My Soul Is Yours

by E. L. Todd

  “Not come around?” he asked incredulously. “Arsen, you’re family to us. We never want you to stop coming around.”

  “But if Silke marries this guy…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence.

  “Hey.” He forced me to look at him. “I love you like Slade and Silke. You’re my son. Janice and I will never cut you out. If Silke does find out someday…so be it. But if she hasn’t figured it out by now, I doubt she will, especially since you don’t live here anymore. And this is a huge city. I doubt you’ll cross paths with her.”

  Would I be a horrible person if I said I wanted to cross paths with her?

  “Don’t ever worry about that.”

  “Okay.”

  He patted my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Arsen. Janice and I want nothing more than to welcome you as our son—officially. But just because you can’t have Silke doesn’t mean there aren’t other great women in this city. You’ll find someone who makes you happy.”

  I left the chair. “She’s the only one I want. I suspect that will never change.” I walked to the door, not wanting to talk about this anymore. The only person who could ever make me feel better was Abby. I wanted to hold her and watch her play with her toys. I wanted to replace the hurt I felt for love. I wanted to look into the blue eyes so identical to mine and remember that I had something incredible.

  Ryan let me go and didn’t try to hold me back.

  He understood that nothing he did or said would make a difference.

  Chapter Six

  Clementine

  I slept at Ward’s place every night I wasn’t working. His strong arms wrapped around me and formed a steel cage. Sometimes he snored, and he reminded me of a sleeping bear. His body was warm and always combated the cold air. When his lips pressed against my skin, I felt like I belonged to him and him alone.

  The nights I worked at the strip club were terrible. Ward was in a pissed off mood so I avoided him altogether. With enough space, he got over it and returned to normal. But his anger would return in full force the next time I stripped. While his concern was cute at times, it was more annoying than anything else.

  I woke up one morning to the sound of his alarm clock. “Ugh, can’t you have a silent alarm clock?”

  He hit the off button. “There’s a good chance it wouldn’t wake me up, darling.”

  “But it’s so annoying.”

  “Not everyone can work at night.”

  I ignored the jab.

  He dragged me to the middle of the bed then leaned over me. “I need some love to get my day started.”

  “I’m so tired…” I stretched and kept my eyes closed.

  “Just lay there. I’ll do all the work.”

  I smiled. “That sounds nice.”

  He spread my legs then moved inside me.

  “Oh, this is great…” I lay still while he thrust inside me. He brought me to a climax that made my toes curl. I arched my back as the fantastic pleasure radiated through me.

  Ward released inside me then got out of bed. “Always a pleasure.”

  I stretched then sighed happily. “You’re so good at that.”

  He smirked. “It’ll get you to stick around.”

  “Mission accomplished.”

  He chuckled then got into the shower. When he stepped out, a towel was around his waist, and his chiseled chest and hard body was a beautiful sight. The area over his ribs was covered in muscle, and every time he moved, those muscles would recoil and stretch. Watching him was like staring at a Greek god.

  Ward shaved his face then brushed his teeth.

  I just watched him.

  Then he put on his suit and his Rolex. “I’ll talk to your father today.”

  “Talk to him about what?” I asked. Did he have a computer problem?

  “About us.” He looked in the mirror and put on his tie.

  I stilled in fright. “Why would you say anything to him?”

  “Because we’re dating now. Remember?” A hint of irritation was in his voice.

  “That doesn’t mean we need to parade the knowledge around!”

  “Well, I’m not keeping it a secret either. How do you think people will react when they find out we’ve been sleeping together for three months and we didn’t say a word about it. Baby, I want your dad to approve of me. The best way to do that is to be honest.”

  “I don’t care what my dad thinks,” I argued. “Why do we have to bring them into this at all?”

  He looked at me in the mirror. “Why are you so determined to keep me a secret? Are you embarrassed of me?”

  The idea was so ridiculous that I laughed. “Definitely not embarrassed of the sexist man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” He turned around and faced me.

  “I just…let’s wait.”

  “No.” He faced the mirror again then adjusted his tie. When it was perfect, he dropped his hands. “I’m talking to him today.”

  “No, you aren’t!”

  He grabbed his keys and wallet then walked out of the bedroom.

  I jumped out of bed, naked, and went after him. “Ward!”

  “I’m not going to be some dirty little secret. How did you feel when that jackass was cheating on his wife with you?” He marched down the hallway and reached the front door.

  “That’s not the same thing and you know it.”

  He stepped out. “Then I’m telling him. Goodbye, Clementine.”

  Since I was naked, I couldn’t chase after him. “You better not!”

  He walked off and didn’t turn back.

  “Goddammit.”

  ***

  Ward and I were already in a complicated relationship. He spent half of his time here, and the other half in London. That fact alone was frightening. When I agreed to be in a relationship with him, I was thinking with my heart and not my mind. Even if we settled down and got married, I was going to have a life that was constantly on the move. I would never be able to dedicate myself to anything full-time. If I picked Ward, he would be the only thing that I could accommodate.

