by Lynn Stevens
That didn’t mean he’d read them, though.
She needed something bigger. A grand gesture. Like in the movies when the guy does something incredible to make the girl realize he’s not the asshole she thought he was. Of course, that was fiction. And the roles were reversed. Macie shook her head. The least she could do was try. If she failed, she failed. But if she didn’t try, she would have failed far worse.
An idea began forming in her mind. She moved toward her closet, pulling her shirt off and tossing it on the futon. Inside, she dug through her art supplies and pulled out everything that caught her eye. Something was missing. Wire. She needed wire. Something she could bend easily to shape. Wood. She needed wood, too. It was almost ten, but Macie needed those things that moment. Or she’d lose the inspiration.
She quickly dressed and headed out into the night. First stop, the dumpster behind her building. Gross, yes, but effective at finding discarded items for her art. It was too tall for her to jump into, but luck was on her side. Someone threw out a perfectly good kitchen chair. Too bad she didn’t have immediate need for it in her apartment or she’d lug it upstairs. She pulled it close to the dumpster and climbed onto the seat. A coil cut through the fabric and scratched her leg. No wonder it was thrown out. A box of wire hangers sat right at the top. Macie couldn’t believe another round of good fortune. She hauled her bounty to her apartment. An idea struck her again.
She didn’t need the wood. She had something much better.
Three hours later, the wire hangers twisted into shape. She mixed the paste and began to cover the wire with strips of their messages, entire sentences clear until parts were covered. Macie carefully placed the strips, wrapping them around the wire. The night disappeared into dawn. Macie had worked straight through without stopping. It was almost done. Almost. It still needed the proper base, but that would come later. First she needed to shower and down a couple of energy drinks just to make it to work.
For once, she didn’t even bother with eyeliner or mascara. She pulled her hair back into a messy bun, too messy to be stylish. Macie rushed out the door in jeans and a Linkin Park t-shirt.
The work kept her busy until lunch. Another energy drink might have given her a heart attack, but some real food would help wake her up, too. She hadn’t eaten since a quick dinner before she met Zac at the gazebo, and that had only been a small salad. She’d been too nervous to eat.
But she could close her eyes for a moment. Just a moment.
Macie started awake at the sound of someone clearing their throat.
“Late night?” Alex asked.
“No night.” Macie stretched her arms above her head and yawned. “What time is it?”
“One.” Alex sat on the edge of her desk. He’d toned down the attitude and his strict dress code of suits and power ties. His white button down and jeans was too casual for anyone in front of the camera. Unless he was working on a story that required research. It didn’t matter. Macie just liked Alex as a normal person not trying to be a controlling asshole.
“Shit. I slept through my lunch. I’m starving.” Macie reached for her phone, hoping for any message from Zac. Nothing but several unanswered texts from Lauren. She’d have to respond soon. The wedding was this weekend. She’d have to come clean about everything then. “Guess it’s vending machine junk for me.”
“Just order in. It’s not like we don’t eat at our desks, anyway.” Alex tapped on her computer screen, pulling up the video she’d been working on before lunch. “How’s Nancy’s new promo coming along?”
“So far, so good. What’s new with you?” Macie opened her browser and ordered a sandwich from a deli down the street. It was too expensive, but she was moving toward hangry and their delivery was known for speed.
Alex shrugged. “Trying this not being the asshole of the office thing. It’s not easy.”
Macie laughed, drawing a glare from Alex. “Sorry.”
“Yeah, well, you try changing your reputation overnight. It’s not exactly a walk in the park.” Alex reached over and grabbed Macie’s mouse. He added a turkey on wheat to her order. “So, that guy the other night. That the boyfriend?”
“It’s more complicated than that.” Macie turned in her chair and faced him. “And I do know what it’s like. To change people’s perception of you.”
“Guess we’ve got more in common than we thought.” Alex stood and tossed twenty-five dollars on her desk. “Let me know when the food gets here, and I’m buying. It’s the least I could do after the shit I gave you.”
Macie smiled. “Thanks.”
Alex nodded and left her alone. The video sat frozen on a clip of a hurricane. Wildly appropriate for her life at the moment. Alex’s words rang in her ears. She wasn’t changing who she was for Zac as much as changing his perception of her. Years of hatred didn’t wash away overnight. Or even over a few weeks.
Macie needed more than just her grand gesture. She needed to make Zac understand.
She needed to write him.
FOUR DAYS. ZAC THREW himself into work during the day and worked on detailing the business plan at night. It kept him occupied, but not nearly enough. He couldn’t stop thinking about Macie. After she revealed herself, he had deleted every digital aspect of her from his life. The first being his Blind Friends account. A tiny part of him, the part that loved the girl he’d met online, regretted that. He also deleted her from his social media, which quite frankly she’d only been a part of because of Lauren and Ford, and from his contact list. He’d done everything he could to erase Macie Regan from his life.
But he couldn’t get the memory of her from his mind.
Ford stopped asking. So did Lauren. They knew something was wrong, but they both had enough sense to stop bringing her up.
