There was a lot she wanted to say, but didn’t. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him. How it hurt sharing him with another woman. But after what had been unveiled, she knew it was better to keep her feelings to herself for now.
“I’ll call you tonight and we can talk. Okay?”
“All right.” Kayla took a deep breath. She was wrong for calling and reminding Leroy of the most difficult decision of his life. It was going to be even harder, preparing to leave his wife, because now there would be another child involved. Leroy was hurting far more than she could ever feel. She couldn’t wait for the day they would be together, but until then she would have to be patient and wait.
“I love you,” she whispered.
He gave a long frustrated sigh. “Kayla, honey, we’ll discuss everything tonight.” He didn’t wait for an answer. He didn’t tell her he loved her. Instead, he simply hung up.
Kayla sat there for the longest time holding the phone in her hand. It wasn’t until she heard the operator’s voice that she also hung up.
Even though he told her he would call later, something told her he would not. Now what was she supposed to do? She had invested two years in their relationship. Was she really supposed to get over him and get on with her life? She just couldn’t see it being that easy.
She was startled by a knock at the door. She rose and walked across the room.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Lisa.”
She reached up and quickly wiped away any traces she had been crying, although there was nothing she could do about the redness. She opened the door and was met by the concerned look on Lisa’s face.
“Can I come in?”
She nodded, then turned and walked over to her bed and took a seat. Kayla had known it was just a matter of time before either Nadine or Lisa had come up to see what was really wrong. Renee was probably already at the bar, drinking and flirting.
Lisa moved around and took a seat on the opposite bed and sat directly across from her.
“Are you okay?” she heard her ask.
Kayla tried to put on a fake front. “Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I know you’re messing around with Reverend Brown.”
Her eyes grew large with alarm. “How did you find out?”
“How else?” she admitted with a sympathetic shrug.
Renee. Figures.
Lisa then told her how Renee had seen them at the hotel. She dropped her head to her hands and groaned. If Renee had seen them there was no telling who else had seen them. Although she suspected Renee had found out because she had been creeping her doggone self.
She gave a frustrated breath.
“Have you called him?”
Kayla looked over at her, then nodded. “Yeah, and he admitted it.” She shook her head. “How could he treat me like this?”
Lisa looked like she wanted to comment, but remained silent. In the years that Kayla had known her, Lisa had never been one to immediately take sides. So she wasn’t shocked when she heard Lisa say, “She’s his wife, Kayla. She has every right to carry her husband’s child.”
She rapidly shook her head, refusing to believe any of it. “I want to carry his child. He swore to me that their relationship was over. That we were going to be together.”
How? “Did you expect him to do this? The two of you were committing adultery. He would have had to leave the church and try to find another congregation to accept him.”
“I was willing.”
“Willing?” Lisa paused to shake her head. “Girl, listen to yourself. You are ready to give up your entire life and everything with it, for a man who would leave his pregnant wife and kids. What’s to say he wouldn’t do the same to you?”
“He loves me,” she argued, defiantly tilting her chin.
“Are you sure? ’Cause it sounds to me like he has a problem.” Lisa shook her head slowly from side to side, as though she were explaining right and wrong to a child. “He stands behind the pulpit, preaching to the congregation about sin and getting your life right, and shit, he’s violating one of the Ten Commandments. Whatever happened to practicing what you preach?”
She simply shrugged. “He’s human. Humans are weak and born sinners.”
“And that’s his excuse?” Lisa looked appalled. “I bet every time after y’all make love, he says to you, ‘Sister Kayla, let’s bow our heads and ask the Lord for forgiveness of our sins.’”
Her eyes grew large. How in the world did Lisa know that? Her blood ran warm with humiliation. Was he really playing her for a fool? No, she tossed that thought away. He loved her too much for that. No matter what she had to have faith in him. She needed to believe that what they had was real, because without him she was nothing.
Lisa leaned forward and held her shoulders. “Kayla, you are a beautiful woman. Don’t settle. You deserve so much more than that.”
“Look at me. I’m not the finest thing around.”
“Who says you’re not?”
She lowered her head and didn’t bother to answer.
Lisa cupped her chin and lifted her head. “Kayla, listen to me,” she said, looking fixedly into her eyes to be sure that she was really hearing her. “You are as beautiful as you believe yourself to be. If you don’t think it, how the hell you expect anyone else to?”
“Leroy makes me feel so beautiful, so sexy.”
“Girl, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I know for a fact you can do so much better if you would just believe in yourself.”
Kayla didn’t know how to answer.
“Life is so short. I don’t want you sitting back someday wishing you had done things differently. There’s an entire world out there waiting to be discovered and you’ll never know wasting your time with Reverend Leroy Brown.”
That was easy for her to say. Lisa had always been beautiful. She had a pretty face and a shape to die for. Unlike her, she hadn’t grown up fat and never fitting in. Even though she had lost five pounds in the last six months, she still felt like an eyesore, a complete replica of her mother.
