by Lisa Olsen
As I grew more confident with my physicality, we progressed from where we’d meet to spar in the attic to where he’d attack me at random times, trying to catch me off guard. Though I loved playing Green Hornet to his Kato, it did make me rethink my choice in shoes a few times before going out, and maybe that was part of his point. It’s hard to be a badass in strappy sandals.
It became so that I didn’t wonder if he’d launch himself at me out of the blue. I started to try to lure him out, making a game out of predicting when he’d strike. As I left the club on foot one night after sending the guys off to drive the girls home, I knew it was only a matter of time before he made his move, and I deliberately took the long way home even though there was a light drizzle in the air.
Despite my enhanced senses, Rob moved freakishly quiet most of the time, and I gave up on trying to hear him coming with the ambient street noises. Instead, I focused on the terrain. I knew he could guess the path I’d take once I’d started walking, and I tried to puzzle out where he might feel the most secure in ambushing me.
In time I started to learn how his mind worked. It wasn’t just about getting the drop on me. It was also about attacking me in a place where we wouldn’t easily be spotted so no one would call the police, and also in a place where I wasn’t likely to get hurt.
I decided to make it a little harder on him, keeping to well lit sidewalks and busier streets until I could lure him onto a narrow footpath beside an arroyo. Once I could control the location of the attack it was far easier to anticipate, and for the first time, I managed to completely dodge his first strike.
Not only that, I used a trick he’d taught me, using his momentum to shove him off balance, sending him crashing into a nearby tree. The breath left his body with an “oof”, and instead of immediately resuming his attack, he straightened slowly, a hand going to his ribs.
“Good shot, that,” he winced.
“I’m sorry!” I cried out, worried I’d cracked his rib or worse. “I wasn’t aiming for the tree, I promise. Are you okay?”
“Not sure, I think maybe I should have this checked out,” he replied, his face contorted with pain as he limped towards me, right up until the last second when he dropped the façade and charged at me. The trick worked, and I didn’t so much as flinch before he tackled me to the ground, pinning me beneath him.
“You suck!” My arms were trapped behind my back and I couldn’t sit up enough to get any leverage.
“Not so cocky now, yeah?” he grinned.
“Oh, you are so gonna get it…” I growled, cracking my skull against his with a satisfying crunch. Rob was wholly unprepared for the move; he knew I didn’t like to head butt and his hold on me slipped enough that I wormed a hand free. Instead of hitting him, I reached under his jacket to tickle his exposed sides. Only it didn’t work. I could feel the muscles leap and jump under my fingers, but he didn’t so much as flinch.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded, one eye scrunched halfway closed where I’d hit him.
“Um, trying to tickle you?”
“I’ve got you pinned to the ground and that’s your defense? If I was a proper villain I’d have had you gutted nine ways from Sunday by now.”
“I didn’t know you weren’t ticklish. Just give me a sec to come up with something better.”
Instead of waiting, he rolled off of me, exasperation coming off of him in waves. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop holding back?”
“You do it too,” I scowled, accepting his hand up. “I can take it if you can. Actually, I can take a lot more, my healing is much faster than yours. So who’s a hypocrite now?”
“Bring it then. Let’s see if you’ve been paying attention.” He shouldn’t have warned me. I was ready for it when his leg swept out, even though he moved faster than I’d thought possible for a human.
But I was faster.
I deflected the shot like I’d been taught, hooking my ankle around his to bring him to the ground. Instead of letting him catch his breath this time, I followed up with an elbow to the jaw, trying not to cringe on the inside when the back of his head struck the pavement. The scent of his blood reached my nose and its distraction was my undoing.
My attention split between trying to figure out where he was bleeding from and how best to get a taste, and I completely missed the knee until it connected with my belly. Seizing upon his advantage, Rob rolled on top of me to assert his dominance. I regained enough presence of mind to keep the momentum going, rolling us off the path and down the arroyo into the creek below.
By luck or skill, I ended up on top, and used my considerable strength and newfound training to pin him down, our bodies lying half in and half out of the water. Rob lurched first one way and then another, but I didn’t lose my grip, thanks in part to the fact that his legs were tangled in the reeds. Fat drops of rain plunked on the back of my head and across his face as he squinted up at me.
“Do you give?” I asked, ready for the head butt I knew was coming and able to easily dodge it. “Do you give?” I pressed, shifting my knee against his, applying pressure where he’d shown me it would do the most damage.
Rob gave a short nod, and I let him go, pushing up against his chest to straddle him. It started to rain in earnest but I didn’t care, I turned my head up to the sky and gave a whoop for victory. “I am the champion of the world!” I crowed in triumph, holding my hands up, Rocky style. I felt his hands settle on my hips and he shifted slightly, but I clamped my thighs together, not ready to let him get up just yet. “Go ahead, say it. I’m the champion,” I prompted him, a teasing lilt to my voice.
He shifted uncomfortably, fingers tightening on my jeans. “I’d rather you got off me first.”
