and Witchy sense I had was on overdrive. My palms began to sweat and my incantation finger was twitchy. With each beat of my heart I did my best to do what I’d been told: listen to my magic. The problem was, it wasn’t my magic that was talking to me; it was the fiddly-bits of my lady cake. Fidgeting in my own skin, I turned in a circle to shake the overwhelming feeling and changed the subject.

  I nodded to the window now filled with fresh glass and a striped lollipop display I’d conjured up late last night. He hadn’t mentioned that I’d fixed the window and I wanted to make sure he noticed. “Did you see the storefront?”

  “Sure, sure,” he said walking into me. “Looks great.”

  Strong pheromones seeped from his body, permeating my very Witch heart and soul.

  “Listen, before anyone else gets a chance to come in and ask you, I’d love to take you to dinner tonight.”

  “Tonight?” I took one step back as he took another forward.

  He nodded, staring through me as if he could read my every thought, although I knew he couldn’t.

  “Well, I should probably—”

  “Here you go!” Felix shouted, breaking our stare as he scooted a tiny white box tied in pink ribbon across the counter. “I wanted to make sure you got today’s special cake, Mr. Links.”

  Wes stared at the box and back to me. “Pick you up at seven?”

  I looked to my feet and back to him before giving Felix a second glance. Nodding his tiny mouse head over and over, I glared at him as Wes slid the bakery box off the counter and into his huge hand.

  I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to him. If I could possibly love again, maybe I should at least try. He did have me all a titter and I’d thought of nothing but him and my impending fate with John Hale since I’d arrived downstairs this morning.

  “Sure.” I gave him a nervous smile and stared at white box. “Just do me a favor, okay?”

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t eat that cupcake until tonight.”

  I could see Felix throw himself on the countertop from the corner of my eye. It wasn’t that I wasn’t willing to take a chance—it was my life at stake and I understood the magnitude of what was happening. But I was falling in love with this godforsaken little town after meeting just a few patrons and my sexy landlord. If I was going to settle down and rid myself of the curse, I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

  He gave me a wink. “Deal.”

  “I’ll see you at seven.”

  I watched him walk all the way out the door before turning to catch the wrath of the mouse.

  “What are you doing, you mammering lily-livered codpiece?” he asked. “Why didn’t you just have him take a bite of the cupcake right here? Right now?” Felix shouted. “Nothing is going to feel that right again.”

  “How would you know what I’m feeling?”

  “Because I’m your farging familiar, Witch. Do I need to get you an instruction manual?”

  “Watch yourself rat, or I’ll throw you in the mixer and you can be part of tomorrow’s cupcake special.”

&
nbsp; Tossing himself onto his back again, he began his diatribe with spectacular drama. “I can sense what you’re sensing. You know. Kinda like Dwayne Johnson.”

  “Who in the name of Hades is Dwayne Johnson?”

  “Dammit girl, how far back in the dark ages are you? He’s a smoking hot wrestler!”

  I shook my head. “Nope.”

  “Turned into a movie star?”

  “Not ringing any bells.”

  “For the love of all that’s Wiccan, he was famous for saying, can you smell what the Rock is cookin’?”

  “Not following…at…all.”

  “Well I can smell what you’re cookin’ girlfriend, and it’s lust—pure lust.”

  “What?”

  “I know you can sense his sensuality because I can feel what’s going on inside you and right now we could both use a cold shower after that because—dayum.”

  “Whatever.”

  “I’m just saying, you should’ve made him take a bite right then and there. Open up that penis flytrap of yours and save us both a lot of time. He’d be madly in love with you and part one of the spell would be broken.”

  I sighed and brushed fake crumbs from the counter. “Maybe. I just wanted a little time to think about it.”

  “Witch please, we don’t have time. What we have is a situation and—.”

  Felix paused and I saw the fear in his eyes. “What is it?”

  “Quick,” he shouted. “Toss me in your pocket and go to the kitchen.”

  “What? Why?”

  He pointed to the front door of the bakery before disappearing into my apron. “It’s Hale. Get out of here!”

  FIVE

  WITHOUT THINKING, I threw open the swinging door that led in to the kitchen and pulled Felix from my pocket.

  “The floor, the floor. Put me on the floor.”

  Dropping to my knees, I placed him on the floor just in time to watch him transform into a fully formed man—a fully formed, very naked man.

  “Holy ratsbane!” I shouted, throwing my hands over my eyes. “Oh… please get your penis out of my face.”

  “Don’t act like you’re not impressed.”

  Twirling my finger, I dressed him myself in black pants and a white shirt before looking at his face.

  “Felix?”

  The blonde haired blue-eyed man was perfect. So perfect, he was almost plastic. “I thought you couldn’t shift?”

  “I can’t. I’m not. Technically I’m not a Shifter, but I can skin walk. This,” he said turning his palms inward and flipping his wrists. “Is what happens when a Witch has too much to drink and sleeps with a Skin Walker, thereby punishing her familiar. I’m powerful, but more importantly, I’m fierce. I can take other forms. This is my favorite. A Ken doll.”

  “Well, at least that explains the helmet hair.”

  The bell in the front of the store rang out and we both knew—it was Hale.

  “I’m here to save your witchy little ass. Try to be a little more grateful,” he said, pushing the swinging door and entering the main shop.

  Standing in the corner, I peeked through the crack of the door and listened, my heart racing.

  “Good morning, sir. What can I help you with today?”

  Hale was tall and burly, just as I’d remembered him. But he’d changed—he’d changed a lot. His once flowing gray hair was gone, save for a few strands plastered across the top of his bald head. His face was covered in age spots, and why wouldn’t it be, the man was over three hundred years old. He walked with a limp and used a cane. I could tell by the way he hunched over the counter, he was in pain.

