She couldn’t help laughing. ‘I know I’m paranoid, but… I still care about Ryan. But it would never have worked, Kevin. Not really.’
‘And you and the Christian Grey of football management, it’s for keeps, is it?’
She felt her stomach dip at that comment, hoping desperately that her face didn’t give too much away. Yeah, it was for keeps. And by the end of next week everyone would know that – including Ryan.
‘It’s for keeps,’ she said quietly, not really wanting to talk about this. Not here. Not now.
‘Good. That’s good,’ Kevin smiled. ‘I mean it, Amber. I’m happy for you.’
‘Yeah, well, I wish everyone was,’ Amber sighed, suddenly wishing she hadn’t said that out loud.
‘Your dad?’ Kevin asked, raising a questioning eyebrow.
‘My dad,’ Amber replied. ‘He’ll come round. Once he realises this is it, that Jim and I are together and that isn’t going to change.’
‘I guess he’s still getting over that hurdle of imagining his sixteen-year-old daughter… Well, he’s had more to come to terms with, Amber, that’s all. Jim and your dad go back a long way. He just didn’t realise you and Jim went back quite so far – in that kind of way. How did nobody see the signs…?’
Amber took that as her cue to escape, grabbing her bag and sliding it up onto her shoulder, standing up on tiptoe to quickly kiss Kevin’s cheek. ‘I’ll see you in the office on Monday, bright and early. Oh, and it is still alright for me to have next Thursday and Friday off, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, sure, of course it is. Amber?’
She swung back round and smiled at him, a smile he returned.
‘It’s good to see you happy again.’
She threw him one final smile and began pushing her way through the still-crowded Players Lounge, trying to find Ronnie, and hoping he was alone. She found him, talking to one of his TV colleagues over by the bar.
‘Hey, kiddo,’ Ronnie grinned as she joined them. ‘You finished for the day now?’
She nodded, smiling at the man Ronnie had been talking to, an ex-footballer called David Henderson who’d once had the reputation for being one of the cleanest-cut players in the English league, except that Ronnie had told her different. But she was used to the stories these men could spin sometimes. ‘I thought Karen was with you,’ she said, leaning back against the bar.
‘She’s gone to see her mum and dad. They’ve just moved to a new place in Cleadon so she’s gone to see how they’re settling in, and to tell them the news that we’re back together.’
‘Will they be happy about that?’
‘It wasn’t me who ended the marriage in the first place, was it?’
‘Fair point. You got to be anywhere in a hurry?’
‘No.’ He looked at David. ‘We’re done here, aren’t we?’
David nodded, directing a wide smile in Amber’s direction. ‘It’s good to see you, Amber.’
‘Yeah, you too, David. It’s been a while. We’ll have to have a proper catch-up some time soon.’ She took Ronnie’s hand. ‘I need to speak to you.’
Ronnie put his drink down, gave David a puzzled shrug then followed Amber out of the Players Lounge. He didn’t have much choice, really, considering she was holding onto him.
She didn’t say anything until they were safely outside, away from any crowds and any prying eyes. ‘Something up?’ Ronnie asked, a purely rhetorical question which carried more than a hint of sarcasm.
Amber looked at him, suddenly wondering if she should tell him what she was about to tell him, but she had to tell somebody. If she held it in much longer she was going to burst, or that’s what it felt like, anyway.
‘Jim and I are getting married. On Thursday.’
Ronnie stayed silent, staring at her as though she’d just said something really stupid. ‘You’re getting married,’ he repeated. ‘On Thursday.’
Amber nodded, keeping her eyes on his all the time.
‘This Thursday?’
She nodded again. ‘And I shouldn’t really be telling you this because we’ve told nobody, not even my Dad…’
‘Oh, good one, Amber. That’s just what Freddie needs, you acting like you’re sixteen again.’
‘Can you just be happy for me? Please? Because I’m so excited I could scream!’
Ronnie said nothing, just raised another eyebrow.
‘And what’s that for?’
‘What’s what for?’
‘That,’ she said, raising her own eyebrow to show him what she meant.