“Not before you say I’m the champion,” I insisted.
He stared up at me helplessly. “You’re the bloody champion of the world. Do you mind getting off me now?”
“Oh come on, don’t be a sore loser,” I sighed, letting go enough for him to scramble out from under me, which he did, quick as anything.
“I am that, right enough,” he muttered, climbing to his feet. “We’re done for today.”
“Aw, Rob, don’t be like that.” I sat back on my heels, watching him struggle to pull the torn reeds from around his legs. “You can’t be mad that I beat you.”
“I’m not.”
“What’s wrong then? Did I do something else?”
“No, I did. I did something stupid and selfish, and I’m completely to blame.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“That’s as it should be.” He started up the hill and I trailed after him, determined to have it out between us once and for all.
“Rob… I miss you, okay? I miss the way we used to be together.”
He didn’t so much as slow, trudging up the muddy path to the paved trail above. “I can’t do that anymore,” he growled, keeping his back to me as I chased after him.
“I don’t understand. Why don’t you want to be my friend anymore?”
“Because I don’t want to be your friend at all!” he thundered, pivoting around so fast I thought he might strike out at me. In a way, I almost wish he had, it would have hurt less. My bottom lip hung loose and quivering, unable to protect myself from that kind of attack. His anger crumpled in the face of my shock, and I saw regret replace it along with a yearning so sharp, I couldn’t fathom it.
In the next instant his lips covered mine, swallowing my gasp of surprise. My body recovered before I did, my mind still reeling from the realization that he’d kissed me in the first place. Without thinking twice about it, I went into his arms. I’d spent plenty of time there while training, but it never felt like this before. Standing in the pouring rain, his kiss was hot and wet and pulsing with unleashed need. Everything about him felt desperate and hungry for response, as though he was drowning and couldn’t breathe without me.
But it was over before I could adjust to the fact that maybe
I wanted him to kiss me.
Rob wrenched his mouth from mine, his breath steaming between us. I clung to him, shaken to the core by the unexpected turn of events, and he looked down at me with such a haunted look behind his eyes, I was afraid of what he’d say next. Instead he shook his head roughly, water flinging every which way, letting go of me so abruptly I almost lost my balance.
“Rob…” My lips felt numb in the absence of his kiss.
“Bugger this,” he growled, leaving me standing in the rain, trembling down to my toes, and not from the cold.
*
Every last inch of me was soaked by the time I got home, half in a daze. Maggie clucked over me, bringing me a towel and trying to get me into the tub, but I refused her. The cold didn’t bother me, but the very real possibility of Rob leaving without getting to talk to him chilled me to the bone. He wasn’t in his room and no one had seen him come back yet, but his things were all still there. I took that as a good sign.
I hardly knew what I wanted to say to him, but I knew it was too important to put off. I finally understood why he’d chosen to keep me at arm’s length for so long. He didn’t hate me at all. But how long had he felt that way?
I was too afraid I’d miss him to take a hot shower, so I settled for shedding the sodden clothes for warm, dry ones. Rob hadn’t come back yet, so I settled into my sitting room, the door cracked so I’d be sure to hear him arrive. I sat there, daydreaming about that kiss, replaying it over and over again, the way he’d looked at me just before and after. Did he regret what he’d done? Was that why he’d left?
I heard him come back nearly an hour later, but was too chicken to approach him right away. Instead, I hovered in the hallway, listening to him moving around in his room like a stalker, until I decided there was far too much activity for a guy getting ready for bed. Knocking softly, I pushed the door open anyway when he didn’t answer. Rob had a duffel bag on the bed, and several piles of clothes surrounding it.
“You’re leaving?”
“It’s for the best,” he replied, refusing to look up at me, too focused on cramming his t-shirts into tight little rolls that went into the duffel.
I disagreed, but I left that for the moment. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because you’re not for me.”
“Maybe not before, but…”
“Not now, not ever.”
“And that’s why you’re running away again?” He made no answer. “Because it’s so hard to be around me?”
“Because it’s so easy.”
“It’s not such a bad idea, you and me, is it? I admit, I’ve been pretty dense about the whole thing. But to be fair, you were always talking about your girl… and… God, I am dense…” I could’ve kicked myself for having completely missed it. Rob and me. How could I never have seen it before? I guess I’d always been wrapped up in too much of my own drama to see him as anything more than a friend.
“I don’t expect you to feel anything for me, it’s why I didn’t say anything.”
“How am I supposed to figure out what I feel if you leave?”
His hands stopped, t-shirt tightly clenched between them. “I’m not meant to have you, it’s as simple as that.”
“Please don’t go. We can keep things professional if it makes it easier for you, but… I don’t want you to leave.”
“If Jakob knew I’d let myself be compromised…”
“He’s not the boss of me. He gets absolutely zero say in who I choose to spend my time with,” I insisted stubbornly.
“Well, as you’ve pointed out, he is the boss of me, and my duty is clear.”
“It’s not so clear from where I’m standing. What do you intend to do?”
