by Lynn, R.
With his head held high he stumbled away from the door and over to Diana’s stall, hoping that his beloved horse’s soothing touch would wipe away some of the torment that grew within him. But when he came to the stall, it was empty.
“What is the meaning of this? Where is Diana?” Surprise and anger filled his tone.
“Apologies Dominus, but she sleeps beside me. I did not think it would upset you.”
“She slept by you?” He needed to be sure he had heard her correctly.
Sellah timidly nodded her head and looked in the direction of the sleeping horse. It took Thaddius five strides to make it to her side. His eyes widened in astonishment as he saw Diana stretched peacefully beside Sellah. His hand rose to
point and his mouth formed words, yet none came forth. Why hadn’t he noticed her there before?
* Uncomfortable with their close proximity, Sellah pressed herself as far back as she could. Thaddius had been acting unlike himself, and now she was worried what he would do.
“It will not happen again. I will leave Diana to sleep alone.” She hoped this offering would lessen her impending punishment.
* His face jerked away from the horse, and he stared at Sellah, trying to read her expression. He held her captive with his gaze for moments that seemed like eternity before he finally spoke.
“I used to sneak in here as a young boy and sleep with Diana. Something about spending nights away from the domus and in this place was peaceful to me.”
He had never told anyone about this and here he was telling Sellah. The vulnerability of his doing so confused him, and he clenched his hands into fists at his side.
*
Sellah found herself relating to what he had said. “I, too, would leave my home. My father was a drunk, and I couldn’t
stand being around him when he participate in the drink. I would go to an abandoned hut outside town and fall asleep to the sounds of nature. It was my safe place. I knew he couldn’t hurt me there.” Recognizing the look on his face as one of camaraderie, she offered him a half smile.
* Feelings he did not know how to describe began to blind him from reason. He had the urge to tell her everything, every fear, every hurt, every action that brought him to this place.
“Sellah, may I sit by you?” He motioned beside her and studied her face, waiting impatiently for her response.
* It was with uncertainty that she offered a quick head nod, signaling it would be permitted. She watched his every move, the way his troubled brow softened, the way his shoulders seemed to relax. Who was this man before her? It was definitely not the Dominus she had had for the past few days.
Sitting precariously close to Sellah, he tilted his head so he could look at her.
The warmth of his leg pressed next to hers sent shivers of caution through Sellah. This was her Dominus, not just an ordinary man, and it was not appropriate for her to touch him. And yet sitting so close, talking about their past seemed to make sense. Feel normal. Like two friends connecting, not like master and slave.
“Thaddius, I….”
“I like it when you call me by my name,” he interrupted. They held each other’s gaze, both in confusion over the
natural familiarity that suddenly overcame them. Inside of Sellah, in a deep forgotten place, she began to remember the look they had exchanged the night of the auction when they first locked eyes. She recalled how he had rescued her and Accalia from Barachius. And how every time he looked at her, his eyes saw more than her color, more than her frame. His eyes saw deep into her soul. But even though those feelings and memories resurfaced, she couldn’t help but feel the fear and pain she also held toward this man. After all, he had had her beaten and forced her to sleep in the stables.
Diana lifted her head and snorted before resting it back down on her crossed legs. This acted as the perfect distraction for Sellah, allowing her to pull her gaze from Thaddius’s penetrating eyes. How could she feel so much positive and negative energy toward the same person?
“Sellah…look at me please,” his large hand took her head and turned it to face him. For some reason she did not fear him.
“Sellah, I am sorry how men have treated you. Your father, Acestes, and… myself. You deserve better. As Vettius says, you are a treasure.”
* The words formed on their own and his lips delivered his message. But he did not resist them, in fact, he welcomed them. Sellah was deserving, deserving of better than he. And
even though it pained him to admit it, Simeon was a man who would treat her with respect. He took his eyes from her penetrating stare and kicked at the straw covered ground.
“Simeon is a lucky man,” he mumbled.
* She cocked her head and looked at him, her heart beating at a rapid pace. Thaddius had just offered her kindness. A kindness that captivated her body and sent flutters of heightened pleasure across her skin. But what had he meant about Simeon? He couldn’t have known about that night they were alone in the medicos tent, could he?
“Thaddius, what do….”
“Thaddius! There you are gorgeous. I was worried about you,” Calista cooed as she sauntered into the stables. Upon seeing the girl, Sellah pulled away from Thaddius. When she neared the pair, Thaddius stood out of respect and greeted her. But the tension that had left his brow and shoulders returned, and Sellah couldn’t help but wonder why.
*
“Calista, why are you here?” he asked, as he tried to lessen the sharp edge of his words with a smile. Despite the smile, she took offense and looked knowingly to Sellah.
“I have not interrupted anything have I?” she asked in a condescending manner.
Thaddius turned to look upon Sellah, pausing to memorize her face. He knew what he had to do; he had to allow himself
to forget the feelings that were beginning to grow within him. Sellah was not his, she was Simeon’s, and rightfully so.
