by Lisa Olsen
“And like I said, there’s no rush.”
Mixed signals. How was I supposed to figure out what was going on between us when he kept giving me mixed signals? Not that it mattered, with him on another continent for the foreseeable future. “It’s good to see you again, Bishop. I hope things sort out for you over there. Oh, and ah, watch your back around Angel.” I remembered suddenly that I’d never had a chance to warn him about his boss and her involvement in Thomas Lyon’s death.
“What do you mean by that?”
I realized it wasn’t a good idea to discuss it over Skype with him in the House of Vetis. In fact, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned most of what we’d talked about. “Just be careful.”
“You too, Anja. I hope like hell you haven’t bitten off more than you can chew with this Jarl thing.”
Me too. “I’ll be fine, Bishop. We both know why I can take care of myself.”
“Fair enough.” He looked away, jaw tightening as if he wanted to say something else, but his self control won out. “I have to go,” he muttered abruptly, the connection breaking before I could so much as open my mouth to say goodbye.
For the second time that night, I said goodbye to someone I’d counted on to be by my side. Was this what being a vampire would be like? A constant string of goodbyes as those I came to care about passed through?
“Goodbye, Bishop,” I said to the darkened screen, closing the door to that part of my life as I snapped the laptop shut.
*
I slept like the dead for most of the next day, waking with a lump in my throat the size of Texas when I saw the empty space beside me in bed. I lolled around on Bishop’s side of the bed, imagining I could still smell him on the pillow, even though I knew that was completely insane. As evening painted long shadows against the bedroom walls, I realized I couldn’t lie in bed for the rest of my life. Sure, I could lay there and feel sorry for myself for a day or thirty, but that wouldn’t change anything. The only way to move on was to get my sorry behind out of bed and start going through the motions.
Besides, I had responsibilities. Back at the apartment, a fragile girl and a baby vamp waited for me to show them my city, and I was pretty sure my new bodyguards would be camped out downstairs when I went outside. But before we could do anything together, I needed to feel them out about the turn of events in the past twenty-four hours.
Sure enough, Gunnar and Isak waited patiently as can be in a gunmetal gray Mercedes Benz sedan right outside. The pair wore identical dark suits again, with sunglasses, even though it was pitch black outside. Their hair was cut in exactly the same fashion and they were similar enough in height, build and facial features to be brothers, with strong jawlines and cheekbones. We set off after stowing my bags in the trunk, with me feeling more than a little awkward initiating conversation from the back seat.
Still, I gave it my best shot. “So, have you guys spent much time in San Francisco before?”
“No.”
I wasn’t sure if it was Gunnar or Isak who replied. In that light it was almost impossible to tell them apart. Maybe I’d have to start having them wear different colored ties or something. “No? Well, there are a lot of cool things to check out now that you’re here. Do you like music?”
“No.”
“No,” I repeated softly. So far all I’d learned was they weren’t all that big on chit chat. “What about the movies? We’ve had a ton of them shot around here. I could show you some of the famous places. Do you go to the movies much?”
“No.”
The same one answered each of the times, and I started to wonder if the other one talked at all. Maybe they had a psychic connection? There had to be a way to loosen them up. “Do you guys share a brain or is he a mute?” I joked, only neither of them laughed. They just traded a look and I started to wonder… “Oh God… is he mute?” I sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“I speak,” the other one said, his voice in a higher register that didn’t quite match his imposing form. Maybe that was why he chose to be the strong silent type?
“So you do,” I nodded, more relieved than I could say. “Cool beans, this is progress. Um, just for my benefit, which one of you is Gunnar and which one is Isak?”
“I am Gunnar, he is Isak,” the more talkative one replied.
“Where are you guys from originally?”
“We are from Copenhagen.”
“Oh, Denmark?” Consider the ice broken! We were onto multiple word responses!
“Yes, you know this place?”
“Well, no, not really.” All I knew about the country was the capital city, but I resolved to Google it as soon as I had the chance. “Maybe you could tell me about it?”
