She could not sleep that night for thinking about him, and could not wait for their next date. He had only one evening free a week, he told her ruefully, but this week he had all day Sunday off and he would very much like to see her then.
Tanya lived in a small bed-sitter on the top floor of a converted Victorian house on the outskirts of Birmingham, found for her by the local council when she became of age and no longer qualified for foster care. Charlene had wanted her to move in to her much bigger and comfortable apartment, but Tanya craved her independence. She wanted to lead her own life.
In the weeks that followed Tanya saw as much of Alejandro as was possible, given that he worked unsociable hours and still took English lessons in his spare time. It was a passionate, intense affair, both feeling as though they had known each other forever, hating the hours they were forced to spend apart, never able to get enough of each other.
When her sister met him she was equally impressed. ‘Lucky you,’ she said, ‘but be careful. Don’t forget he’ll be going home one day.’
‘Yes, but he’ll take me with him,’ said Tanya confidently. ‘He’s already spoken about it.’
Charlene looked sceptical. ‘Isn’t that what they all say? I’ve lived longer than you, Tan; I know what men are like.’
But Tanya would listen to nothing detrimental about her beloved Alejandro, and for three months the affair raged. She grew more and more confident in her love for him, never actually declaring her feelings—and nor did he—but they both knew that it was there, and as far as Tanya was concerned she was happier than she had ever been in her life.
He showed his love in a dozen different ways; in his caring attitude, in the intense physical pleasure of their lovemaking, in the little gifts he bought her—nothing expensive—a single rose, chocolates, a glossy magazine, bath oils. None cost more than a pound or two, and yet they meant as much to Tanya as if he had bought her diamonds or gold.
Always he came to the flat for her; sometimes they went out, sometimes they stayed in, and once he had taken her back to his room at the hotel. Employees were actually not allowed to have members of the opposite sex in their rooms, but she had said so many times that she wanted to see where he lived, that in the end he had given in.
How many times since had she wished she had never gone there? It was as small and cramped as her own room, but far more untidy, and when she offered to make them a cup of coffee she could not help noticing the letter that had been left lying on the cupboard where the kettle stood.
Her eyes flicked over the boldly written page before she realised what she was doing, and once she had started she could not stop. It was from Alejandro’s father, and surprisingly written in English—probably as a concession to his son’s improving his knowledge of the language. Although his father’s mastery of English was not very good, Tanya managed to make out that he was asking Alejandro when he was coming home, because Juanita was growing impatient. It was time he came back and made arrangements for his wedding, which had been put off long enough.
His wedding! Tanya felt the colour drain out of her face, and without stopping to think she picked up the letter and thrust it under Alejandro’s nose. ‘What the hell is this all about?’
‘You should not have read that, Tanya,’ he said quietly.
‘But I have,’ she cried, ‘and I want to know about this girl, this Juanita. Why have you never told me about her? Why have you let me assume that it’s me you love? Hell, if I’d known all you were interested in was an affair I——’
‘That is not the case,’ he interjected sharply.
‘No?’ Her eyes widened, full of scepticism. ‘It looks very much like that to me. Do you deny that there’s another girl in your life?’
‘Yes, I do,’ he announced strongly.
‘So who is Juanita?’
‘A lifelong friend, a family friend; we virtually grew up together.’
‘A friend?’ Tanya’s tone filled with disbelief. ‘It doesn’t sound as though she’s just a friend to me.’
‘Maybe there was more in it once,’ he admitted, ‘but that was over a long time ago. I have already written and told her about you.’
Tanya shook her head, wanting to believe him, but unable to. If he had written Juanita would surely have told his father, especially if the families were close. ‘You’re lying,’ she whispered. ‘You’re trying to get out of it. Well, don’t bother; it’s over. I want nothing more to do with you. You’re nothing but a two-timing snake in the grass. Juanita is welcome to you.’ She picked up her jacket and headed for the door.