‘You sound like a sixteen-year-old, Amber. How can you possibly be sure that Jim is the one for you when you’ve only been together five minutes? It wasn’t that long ago you were planning your wedding to Ryan.’
‘I’ve loved Jim for over twenty years, Ronnie. Can people please try and start realising that? I can’t get him out of my head, can’t stop thinking about him, can’t stop wanting him. So, regardless of what anyone says we’re getting married next week and if you can’t be happy for me then it really doesn’t matter. I’m happy – and that’s all that matters. Because I haven’t been happy in a long time. Not really. I’ve pretended I am, tried to believe that I could live my life without him but I can’t. And him coming back here, walking back into my life, it’s proved everything I ever thought. I need him to survive. I need him to breathe, Jesus, it’s that bad! And I wanted to tell you all of this because you’re my best friend, and I love you. So, think what you like, but please, don’t tell anyone what I’ve just told you. Don’t tell anyone about Jim and I getting married. Especially not my dad. That’s all I ask, Ronnie.’
‘Hey, hang on, Amber…’ He reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking away. ‘Hang on. Look, I can’t lie, okay? To you it might sound ridiculous, given the circumstances and your past history, to say that I think you and Jim are rushing into things, but I really do think you are. Can’t you just take a bit of time to think about things?’
‘We’ve been thinking about it for over twenty years, Ronnie. How much more time do we need?’
Ronnie let go of her arm, leaning back against the wall, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘And you’re sure – really, really sure – that you love him? That this is what you want? He’s what you want?’
‘I’m sure.’
He looked at her, their eyes meeting, a look passing between them that they hadn’t exchanged in years, and it hit Amber like a bolt from the blue, because it was a look she hadn’t expected to see in his eyes. Not now. ‘Then I hope he makes you happy,’ Ronnie whispered, breaking the stare and looking down at the ground, shoving his hands in his pockets.
‘He will,’ Amber said, not taking her eyes off her best friend. ‘Ronnie…?’
He looked up at her again, holding out his hand for her to take, pulling her closer to him. ‘I love you, too, Amber. You’re the closest thing I’ve got to a little sister and I… I just want you to be happy.’
‘I am happy.’
‘Really? Promise me?’
‘Promise,’ she smiled, squeezing his hand tight, and before either of them realised what was happening he’d leaned forward, ever-so-quickly kissing her, his lips brushing over hers gently and softly.
‘Jesus, Amber, I’m sorry…’
‘It’s okay,’ she said, bringing her fingers slowly up to her mouth, touching her lips. ‘It’s fine.’
‘No. It’s not fine. Things are confusing enough without stuff like that adding to the mix. I shouldn’t have done it. In one breath I’m calling you a sister and in the next I’m kissing you. I’m so sorry, Amber…’
‘Ronnie, come on. This is me we’re talking about. How many times has something like that happened between us?’
‘Yeah, at a Christmas party after too much drink or on your birthday when I reckon it won’t do any harm to try my luck.’ He looked at her again, right into her eyes. ‘Or when we feel the need to treat each other as friends with benefits.’
She looked
away, out at the sea of people still streaming out of Tynebridge, hoping nobody had seen that short exchange between her and Ronnie. He’d got one thing right, though – neither of them needed any more complications, not when they both seemed to be finally sorting themselves out. ‘Well, those days are over now,’ she said quietly, her eyes meeting his again. ‘Aren’t they?’
He nodded, smiling a weak smile at her. ‘Yeah. They are. Look, Amber, I won’t breathe a word about you and Jim, I promise. But, shouldn’t you tell your dad…?’
She shook her head. ‘No, Ronnie. No. He’ll come round, in time. I know he will. But, right now, I don’t want anything to spoil this for me and Jim.’
He gave her another, bigger smile, pulling himself away from the wall. ‘Well, I’m gonna be here in the North East all week so, you know where I am. If you need me.’
She nodded, wanting so much to hug him but wondering if, given what had just happened, it would send out the wrong signals. And what signals were those, anyway? ‘Yeah. I know.’
