‘You went to his apartment? Amber, you were sixteen-years-old!’
‘It wasn’t fucking illegal, Ronnie!’ She hadn’t meant to raise her voice but he was starting to aggravate her now. Or maybe she was just frustrated with herself, for being so weak.
‘You slept with him?’
‘What the hell did you think I went to his apartment for? A post-match report? My head was turned, okay?’
Ronnie stared at her, grabbing her hand so she couldn’t get away, couldn’t avoid telling him exactly what was going on. ‘And?’
Amber felt her shoulders sag. She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about this, but it didn’t look as though she had much choice now. ‘We met in secret after that. Regularly. I just wanted to be with him, that was all. I fell in love, and I just wanted to be with him. And for almost two years…’ She swallowed hard, looking away for a second. ‘But then he found someone else, didn’t he…? He found someone else, and he just walked away from me as though I’d never even existed.’
Ronnie loosened his grip on her hand slightly, the pain in her eyes more than evident now. ‘Is that when you moved to Manchester? To do your degree?’
She nodded. ‘But then I went back home, didn’t I? Once I’d graduated I went back home to find that Jim’s relationship was over, and I let him back into my life, Ronnie. Just like that. I let it happen all over again, and that’s the way it was for another couple of years – back to the secrecy and the lies because nobody could know about us. He didn’t want that, and neither did I. And it was good, y’know? Good having him back in my life because I’d never stopped loving him. Never stopped wanting him. Everything he did… stupid little things like… like the way he said my name with that accent of his… it used to make my stomach flip over and over and… I loved him, Ronnie. I loved him. And things were so good, things were great, until… until he hurt me a second time. Until he just walked away and left me as though I’d never mattered to him at all.’
‘It sounds as though you didn’t.’
Amber looked up sharply, slightly angry at Ronnie’s response. What did he know? ‘I mattered to him, Ronnie. I know I did.’
Ronnie said nothing. He thought better of it. She was quite obviously not in the mood to listen to his opinions on the matter. ‘But you didn’t run away a second time, did you?’
She shook her head, still twisting the ring round and round her finger. ‘I didn’t need to. His playing days were over by that point. He had no real reason to stay in the North East.’ Amber kicked the heel of her shoe against the wall in a reflex, almost nervous, action. ‘He promised me he would never come back up here, Ronnie. He promised me that. He’d hurt me so badly – so, so badly and he knew that and he promised me with all of his heart that he wouldn’t come back up here. Because as long as he was around, I was going to want him. And that wasn’t fair, because if I couldn’t have him…’
‘But you can now.’
She looked back up at Ronnie. ‘Yeah. I can.’
Ronnie leaned back against the wall beside her, running a hand through his hair. ‘What happened just now, Amber?’
She continued to kick the wall behind her, staring down at the ground. ‘We had sex. In his office.’
‘Jesus… with Ryan next door? Amber…’
‘But that’s it. That’s it. He’s out of my system now, and somehow I found the strength to walk away from him, okay? I turned and walked away from him. Just like he did with me.’ She looked up at her best friend, her voice quiet, although its calmness defied everything she was actually feeling. ‘It’s been so hard, Ronnie. I really thought I was over it, over him. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t set eyes on him for all this time, is it? I’ve seen him on TV, I’ve always known he was there, existing… but I always thought I was handling it well. I’d feel a slight pang of – something, I don’t know what, but whatever it was I always managed to push it away and get on with my life, but… but seeing him in the flesh… that’s so different…’
Ronnie turned his head to look at her. ‘I’m assuming Freddie knows nothing about any of this.’
Amber nodded. ‘And I don’t ever want him to know, Ronnie. So please, don’t tell him. Okay?’
‘Come on, Amber. What do you take me for?’
‘And that goes for Jim, too. I don’t want him to know I’ve told you anything about what happened between us.’
Ronnie turned his head away from her, staring straight ahead again. ‘And to think I was worried about you and Ryan.’