’Tanya, stop!’ Alejandro’s voice came after her. ‘Let me explain; do not walk out on me like this.’
‘What is there to explain?’ she tossed over her shoulder. ‘Everything is as clear as tap water. You’ve been using me; it’s as simple as that. You’ve wanted a girl to satisfy your basic male urges until you get back to your true love. I feel sorry for her, do you know that? I wonder if she knows what type of man it is she’s going to marry.’
‘Do you really think I would behave so badly?’ His dark eyes were cold, his whole body rigid.
‘Yes, I do,’ she yelled. ‘I not only think it, there’s proof in your father’s letter. Goodbye, Alejandro.’ She slammed the door and marched along the corridor, running down the steps and through the hotel grounds to the street. Not until she was long out of sight of the building did she slow down, but it was not until she reached the refuge of her bed-sitter that she let her tears fall.
Never had she felt so humiliated. She really had thought that she meant something to him. Her sister had been right. If only she had listened, if only she hadn’t let herself get so deeply emotionally involved.
For two days Tanya did not leave her flat. Her face was so swollen by crying that she was too embarrassed to go to work, and she didn’t even care whether she lost her job. Life was hell all of a sudden.
To begin with she had thought that Alejandro would contact her, that he would come round and explain everything, declare his love, say his father was mistaken, but she heard nothing, and the two days turned into a week, a week of intense misery. When she could stand it no longer she swallowed her pride and marched round to the hotel. It couldn’t just end like this; she wouldn’t let it. Maybe he had been right and she wrong. Maybe he had written to Juanita. Maybe she ought to give him the benefit of the doubt.
The news that he had gone back to Tenerife paralysed her, the shock of it almost greater than discovering that he had another girl. He had gone without a word, without trying to patch things up between them. It was over, all over, and when her sister announced that she had accepted a job as under-manager in a new, though relatively small hotel in Sheffield, Tanya readily accepted the invitation to go and live with her.
Several months went by, during which time Tanya gradually came back to life, settled down in a new job as a junior secretary with a computer software company, and resolutely pushed Alejandro out of her mind.
Until the day Charlene came home with the news that she had heard Alejandro was married. Tanya’s mouth fell open and she felt as though someone had kicked her legs from beneath her. She dropped on to the nearest chair. ‘To Juanita?’ she managed to whisper.
Charlene nodded. ‘I’m so sorry, Tan. But I thought it best you knew. Now you’ll be able to get on with your life, accept some of those dates that you keep refusing.’
‘But how—how did you find out?’ Tanya’s blue eyes were wide and troubled, her face pale.
‘I got talking to one of the guests who hailed from Tenerife. I happened to mention Alejandro, and strangely enough he knew him—or at least he knew of him.’
Tanya swallowed hard. ‘How long ago did he get married?’
Charlene shrugged. ‘I don’t know; he didn’t say.’
So that definitely was the end of it, thought Tanya, as she lay in bed that night. Not even to herself had she admitted that she always hoped he might come back, that he would trace her and
declare his love for her. Now there was no chance, none at all. It was definitely the end.
She still found it difficult to believe that he had been so warm and loving towards her when all the time there had been another girl in the background. She really had thought he was genuinely in love with her; she had never dreamt that it was all a game to him.
After this further blow to her pride Tanya decided that she had stayed in long enough. She would go out on dates, enjoy male company, but she would never, ever, let herself become involved again. She would be like her sister, a dedicated career woman.
All went well until two years later when she met Peter. He was warm and wonderful and kind, and she fell in love. It was nothing like her love for Alejandro; this was a much gentler relationship, with none of the passion and hunger that had so inflamed her body, sent her soaring with the stars and flying with the eagles. But nevertheless she was content, and twelve months later they were married. Three years after that Peter died from a long and serious illness. Tanya was devastated. At the age of twenty-four she had suffered two terrible losses.