While Calista annoyed him, she was beautiful and well bred. Not to mention, better suited overall to marry someone like him, someone with a darkened past and bleak future. Yes, he would forget Sellah. He had to.
“No, you have interrupted nothing,” he said, emphasizing the word he knew would bring pleasure to Calista and pain to Sellah.
“Come Calista, I am starving.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and practically carried her away from Sellah and out of the stables.
They had barely left the stables before they saw one of the guards running full speed toward them.
“My lord the gate, they have breached the gate!”
Thaddius dropped his arm from around Calista’s waist, leaving her alone as he ran after the guard to the front of his villa.
It was worse than he had expected. The guards were injured and leaning against each other for support. Small fires were scattered around the grounds. But most worrisome was the angry horde of women who had broken open the gates and were preparing to initiate their main attack.
Without thinking of the danger of his actions, he approached the gate and raised his hands in an attempt to silence the girls.
“I need to apologize to you all.” He waited patiently until they stilled.
Before him stood a living, breathing mass of anger ready to rip him apart if he spoke the wrong words. If this was the end, then he would leave the world a good man, the man he
knew he was in the depths of his heart. The one Vettius had reminded him of.
“It is not right for me to use you, or others like you, for my purposes. You are not instruments of pleasure.”
He paused to let his words sink in.
“You are women who deserve both respect and love. I have not given these to you, nor will I be able to. I have developed feelings for another though she does not return my feelings. In fact, she loves someone else. I can no longer deny that my heart yearns for more than mere pleasure. I want something like what this girl could have offered if she was not already pledged to another man. Every day I am tortured with reminders of how I feel. And until I
admit these feelings, I will not be free. I will continue to abuse and hurt those around me, those like you. So please, I am deeply troubled for giving you empty promises and for using you to avoid my true feelings.”
The cold steel of the gate matched the determined look in the eyes of the girls. His throat was dry as he awaited their response, awaited his fate. It was the first time he had been honest with his feelings of love, and he had done so to a group of harlots.
Awkward moments passed before a soft touch against his rough hand gave him courage to meet the eyes of the girls.
“Thank you,” one said before she turned to leave. And then another and another.
Soon the mob dwindled to just a few girls. He watched as those remaining studied him, trying to judge if his words were true or well-rehearsed. Not knowing what he could say to help them believe him, he chose silence to let his last words stand.
Finally, one of the girls’ faces softened as she walked up to the gate. “She is lucky, you must tell her what you told us.” And then she turned to follow the last of the women.
T haddius raised his hands and wrapped them around the back of his neck before he turned to his guards. “Holy Minerva, did that just happen? They actually left!” “You’re words were like honey on their lips, Dominus.
Did you mean what you said?” one of the guards asked. Thaddius recognized the look the guard gave him as one
wanting to know if he had a weakness. Love. That was a
weakness.
“Of course not! I said what they wanted to hear, nothing
more.” Thaddius paced back and forth giving himself a
moment to calm back down. He had been scared, petrified. For the first time he was truly within death’s grasp, and it
wasn’t behind the wheels of a chariot as he had always
imagined. This time death by a mob of angry harlots had been waiting just outside his villa’s gates.
“Clean this up. I must head back to the trigarium and continue training.” He waved toward the mess and burning debris before he set out in a determined march back to the drivers.
“Thaddius!” Calista screamed as she ran to him, trying to gain his attention. In his single-mindedness he ignored the girl and walked right past her.
“Oh Thaddius, I am glad you are safe!” Calista once again tried feigning concern.
Much to Thaddius’s relief he saw Acestes out of the corner of his eye. The man was instructing one of the other slaves.
“Acestes!” Thaddius called out.
“Yes Dominus.”
“See that Calista and Guya return home. And while you are in town, inquire about purchasing another driver.” Thaddius did not stop to hear Acestes’s reply but maintained his rapid pace toward the trigarium.
“But Thaddius.…” Calista cried.
“No buts. I am far too busy to entertain you and Guya. When the tournament is over and I am victor, we can discuss our wedding arrangements.”
“Our wedding?” As the words escaped her lips, she faltered in her step.
“Yes, you will be my bride!” He called over his shoulder as he continued his focus march to the trigarium.
Calista raised her hand to her forehead; her eyes rolled to the sides, blackness filled her sight, and she fell backwards to the ground.
“Thaddius, the girl has fainted!” Acestes yelled after him. But Thaddius did not stop. He waved his hand in disregard
and continued his march. When he came to the hill overlooking the trigarium, he took in a deep breath before heading down to the circus.
The drivers were diligently coaxing their horses around the track, yet despite their best efforts, he could already see at least four mistakes each had made. “No, no, no! Do not lean against the turns!” he yelled as one of the chariots whipped past him. “Trust your lead horse. If you don’t trust them, then how do you expect the other horses to?”
