“Shoot, I know I do.”
“I know you do and so did I. And every time he hopped on top of me I kept reminding myself how lucky I was. Every time his finger reached for my breasts I kept reminding myself that I had a wonderful new career as an author because of his generosity.”
“Do you think you would have begun writing even if you hadn’t married him?”
I took a moment to filter that question before answering. “Yes, but it would have been quite a while later. The talent I already had. The only thing missing was time. John gave me that.”
There was a long silence before either of us spoke again.
“So you’re really going to let him go?”
“I have to, because if I don’t he never will.” I rose then, tired of talking, and raced out into the water. I knew Kayla couldn’t follow because she wasn’t wearing a swimsuit. Tears had pushed to the surface; I wanted to wash them away. I hate for my friends to see me being weak. Especially if the tears are for a man.
Chapter 53
LISA
Lisa told her husband for the third time she loved him, then hung up the phone. Seconds later the smile on her lips continued to linger. God, she loved that man! Michael called her every afternoon to check on her and she loved him for it. The beautiful part about it was that he had always been that way—attentive, caring, and loving, long before she had even been diagnosed with cancer.
That’s the way it should be, she told herself as she moved to stare out the window, which was why she had never told her friends or family about her illness. Because she didn’t want things to change. She was certain if she had told them she had cancer, they would have started treating her like she was fragile. No one would know what to say or how to act and she definitely didn’t want that. If she had to battle cancer, then she wanted—correction—needed everything else in her life to remain the same. She didn’t know what she would do if her entire world changed, which was why she had made the decision that she had.
Three years ago she couldn’t bear to tell her sister she was having a hysterectomy as a result of ovarian cancer; instead she told Renee she had been diagnosed with endometriosis and because she was having severe bleeding and abdominal pains, she had opted for the surgery. Lisa had even gone as far as to tell her she and Michael had decided they had waited too long to start a family and having the surgery meant she no longer had to worry about birth control or periods. It had been the performance of her lifetime. It was an unfair thing to do, but at the time she thought it was for the best. Renee had just started dating John, and if she’d had any inkling her sister was sick, she would have packed her bags and headed to Texas, leaving poor John in the dust. No, she told herself countless times, she had done the right thing. Now here Renee was having marital problems and she was getting ready for surgery again. Hopefully when she finally told her sister the truth, she would turn to John for comfort and support. Something good had to come out of this experience. For all of them. She truly believed that God had given her cancer for a reason. She was certain of that. And she truly believed it was so that she could get the others to understand that life was too short for games.
Renee was about to give up a good man just so she could run the streets again. And if she did, Lisa bet a hundred dollars that by the end of the year, Renee would be swearing up and down she was in love again.
Kayla was still harboring feelings for Reverend Brown, and if she didn’t come to her senses soon and realize a good thing when she had it, she was going to end up losing Clayton too.
Nadine was the easiest of the bunch. All she needed to do was realize that she couldn’t live for other people and to follow her heart.
Speak of the devil. The door swung open and Nadine moved into the room, dripping with sweat.
“Hey, girl,” she said with a sparkle in her eyes she hadn’t seen at all during the trip. “You should have come down. I just played volleyball and my team kicked ass.”
“I was watching from the window. You still got skills,” she added with a smile.
Nadine pulled off her sweat-drenched t-shirt and stepped out of her shorts, then fell back in her underwear onto the bed.
Lisa took a seat on the bed. She glanced over at her bra covering a pair of double D’s. She was grateful hers hadn’t grown any bigger than a B. “Who was that woman I saw you talking to?” she inquired.
Nadine couldn’t resist the smile. “She’s a lesbian.”
“Oh, really? How do you feel about that?”
“Envious.”
“Why?”
She propped her arms beneath her head so she could look directly across at Lisa. “Because she is so comfortable with who she is. Why can’t I be like that?”
“You can.”
She frowned. “No, I can’t. You know as well as I do my parents would disown me if they found out. I can’t bear for my mother to turn her back on me.”
Lisa was so sick of Nadine worrying about what her mother would say. As far as she was concerned Nadine’s mother was a stuck-up bitch who thought the sun rose and set on her ass. Nothing or no one was ever good enough for her precious daughter. It was a surprise she even allowed the two of them to socialize. Lisa remembered one time Nadine had invited her over for a sleepover. Before she could bring her sleeping bag into the house, her mother insisted on taking it out back first and shaking it out for roaches. “Life is too short to worry about what others think. I’ve been telling you that for months.”
“I know.”
“I want to see you happy.”
Nadine’s expression suddenly became serious. “You’ve been really tired lately. Is something going on that you want to tell me about?”
Lisa hesitated a moment to consider telling her dearest friend the truth, then she changed her mind. She needed to talk to them all at the same time. Tomorrow evening after dinner would be soon enough.
“No, I’m fine, really. Just seriously anemic and guilty of not taking my supplements the way I should.”
Nadine gave her a long look and for a moment she thought maybe she knew she was lying.