‘I can handle Ryan. I can handle the likes of him better than anyone really gives me credit for.’ She looked at her best friend, well aware that this news had shocked him slightly. Maybe she wasn’t as bad at keeping a secret as she’d first thought she was. ‘It wasn’t that I didn’t ever want a serious relationship, Ronnie. But, when Jim hurt me the way he did it… it made me put up that wall, shut myself off from any prospective advances. I didn’t want to put myself in a position where someone could hurt me like that again.’
‘Is that why you really ended it with me?’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe subconsciously that was the reason, I really don’t know. Maybe I got scared and ended it before anything could happen that could leave me open to the kind of hurt Jim put me through. All I know is that he messed me up. He instilled something in me that made me unable to trust people. Which is why, I guess, I prefer spending time on my own rather than in the company of other people.’ She smiled weakly at Ronnie, who reached out to take her hand again, squeezing it gently. ‘Except you, of course. I love spending time with you because, for some reason, you’re the only person I can really trust.’
‘What did he do to you?’ Ronnie whispered, reaching out to push the dark red hair from her eyes.
‘He didn’t make me fall in love with him, Ronnie. That was my own fault.’
‘And now he’s back?’
She looked at him. ‘I’ve got to be strong this time. I can’t let him do it to me again, not a third time. That would just be embarrassing.’
Ronnie couldn’t help but laugh as she smiled at him. But even though she was making a joke of it, he knew it was far from trivial. ‘So, where does Ryan fit into all this, then?’
Amber started stroking Ronnie’s fingers as they clung onto hers. ‘I genuinely love being with him, Ronnie. But I really did go into that relationship with my eyes wide open. Despite what you all think, and what you probably definitely think now, I know the kind of person he is. I’m aware of his reputation, and I’m by no means looking for a future with him. I just want some fun. And maybe it’s about time I got back on that horse, huh? Maybe it’s time I really did try to forget Jim Allen once and for all and move on with my life.’
‘Do you think you can do that?’ Ronnie asked, squeezing her hand again.
‘I’ve got no choice. I can’t let him get to me, I mean, I’m not that sixteen-year-old girl with a crush anymore, am I? I’ve grown up.’
‘It’s not going to be easy though, is it? I mean, you have a working relationship with this club, too. You’re gonna have to face him for all sorts of reasons.’
‘Yeah, I’m well aware of that, Ronnie. But what else can I do? Quit my job because I just might have to interview Jim Allen at some point in the future?’
‘You could move away. You heard what Max Mandell said to you a few weeks ago. There’s work for you down in London…’
‘I don’t want to move to London, Ronnie. I want to stay here, and I’m sorry if that makes me sound like some kind of small-town girl but I like it here. I like my life. I like my job. And I like Ryan Fisher, okay?’
‘And, are you sure you’re not just using him, Amber? As a way of deflecting your feelings for Jim Allen?’
‘Jesus, hark at Mr. Psychologist over there. No. Alright? I’m not “using” him. But we’re not exactly exclusive, either. He can do what he likes, and I’m sure he feels the same way about me.’
‘Do you think he’d be happy if
he thought you were sleeping with his boss?’
She let go of his hand, heading back inside the main entrance, ignoring his question. ‘And anyway, what happened today was a one off. It won’t happen again.’ She looked straight at Ronnie, that determination she’d felt when she’d walked away from Jim making a welcome return. ‘It won’t happen again.’
Chapter Nine
‘A few of us are going down the casino later, if you’re up for it.’
Ryan tucked the phone between his shoulder and chin as he filled the kettle, listening as Gary laid out his and a few of the other Red Star players’ plans for the night. A few drinks in a bar on the Quayside, a few hours in the casino, then maybe a club followed by, who knew? That last instalment all depended on who happened to be around at the time. ‘I don’t know, Gaz,’ Ryan said, flicking the switch down on the kettle. ‘I’m kind of tired, y’know?’
