I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have turned to check on my girls, or looked to see what was happening down on the ice, or done any number of things other than what I did next. But, just like the teenager in a thirty-nine-year-old’s body I’d apparently become, I did the exact opposite of what I should do; I let my hormones win.
“Why shouldn’t you enjoy looking?” I asked, sounding much saucier than I felt. Inside, everything was roiling and jumbling and taut, like Izzy’s bowstring during archery practice.
Mattias angled his head, taking me in more fully. Not to mention appreciatively. “Well, if you put it that way.”
Not only had I put it that way but I didn’t want to take it back, as long as he was going to continue looking at me that way.
It had been too damn long since anyone had flirted with me. I wasn’t fooling myself. This wasn’t going to last any longer than just today, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy myself for a little while.
It wouldn’t mean the world was ending.
No harm would come to my girls just because I decided to let myself feel like a woman for a few hours.
Maybe a little flirtation was exactly what the doctor ordered. After today, life could go back to normal. But for now? A sexy-as-sin man was looking at me like there was nothing else he would rather be doing, nowhere else he would rather be, and I was determined to let myself enjoy it.
I couldn’t seem to help myself. I’d initially been drawn to Sophie, but now that she was happily latched on to 501 for the foreseeable future, her mother was drawing all my focus.
She was blinking at me. I couldn’t decide if she was wishing she hadn’t returned my flirtation or surprised that she had. Either way, I didn’t mind. I liked the effect I seemed to be having on Paige. In fact, I might like it a bit too much. Wedding ring or no, she probably didn’t have time to get involved with someone, let alone a man as married to his work as me. It had always been my biggest flaw. I couldn’t keep track of how many times Linnea had told me to Loosen up, Matti. I worked so hard in order to be sure she never went without anything and everything she needed, of course, but Linnea never saw that. She only knew she rarely got to see me other than on a TV screen and for a few weeks in the summer, which wasn’t nearly enough.
I’d thought about bringing her to the US with me. In fact, I’d talked it over with our parents multiple times, but we’d always concluded it was best to keep her in Sweden. While she was there, she had our parents, she had her friends, she knew the language, and she was receiving excellent social services. If I brought her to live with me, we would have to go through a mountain of paperwork and red tape to get her the same benefits, and then what would happen if I ended up working for a team in Canada instead of the States? It was a definite possibility, so we’d decided to keep Linnea in Sweden as long as our parents were able to continue giving her the aid she needed. After that, I’d have some tough decisions to make.
That was yet another reason for me to avoid getting involved with someone. In fact, I’d sworn off starting up new relationships with women years ago. I’d dated a few women back in my playing days, but it had never lasted long. They didn’t understand why I chose to live modestly, driving a Toyota instead of a Mercedes and living in a reasonable house instead of buying a multimillion-dollar house. They were gold diggers, plain and simple. They wanted me to spend lavishly on them, and when I refused—stating I had other, more important uses for my money—things came crashing to a halt. After a few repetitions of this same pattern, I’d decided it wasn’t worth my while to keep putting myself through it, and it definitely wasn’t worth potentially losing anything I intended to set aside for Linnea’s future.
Something told me Paige would more than understand where I was coming from, which only encouraged me to keep up the flirtation we’d already started. This might not be my brightest move ever, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
The blaring music from the opening of the event finally came to an end, and they brought up the lights again. The team was split in half, one group wearing the home colors and the other group wearing road whites. As captain, Babs had made the executive decision as to who would be coaching each of the two teams today. He’d brought in kids from some of the local peewee teams to take over that job, giving me and the rest of the coaches the day off, essentially. Tim Whitlock, the Storm’s in-arena entertainment director, came over the PA system to announce the first event would be the fastest skater competition.
“Fastest skater,” Paige murmured. “Any chance this would have been your event?”
“Not in this lifetime. Skating was never my strength.” I’d been lucky to make it into the NHL at all, actually, but I’d found ways to make my shortcomings work for me. “I would have been in the hardest shot competition.”
She passed appraising eyes over me, letting them hold longer than necessary on my biceps. “I suppose I can see that.”
“This should be interesting, though. The whole team right now is built on speed and skill, other than a couple of the older veteran players. There are a few guys who are faster than others, of course, but I think the winner could surprise some people.”
“My money’s on Jens,” 501 said, looking over his shoulder at us.
“Jens?” Jo-Jo said incredulously. “Not a chance. It’s Koz all the way.”
Devo let out a cross between a snort and a chuckle. “Coop young and fast. Too big energy. He leave them in dust.” His English was broken and heavy with his Eastern European accent, but there he got his point across well enough.
The three they named were certainly among the top contenders, but I had someone else in mind who could potentially run away with it. I thought Nate “Ghost” Golston had an opportunity to make a big impression today.
Paige’s daughters tittered and giggled, each of them naming a player she thought was the fastest. They still hadn’t settled down by the time the competition began.