“Lisa, really. I’m your best friend. So quit playing and tell me what’s going on with you.” After a pause she added, “I saw your pill bottles.”
Lisa sucked in a breath and waited for what she was about to say.
“I know you’re taking antidepressants.”
She released a sigh of relief. “Who doesn’t take Zoloft?”
“You. Definitely not you. What the hell you got to be depressed about? Your life is perfect.”
How wrong she was. “Nadine, I have problems like everyone else.”
She rose from the bed. “Yeah, right,” she murmured, then moved to take a shower.
Chapter 54
RENEE
Kayla and Clayton were out on the dance floor. He was trying to keep up, but my girl just doesn’t have rhythm. That, coupled with her insecurities—she looked like a hot mess. I was truly embarrassed for her. Although Clayton didn’t seem to notice. He was smiling down at her, holding hands and encouraging her. He seemed to really be into her. I didn’t want to feel jealous, but I was.
I tore my eyes away from Clayton’s fine ass and glanced over at Kermit the Frog, dancing with some big girl who had the audacity to be wearing a thong and spandex.
“Nadine, why aren’t you dancing with RD?” I teased.
“Forget him.”
“What’s up with you? You’ve been acting strangely all day.”
She ran a hand over her face and glared across the dance floor. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“Girl, you know you can’t lie to me.”
“I said nothing!” she snapped. “Damn! I’m going to go get a drink.”
I watched her, trying to figure out what she was tripping off of. Maybe RD didn’t give her any.
“Whassup? You want to dance?”
I glanced at the dude standing to my right. He was the best looking of the last five guys who asked me t
o dance, and that wasn’t saying much. His eyes were so crossed, I glanced up at the ceiling just to see what the hell he was looking at.
“No, thanks,” I said as nicely as I could manage.
“You know, y’all American bitches ain’t shit. You come to our country, then you want to act like you’re better than us.”
I squared my shoulders and said clearly, “Then stop asking our mothafucking asses to dance.”
He took a step forward but I refused to move an inch. “Fuck you!” “Is there a problem?”
I glanced up at Clayton while the dude pushed through the crowd.
I faked a panic. “I’m so glad you showed up. He was going off because I wouldn’t dance with him.”
“Well, if you have any more problems you let me know.”
“Thanks, Clayton.” I puckered my lips flirtatiously. “Where’s Kayla?”
He tilted his head to the right. “She went to the restroom.”
“Good. Then let’s dance.” I grabbed his arm and dragged him out on the floor before he could protest.
Chapter 55
LISA
“When are you planning to tell your friends?”
She glanced across the table at Trevor’s kind face and smiled. “Tomorrow.”
They were sitting in the hotel bar, sipping rum punch. He was a nice guy who had just recently buried his mother. For his fortieth birthday he had promised her he would take some time off from his busy construction business and go to Jamaica. A man of his word, one week after her funeral, he went to a travel agency and booked the all-inclusive vacation.
Lisa met Trevor at the pajama party. When he had told her his mother had recently died of ovarian cancer, they discovered they had something in common.
“I am still not understanding why you didn’t tell your sister at dinner. The two of you were alone.”
She had planned to. “My sister makes me so mad that at times I want to just strangle her,” she said with disgust. “I’ve been protecting her for years and I am so afraid that when I am gone she is going to get herself into some shit that she is not going to be able to get herself out of.”
“You can only do what you can do.”
“I know. My father has been telling me that for years. I just feel so responsible for her. She has so much hate in her heart that I don’t think she’ll ever allow anyone to get close to her.”
“Sounds to me like she needs counseling,” he said seriously.
“The funny thing is, she’s already seeing a psychiatrist. I think they have tried every medicine known to man. Renee takes them for a while, then decides she doesn’t need them anymore.”
“That’s usually how it works.”
Her brow crinkled. “Yeah, I know. Part of me just doesn’t believe she can handle the news. That’s why I invited our friends for backup. My sister acts like she’s so tough, but really she is quite fragile inside.”
“Regardless of what you think, you need to tell your sister soon. What if she has the same thing?”
“I know—that’s what I keep telling myself. I’ve tried asking my mother about the diseases on her side of the family but she doesn’t know. Her family doesn’t believe in going to the doctor. My grandmother died of colon cancer. My father’s side of the family—I don’t know those people. My mother never tried to make us be a part of their lives and they had never really bothered to reach out, so I just don’t bother either. However, I do need to find out what our family history is.”
“That would be a smart move.”
She planned to contact their paternal family when she got back home. Finding out their medical history was vital. Lisa didn’t want Renee to go as long as she had without knowing she had ovarian cancer. If someone had told her it had run in her family, she would have been conscious of the signs and demanded testing years ago.