“There is little to tell. To know a place, you must first go there.”
Fair enough. “How long have you guys been vampires?” They traded looks again, and I wondered if I’d asked something incredibly gauche.
“Long enough to serve you well, have no fear in that,” Gunnar replied grimly.
“Oh, I wasn’t doubting your skills,” I was quick to interject. They still weren’t really getting the spirit of the questions. As we pulled up to the apartment, I resolved to try again. “Listen, I want you guys to come up for a while, okay?”
Short nods were given, and they escorted me up the three flights of stairs with my bags in hand. Ellie practically tackled me the instant I stepped through the door and quick like a jackrabbit, Gunnar pried her off me, holding her at arm’s length.
“Lay off!” Ellie tugged her arm free, scowling at the bodyguard, her Irish brogue sharp. “Don’t be twistin’ hay with me, I’m not afraid of the likes of you!” Her auburn hair hung loose around her shoulders, the streaks of pink pinned back with sparkly clips shaped like stars. She wore an oversized purple sweater that nearly dwarfed her petite frame, along with a pair of tattered black leggings with lime green tights peeking through. Heavy workboots completed the picture, the tongues flopping as she regained her balance.
“Whoa, settle down,” I interjected before she worked herself up into a lather. “What’s wrong?”
“Thank God you’re here. I’d started to think you’d abandoned us.” It was clear that Ellie wouldn’t be robbed of her dramatics, and I waved her on to try and get to the root of it. “I’m starving and Maggie’s being difficult.”
“Difficult?”
“Yeah, alls I wanted was a taste.”
Maggie appeared at the bedroom door, her hazel eyes wide and tragic, as if she expected me to punish her for not wanting to be fed from. Her golden brown hair offered dubious protection, but she drew it around herself like a cloak, trying her best to blend into the wall. “I… wasn’t… I didn’t know if…” she stammered miserably, and I crossed the room in an instant, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulder. At least she didn’t flinch away from my touch.
“It’s fine, I don’t expect you to have to feed anyone,” I whispered softly. Not after what she’d endured as Jasper’s feeder. “Ellie, Maggie is a friend, not food,” I added sternly. At least she hadn’t resorted to compulsion to override Maggie’s objections, and that was a step in the right direction.
“But you’ve fed from her before,” Ellie protested, eyes on the girl’s swan-like neck.
Uh oh… I’d have to nip that in the bud before there was a problem between the two of them. “That was different. Maggie’s not here as my feeder. She’s here as a friend, like I said. In fact, I want us all to get to know each other better.”
“Sounds grand, but can we do it after we eat?” she begged, shifting her weight back and forth from one foot to the other, like a toddler who has to pee but wouldn’t admit it.
“How about this? We’ll send out for pizza so Maggie can have something to eat and then you can have a little something too, as long as you’re careful, okay?” It was either that or go knock on Mr. Ramirez’s door across the hall, and someone anonymous sounded safer. “What about you guys, do you
need to feed?” I asked the men, who stood flanking the front door. They both shook their heads, and I assumed they’d take care of it on their own time. The less I knew about it, the better.
“But I want to go out!” Ellie flounced into the easy chair, spinning around and around. “Alls I’ve seen of this city is from the flicks. Can’t we see the sights?”
“Yes, we can, but not tonight. Tonight I have something special planned.”
“Yeah?” Ellie perked up at that, and Maggie left her perch by the doorframe to venture deeper into the living room.
“Tonight, I thought we should all try to get to know each other better since we’ll be spending so much time together.”
Ellie snorted. “You want us to sit around in our dainties and braid each other’s hair?”
“No, but I do want us to talk.” I pulled open my laptop, searching for the right document and printing five copies. “So… I found these questionnaires for us to fill out. You guys too. Time for us to get to know each other.” I’d found them online from an old RPG website, designed to introduce new members to the group. The list of questions included some of the staples – If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be? Thunderstorms: scary or cool? All in all it was about forty questions long, and while some of them were silly, it was designed to identify common interests and spark lively discussion.