‘Good. Well, I’d better get off. I promised Karen I wouldn’t be too long.’
‘Tell her I said hi,’ Amber said, watching as he almost ran down the stone steps that led down from the main entrance.
‘Will do,’ he shouted over his shoulder before hurrying off in the direction of the car park.
Amber hoisted her bag up further onto her shoulder and started making her own way towards the car park, trying to push what had just happened to the back of her mind, because it meant nothing. She was going to see Jim in a matter of hours and that was all that mattered – all she really wanted to think about. She was going to see Jim. And the anticipation of what would happen the second she got there sent a shiver right through her, bringing a smile to her face as she remembered the way he’d touched her just hours ago in his office; quick, rampant sex that had made her feel like the most beautiful, vibrant woman in the world, something she hadn’t felt all that often over the past few years.
‘Someone’s happy.’
She swung round as that familiar Geordie accent cut through her daydream, her stomach sinking when she saw him, leaning back against his car like the cocky kid he still was.
‘Ryan. I thought you’d be long gone.’
‘It’s not like I’ve got to be anywhere, is it?’
‘Isn’t the casino open by now?’
‘Whoa, low blow that one, Ms. Sullivan,’ Ryan said, shaking his head.
Amber felt instantly guilty. She hadn’t meant to say that, of course she hadn’t. He’d caught her off guard, that was all. Suddenly she wasn’t sure how to handle him. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.’
He just shrugged. ‘And it’s not like I’ve got anyone to rush home to, is it?’
‘Now who’s aiming the blows low?’
‘Enjoy the pre-match entertainment from the boss, did you?’
Amber looked at him, narrowing her eyes. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Gary heard you, and Christ knows who else. In the boss’s office, up against the door – fucking each other senseless, by all accounts.’
‘Jesus, Ryan, come on,’ Amber sighed, fishing out her car keys from the bottom of her bag.
‘Is he that good, Amber? Is he that good that all he has to do is click his fingers and you come running? Or should I just have stopped at “come”?’
‘You’re being childish now. And I’m not having this conversation.’
‘You can trust him, can you?’
She looked up at him, frowning. ‘I’ve told you – I’m not having this conversation.’
‘How can you be sure he won’t do exactly what he did before? Huh? How can you be sure?’
‘Because this time we’ve gone public, Ryan. We’ve told the world, they all know. There are no more secrets, no more lies.’ Although she couldn’t help flinching inside at that statement, knowing of the secret they still had and the lies they’d still have to tell until it was all done and dusted. ‘No more pretending we’re nothing to each other.’
‘And that’s enough for you, is it? That’s a big enough guarantee?’
‘Go home, Ryan.’
She turned to walk away from him, over to her own car, but he grabbed her by the shoulder and swung her back round to face him. ‘I loved you, Amber. I loved you.’
She stared at him, into those beautiful deep-blue eyes of his, and although he still had the ability to make her heart give a tiny flutter, it wasn’t anywhere near what she felt for Jim. And that told her everything she needed to know. ‘It wasn’t enough, Ryan,’ she said quietly, taking his hand and squeezing it quickly before letting it drop, walking away from him without looking back.
Chapter Thirty-Two
‘Now there’s a sight for sore eyes,’ Ryan grinned, sliding his arm around the dark-haired woman who’d slipped into the booth beside him. ‘Sent from heaven to sort me out, good and proper.’
She smiled, sliding her perfectly-manicured hand inside his shirt, stroking his chest as she kissed him. Jesus, he was horny tonight, despite that conversation with Amber earlier. Or maybe because of, he wasn’t quite sure. She’d looked hot, even in that simple outfit of jeans and a black shirt, her dark red hair pulled loosely back from her face. She’d looked like the beautiful woman he’d fallen in love with and just touching her again, it only made him realise what it was he’d lost. Or should that be, thrown away? So it had hurt, but it had also turned him on, in some weird and twisted kind of way. She had that effect on him.