“I’ll see to your security arrangement as promised, then I’ll leave you be.”
“What if I don’t want you to leave me be?”
“You’ve got enough complications in your life without me adding to them.”
“I think that’s for me to decide.” Rob stopped folding the shirt, and I could see the indecision warring behind his eyes. “Will you stay?” I breathed. “At least for now?”
Rob tossed the shirt back down on the messy pile of clothes, avoiding my direct gaze as he nodded shortly.
“Thanks.” I released the breath I’d been holding. “And I’ll leave it up to you. If you’d rather we pretend this never happened, that’s what we’ll do.” He didn’t say anything, and I suppose I had my answer.
But as I turned to go, his voice called me back. “Anja?”
“Yes?”
“Nothing,” he replied, his jaw twisted with chagrin, and I knew that wasn’t what he’d been about to say at all.
“G’nite, Rob,” I managed a faint smile, pulling the door closed behind me. I heard the rush of air as it left his lungs as plainly as if I’d stood right beside him.
“I love you,” he whispered, rooting my feet to the floor where I stood.
“Did you say something?” I called out softly.
There was no mistaking the swearing under his breath, but all he said aloud was, “Goodnight is all.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Rob was nowhere to be found the next night when I awoke, but the duffel bag was still shoved in the top of his closet, and his clothes were all still in place. I went up to my study to take a look at some correspondence Maggie had set out for me, trying to get my mind off of those three little words I wasn’t supposed to have heard.
I looked up at the knock on my door, surprised to find Mason standing there, in his usual tactical gear minus guns. I assumed Gunnar or Isak had made him strip them off before allowing him into the house.
“Hi Mason, how’s things?”
“You’re playing a dangerous game,” he scowled, ignoring the chair I motioned him to.
“Okay…” Apparently we weren’t going to waste any time on small talk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t play dumb with me, everybody knows what you’re doing.”
I suppose I should have expected a visit like this sooner or later, they were an intelligence gathering agency after all. But I wasn’t too worried. If they’d shown up at my door with guns drawn, that might have been a different story. “And what am I doing?”
“The word on the street is you’re harboring known fugitives. I’m well within my rights to search the house right now.”
“Go ahead.” I didn’t have anyone in the attic, and I felt confident I could compel him into forgetting if he found something to implicate me.
“I’m serious, Anja.”
“So am I. If you have something you want to charge me with, then go ahead and do it. But you’d better be sure you can back it up with evidence, you know I have friends in high places.” It was a total bluff, I had no idea what kind of evidence the Order operated under. For all I knew, he could detain me for as long as he wanted to based on pure suspicion.
He paced agitatedly, making it halfway to the window before he stopped and turned in the other direction. “Why are you doing this? Don’t you understand what’ll happen if you give people this easy out? Society as we know it will come crashing down around our ankles.”
“Good. Maybe it’s time to shake things up a bit, did you ever think of that?”
“No, I happen to like the way things are.”
“Said the foot wearing the boot.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that’s easy for you to say when you’re the one doing the squashing and not the squashee!” I tossed back at him heatedly and his hands came up as he searched for his next words.
“Okay look, we’re obviously not gonna agree on this. I just came up here as a courtesy because of Hanna. I thought I could apply to your sense of self preservation, but clearly that’s gone bye-bye.”
“I can handle myself.”
“Alright. Just remember, I warned you.”
My eyes narrowed, trying to gauge his loyalty. Sure, h
e was devoted to my sister, but we both knew how important the Order was to him. “What will you do, kill me if the Order asks you to?”
“Don’t ask me that.”
“I won’t be an easy target. A lot of things have changed since I first woke up in that morgue.”
“Oh please, I could kill you with one hand tied behind my back,” he boasted.
“Could you?” I raised a brow, pressing an alarm button positioned under my desk, bringing both Gunnar and Isak piling in, filling the space with an overabundance of testosterone. At the time I’d thought it a silly precaution, but I couldn’t deny the thrill of watching his eyes widen as I pulled off the totally gangster move.
“No, wait… I didn’t mean it like that…” Mason backed off, hands moving towards his holster by habit and coming up empty. “Shit, Anja, you know you don’t have anything to fear from me, but I can’t vouch for the others. You’re definitely on their radar now, so watch out. That’s all I came to say.”
“Thanks for coming, but as you can see, I have things well in hand.”
“Time to go.” Isak tossed Mason’s gun to him, crowding him out of the study in the process.
“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Mason grimaced, letting himself be herded to the front door.
“We will make sure he leaves,” Gunnar stayed behind to say, waiting until Isak had Mason through the front door before he left my side.
“Thanks guys, that was perfect timing.” I let out a long breath, trying to decide if there was really something to worry about with the Order, or if my position afforded me some level of protection. If there was any real danger, I’m sure Jenessa would’ve tipped me off first, and I tried to take Mason’s visit in the way he’d intended, as a courtesy call. At least Rob hadn’t been there, they might have gotten into an actual fight.