by B. B. Hamel
“Coffee. Well, all of the above.”
“Coming right up. Coffee is over there.” He gestured with the spatula.
I grabbed a mug from the counter, poured myself some coffee, and sat at the kitchen table.
I got a good look at his apartment for the first time. There was a large television with a couch and two comfortable chairs, a bookshelf filled with books, a low shelf with what looked like a turntable, and some vinyl records stored underneath it. Paintings and photographs were all over the walls, and I had to admit that it wasn’t at all what I expected. I figured it would be a dump with pictures of sexy, naked women all over the place, but instead it was the home of a man with good taste and decorating sense.
And he was cooking. It was like I stepped into an alternate universe.
“Since when did you cook?”
He shrugged. “I’ve learned a lot of things since you left.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Why does that sound dirty?”
“Because it is.” He walked over with a plate of food. “Enjoy.”
I picked up my knife and fork and took my first tentative bite. But quickly that bite turned into a full-on shoveling contest as I worked to get as much of that delicious food into my face as possible. I didn’t care that he was watching and probably judging me, I was absolutely starving and his cooking was surprisingly good.
When I finished he put another plate down in front of me and took the empty one. I didn’t even hesitate or wonder why he was ready with seconds, I just dove in.
When I finished, he sat down with his own plate and mug, grinning at me. “Satisfied?”
“Wow. I am a pig.”
He laughed. “I had a feeling you’d be hungry.”
“Why? How could a person ever be that hungry?”
“Whenever I go through something like what you went through, I’m always starving the next morning.”
“You’ve been through something like that?”
“Not that exactly. But I’ve seen it before. Guys go through a trauma and need to eat like fucking pigs the next day. Maybe it’s the body protecting itself, I don’t know.”
I nodded, staring into my coffee mug. That he knew all of this stuff said a lot about his life since I left.
I couldn’t imagine how he’d been living. He was a mafia man, constantly in danger, immersed in violence and crime. His life was always one step away from destruction. What I went through the night before was probably a normal month for him.
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want,” he said. “Just so you know. We’re safe here for now, but I have to go see my boss soon.”
I bit my lip and nodded. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to talk about it.
“Thanks, Gage,” I said. “I just, yeah. You saved me. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
There was a short pause as I sipped my coffee.
“You did a good job decorating this place,” I said finally.
He laughed. “Can’t take credit, unfortunately. I was with a decorator for a little while. She did most of this shit.”
“You dated her?”
“Nah, not exactly.”
I nodded, deciding not to press. It wasn’t my business and didn’t matter anyway.
He smirked at me. “Jealous?”
“Of course not.”
“Good. I don’t think I would have risked my life for her.”
“Gage . . . “ I didn’t know what to say.
“Relax. I’m kidding. Sorry if it’s too soon.”
“What are you going to do about your boss?”
“We’ll see. I honestly don’t have a plan yet.”
“What about that man?”
“Don’t worry about him. Kuzma wasn’t a good person.”
“I’m not worried,” I said. “I’m glad he’s dead.” I was surprised that I said those words, but I knew they were true.
Gage nodded, watching me for a few seconds. He didn’t seem fazed by my comment.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said suddenly, blurting it out.
A small smile crept across his face. “Who says I want anything?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled.
“I do want one thing, but I’ve never pretended otherwise. I want your tight pussy dripping all over my big dick.”
“Gage,” I said, shaking my head. “Why are you always so crude?”
“Not crude, just honest.”
“You say honest, and I say dirty.”
“You don’t mind the dirty. We both know that.”
I sighed. He was right. Coming from him, I didn’t mind anything. Somehow he made even the nastiest comment seem incredibly sexy, maybe because he was so crude.
“I can’t stay here forever, you know,” I said.
He laughed again. “Good.”
“But I can’t go back to my job.”
“No. You can’t.”
“What am I going to do?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. But I do know that we’re not out of the woods yet. This shit isn’t over, Sadie. I know you don’t want to hear that right now, but it’s the truth. You need to be prepared.”
“Prepared for what?”
“Whatever is going to come. It could get bad.”
“Worse than it already is?”
“Much worse.”
Fear tickled at the edges of my spine. “Okay,” I said softly.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to worry you.” He reached out suddenly and took my hand, surprising me. It was a tender gesture, something I didn’t really expect from Gage. “I just need you to be ready. I’m going to keep you safe.”
I nodded, not pulling my hand away. He stared at me, eyes intense and serious, and I realized in that moment how much he cared.
It should have been obvious already. He killed for me and rescued me from one of his own people. But for some reason I couldn’t see past the fact that he was Gage, that bad boy from my past. He was a mobster and everything that I was supposed to hate, but he was also my ex-boyfriend, that one that got away.
I was confused, so damn confused. I didn’t know what I wanted from him or what he wanted from me. But the feeling of his hand on mine was so reassuring that I just knew, deep down inside of me, that he really cared.