  My feelings for him were already frightening. I’d come to adore him in a way I’d never adored anyone else. He was a perfect gentleman, always sweet and thoughtful, and call me shallow all you want, but he was damn hot. That body and those eyes would make any girl weak at the knees.

  Ward was definitely a catch. I wasn’t blind to that obvious fact. A lifetime with him didn’t scare me, and that did scare me. This relationship was moving so fast. I’d met him three months ago, and he mentioned marriage a few weeks ago. A commitment like that wasn’t off the table, but after the way Cameron, that cheating asshole, played me, I didn’t think I could ever get married. What if Ward did the same thing to me? With us being apart like so often, it would be easy for him to meet someone and hit it off. It would be even easier for him to cover it up. And it would be so easy for me to become the naïve wife who had an affair going on right under her nose and she didn’t have a clue.

  I didn’t want that. If it happened, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I’d given Ward everything I had, but even that was brittle and fragile.

  After I showered and got ready, I headed to PIXEL. I called Ward a few times but he didn’t answer. He was determined to ignore me until he got his way. I wasn’t ready for my family to know because there would be so much added pressure. It was very unlikely that Ward and I would last, and I didn’t want to introduce a man to my family unless I knew I was going to marry him. Why didn’t Ward understand that? Why was he being so pushy?

  Getting into the building and talking to him would be difficult. Why would I have any reason to speak to him unless I was sleeping with him?

  I reached the floor then headed for Skye’s office, remembering Ward being there last time. I knocked then stepped inside. To my fortune, Ward was there. He was sitting on the opposite side of the desk with his ankle crossed at the knee. He looked up at me with nothing but indifference.

  “Hey, Clemy,
” Skye said. “What brings you here?”

  “Uh, just stopped by to see my dad. I thought I’d make my way over here too.”

  “Oh, take a seat then. Ward and I were just taking a break.”

  “Okay.” How was I going to get Skye out of the room? I sat down and tried not to stare at Ward too much.

  I nodded to him slightly. “Nice to see you, Ward.” Did I make it obvious that I was totally and completely obsessed with him?

  “You as well,” he said quietly.

  “How’s your day going?” Skye asked.

  “Good,” I said. “I just dropped off my violin so it can be tuned. I pluck the strings too hard sometimes.”

  “I wish I knew how to play music,” Skye said. “I was never any good at it. Roland took to it better than I ever did. But he didn’t stick with it, unfortunately.”

  “It’s never too late,” I said.

  Ward stared at me, silently angry with me. He knew why I was there.

  “So, Ward, you aren’t seeing anyone, right?” Skye asked him, slightly nodding in my direction. It was obvious she was trying to hook us up, but her efforts were futile.

  “Actually, I am seeing someone.”

  No. No. No.

  “You are?” Skye asked in surprise. “Last time I checked, I thought you were too busy to date?”

  “Well, it was casual in the beginning but it’s changed. I really care about her, and now she means the world to me.”

  I mean the world to him? He really cares about me? I melted inside, loving that he said those words. But then reality returned. I couldn’t have him spill the beans like this, especially to Skye. She would tell my brother within the hour.

  “What’s she like?” Skye asked.

  “Actually…” Ward turned to me and reached for my hand.

  “I’m thirsty!” My outburst was unexpected and it made Ward still. “Skye, can I have some water please.”

  “Oh sure…” Skye looked disappointed that she didn’t hear Ward finish his sentence. She walked out and headed for the water cooler.

  I turned my gaze on him. “Knock it off!”

  Ward’s anger emerged, which didn’t happen very often. “You need to knock it off! Stop being deceitful. Stop lying.”

  “I just don’t want my family to know right now, okay?”

  “Why not?” he demanded. “I’m sick of sneaking around and pretending that you mean absolutely nothing as you sit beside me. Ironically, you’re so afraid that I’ll lie and be unfaithful to you, but you’re the one who is constantly deceitful. I should be more worried about you than you should be about me.”

  I stilled at his words.

  He shook his head then rubbed his temple. “I’m getting sick of this, Clementine.”

  “I don’t want to introduce my family to someone unless he’s the man I’m going to marry. I told you that.”

  “And why can’t that be me?” he asked. “We spend every waking moment together and we’re perfect for each other. I took you to London to meet my family. What more assurance do you need?”

  I looked away and pressed my lips together.

  “Is this all because I live in London? You’re just waiting for me to lie and break your heart? You’re waiting for it to happen?”

  “I told you from the beginning I have trust issues. Don’t throw it in my face now.”

  He sighed in irritation. “Well, you need to quit while you’re ahead. You know me better than anyone, Clementine. I’m not the cheating type. You’re already the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You think someone else is going to walk by and make me forget about you? When have I ever done anything that remotely indicated I wasn’t obsessed with you?”

  I couldn’t think of anything. “Long distance relationships never work. Ever.”

  “We aren’t doing a long distance relationship.”

  “When we’re apart for extended periods of time, those feelings fade. Then they turn into resentment. I don’t want that to happen to us.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. “I’m doing everything I possibly can to make this work.”