After the two goalies raced each other in full pads—which was a complete debacle but got the fans involved when Nicky just barely beat Bobby by a skate blade—they ran five heats of regular skaters. In the end, it was Ghost for the white team and Koz for the purple team who turned in the fastest times. They were all set to race each other to determine the winner when Paige leaned over.
“You don’t seem at all surprised,” she said quietly in my ear. Her breath tickled my neck, turning my thoughts entirely away from the action down below.
“Ghost was my pick from the beginning,” I said.
“Ghost was? Really?” 501 gave me a look of pure skepticism.
“Yeah, Ghost. Maybe you should think about why that is.” Ghost was easily the smallest guy on the team, so a lot of times he got overlooked by guys like 501 and other defensemen like him. They thought that because they had longer legs and weighed more, they would have the upper hand. I knew from experience, though, that the smallest guys out there were also the best at evading the big guys like me, and it had a lot to do with speed. When Ghost wanted to turn on his jets, he could really fly across the ice. I hoped he would choose to do so today, actually. I wanted to use it to convince him he could give more than he’d been giving in games in order to be a more effective player.
I’d never been the kind of teacher who would spell everything out for someone, though. I liked letting my players learn things on their own, only giving them a nudge in the right direction when necessary. That was what I hoped to do with 501. He let out a grunting sort of sound and turned his attention back to the ice, while the crew changed the setup for the next event.
“I bet you would win,” Sophie said adoringly to him.
“Not likely,” Jo-Jo said. “501 would trip and slam headfirst into the goal post again or something.” Which was exactly how my young defenseman had ended up with concussion symptoms. It was worse than that, even. Somehow, he’d gotten himself called for a tripping penalty in the process of chasing the opposing player back to the goal, and he’d almost knock
ed the puck into our net at the same time.
The boys had been giving him shit over it ever since.
The coaches and I had been, too, to be honest, but in a different way. We’d been using this time while he was forced to sit out to remind him to slow down and that he had more time to make his moves than he seemed to think. Sometimes, it was better to take a step back, especially for a young guy like him. Being up here right now might not be fun for him, but it was far better for his future in the league.
Sophie didn’t pay Jo-Jo any attention. Her eyes were only for 501. “You would win,” she repeated.
One of her sisters, who had previously been just as smitten with 501 as Sophie, was now making gaga eyes at Jo-Jo, though.
I said a silent prayer that all my players would remember that these were teenaged girls and, therefore, well out of bounds. Then I chuckled and got up to get a drink, nodding at my assistant coaches, David Weber and Adam Hancock, as I passed them. I’d barely gotten to the back of the room, where we had a buffet table full of drinks, sandwich fixings, and the like, when Paige caught me, stopping so close she almost brushed up against me.
She smelled like sunshine—warmth and fresh air combining into a state of perfection. I’d noticed it earlier, but it nearly knocked me on my ass now. “Can I get you something?” I asked. I should have asked her before I got up to begin with. I just hadn’t been thinking.
She shook her head. “I just wanted… I wanted to thank you. It’s really rare that anyone thinks to do anything for Sophie, let alone for the rest of my girls. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate it.”
“I only did what anyone would do,” I said, but even as the words left my mouth, I knew them to be untrue. She was right. Most people wouldn’t have done what I had, whether they had the opportunity to do it or not. They would look right past this young girl, assuming that they’d offend by offering help where it wasn’t wanted or simply not having a clue what help they should offer. Too many times, I’d seen people completely look past Linnea, ignoring her or pretending they didn’t see her. And it always made me mad. It made me feel inadequate, because no matter how big or strong I was and no matter how much money I made, I couldn’t protect her from the cruelty she’d faced every day of her life, whether she recognized it as what it was or not. It made me hurt for my sister, who was so sweet and always thought the best of everyone she came into contact with, whether they deserved her sweetness or not.
People apologized when I confronted them about it. They were always quick to make excuses. They just didn’t realize they were making assumptions about her, whether they recognized it or not. They assumed Linnea was less than they were. They assumed she wouldn’t fit in or couldn’t do what they were going to do. They made plenty of assumptions.
Because of that, the only thing I would ever assume about Sophie was that she would most likely surprise me at every turn.
“I suppose that’s not exactly true, is it?” I said, once again letting a slight grin creep to my lips. I couldn’t seem to help that when it came to Sophie, the same as when I was with Linnea. The surprising thing was that Paige was starting to have a similar effect on me.
“No.” The look in Paige’s eyes was one I couldn’t quite place. Curiosity, maybe? “No, it’s not the case. Far from it. So thank you. It means more to me than you could ever know.”
“I think I do know,” I said. “If someone had done something like this for my sister, I would have done anything I could to be sure they understood what it meant to me. But regardless of what anyone else would do, I felt it was only right.”
She didn’t say anything, picking up a small dessert plate and putting a few grapes and bits of pineapple on it. My eye once again fell to her hand. Still no wedding ring, not that I’d expected one to appear out of thin air.
“So if there’s anything else I can do for Sophie, anything you and your husband can think of…” I intentionally left the suggestion hanging in the air, waiting to see if she’d answer the question that was eating me alive.