Gary laughed down the line. ‘Come on! Ryan Fisher turning down a night of drinking, gambling and women?’
That was exactly what Ryan should be turning down. ‘Hey, I’m with Amber now, remember?’
‘And she’s got you by the balls then, has she?’
‘No…’
‘Then get your arse out with the rest of us tonight. Come on, mate. Just because you’ve been one of the few to conquer the ice-queen it doesn’t mean to say you have to stop enjoying yourself, does it? You’re not fucking married. Jesus, I’m frigging engaged and I’ve got more freedom than you have.’
Ryan sighed inwardly. Part of him knew what Gary was saying – he was young, he was living the dream, and he really wasn’t ready for cosy nights in in front of the TV. Not every night, anyway. But part of him also knew that he was on dangerous ground. He’d been here before. And he should know what he needed to do to stop him from going there again.
‘We’ll be in Goodyear’s Bar, eight-thirty,’ Gary said. ‘We’ll see you there.’
Ryan quickly ended the call, looking up sharply as Amber entered the room, all sleepy-eyed and sexy in one of his t-shirts, and very little else, from what he could see. He filled two mugs with boiling water as Amber walked up behind him, circling his waist and kissing his naked, tattooed shoulder.
‘Who was that on the phone?’ she asked, playing with the waistband of his jeans.
‘Oh… nobody, babe. Just Gary asking if I wanted to join him and the lads for a drink later tonight.’
‘And? Are you going?’
Ryan shrugged. ‘Have you got a better offer?’
‘Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I’m working late tonight so you might as well do your own thing. All I’m gonna be fit for when I get home is sleep.’
Ryan couldn’t help wishing that she’d given him a different answer, given him the option to back out of tonight. If she’d made him that better offer then he would’ve had an excuse not to turn up, because he wasn’t sure his willpower was strong enough to do that all on his own. ‘You didn’t need to get out of bed,’ he smiled, turning round and stroking strands of dark red hair from her eyes. ‘I was just making us a cup of tea. I was gonna bring it in to you.’
‘If I’d hung around in bed waiting for you to come back it was only gonna end up in sex,’ Amber whispered, kissing him lazily. ‘And I can’t be late for work again.’
‘Sex, huh?’
‘Yeah. You know, that thing we did last night, and again at half-past-five this morning.’
Ryan smiled again, letting his hands wander up underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, realising that she really wasn’t wearing anything else. At all. He groaned as his fingers gently stroked her hips, pulling her even closer against him as his mouth covered hers in a long, slow kiss. ‘We don’t have to go back to bed for sex, y’know.’
Amber threw her head back, the feel of his lips on her neck and his hard-on digging into her thigh telling her she was going to have to drive like Lewis Hamilton to get to work on time now. Because it looked like breakfast was going to be a purely physical one today. Not that she was complaining. ‘I know,’ she moaned, leaning back against the counter as he pushed her t-shirt up over her hips, sliding his hand between her legs, parting them to allow him in. ‘Jesus, Ryan, you are such a bad fucking influence on me. I used to be such a good girl.’
He laughed that deep, sexy laugh of his as he buried his face in her hair. ‘Good girls are no fun,’ he whispered, running his fingers up and down her spine, settling in the small of her back, keeping her pressed against him as he pushed inside her, backing her up against the counter. ‘Bad girls are so much better.’
She couldn’t help laughing, but he was right. She’d been too good for far too long, but he was slowly making her realise that life could be fun. He was good for her. They were good together. She was having a blast, and that’s what she needed right now.
She closed her eyes and clung onto him as he pushed in deeper, rocking her whole body with every thrust until she finally felt that beautiful release, felt her body shake in his arms as they both reached a quick but more than satisfying climax. She could think of worse ways to start the day.
‘Well, baby, this bad girl had better go put some clothes on and get to work,’ she smiled, pulling her t-shirt down over her thighs and standing up on tiptoe to kiss him quickly, running her hands over his naked chest as she backed away from him. ‘So, you’re gonna have to amuse yourself until it’s time to go training.’
