I did this to him.
I have broken my own children.
This is what comes from my selfish attempts to have it all.
‘Scarlet – are you hearing this?’ His voice is muffled.
Scarlet moves around so that she can see the screen. ‘I am absolutely hearing this.’
‘You know what this means, don’t you?’
She nods and I see her mouth trembling. I’d reach out to comfort her but I don’t know if she’d welcome my touch right now.
‘I know what it means, Dylan.’
Scarlet blinks hard and looks down at the floor, as if she’s trying to compose herself. Dylan makes a gasping sound, like he’s struggling to breathe – and then the room erupts with a screech of hilarity as he pulls his hands away from his face and starts howling with laughter.
‘Our mum has written a porno!’ Tears of mirth are rolling down Scarlet’s face and on the screen I can see Dylan clutching his stomach as he cracks up.
Not broken then. That’s a bit of a relief.
It’s not what I was expecting but on reflection, it could have been a lot worse. And this probably isn’t the right occasion to explain the difference between erotica and porn. That can wait for another time and another day, when I’ve had a lot more wine to drink.
For now, I’ll have to settle for trying to explain to my still-hysterical children that, despite being an erotic author who somewhat bewilderingly appears to be something of a YouTube sensation, I am still very much their mum. And if they think this diminishes my power and authority over them, in any way, then they are very much mistaken.
I am Hannah Thompson. Wife, Mother, Daughter, Teacher.
I am also Twinky Malone. Writer of always factual, and occasionally funny, Erotic Fiction.
I have no idea what my newfound Internet fame is going to mean for More Than Sex and So Much Sex but I suppose it might make selling the performance rights more of a possibility, which is both nerve-wracking and wonderful in equal measure. And my book being turned into a film could be the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for. My chance to stop being a ‘bit’ part in my own life and take the starring role for a change.
Not literally, obviously. That’s a horrifying thought.
And I might not be a Sex Goddess but based on what Scarlet just said about the comments on YouTube, I think there’s a vague chance that I could be a queen of sex and that sounds way more appealing. Trying to be a Sex Goddess was super-exhausting and incredibly time-consuming and there’s just too much other stuff to be getting on with. Like informing Dylan and Scarlet that if they don’t stop laughing in precisely two seconds flat, then I’m going to have them sent to the bloody tower.
The Goddess is dead – long live the Queen.
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THE END
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If you enjoyed following Hannah Thompson in Faking It then you’ll love More Than Just Mum, the first book in this series.
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Get your copy here!
Acknowledgments
I have faked many things in my life and writing a sequel was never going to be the easiest thing that I’ve pretended I can do. But here we are and I really, really hope that you enjoy faking it as much as I do.
I need to thank a few people for supporting me on my FAKING IT journey.
First, my fabulous mum, Kerry and my incredible little sister, Elizabeth, both very funny and hysteria-inducing women. Next, my brilliant friend Polly who is always ready to read an early manuscript and tell it to me like it is. If I want the truth then I go to her – and if I want a hilarious sex story then she’s pretty good at those too, as is Kym, who never fails to make me splutter my Prosecco onto the table.
I also want to thank the One More Chapter team but especially Hannah, my wonderful and talented editor. She made this book the most fun to write and I did not know that working on my edits could be so uproarious and awkward and generally entertaining.
I’m going to thank my kids (Z, G & R) who I know will not be reading this, if their reaction when they heard me explaining the vibrator scene is anything to go by. They are generous and kind and incredibly supportive and this book is absolutely not about them.
Lastly, I need to thank my husband, Adam. We met when we were 21 years old and our entire life together has been about making it up as we go along. He constantly encourages me to move out of my comfort zone and to stop waiting to be given permission. He makes me brave and the one thing I will never fake is how in love with him I am (and no – he is NOT Nick!).
Thank you for reading…
We hope you enjoyed Faking It! Do leave a review if so on all your preferred platforms to help spread the word!
And don’t miss Rebecca Smith’s laugh-out-loud novel of family chaos and self-discovery, More Than Just Mum. It will have you crying with laughter!
Get your copy right here!
Be sure to follow Rebecca on Twitter @bexsmithwriter for all the updates on her latest work.
You will also love…
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Why not try The Lonely Fajita by Abigail Mann, an irresistible comedy of errors following Elissa Evans and the unlikely mentor who teaches her the power of singlehood.
Get your copy here!
You will also adore The First Date by Zara Stoneley, a hilarious and heartwarming romantic comedy about what happens when the wrong guy turns up at the right time.
Get your copy here!
And don’t miss the historical romance of 2020, Before the Crown by Flora Harding, which immortalises the story of the secret engagement between Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip in the tempestuous wake of WWII.
Get your copy here!
Happy reading!
Rebecca was born in Chester, England in the same year as the three-day week, the world population hitting 4 billion and McDonalds opening their first UK restaurant. Her mother educated her on a diet of T Rex, Adam and the Ants, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen and she grew up thinking that Frank Zappa was her dad (sadly untrue). She studied at Exeter University during the heyday of Blur, Oasis, The Offspring and The Spice Girls, when life was sweet and everything cost £1 and has had a variety of jobs that have taken her to some very interesting places, including four years teaching in a Category C male prison.
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Rebecca has been attempting to parent since the start of the millennium and currently lives in South-West England with her husband and three children. When not working her day job or frantically writing, she can often be found either engaged in the fruitless pursuit of trying to find a bra that genuinely does its job or the less frustrating pastime of drinking prosecco.
Also by Rebecca Smith
More Than Just Mum
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Faking It: The most hilarious and laugh out loud page turner you’ll read this year! Page 32