There was no second-guessing that. He cared about me and I was stupid for not seeing it sooner. I sent him away that night because I was too angry over what he had become. I was blind to the man that he still was, the man that cared for me above anything else, the sexy and incredible and strong man that I found myself irresistibly pulled toward.
He pulled his hand away and finished eating. I picked at my food, mulling over what was happening to me. The events of the night before were still fresh, but somehow dulled from the fact of Gage’s protection. I knew that he wasn’t going to leave me behind or let his people have me. I knew he wasn’t going to give me up for dead and wash his hands clean of me. He’d already killed for me once.
Did I deserve any of this? I had no clue. Probably not, especially not after I sent him away once. That didn’t seem to matter to him, though. He made a promise and he was keeping his word because that’s the kind of man Gage was.
I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve any of it. I didn’t deserve the mafia coming after me and trying to rape me, and I didn’t deserve Gage’s devotion and protection.
When he finished, he looked up at me. “Time for me to go,” he said, standing up.
“Okay, yeah. Sure.”
“Come here.” He motioned for me to follow him. I got up and he led me back into his bedroom. He opened a drawer and moved some socks aside, revealing a gun. “In case you need to run or you have to protect yourself, this is here and it’s loaded.”
I stared at him. “I’ve never shot a gun before.”
“It’s easy. Point and squeeze the trigger. There will be some recoil, so hold it with two hands, like this.” He hefted the gun
and showed me. “Now you.”
I took the gun from him, surprised at how heavy it was. I held it the way he showed me. He adjusted my grip a little bit but nodded.
“Good,” he said. “Stand like this if you can.” He showed me a sideways stance. “This gun won’t have a lot of kick, but it’ll be there. A good stance will make you more accurate.”
“Like this?”
He nodded as I got into position. He adjusted my hips a bit. “Now, look down the sights. See?”
“I see.” I pointed the gun at the far wall, aiming it and holding it the way he showed me.
“Good.” He gently took the gun back and put it into the drawer. “There’s also cash in here, around five grand. If you have to run, take the old car, the gun, and this cash. Drive for as long as you physically can and don’t fucking look back.”
“Gage,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t do this. I can’t run.”
“You won’t have to. But just in case, you have to be ready. Okay?”
I bit my lip. I hated this and all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers like a scared little kid. But he was doing so much for me already, the least I could do was try and step up a little bit.
“Okay,” I said. “Car, cash, and gun. I got it.”
“Good.” He gestured at keys sitting on top of the drawer. “You can get out the window over there. It’ll drop you right next to the car.”
“Okay,” I said. “Got it.”
“This is your escape route. If I’m not back in three hours, use it.”
“Three hours?”
“Yes,” he said. “Three hours. Not a second longer.”
“What if you’re just running late?”
“I’ll find you,” he said gently. “Don’t leave a note. Don’t hesitate. Three hours and you run if I’m not back.”
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
He took my shoulders, looking me in the eyes. “You’re a survivor now, Sadie. You’re a badass lawyer that goes up against the toughest motherfuckers in the world. You can fucking do this.”
I nodded, steeling myself. “Okay,” I said. “Okay. Three hours and I’ll run.”
“Good.” He looked me in the eye for another second before letting me go. He turned and walked toward the front door.
I followed him. “What’ll happen to you?” I asked him.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, grinning. “I’m like you. I’m a fucking survivor.” He picked up another gun from the coffee table, slipped it into his jeans, and then opened the front door. He waved and then disappeared outside, shutting the door behind him.
I stood there alone in the strange house, not sure what to do with myself. I looked at the clock and made a note of the time.
Three hours, and then I was going to run my ass off. I was terrified and didn’t know where I’d go, probably back to Seattle, but maybe that was too obvious. Maybe Canada or Florida or Texas or Mexico. Somewhere far away.
I owed that to him at the very least. I was going to do as he told me, but I was praying I never really had to.
14
Gage
I pulled up outside of the diner where Alex had breakfast every day. I checked my watch and sat back to wait. I was probably a half hour early, so I got comfortable and kept my eyes peeled. He’d show up and sit alone, and talking in the diner was the perfect place. He wouldn’t be able to get violent or send one of his fucking boys to try and shank me from behind. It wasn’t exactly safe, but it was safer than going to his actual office.
I should have been prepping for this fucking meeting, but I couldn’t mentally make myself worry about it. I had no real plan or idea, and didn’t think there was anything I could say or do. I killed Kuzma to defend an enemy of the mob, and that was straight up traitor shit. If I heard of someone else doing that, I’d be the first one in line to cut his fucking throat.
I didn’t even know why I was doing this. I should have gotten all our shit packed and hit the road as soon as I killed Kuzma. I shouldn’t have wasted a single fucking second, because every one of those seconds could count out on the road. We could have disappeared without a trace last night.
But I couldn’t walk out on the mob. They gave me so much and brought me up in the world. My stupid fucking loyalty was probably going to get me killed, but I had to take the risk. What I wasn’t okay with was getting Sadie hurt because of my stupidity.