It helped that work had been overwhelming. Zac brought in more clients, much to the new partners joy. He went in at six and left well after five in the evening. What else did he have to do? Nothing but brood.
He unlocked the door to his empty apartment and stepped inside. The silence deafened him. She’d never been here, but he felt her presence nonetheless. Actually, if he was honest, he felt her absence. Macie had let him into her world with what he had thought were open arms. He had a hard time believing it wasn’t an elaborate ruse to get back at him for years of torment.
The table had become his work space. Papers spread across the top in chaotic piles. He set his laptop bag on the chair and headed toward the fridge. It lacked food, but not beer. He opened a local microbrew and sat at the table, preparing for another round of planning. At this point, there wasn’t much left to do. His plan was solid. There was no way he couldn’t be successful at it. Sparks Consulting could be off the ground by the end of the year, turning a steady profit in less than five years. He just needed to pitch the idea to his father.
His phone vibrated in his pocket. He fished it out just as the call went to voice mail. Lauren. He waited to see if she left a message. When it vibrated again, he put her on speaker to listen.
“Hey, Zac. It’s Lauren. I just...” She sighed heavily. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you and Macie. She’s not talking. You’re not talking. We just ask that you put your differences aside for this weekend. After Saturday, you can hate each other all you want, okay? Just ... just fake it for one day.”
The message ended and Zac wanted to laugh. Fake it. Macie had been doing a great job at that. He hadn’t. That cut him more than anything. Not only had he fallen for this invisible image of her, he had started to fall for the person she’d pretended to be. The night of the party, he felt a primal need to claim her. When she danced with that pretty boy, he didn’t think. He acted. When they’d gotten back to her apartment, he didn’t think. He acted again. The complete lack of use of his brain sent him into this downward spiral. Just like Macie’s painting.
He debated on whether to respond to Lauren or let it go. Then his stomach rumbled. When was the last time he had a decent meal? That he couldn’t re
member. He hadn’t eaten much over the last few days. Mostly junk food or pizza. He needed something with substance. That left two options. Order delivery or go out. He opted for delivery. Sitting at a restaurant by himself didn’t sound like a good time, or even an okay time. It sounded miserable. Zac was tired of being miserable. The quickest option was Chinese. He pulled up the app and ordered beef lo mein, pork fried rice with no onion, and General Tsao’s chicken. That should last him a few days until he could get to the store. After he pressed send, he questioned his choice of the pork fried rice. He didn’t even care for it. Why did he even bother? It hit him like a hammer to the chest. Macie loved it. Even subconsciously he couldn’t get her out of his head.
Frustrated, more at himself than at her, he opened his laptop to iron out a few tiny details of his plan. A light rapping pulled him from the business world twenty minutes later. His stomach growled with anticipation. Zac hurried to the door, his hunger getting the best of him. When he opened it, nobody was there. There was a large white box with an envelope bearing his name. He glanced down the hall, seeing only the wisp of her hair. He knew without a doubt that this was from Macie.
Curiosity got the better of him and he brought it inside. He pulled the envelope free, tossing it onto the table. The paper tore like Christmas wrapping. He tugged at the flaps of the box and peered inside. It took his breath away. Careful not to break it, he pulled the rest of the box apart.
A papier-mâché couple in the shape of a heart jutted from the screen of a laptop. He turned it around, trying to figure out how she’d managed to do it. The top of the laptop was smooth. He looked at the paper couple again, shocked by the detail involved. She must’ve been working on this for days. Weeks, even. It took his breath away. He glanced at the keyboard. The original letters were gone, replaced by a message or a title spelled out in what appeared to be a random pattern—Beginnings. It was spectacular. But something else gnawed at him. He looked at the couple again. Then he realized. He should’ve seen it first. She’d printed their messages to each other and created this.
He sat back and stared at it, biting his thumbnail.
A knock at the door ripped him from his thoughts, or lack thereof. Zac opened the door, hoping to see Macie but was greeted by his forgotten dinner. He tipped the delivery guy and sat the paper bag on the coffee table, pulling out his meal as he glanced at the sculpture. It was powerful and intricate and unique and ... so Macie. Under pieces of discarded box, the edge of the envelope poked out. He’d already forgotten about that, too. He freed it from the trash and sat in on the coffee table. His stomach growled and the rich smells of the beef drew his attention away again. He took his time eating, then he stored the leftovers in the fridge. He picked up the trash and broke down the box.
If he was honest with himself, he was really just avoiding the envelope. Forty minutes later, he couldn’t avoid it anymore. Zac grabbed a microbrew from his fridge and sat back on his couch. The envelope lay on the coffee table, his name in calligraphy. Even that was a work of art for Macie.
It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid, he thought. That was one cliché he truly understood. He picked it up and slid his finger under the flap to open it. One page of white paper, tri-folded. That was it. He didn’t know what he was expecting. Pictures of their past when they’d gotten along? But a letter was how this started. It was how it would end.
Zac unfolded the paper and began reading.
Dear Zac,
This is probably my tenth draft of this. It took less time to make Beginnings.
Saying how I feel has never been easy. So, here we go.