‘When I got your call, how could I refuse?’ the dark-haired woman purred, her fingers now stroking his rough, bearded jaw line, promising things that Ryan knew she’d deliver. And soon, he hoped. Because he needed to forget. He needed to have every opportunity to think wiped clean away, giving him no chance to imagine what Amber could be doing to his boss – what he could be doing to her. He didn’t want to know, didn’t want to have to think about it but at the minute he had no choice – images were filling his head. Images of her naked as Jim touched every inch of her body, just as he’d once done. Images of his manager pushing inside her, something Ryan would give anything to experience again, to feel that beautiful, warm wetness engulf him, taking him to heaven and back in one glorious ride. Shit! This was ridiculous.
‘I need something from you, right now,’ Ryan said quietly, his mouth close to the dark-haired woman’s ear, his hand riding up her short dress, touching her thigh, telling her exactly what it was that he needed – a quick fix to tide him over until the longer game could begin. ‘Come on. Let’s get out of here.’
He grabbed her hand and they almost ran to the nearest toilets, shutting themselves inside the first cubicle they came to, his hands pushing her dress up over her thighs before they’d even locked the cubicle door. With a steady hand and one quick action, Ryan’s companion had pushed him back against the wall, unzipped his jeans, sank to her knees and took him in her mouth, giving him that release he’d so badly needed. He threw his head back, closing his eyes as she took him in deep, bringing him to a shattering climax within seconds. Christ! How ready had he been? He’d almost come before she’d even had a chance to touch him.
‘You have no idea how much I needed that,’ he breathed, opening his eyes as she stood up, watching as she pulled off a couple of sheets of toilet paper and wiped her mouth.
‘I aim to please,’ she smiled, running her hand over him again, which made him flinch slightly. Just seconds after sex meant he was still extra sensitive, but that wouldn’t last long. He’d be ready to go again, soon, and this time he wanted the games to last longer. Much, much longer.
*
‘Something on your mind?’ Jim asked, coming up behind Amber as she stared out of the window, her arms folded. ‘Only, it’s pitch black out there, so I’m not entirely sure what you’re looking at.’
She said nothing for a second, just continued to stare out into the darkness.
‘You saw Ryan, didn’t you?’ Jim’s voice was quiet,
his hand resting gently on her hip.
‘Can’t you help him, Jim?’ She turned round to face him, her eyes almost pleading with him.
‘I don’t know what it is you want me to do, honey.’ Jim pushed a hand through his hair. ‘It’s not like I can put tabs on him or anything like that. The club can only do so much – we can’t trail him 24/7.’ He put a hand to her face, gently stroking the soft skin of her cheek. ‘And it isn’t your problem anyway, baby. Not anymore.’
‘Maybe I haven’t been fair on him…’
‘Are you saying you regret breaking up with him?’
‘Oh God, no!’ She looked up into his green eyes, her hand covering his as it rested on her cheek. ‘Jim, no. That’s not what I meant. I don’t regret leaving him, I just… I just wish things could have been different. I wish I didn’t constantly feel that he was going to do something stupid or slip back into his old ways.’
‘You can’t spend the rest of your life worrying about him, Amber. Look, I’ll do my best to keep an eye on him when I can, alright? He’s a talent that shouldn’t be wasted, I can’t argue with that. But he’s also going to make his own mistakes, no matter what anyone else tells him. And we can’t really stop him from doing that if he’s hell bent on going down that road.’
Amber threw her head back and sighed. He was right, of course he was right. Ryan may have a talent that singled him out from the pack, but he was also pig-headed, arrogant, and likely to press the self-destruct button at any given opportunity. In fact, sometimes she had a feeling he did it just to spite people, almost as if to show them he could do whatever he liked and fuck everyone else. And there was nothing she could do about that, bar staying with him, and that wasn’t an option. She couldn’t stay with him, not out of pity. It wasn’t fair. On either of them.
‘You need to relax,’ Jim smiled, letting his hand wander down over her neck, slowly trailing along her collarbone, his eyes never leaving hers. ‘You’re all tense.’
Striker (Book 1 in the 'Striker' Trilogy) Page 53