It took her time to pull herself together, but she managed it, and when she applied for promotion, and got the job of PA to the managing director of the software company, she put her heart and soul into her work, not minding that John Drake asked her to work long hours, that sometimes she dropped into bed so exhausted that she was sure she wouldn’t wake with the alarm the next morning. But always she did, and somehow she survived.
When Charlene announced that she’d been offered a job running a large hotel in Tenerife Tanya could not believe the irony of it. Mention of Alejandro’s native country brought painful memories back, and wild horses wouldn’t drag her out there with her sister, although Charlene had done her best to persuade her.
‘I have my own house now. I’m settled here; I like it,’ Tanya insisted.
‘And I suppose you’re trying to tell me it has nothing to do with Alejandro Vazquez,’ taunted Charlene.
‘No, I’m not; it has everything to do with him. There’s no way I want to meet that man again.’
‘You’re still hung up over him?’ Charlene frowned. ‘I thought all that had died when you married Peter. You haven’t mentioned him for years.’
‘He was my first love,’ announced Tanya quietly. ‘I’ll never forget him.’
CHAPTER TWO
CHARLENE took a few days off work to show Tanya around, and there was far too much to see and enthuse over to worry herself about Alejandro, although she privately wished her sister hadn’t torn up his card. Even though she would never, ever get in touch with him she was curious to know where he lived.
Señora Guerra was a dressmaker, with the reputation of being the finest one on the island, and with the start of Tenerife’s annual carnaval only two weeks away she was busy finishing off the many costumes she had been asked to make. There was a constant stream of visitors to the house, all eagerly trying on and picking up their costumes. One room had been set aside for this purpose, and it was like an Aladdin’s cave, filled with richly coloured fabrics, beads, sequins, feathers, each costume taking hours and hours of painstaking work to complete.
Tanya liked dressmaking herself and took a keen interest in all that was going on, and very often Señora Guerra—or Matilde, as she asked to be called—invited Tanya to see the dresses actually being tried on.
When a dark red, open-topped Mercedes pulled up outside one afternoon Tanya thought nothing of it, until she recognised the driver and his companion. Alejandro and his wife! It could not be! And yet it was. She could hardly believe her bad luck. Already she had told Matilde that she would like to see this particular dress tried on. There was no escape.
Her heart began to race at double-quick time, but as she watched from her window she saw Alejandro drive away, leaving his wife to walk alone into the house. It was a bitter sort of relief.
It took her all of five minutes to go down to Matilde’s sewing-room, five minutes to calm her racing thoughts and still her trembling body. Although a confrontation with Alejandro had been avoided, meeting his wife would be as much of a trauma. How could she be civil to the woman who had married the man she, Tanya, loved?
Matilde smiled as she walked in and made introductions in her very rapid Spanish, as always speaking so quickly that one word ran into another and Tanya had no real idea what she had said the woman’s name was—not that she needed to be told!
As Tanya watched the dress being pinned and adjusted she covertly studied Juanita. It was no wonder Alejandro loved her; she was beautiful. All the girls in Tenerife were beautiful, she had noticed, but this woman had a serene sort of beauty that came from within, that came with the confidence of being loved and in love. She stood tall and proud, and the purple and silver dress enhanced her dark Latin features, and Tanya hated her.
‘You are English?’ she said to Tanya, looking at her through the mirror, her smile wide, her teeth even and very white, and when Tanya nodded, ‘My husband— he teach me a little English, but I do not use it often. I have never been to England. My husband—he say it is very cold there?’
Tanya smiled and nodded. ‘Sometimes. It’s our winter now, and it was snowing when I left.’
‘It is our winter too.’ Juanita laughed. ‘It is not so warm, do you think?’
’To me it’s very warm,’ Tanya returned. ‘You’re so lucky to live in a place with such a wonderful climate.’ And if it hadn’t been for this attractive woman she might have been living here herself! Her mouth tightened at the thought.