She had suffered chronic fatigue and mysterious bouts of unexplained illness and pain for two years that her doctors dismissed as “flu” or overwork. It wasn’t until the heavy bleeding and abdominal pains began that she even suspected something serious was wrong with her. By the time her gynecologist decided to run some tests, the mass was already well over two centimeters. With a mass that was less than two centimeters, the patient had a seventy percent survival rate; anything larger, the rate decreased to fifty percent or less. However, Lisa had beaten the odds and had been cancer free for over two years until it decided to once again knock at her door. It was time to warn her sister and possibly save her life in more ways than one.
Lisa blinked twice and noticed that Trevor was giving her an odd look. She laughed, then reached for her drink. “Listen to me going on and on. I know you didn’t come on this trip to listen to some woman’s problems.”
“Actually I came on this trip because I needed a break. The last year with my mother was quite rough on me. And I don’t mind listening to your problems if it means I get to be in the company of a beautiful woman.”
“Thanks.”
Trevor reached across the bar and clasped his new friend’s hand. “You are a strong woman, Mrs. Miller. You remind me so much of my mother. She fought until the end.”
“You have to be.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “It’s the only way I’ll survive.”
“And you will survive. You’re physically active. You take damn good care of yourself.”
She was well aware she had a fifty percent survival rate. The recurrence lessened her chances even more, but she was a survivor, and with her determination she was going to be part of that percentage.
At sixty, Trevor’s mom collapsed and was found to have been suffering advanced ovarian cancer. Through nearly three years of treatment that included eight series of chemotherapy, surgery, and thirty sessions of radiation treatment, she retained her famed sense of humor. She spent her able days visiting other cancer patients, boosting their spirits. She had survived seven years before she had finally passed with her son right by her side.
“I really appreciate you listening. It’s hard talking to my friends and family because they are so emotionally attached. My husband is a wonderful supporter but he loves me and can’t be optimistic.”
“I’m glad I could be of service.”
Lisa stared at him long and hard. “I think the reason why your mother wanted you to take a trip to Jamaica was so you could find someone special to share your life with. You’re not going to find her hanging out with me,” she teased.
Trevor chuckled. “I have plenty of time to find love. Right now I’m trying to get over my mother’s death, and I find a great deal of comfort being in your company.”
Lisa squeezed his hand and shared a teary, knowing smile. She hoped and prayed someone brought Michael the same level of comfort after she was gone.
Chapter 56
NADINE
Nadine wasn’t in the partying mood but Renee had insisted that she come out. She would have preferred staying in her room with Lisa, but Lisa was right, she had to make some decisions, come to terms with who she was, and accept it. She glanced out on the dance floor at Renee’s nasty ass. She was dancing like she was doing a lap dance, all bent over with her ass out. Kayla had just come out of the bathroom and the expression on her face said she wasn’t too happy. But she was too timid to do a damn thing about it. What Renee wants Renee gets, and right now it was Clayton. She frowned as she watched Renee grab his ass. Kayla hissed, then mumbled she was going to get a soda. Nadine shook her head. She was definitely going to have to tell Lisa about her sister’s behavior when she got back to the room.
Glancing to her right, she spotted Lavina and her sister coming through the door. She smiled, glad to see her. Already she admired the young woman who was comfortable with who she was. Hopefully she could become just like her.
Lavina spotted her and waved, then pushed her way through the crowded club.
“Hey, gurl. This place is packed.”
“I know. From the voices floating around the room most of them are American.
I didn’t know y’all were coming here.”
“I wasn’t at first but decided what the hell. I’m here to have fun.”
The two stood there laughing and talking about people around the room. Her sister hooked up with some guy and was out on the floor. Then the music changed and 50 Cent came on.
“Oooh, girl, let’s dance.”
Before Nadine had a chance to decline, Lavina pulled her out onto the floor.
The two danced and gradually, Nadine began to feel relaxed and didn’t care what anyone thought about her dancing with another woman. They bumped and grinded. When Lavina backed her ass up against her, Nadine latched on to her ass and gyrated her hips against her. Lavina made it seem so easy to accept who she was. By the end of the song the two were laughing and holding hands.
“I knew yo mothafucking ass was a damn dyke!”
She swung around to find RD glaring at her.
“Yeah, and what about it?” She draped her arm around Lavina’s waist, feeding on her strength. Then, to her surprise, Lavina captured her chin with her hand and pressed her lips against hers. Nadine welcomed Lavina’s tongue in her mouth. Lavina was an excellent kisser. When she pulled away, RD was standing there with his mouth wide open.
“Goddamn! If I knew it was like that I would have asked you to invite yo girl up to my room last night. Shit, if y’all want we can leave now.”
Lavina sucked her teeth. “It ain’t shit a man can do for me but kiss my ass.”
“What the fuck you mean? A woman can’t give you this.” He grabbed his crotch.
“There’s more to life than dick.”
“You got life fucked up. All a woman can do is eat some pussy.”
Nadine decided to step in. “Shit, and that’s obviously more than I got from your ass last night.” She glanced over at Lavina and the two high-fived.
“Then let’s try for round two.” He reached out and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him so she could feel how hard his dick was. Nadine pushed away, repulsed by his touch.
In The Company of My Sistahs Page 25