He leaned back against the counter and folded his arms, watching her almost sashay her way back towards the bedroom. She sure was one sexy older woman, and someone Ryan was happy to spend more and more time with. She made him feel things he’d never felt before; she made him realise that maybe he really was changing. Was Ryan Fisher finally growing up? But, if he really was growing up, then why was he even contemplating going out tonight? Pushing a hand through his hair he threw his head back and sighed heavily before running into the bedroom after Amber. ‘Amber, hang on.’
She swung round to face him. ‘What’s up?’ she asked, dragging her hair back into a high ponytail.
He came over to her, pulling her into his arms. ‘Let’s do something really crazy.’
‘Like what?’ she laughed, running her hands up and down his heavily tattooed arms.
‘Move in with me.’
Amber looked at him for a few seconds, too stunned to say anything. ‘Sorry?’
‘Look, I know this isn’t something you – or anyone, really – expected to hear from me, but… You’ve changed me, Amber.’
She frowned as she continued to stare at him, trying to work out if he was being serious. ‘And… is that a good thing?’
‘I dunno. It feels like a good thing.’ Did it?
Amber laughed again, turning her head slightly to stare past him outside at the view of the River Tyne, the early morning November sun bouncing off the water. ‘Ryan, baby, I don’t know how much coffee you’ve been drinking but, you can’t come out with something like that just as I’m about to rush out the door and expect me to give you some kind of definitive answer.’
‘I’m being serious, Amber. Since meeting… since meeting you, everything feels different. It’s like, I can suddenly see what really makes me happy.’ Was that true?
‘And you’re happy to put your playboy past behind you and move in with me? A female sports reporter eleven years your senior?’
‘Will you stop banging on about age? You’ve got a body women ten years younger than you would kill for.’
‘Oh, I should move in with you purely for that comment alone,’ she laughed, running her fingers over his chest, the muscles hard and taught beneath her fingers.
‘Then do it. Come on, Amber. Live dangerously.’
She smiled, kissing him slowly, her fingers now playing with the waistband of his jeans. ‘Yeah, but not that dangerously.’ She gave him one more kiss, grabbed her bag from the chair by the door and walked out of the bedroom, blowing him a kiss and winking at him over her shoulder.
He looked down at the ground, ru
nning a hand over the back of his neck before looking back up at her retreating figure. ‘I’m serious, Amber!’ he shouted after her. But the front door closing out in the hall told him the subject was over as far as she was concerned.
All of a sudden he needed a release, something to take his mind off all the unwelcome temptations that had suddenly appeared. So much for moving back up north to get away from everything. That had worked, hadn’t it? He’d been stupid to think running away was going to solve anything.
Sliding his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans he scrolled through his contact list until he came to a number he’d been given by a “friend” back in London. Just incase he ever needed anything once he was back up north, they’d said. A number he should have deleted, but he hadn’t. And right now he was glad he’d left it where it was. He pressed call before he had a chance to change his mind. They answered after just three rings.
‘Hey, Ryan. Callum told me I might be hearing from you. What can I do for you?’
Ryan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ‘The usual. Did Callum tell you what that is?’
The voice at the other end of the line laughed. ‘Hey, man. No problem. Welcome home. Personal collection? Or do you want somebody to come round?’
‘No!’ A million second thoughts suddenly raced through his head. But what was the problem? He knew what he was doing. He could handle it. It was just a release, that was all. A brief escape from everything. Something to calm him down, chill him out. He could control it now, couldn’t he? ‘I’ll come to you. Give me an address.’
Ryan quickly scribbled down the address he was given and ended the call, his heart beating hard against his ribs. He’d forgotten how weird but also how exciting the rush could be. Scrolling down his contact list again he found another number. Something else that could give him that brief escape. And anyway, once training was finished he had a whole afternoon to kill, didn’t he? He might as well make good use of it.
Striker (Book 1 in the 'Striker' Trilogy) Page 15