Kayla had been raised by Delores Sparks, an overweight woman with low self-esteem and a dummy when it came to men. For years, her children watched her jump in and out of one relationship after another that lowered her feelings of self-worth even more. After years of seeing her repeat the cycle, her kids never understood why she just didn’t have a clue.
Delores had a knack for attracting losers. Convicts, drug dealers, men without jobs, all of them wanted the same thing, her money and a chance to lay between her fat thighs. One would have thought that as a registered nurse she had some common sense. Instead, she allowed one man after the other to move in. She’d even come home to find her television missing, and still didn’t have a clue. It was no wonder her daughters had no idea how to be treated by a man. The countless men they had seen in and out of their mother’s life were no better than her alcoholic father. He showed up at their house whenever he needed money, banged their mother, then robbed her wallet.
The only time he spoke to Kayla, he’d say, “How’re you doing, Ms. Piggy?”
When she was a child the name didn’t bother her. It wasn’t until she was called out by a boy in her second-grade class that Kayla first realized the name was meant to be hurtful. As her classmates laughed at her she gazed down at the shirt that kept rolling up over her stomach and realized what they said was true. From that day on she was certain everyone was watching, staring and laughing as she ate lunch, or when they were at gym class and she was always the last to complete a task. She tried to pretend that she didn’t feel slighted or talked about.
She tried to pretend that she could not care less what others thought about her, that she was just like everyone else. Only no matter how hard she tried to pretend she could not. Her insecurities about herself followed her through high school, where she felt she never measured up to anyone else. By her junior year, she was wearing a size twenty-two. While all of her friends were dating and
having sex and attending parties, she spent her weekends alone. And then she met Anthony.
She had been working at Burger King at the drive-through window. She had seen him several times, and when he finally asked for her number she thought he was trying to get to one of her skinny sisters through her. It wasn’t until he called and actually asked to speak to her, then asked her out on her first date, that she finally believed he was serious; however, even then she thought he had ulterior motives.
They had dated for almost two months before she realized he never took her anywhere in public. They always met at his house or hers and when they went to see a movie it was never on Friday night when almost half of Hickman High could be found in the building. It was always on a school night or on Sunday at a matinee.
One evening while his parents were out to dinner, he invited her over. She knew before she arrived, he had planned to have sex. As soon as she was in his house, he ushered her up to his room and tried taking off her clothes. She stopped him because she wanted to talk about their relationship, but also because she was feeling self-conscious about her less-than-desirable body. When she told him no, then demanded to know why he never took her out around their friends, he had the nerve to say, “Be glad I’m even with your fat ass.” He then broke it off with her and made her walk home alone. She cried all night and even tried swallowing a bottle of pain relievers, but all that happened was she spent most of the night throwing up. Shit, she was too fat to even OD on a bottle of pills.
She spent a week eating pastries and drinking orange soda. It took another week before Anthony came through the drive-through and over the intercom begged for her forgiveness. She forgave him of course and that night he picked her up from work and she gave him her virginity in the back seat of his mother’s Buick LeSabre. It was over before she had thought it had started and was nothing like she had expected. It was painful but she was glad it was over.
She had hoped their relationship would have grown stronger, but nothing changed. They were still never seen in public together. However, she didn’t dare say anything out of fear that he would dump her again. He continued to sleep with her at his convenience until she found out she was pregnant. When she told him, he had the nerve to ask, “is it mine?” even though he knew good and well he was the only man she had ever been with. When she decided to keep it, Anthony asked her why in the world did she want to bring another fat kid into the world, and stopped coming around. Kenya was born and even though she looked just like his crusty behind, Anthony still refused to acknowledge her.
Kayla swore off men for the duration of her life and everything was going just fine. For once in her life Delores stepped up to the plate and helped with Kayla’s daughter while Kayla finished high school and went on to a technical school where she trained to be a certified administrative assistant. As soon as she landed a job with the University of Missouri, School of Law, she saved up her money and got her own place.
Even though her weight had escalated to a size twenty-four, life was good until Eric walked into her life. Actually, he walked into the office one afternoon. He was a fourth-year law student with an appointment with one of the professors.
She knew she wanted him the second he’d walked through the door. He was everything she wished for. He was handsome, intelligent, and had a warm sense of humor. However, she wasn’t the only one in the office interested in him and other women weren’t shy about showing their feelings. With all of the beautiful women after him, Kayla knew she didn’t have a chance.
Then, one afternoon, he was in the office, and while he waited he struck up a conversation and she found herself relaxing and feeling at ease around him. By the time he left, he had invited her to dinner.
She went home that evening and couldn’t believe her luck. She dropped her daughter off with her mother and her latest live-in, a wannabe artist, and met Eric at the steakhouse at six. This was her first date out in public.