“I think it’s a lovely idea.” Maggie caught onto my enthusiasm at once, accepting hers and perching on the edge of the couch with dainty grace.
The boys accepted the papers with twin looks of dismay, holding the pencils with their fingertips as though they might contract some flesh eating disease from them. They both resisted when I invited them to take a seat, but did accept a book to make it easier to fill out.
“Come on now, get your butts in gear,” I clapped my hands at the rest of them. “The sooner you guys fill these out, the sooner we can get to the games.”
“Alright, I’ll give it a bash,” Ellie sighed, flopping down onto her belly to write against the scarred, wood floor.
Once they got started, I was gratified to see how much they all put into the effort, smiling up to see Isak’s face scrunched in deep thought over one of the questions. I ordered the pizza online, and set to answering my own questions, trying my utmost to share some of myself with them as well. Putting on some music, I kicked off my shoes and made myself comfortable.
The pizza came, and Ellie got her “taste”. If the guys thought it was strange for me to supervise the feeding, they didn’t give any indication of it. They didn’t even glance in our direction as I murmured soothing encouragements to Ellie. My own fangs came out at the scent of blood in the air, but I didn’t need to eat for another night or two. I still had to pull her off of the delivery guy in the end when I gauged she’d had enough, but I consoled myself with the thought that she’d learn control with time.
Soon the guy was on his way with a big fat tip, no worse for wear, and we were seated in a circle to share some of our responses. At first Maggie was the only one to volunteer a response, talking about her favorite places back in England, but Ellie soon caught on, sharing that she was afraid of thunderstorms (had been since she was a little girl, and her family’s barn caught fire during a freak storm). And here I’d thought she was a city girl through and through!
I had to order Gunnar and Isak to take off their silly sunglasses and share something from their lists, but after that first awkward round, they loosened up. Especially after Isak divulged he had a weakness for chocolate pudding and I produced a Snack Pack from the cupboard.
Little by little we started to get to know each other. I insisted the guys call me by my first name, and Isak (buoyed by the sugar rush from the pudding, no doubt) volunteered that they were not biological brothers, but shared the same Sire. It turned out Gunnar had a regular green thumb and missed his garden in Denmark so much, he actually got misty eyed when I offered to let him keep a few plants up on the roof deck.
Ellie opened up about her childhood on the farm, revealing that she had five brothers and sisters growing up. She’d run away at age fifteen, desperate to find a life that didn’t involve mud and sleeping three to a bed.
My life seemed awfully dull by comparison, and I felt bad for having to lie to them about some of my past experiences, sticking to the script I now knew backwards and forwards as part of my Anja Gudrun identity. But I did pepper in facts from my own childhood, like the fact that I had a sister growing up, and that my parents encouraged me to pursue a life in the arts.
To my utter surprise, Maggie proclaimed that she’d wanted to act on the stage when she was younger, and the highlight of her childhood was playing Liesl in The Sound of Music in secondary school. It was hard to believe such a shy girl would want to pursue something so public, but from the way her face shone as she talked about it, I could tell she meant every word. I put the movie on right away, more as a backdrop, as conversation rolled right along now.
“I love this song!” Ellie exclaimed as Fraulein Maria sang about raindrops on roses, and the next thing you know we were all singing along, even my big bad bodyguards. The second it was over, there was a titter of nervous laughter between us, and Isak still looked somewhat uncomfortable, but it was alright. I felt it would all be okay if we could come together even for a few minutes like that.
After that, I dug out a deck of cards and we played a few hands of poker (Ellie emerged the big winner there) and crazy eights (Isak kept getting stuck with all the cards). I begged off of gin rummy, excusing myself to go and freshen up. Not that I needed it, but the game reminded me too much of those hours spent playing with Rob, and I was trying my best to look to the future instead of the past.