The girl had no clue how strong she was and what she did to me. She had no idea the kind of person it took to go through what she went through last night and still get up the next morning. She was shaken up and obviously still afraid, but she was still moving, and that was amazing. I’d seen people go catatonic over fucking less in my day, but she was eating and even learning to hold a gun the right way.
It was impressive. I knew she was an impressive person, but she was taking my opinion of her to a whole new level. Sadie was fucking sexy, smart, brave, and incredible. It was no wonder that I was willing to risk everything for her.
It wasn’t like I could just explain that to Alex, though. They didn’t give a fuck how I felt about her, and for good reason. The mafia was a business and their business ran on strength and fear. As soon as we started giving a shit about feelings and all that fucking garbage, we’d be fucking destroyed by someone stronger.
That was all that mattered to them. All they cared about was strength. I was one of the strongest members of the mob and had served faithfully and loyally for fucking years, and so I was hoping that I could work something out that way. Maybe I’d pay them off, maybe I’d do some dirty fucking jobs, or maybe I’d just convince Sadie to walk away from the case and drop the charges against Evgeni. Whatever it took, I’d try and do it. Whatever it took, so long as it wasn’t hurting Sadie any more.
After about fifteen minutes of waiting, I saw Alex’s car pull into the lot. He got out and walked into the diner. I watched him get seated in his usual booth, smiling and talking with the waitress the whole time.
That was good. He was in a decent mood and probably didn’t know about Kuzma yet. I climbed out of my car and walked into the diner.
Alex spotted me right away and waved me over. “What are you doing here, Gage?”
I sat down across from him. “Came to see you.”
“Fuck, man. Want some coffee?”
“No thanks.”
He frowned at me. “You look fucking serious, man. Something happen?”
That bastard. He knew that Kuzma was going after Sadie last night, and he knew that I wasn’t going to be happy about that. It was probably going to be a little surprise when he finds out what I did to him, though.
“We gotta talk about last night,” I said.
He smiled. “I guess you heard.”
“I more than heard.”
He sighed, leaning back. “What did you do, Gage?”
“You fuckers said that I was supposed to take care of it, and then you sent Kuzma.”
“So what? Vadik does what he thinks is best. Besides, you weren’t moving fast enough.”
“You were fucking testing me.”
“So?”
I wanted to punch his smug face. “You went behind my back.”
“I don’t really give a fuck if we hurt your feelings, Gage.”
“You stupid bastard. My feelings aren’t hurt.” I paused. “Kuzma is dead.”
That got his attention. “He’s what?”
“Dead. I killed him.”
“You’re fucking serious?”
“I am very serious.”
“Jesus Christ, Gage. What the fuck did you do?”
“Bastard came into Sadie’s room, tried to rape her. Shit got heated. He pulled a knife.”
“So you killed him?”
“It was kill or be killed, Alex.”
“You dumb motherfucker.” I watched him go from shocked to pissed off in about ten seconds. “You stupid fucking cunt. You killed one of your own guys. All for what? For some bitch?”
> “You had no right to go for her. She was fucking mine.”
“You don’t get shit, Gage. You work for me and for Vadik.”
“Kuzma is dead and the girl is safe with me. So now you have a choice.”
“I have no choice now. You realize that?”
“You always have a choice.”
“We can’t let this slide.” He shook his head. “Fuck, Gage. I was wondering why Kuzma didn’t check in.”
“Cops are probably looking for me now, too.”
“Not much we can do about that, even if we fucking wanted to.”
“The way I see it, you have two choices. Either come after me and Sadie and get fucked up. Or, you can let us go and I’ll convince her to drop the charges against Evgeni.”
Alex laughed, and just then the waitress returned with his food. He ordered two eggs, toast, a short stack of pancakes, and coffee. She put it in front of him and walked away.
“There’s no amnesty for you now,” he said simply. “If we weren’t in this fucking diner, I’d try and kill you myself.”
“You don’t have to make this hard. Let me take care of this girl and the rest is a wash.”
“No,” Alex aid. “Vadik won’t ever go for it. You killed one of your own. Now you have to pay for it.”
I stared him down and he stared right back at me. I knew in that moment that all hope of figuring this out peacefully was gone.
It was going to be violence.
I stood up and nodded at him. “Okay then, Alex. If that’s what you want.”
“Nice knowing you, traitor.”
I turned and walked away.
There was nothing left to do. I got back into the car and drove home, trying to figure out what my next move was going to be.
It was good that Alex didn’t know about Kuzma yet. That meant Sadie was still safe back home. I hated leaving her there alone but I knew that it was for the best. She needed some time to herself to try and heal, and I needed to make sure that I was sharp.
Now though, my place wasn’t safe. They knew where I lived and it was going to be the first place they checked. I probably had a few hours before orders came down from Vadik and men were sent out to my place to kill me and Sadie, but I wasn’t going to wait that long.