The woman frowned and turned from the mirror to look directly at Tanya. ‘Something is wrong?’
Tanya shook her head and forced a smile. ‘It was just a thought, nothing important. I’m sorry. Your dress is so beautiful. Do you take part in the carnaval every year?’
‘Yes—and sometimes my husband too, but this year he say he is too busy, too much work.’
Which accounted for the fact that he had dropped her off and not come in while the fitting took place. But he would be back, and Tanya was determined that she would not be here; she would shut herself away in her room until he had safely gone.
‘You will come and see the coso? The coso is—how do you say it? The grand parade? Everything stops; even my husband, he take that day off. You can join him, if you like.’
An attack of panic quickened Tanya’s heart, but somehow she managed to keep a smile pinned to her lips. ‘You’re very kind, but I expect I shall go with my sister.’
‘Ah, your sister, yes. Matilde, she mentioned her. She lives here, is that right? She works in a hotel?’
Tanya nodded.
‘She has been here in Tenerife a long time?’
’Two years, yes.’
‘And you have not visited before. Why is that?’
Because the man I loved married you! The words were there inside her, aching to get out, but they would never be spoken. Surprisingly Tanya found herself liking this woman, liking her as a person in her own right, hating her only because of her association with Alejandro. ‘I’ve been too busy,’ she managed, and it was in part the truth—even if it was of her own making.
‘And do you like Tenerife?’
‘Very much, what little I’ve seen of it so far.’
‘You must come and visit us. My husband and I, we will be very pleased.’
Tanya’s smile grew weaker. ‘You’re very kind, thank you, but I’m not sure that I’ll have the time. There is so much to see and do.’
To her relief Matilde spoke, successfully putting an end to the conversation, and Juanita went behind a screen to take off the dress. Tanya wanted to make her escape, but Matilde indicated that she was going to make some coffee and would like her to join them.
For the next fifteen minutes Tanya was on tenterhooks, and just as she thought she could successfully make her excuses she heard Alejandro’s car outside and his firm rap on the door.
Matilde went to open it and Juanita spoke, though Tanya
had no idea what she said. All she could think of was that any second now she was going to come face to face with Alejandro. At least she was forewarned— he would have no idea that the girl he had once had a passionate affair with was sitting talking to his wife. It would be interesting to see his reaction.
To give him his due, there was little more than a sudden jerking muscle in his jaw to give away his surprise, and probably neither of the others even noticed.
His shoulders were broader than Tanya remembered, his black hair slightly longer, and, although he wore an open-necked shirt and plain grey trousers, they looked designer-made, his leather shoes too. In fact everything about him screamed money. He had told her that his father was a farmer, owning huge areas of land where he grew bananas and tomatoes, and that it was his ambition to follow in his footsteps. Was this from where his wealth came?
Matilde began to make introductions, but Alejandro stopped her and presumably announced that they were already acquainted. Certainly there was surprise in the woman’s eyes as she looked briefly at Tanya and back to Alejandro.
But his attention was now on Tanya, and her heart began to panic as she looked at him—as she discovered that the attraction was still there! She had never expected to feel this kind of emotion; she had been filled with hate and disillusionment for so long that she had thought all other feelings dead. It was a shock to discover that he still had some sort of power over her.
‘So we meet again, Tanya.’ There was no warmth in his voice, no hint of pleasure. He was aloof, distancing himself from her, which was odd, considering that at the airport he had insisted that he wanted to talk to her.
She looked into the coldness of his eyes, matching the chill with her own. ‘Unfortunately, yes, and if you’ll excuse me I was just about to return to my room.’
A frown appeared. ‘You’re staying here—with Matilde?’
‘That’s right,’ she answered sharply, ‘And so is Charlene.’
‘For how long?’ It was almost an accusation.
‘I’m here for a month—it’s my holiday. Charlene lives here permanently.’
Bitter Memories Page 2