It’s funny how the past has a way of reaching out to trip you up though.
A knock at the door had Gunnar and Isak off the couch in a flash to flank the door, guns drawn. I rushed to beat them to it, not wanting to have to explain to any casual acquaintances who happened to drop by why I harbored armed guards in my apartment.
“Oh for the love of… will you two knock it off? Put those away!” I hissed. “Bad guys don’t knock first.” Waiting patiently for them to get rid of the hardware, I looked through the peephole, stunned to see who waited on the other side of the door.
“Anja? Who is it?” I heard Maggie ask the question, but I didn’t have any words as I threw the door open with a rush of cold air.
“Hello, petal.” His voice was deep and rich, with an odd accent formed over nearly three millennia. Jakob looked as good to me as the first time I’d seen him, practically bursting with life, wheaten hair falling wild past the tops of his shoulders. His crisp white shirt was open at the throat, revealing a hint of a bronzed chest, the shirt tails un-tucked over tailored, black pants and shoes made from soft, buttery leather. I’d chosen Bishop over my own Sire, but it didn’t make him any less magnificent of a specimen.
Doubt clouded his brilliant smile as I made no move to greet him, the words sticking in my throat. “Are you not happy to see me?” There was sorrow and sympathy in his eyes, and I knew he understood what I’d lost from the touch of pity gathered there.
Good intentions forgotten, I went into Jakob’s arms without a word and burst into tears.
Chapter Three
“Leave us.”
There was no mistaking the air of authority in Jakob’s voice as he gave the order. Despite their duty to protect me, Gunnar and Isak took one look at us and filed out, Maggie catching hold of Ellie’s elbow to do the same. I was too upset to protest, having kept it together for far too long. Now that the dam was breached, my roiling emotions flooded my senses, overriding anything else. Jakob guided me to the couch, gathering me into his arms as my shoulders shook with wracking sobs.
In the corner of my mind I wondered how long it would take for me to master my emotions again, or if I’d be doomed to years of irrational mood swings thanks to my vampire nature. Sure, the highs were dizzyingly wonderful, but
the lows… I felt Bishop’s loss so keenly in those moments, I didn’t know how I would go on without him. I didn’t know if I wanted to.
Gradually, I became aware of his whispered words of encouragement, soothing as a balm to my tattered soul. Jakob rained kisses on my hair, his hands soothing as he comforted me like a child afraid of a storm, until the despair began to dissipate and I could think clearly again. Jakob was there, in my living room. The others were likely out in the hallway with their ears pressed to the door, dying to know what was going on.
Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, I swiped at my wet cheeks as I pulled back to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’m sure it’s not what you had in mind when you came to see me tonight.”
“Shhh…” He stroked my lower lip with the pad of his thumb. “Having you in my arms is no small boon, älskling. I could ask for nothing less.”
The formal cadence to his words made me smile, almost as much as his words warmed my heart. “How did you know where I’d be? The last time I talked to you I was in England.”
“Rob was good enough to share your movements with me. I came as soon as I heard you’d returned. I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too.” It was true. Probably not the same way he missed me, based on the glow that came into his eyes at my words, but I’d missed him all the same. With my closest companions gone, it felt like my world was crumbling around me. Jakob’s sudden presence was comforting and familiar.
“Good, then you’re ready to give up this foolishness and take your place by my side. I’ll make arrangements at once, we can leave this place before dawn.” His lips stretched into a smug smile and I pulled further away from him. Were we back to that already?
“Whoa, hold on a sec. I said I missed you. I never said anything about running away with you.”
“Surely you have no reason to resist what I offer now that Ulrik has cast you aside.”
Cast me aside? A ribbon of pain sliced through me at the harsh words so carelessly spoken, and I scooted farther away from him, putting some much needed space between us until the urge to lash out at him passed. Did he truly think that’s what I wanted? “Do you really expect me to jump into your arms just like that? I’ve only been single for about five minutes.”