“My ex-husband, you mean.” Not only did she answer me but her eyes fluttered up to meet mine. She was flirting with me as much as I was flirting with her.
I had to hold myself back from doing a victory dance. That wouldn’t be appreciated right now. “Your ex,” I repeated after her. “Just let me know.”
“Why are you doing this?” Paige asked, popping a grape in her mouth. “Are you really just a good guy, and this is exactly what you say—that you were drawn to Sophie because she reminds you of your sister, and that’s it? Nothing more?”
“There might be something more.” Fuck, it had been a long time since I’d tried to banter with a woman I was interested in. I was seriously out of practice. With everything else I did in life, I had all the confidence in the world. I knew what I was doing every step of the way before beginning step one, and I never stumbled or fumbled my way through it. But with this? I felt like a gangly fourteen-year-old boy again, with feet that had grown faster than the rest of me that had me tripping over them with every step I took. “There is something more,” I corrected myself.
“Which is?” She picked up a napkin and folded it, slipping it beneath her plate.
“The truth is, I’m drawn to you every bit as much as I’m drawn to your daughter,” I forced out. “I want to get to know you, Paige.”
A smile crept to her lips despite her obvious effort to keep it at bay. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
And that was as good as a punch in the gut—further proof that she already had her hands full without adding a man like me to it. I had no business chasing after this single mother, and I knew it, but damn if I didn’t want to convince her it was a good idea.
Then, picking up a glass of water, she turned to go back to her seat.
I put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her, before I could think through what I was doing. In fact, I didn’t want to think it through. I’d acted without planning every tiny detail when I’d invited her and her daughters to join us for the day, and so far it had turned out better than I could have imagined even if I was faltering at every turn. Maybe I needed to be spontaneous more often. Maybe it would be good for me.
Maybe Paige would be good for me. And maybe I could be good for her.
She glanced up at me, her brow arched. “Yes?”
“Do you and your girls have plans tomorrow?” I asked. Her lips formed a perfect O, but she didn’t immediately turn me down, so I pushed through. “It’s still the weekend. We’ve got an afternoon game. I’d like you to come as my guests. If you want. And if you don’t have other plans. We could maybe have dinner after.”
“I…” She looked as lost as she sounded, as if she was as out of practice was I was.
But then one of her girls—probably the oldest one—came over to the buffet table and started fixing herself a plate. She glanced up at me. “Did you just ask my mom out on a date?”
“I did.” I kept my eyes on Paige while I answered her daughter.
“What she means to say is yes. And by the way, she likes tulips. Yellow ones.”
“Zoe,” Paige said in a very mom-like voice.
“What? You do like tulips.” Zoe gave me a cheeky grin. “Can we hang out with 501 during the game?”
With Mattias’s help, I managed to extricate Levi from Sophie’s exuberant grip and guide all of my girls toward the parking garage after the StormSkillz event came to a close. Mattias came with us, actually, walking along beside me while my daughters raced ahead in a torrent of squeals pitched so high that only a dog should be able to hear them.
“You think they had a good time?” he asked me, the deep rumble of his voice a pleasing contrast to their excited chatter.
I chuckled. “I doubt they’ll stop talking about it for a month.” Even as I said it, Sophie turned her head to look at us over her shoulder, her smile as sweet as I’d ever seen it. Her eyes were all crinkled up, and her cheeks were flushed with exhilaration. She looked
like she might never be able to stop smiling.
“That’s good.”
“Good, yes, but they might drive me insane with it before the month is out.” In a good way, though. Sometimes I complained about how excitable they could be when it came to boys and their crushes, but really I wouldn’t change it for anything.
“I guess I’ll have to make that up to you,” he said, and my butterflies returned.
They kept coming back, each instance stronger than the last, when he did even the smallest thing. Sometimes it was when he would smile at me with that panty-melting look in his eye. Once, they’d fluttered to life when he’d entertained Sophie while Levi escaped for a few minutes, answering every question she put to him as though it was the most important question he’d ever heard. Another time, the flutters caught me unawares when he took the time to explain what icing was to Izzy.
How pathetic was it that this man could turn me on simply by taking an interest in my daughters? But it was the truth. He’d paid as much attention to each of the four of them as he had to me over the course of the afternoon, and he’d even taken a few moments to talk to his players and give them instruction for their own play based on some of the games and drills taking place on the ice below us. If I wasn’t careful, I might find myself falling for this man, and that wasn’t something that fit well in my plans.
“They’re growing up too fast for me,” I admitted. “When they were little, there were times I couldn’t wait for them to grow up. Three was always a rough year. Whoever decided the twos were terrible must never have met a three-year-old. I didn’t think I would escape their threes with all of us being alive and intact.”
Mattias chuckled. “But here you are.”
“But here we are, and they’re teenagers. I think I blinked one day and they were practically adults. Now I regret all those moments I wished they would hurry past those difficult stages, and I’m praying they’ll slow down.”
“Sadly, I don’t think it works that way.”
Home Ice (Portland Storm Book 11) Page 3