Thaddius ran out into the middle of the track. This sudden move forced one of the drivers to pull back on his reins in a desperate bid to avoid Thaddius. The cart and horses swerved to a stop and spread a cloak of dust over Thaddius.
“Do you see what you do? Through the turns the horses lean away from the lead instead of into it. Give more slack to the reins and they will learn to trust you!” He slapped the rear of the lead horse which sent the team into a quick jaunt. “Try my instruction through the next turn!” he shouted after them.
The hours went by painfully slow. The men were learning, but at a more deliberate pace than Thaddius would have liked.
“Keep your feet planted!” he yelled as one of the chariots drove past.
“Thaddius!” a voice called out. Thaddius turned to see Acestes running toward him as fast as his old legs could manage. Acestes opened his mouth to speak. But by the look on his face, Thaddius already knew it was bad news, and he dreaded hearing any more bad news at the moment.
“Not now Acestes!”
“You need to listen to me.”
Thaddius tilted his head toward Acestes and rolled his
eyes.
“The first race of the Grande Maximus starts at high
noon!” Acestes panted, still worked up from his run to
Thaddius.
“What are you talking about? We still have three weeks.”
Thaddius shook his head in exasperation as he turned from
him and back to watching his drivers.
Acestes stood in front of Thaddius, blocking his view of
the track and drivers. “No, it is today! We have been isolated
in this villa over the last week and have almost missed the
change. Barachius must have pressed Emperor Caligula to
move the starting date forward. I assure you this is no
accident. He wants to disqualify your drivers from entering.” “How could he even do that?” Thaddius asked, as he
tapped his foot and tried to calm the panic that grew within
his chest.
“The Emperor favors the greens. No doubt Barachius used
that to his advantage,” Acestes explained.
“But my drivers are not ready.” Thaddius huffed in
exasperation as he threw his hands in the air and then pointed
to the men on the track. “They can barely make it around an
empty track let alone one with other drivers.,” he paused to
think over his options.
They had to try to make it in time for the first race or the
blues would be ineligible for the remainder of the
tournament. Of course, he couldn’t even be sure if his drivers
would make it to the next round. As far as he could tell, he
had only one option.
“I will also compete!”
“Jupiter’s cock! Are you an idiot? That is not an option.”
Acestes slammed his fist into his hand.
“Do not address me as though you are an equal. You may
have advised my father, but to me you are but another slave.
If I do not compete and we lose, then Barachius will own
you, and you will have no voice!”
Thaddius ran out onto the track once more, waving his
arms, directing the chariots to stop. As the drivers tried to
guide their chariots to a halt, they narrowly missed ramming
each other. Thaddius hung his head in his hands and said a
quick prayer. They were going to need more than luck to help
them now.
“Water your horses and ready them for a race. The first
stage of the tournament has been moved to high noon. Today,
we will see which of you will be worthy of the title
charioteer.”
“A cestes, Vettius, see that Diana and the other three
horses are prepared. Have Sellah tend to Diana. I must go and speak with Simeon immediately.” Acestes cleared his throat. “You want the girl to attend to
the horse at the tournament or before?” he asked trying to clarify Thaddius’s request. The hint of judgment in Acestes words brought Thaddius from a focused mind to one of frustration.
“She comes to the tournament. There will be no arguing about this!”
Vettius tried to hide his smile, but his efforts were not enough, and Thaddius caught sight of it. This, in turn, caused a reaction he had not expected as laughter welled up within him and threatened to spill forth. Thaddius turned his head before either man saw his smile and covered his mouth to stifle the rising need to laugh.
Sometimes, Acestes constant need to belittle became more than frustrating—it became amusing. At least they could give him credit for being a determined old man.
As Thaddius made his way to Simeon’s tent, his humorous mood dissolved. When the tent came into sight, he realized he had not yet thought of what to say. Spur of the moment apologies were difficult for him. He had to choose his words carefully.
When he spoke his rehearsed apology, he did so pacing back and forth before the tent. He couldn’t help but worry about the afternoon race. It would be the first time he would race for a reason other than for sport. The worry clouded his memory, and he wound up stuttering his apology and having to start over.
“For the gods sakes, Thaddius, get in here. How many times can you blunder one simple apology? You’re forgiven already!” Simeon yelled from within the tent.
A grim smile crept over Thaddius’s face, and he shook his head at the kindness of his friend. Simeon had no reason to forgive him. In fact, if the table were turned, Thaddius would have made him suffer longer. Thankfully, Simeon was not like Thaddius.
Making his way into the tent, he noticed how his steps seemed lighter. Simeon had taken a great weight off his shoulders. Knowing they could once again be friends made Thaddius feel invincible.
When his hand felt the scratchy grain of the tent fabric, he paused, remembering the hurt he had felt the last time he was here. But he couldn’t dwell on that now. He needed Simeon, and that was all that mattered.