  “We should have just stayed casual like I wanted. Now you’re making everything more complicated when I’m not ready for it.”

  His eyes squinted like he’d been stung then he turned away, like he’d been slapped.

  I didn’t mean to hurt him. The words just came out. I was frustrated because he was taking control of the situation and telling everyone about our relationship when I wasn’t ready for it. “Ward, I—”

  “Sorry it took so long.” Skye put the water on her desk in front of me. “The bottle was empty and I had to change it. I ended up spilling everywhere. It took forever to clean up.”

  “It’s okay…thank you.” I didn’t touch the cup.

  Ward stood up. “I need to make a call in my office.” He walked out and disappeared.

  Skye eyed me inquisitively. “Did something happen?”

  “Uh…” I had to think fast. “He got a phone call and he didn’t sound happy.”

  “Hmm…I wonder who it was. It takes a lot to make Ward upset.”

  “Yeah…” I downed the water even though I wasn’t thirsty. “Well, I should go. It was nice seeing you.”

  “You too, Clemy.”

  ***

  I gave Ward space because I knew he was angry with me. But after two days, I’d given him enough time to himself. I called him but he didn’t answer. That worried me. He always answered my calls, no matter what time of day it was. I called a few more times but there was no response. Worried, I went by his apartment, and again, he didn’t answer. Knowing it was a breach of privacy, I used my key to get inside.

  The apartment was clean like usual, but it looked like it hadn’t been inhabited for a while. The bed was perfectly made, and the whole place was dead silent. If he wasn’t there, where was he? I called him again.

  He finally answered. “Yeah?”

  He never answered like that. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you…”

  “Well, here I am. What do you want?”

  His harshness was painful. “I want to talk. Where are you?”

  “What does it matter?”

  I feared he was in some girl’s apartment, lying beside her after a good lay. “You aren’t at your apartment.”

  “Because I’m in London.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “When?”

  “I left a few days ago.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I was hurt he took off without saying a word to me.

  “Why would I? We’re just casual, right?”

  The comment stung.

  “I need to get ready for work. I’ll talk to you…whenever I talk to you.”

  “Ward, I’m sorry,” I blurted. “Please don’t be upset with me.”

  “I’m not upset,” he said darkly. “But I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Apparently, this is just too complicated for you.”

  His words ripped a hole in my heart. “I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it and I was just panicked you were going to tell Skye.”

  “And why would that be the end of the world if I did?” he snapped.

  “I’m just not ready. I told you that.”

  “Well, I’m tired of doing this.” Anger was heavy in his words. “I’m an untrustworthy man whose only intent is to hurt you. When I’m apart from you, the first thing I do is pick up a beautiful woman and fuck her at my place. I’m not actually looking for a wife and kids. It’s just a line to get women to sleep with me. It’s all a ruse and you caught me, Clementine. Congratulations, you caught me.” He hung up.

  The line went dead in my ears. My eyes burned with tears then I sobbed, realizing I lost the first man who ever truly made me happy.

  ***

  Ward was all I could think about for the following days. He was always on my mind, and when I went to the strip club at night, I actually felt guilty for what I was doing. Ward wasn’t mine anymore
yet I felt more connected to him than before.

  The break up was too much for me to handle. I thought about our time together and realized it was nothing but pure joy. I missed the way his hair grew back in a few days after he shaved. I missed the way it felt on my skin when he rubbed against me. I missed the way his lips felt against my mouth. I missed feeling him inside me. I missed those striking blue eyes and how they lit up when he smiled. I missed the way he used to look at me.

  I had to see him.

  I decided to head to London. I had to talk to him. I had to get him back.

  I had to try.

  ***

  The cab stopped in front of his house and I got out with my bag. I walked up the front steps then remembered I didn’t have a key. He was getting off work soon so I just had to sit on the stoop and wait. With my bag beside me, I watched the cars go by. It was a beautiful sunny day, something rare for London, and I tried to take that as a good sign.

  “Mommy, I have to pee!”

  “Okay,” Willow said. “We’re at Uncle Ward’s. You can use the bathroom. But you need to go before school gets out.”

  “Mommy!” Patricia squealed. “It’s Ward’s friend!”

  I looked up at the sound of their voices. For some reason, seeing them made me emotional. Willow had features similar to Ward, so I could see him in her. And I remembered the way Ward loved his niece and nephew. He was such a sweet man. How could I dare hurt him like that?

  “Hello,” I said as I stood up.

  Willow walked them up the steps then turned to me. “I was hoping we’d see you again.”

  “That makes two of us.” I hoped there would be a third meeting, but I found it unlikely.

  Willow unlocked the door and we entered the house. “Hurry, Billy.”

  Billy ran across the hardwood floors then slammed the bathroom door.

  Willow rolled her eyes. “He hates using the school bathroom so he tries to hold it all day.”

  I chuckled. “Nothing like the comfort of your own home.”

  Patricia tugged on my pants. “Clemy, watch.” She stepped back and spun like a ballerina.

  “Wow,” I said. “That was amazing.”