  The corner of my mouth turned up in a smile, and I hoped beyond all hope that he’d suffered terribly in the past three centuries.

  “I’m looking for the owner of this business.”

  At his words, my anxiety level began to rise and a rumble of thunder rolled through the sunshine-filled sky.

  “I’m afraid she’s not here at the moment.”

  “You wouldn’t happen to know her name would you?”

  “Well, of course,” Felix whined in his best effeminate voice. “What kind of employee would I be if I didn’t know my own boss?”

  Hale gave him the once over, the stern look on his face not diminishing in the least. They stared at each other—Felix with a stupid grin, Hale with a grimace.

  “You wanna tell me her name?”

  “Oh!” Felix giggled. “Sorry. Her name is Dee. What is this in regard to Mr. …ah?”

  “Does Dee have a last name?” he asked, gruffing through his wheeze of a voice.

  “Why of course. It’s Parks.”

  “Will she be in tomorrow?” Hale asked, breaking into a coughing fit.

  Any true employee would’ve offered him a drink of water, but Felix just stood there, all six foot six Ken doll, not making a move.

  “She will be here tomorrow, but before I can tell her she’s had a visitor, perhaps you should tell me who you are and the reason for your call.”

  Hale was hacking over and over, Felix stepped away from him and made a face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that.”

  Hale coughed and his voice strained. “I didn’t…say anything.”

  Felix nodded at him and continued to wait. His impatience evident, he began tapping his foot.

  “I’m J.J. Holder. I’m with the IRS,” he said pulling a white card from his pocket.

  Felix pointed to the counter for Hale to place the card down, refusing to take it from his hands. “I’ll be sure to let her know. You should drop by tomorrow around closing time. That way you can catch her—I mean speak with her.”

  I could sense what little hair the reverend had standing on end at the nape of his neck. The way he was casing the place, I had a feeling he could sense my presence too. I knew if he’d lived this long, the magic in the spell my mother had cast more than likely gave him, at the very least, a heightened sense of awareness.

  “Sir?” Felix moved his head from side to side to catch Hale’s gaze. “Sir?”

  “Okay. Tomorrow. And you’re positive she’ll be here when the store closes at five?”

  I watched Felix cock his head. “I will personally guarantee that she will be here to deal with you herself.”

  Hale nodded and turned without saying another word. When I felt the tension in my shoulders relax, I knew he was out of the store.

  Felix looked at me through the round glass window atop of the swinging door and rolled his eyes before joining me in the kitchen.

  Two steps in, and the perfect Ken doll disappeared into a heap of clothes.

  “Help me the hell out of here,” he cried.

  Twirling my finger, I levitated him from the floor and onto the stainless steel counter, thankful it was over—for now.

  “I’m exhausted,” he whined. “Why did this job have to be so taxing? This is just the worst for me.”

  “The worst? How is it the worst for you? I have to find true love and kill a man in the next twenty-four hours.”

  Felix waved me off “Aw hell, sweetheart. That’s just another Saturday night in Tijuana for me.”

  “Really? I mean really? This is serious.”

  “I’ve never been more serious in my life. Now listen,” Felix began. “We’ve got some work to do. Tonight you’ll let the hot-ass Shifter eat your love muffin—no pun intended—and I will mix up a little death treat for Hale.”

  “Don’t you think I should incant the spell for Hale? I mean, you’re not a Witch, you’re only here to help me.”

  Felix shrugged his tiny shoulders. “Eh, suits me fine. But I’d like to be consulted on which spell you use. Only because some of the older spells in your mother’s book leave behind quite a mess. If you plan on staying here in Ass Vegas with Mr. Hot to Trot, then you might want to keep it spic and span, if you know what I mean?”

  “Which I don’t.”

  “Sheesh,” he said. “Just don’t try anything like a William the Conqueror or the Titus.”

>   “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, now taking a seat on a stool in the kitchen. It seemed as though Felix had some specifics as to how I should rid the mortal world of Hale.

  “Well, one spell makes the intended completely explode—like entrails everywhere—super-messy and smelly. The other is where a spell is cast on a beetle that will fly up the nose, making its way into the head where it will eat the brain. It takes a little longer, but it’s a favorite if you’re looking to make someone suffer a little longer than usual.”

  I was dumbfounded by what Felix had just said and it showed on my face.

  “What, Deliverance?”

  “I’m…speechless.”

  “Well, don’t be. Witches have been casting those and even some far worse spells over the millennia. Have you thought about how you want to do him in?”

  “No. Honestly, at this point I’m just trying to beat him to the punch.”

  Felix nodded, and the bell rang outside.

  “I’d better get that, but I’m open to suggestion on the spell. Just no exploding body parts. The man is over three hundred years old. Who knows how putrid that could be.”

  “Gurl. Truth.”

  I shook my head at him. “Tone down the gay trying to be a rapper thing you’ve got going on. It’s annoying.”

  I pushed through the doorway and stared into the eyes of Sexy Salt and Pepper—again. “You’re back.”

  Pulling the mirrored shades from his eyes, he gave me an intended stare. “Back?”

  I searched my brain for words. I had them in my mind, but somehow, just like the first day I met him, they weren’t making their way to my mouth. “Ah…”

  “I wanted to come by and make sure you’d settled in okay. You know,” he said looking to the staircase at the back of the store that led to the apartment. “With the apartment and everything. By the way, the store looks beautiful.”

  I stared at his smile and brilliant gray eyes. Finally, my mouth caught up to my brain. “I don’t understand.” I said the words in a pant, my breathing shallow and now erratic.

  He moved closer to me, his smile getting bigger with each step he took. “Thanks for fixing the storefront window, too. Nice job.”

  “I…ah.”