The evening started out wonderfully. He complimented her on her pretty face and told her he had a thing for big women. At the end of the night when the waiter arrived with their bill, which included appetizers and dessert, Eric realized he had left his wallet at home. How convenient. She was too up in clouds to know he was playing her and gladly paid for the meal, which he promised to reimburse her for later. He followed her home, where the sex lasted all of three minutes. He told her being with her made him overexcited and next time would be better. A week later she again got stuck paying the bill, and that time he lasted five minutes. Within a month he had moved in after he told her his roommate up and moved out on him and there was no way he could afford the rent himself. She happily made room for him in her closet.
Kayla supported him for almost a year while he finished school, because in the back of her mind she knew her time would come after he passed the bar and found a job. Eric passed on the first try and they celebrated in Las Vegas, which she paid for, of course.
A month later she discovered she was pregnant. She came home excited to find him packing. Apparently he had gotten a job with a prestigious law firm in San Francisco.
“What about us?”
He glanced over and appeared stunned by her question. “What about us?” At her silence he continued with a small chuckle. “You couldn’t possibly expect me to marry you.” He then moved over toward the bed, dropped a hand to her shoulder, gazed down at her scoldingly. “As a lawyer I have an image to uphold. How could I ever expect to make partner with someone who looks like you on my arm? You do understand, don’t you?”
All she could do was nod.
Months later, she found out she wasn’t the first of Eric’s victims. His ex-roommate had been another overweight woman. He obviously preyed on fat women with low self-esteem.
She gave birth to Asia. The only contact she had with Eric was the less-than-sufficient check he sent every month. She had thought often about taking him to court but had chickened out.
After that, it had been the same thing: men using her for one reason or another. Finally she met Leroy and everything was different. He loved her. She was certain of that.
She briefly shut her eyes and gently rubbed her temple, trying to calm a headache that was on the verge of exploding.
Lisa wrapped her arms around her. “Girl, fuck him.” She pulled back, lowered her tone, and winked. “Believe me, you might not think it now, but everything is going to work out.”
Kayla took a deep breath. “Lisa, you are wrong about him. I know you don’t understand, but I’m going to have to stand by my man. As soon as his wife has the baby, we’re gonna be together. I just know it.”
Chapter 14
RENEE
I knew as soon as I told Lisa about Kayla’s affair with Columbia’s favorite Baptist minister, she was going to race up to the room to talk some sense into Kayla. It was fine with me, because even though Kayla and I are closer, it’s better for her to talk to Lisa than me. Lisa has compassion. Me, I would have simply told her to fuck that no-neck mothafucka.
After we finished eating, Nadine and I went to the bar for something to drink. While ordering tequila and pineapple, I spotted Everton watching me again. I waited until the bartender returned with my drink, then left Nadine at the bar, flirting, and strolled over to the front desk.
“I knew you would come.” His voice seemed to get sexier every time I heard it.
I sipped my drink and gazed over at him. Everton had a lot of confidence. I have to say I like that in him.
I made a face. “That’s ’cause I told you I was going to come.”
“Actions speak louder than words.”
“Really?” I pursed my lips playfully and leaned forward. “That remains to be seen.”
He chuckled at the way I had twisted his words.
“How’d you like the food here?”
“Very good. Is it always like this?”
“Oh, it gets better. In about another hour they’ll be preparing dinner.”
“Good Lord! I’m
going to get fat on this trip.”
He perused the length of my body. “You, lovely lady, have nothing to worry about.”
I smiled. His accent made even the corniest statement sound good.
“I have to be here early tomorrow morning, so I am spending the night at the hotel.”
My interest was immediately peaked. “They let you stay here?”
He nodded his head toward the left. “We have rooms next door that they let us use in cases like this. One of my clerks called out sick, so I’m going to cover for him in the morning, which means I’ll be here all night.”
“That’s nice,” I said, pretending I had no idea what he was getting at.
“Are you going to come see me?”
I took another sip from my cup. “Do you want me to see you?”
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.” He looked like he was trying to suppress a smile.
“Then I guess what you need to do is ask me.”
He chuckled. “You American women have such independent spirits. That’s what I love most about you.” Resting his palms on the counter, he leaned forward. “I want you to come see me tonight.”
I knew if I went to see him I was going to end up doing something my hot ass didn’t need to be doing. But so what? I’m supposed to be on vacation, right? Like I said before, what happens in Jamaica, stays in Jamaica.
I pretended to pause like I was giving his request some serious thought before finally saying, “All right.”
“Good. I’ll call you in your room around ten-thirty and let you know where to find me.”
Without another word, I nodded, spun on my heels, and rejoined Nadine. She seemed to be having a good time.
It was barely four o’clock and already the area was filled with guests drinking and enjoying themselves—I guess so when it doesn’t cost you a damn thing.
I slid onto a bar stool and smiled over at the sexy cocoa-brown, dreadlock-wearing bartender. He wiped the area in front of me with his rag as he smiled down at me. He wasn’t bad-looking.
In The Company of My Sistahs Page 10