When we first started chatting on Blind Friends, I did not know it was you. I can’t stress that enough. We started exchanging messages and I thought ‘this guy’s great’. We grew with each letter. I let my guard down. I let you see me. The real me. The one only my mother knows. The anonymity made it easier, but it was all for you.
Obviously, you know I didn’t stand you up the first time we agreed to meet. I was late because of work and I saw you sitting there. My world stopped. I almost kept walking. I almost shut everything down. But I couldn’t. Not after learning you were Guy. I’d see you every day until the wedding and probably after, and I couldn’t go through my life wondering about what might have happened if I didn’t try to put the past behind us. We spent so much time hating each other that we never got to know each other. And Lauren and Ford gave me the perfect cover.
So, I decided to see what would happen between us. I opened myself up to you in person. I reigned in my temper. I told you things about me I hadn’t shared with anyone else, and I think you did, too. I never realized how passionate you are, how caring, and how kind. You aren’t who I thought you were. You’re so much more, so much better than I will ever be. I fell hard and fast. And I don’t regret it. I regret lying, but I don’t regret falling in love with you. And I don’t regret the night we spent together.
I wish I could make it up to you. I wish you’d let me. But if you won’t, please treasure this small piece of my heart. Let it remind you of us even if you do regret it. Because some of us was pretty fucking great.
Love,
Chomper
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Macie worked at station the until two in the morning. Lauren was getting married in eleven hours and Macie had to be at the salon in eight. She looked like hell. The bags under her bloodshot eyes grew bigger each day. She’d actually lost a few pounds since Sunday, mainly because of a complete lack of subsistence. The last real meal she had was the sandwich Alex bought her.
And she would see Zac for the first time since he left her at the gazebo. As much as she loved her best friend and wanted to see her happy, the last thing Macie wanted to do was go to a fucking wedding, stand at the altar with Zac opposite of her, and walk down the aisle with him. Her chest ached thinking about how it would feel. How much worse would it be when it happened.
It didn’t help that Lauren had pestered her every single day about what took place at the party. Macie kept her mouth shut. It wasn’t anyone’s business. Besides, if Zac had told Ford, then Ford would’ve told Lauren. He clearly didn’t want anyone to know. She had to respect that and respect his silence.
The only way to avoid thinking about him was to either live in a drunken stupor or work as much as she could. The drunken stupor was appealing, but that would only send her down a bad road. She needed to make up for missing two weekends in a row, anyway, and the overtime would help her check. Fortunately, Nancy approved the overtime and the days off, but after the wedding it would be back to a straight forty. When she wasn’t at the station, she was working on her freelance business. Over the past week, she’d gotten three more orders for custom wedding invitations.
The work helped with her new-found insomnia, but it didn’t stop her from thinking. All she’d done was replay the last several months in her head. She focused on where she went wrong and how she might’ve done it differently. In the end, it didn’t matter. That only added to her misery. There was nothing she could do to fix what happened. It was over. The wedding, the reception, after it was done, she’d make sure Lauren knew everything so Macie would never have to see Zac again.
Her apartment was eerily quiet, more so than usual. Or she was just that tired. Macie settled into her chair and stared out the window at the crescent moon. She didn’t know how long she sat there, only that she fell into some sort of trance. It wasn’t sleep, by any means. Unless she dreamed of sleeping in the exact same position she was in and dreamed about the exact same moon. Macie jolted back to reality when the sun started to crest the horizon. She showered and lay down on her futon, setting her alarm for seven forty-five. Maybe she could salvage a few hours of real sleep before the wedding. Before she had her heart broken all over again.
GETTING DRUNK ALONE at his apartment the night before his best friend’s wedding wasn’t the best thing. Zac had never sunk so low. At least he’d laid off the tequila and vodka, sticking instead to the
case of caffeinated brew in his fridge. It was enough to get him drunk and keep him awake. Again, not his best decision.
Not that sleep had been much of an option lately, anyway.
The sculpture sat on his coffee table. He didn’t know where else to put it. There wasn’t any other place to keep it other than the dining room table, and he didn’t want it right in front of him while he worked and ate. It was too distracting no matter where it would sit. Even if he threw it in a closet, he’d think about it.
That was probably Macie’s goal. He wouldn’t know. He didn’t bother to call or text her. He didn’t know what to say.
In a few hours he would see her, walk down the aisle with her, smile as if there was nothing wrong. Everything was wrong. He wanted to fix this.
And he didn’t.
He wanted to at least have peace for the wedding and reception. Macie wouldn’t ruin Lauren’s wedding. She would keep the peace, too. Then maybe he could figure out what to do. Figure out if there was anything to do.
LAUREN LOOKED LIKE a model, and Macie’s heart swelled with happiness for her friend. For the first time in almost a week, Macie smiled a real smile. Not the fake ones she gave her coworkers. Lauren’s cousins kept the conversation going, but Macie knew Lauren was dying to interrogate her about Zac. It didn’t help that in less than ten minutes he would be standing at the altar beside Ford. Macie promised herself not to look at him, not to see him in his tux until she had no choice. Because she didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to ruin her makeup before the photos.