by Sariah Skye
I sat, silent, suddenly very interested in the tie at the front of my dress.
“Leo?” he said after a few moments of quiet, as I replayed his words in his mind.
“Is this the thing you’ve been hiding?” I finally asked, recalling his trepidation early that day as I was trying to compel him.
He nodded. “Yes. And…” he trailed off and we sat in silence as I took in his words and absorbed them.
So, Kiarra was right. Maxxus had a thing for me. More than that, he supposedly was in love with me. And had been for a long time.
Since… First Year.
Suddenly, I was very angry. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and the blood boil in my cheeks. I stood up quickly to stare him down. “So, you’ve known this since First Year. All that time, you didn’t hate me. You even cared for me?”
Maxxus dared to look up at me. “Yes… very much. Even when I didn’t know what it was I really I felt. I knew I cared. A lot.”
“So… you cared so much that you allowed me to continue with the rest of my life, feeling utterly, completely alone!?” I spat the words in Maxxus’ face, just inches away from him. I felt the same rage swell in me behind my chest as I did before I nearly strangled Finnian to death. I had to spin around and pace the floor to avoid looking at him. Looking at him only made me angrier.
Maxxus was taken aback. “I…” he couldn’t finish his statement. His face fell and his lower lip trembled slightly.
“You know how many times I wished for someone to be on my side? Anyone at all? For someone not to look at me like I was something shameful? Someone I could run and cry to when things just got too tough, when the words started stinging and the tears would not stop falling?” I grasped the roots of my hair and tightened, pulling slightly, causing pain that made me wince; the pain was the only thing keeping me from enraging right then and there.
For years, years I faced every school day totally alone. Drakes threw things at me. Called me names. Played mean jokes on me. Even when I tried to hide, they sought me out and taunted me more. None of the professors did anything, just turned a blind eye to it.
While I didn’t wish that treatment on anyone, I often wished many times for a friend or at least, someone who didn’t hate me. Knowing I wasn’t hated by everyone would have meant the world; even my parents merely tolerated me. Braeden at times would even ignore me in school, breaking my heart further, but I couldn’t blame him totally… associating with me would have meant similar treatment to him as well as was being done to me.
Even still, though… while I didn’t wish that for Maxxus—even if he ignored me during the day and I confided in him secretly later—it would have meant a great deal. Perhaps I might have smiled once in a while. Maybe even enjoyed myself had I known I had someone else I could turn to.
I didn’t realize I was audibly growling, when Maxxus who had been standing behind me, reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder.
My first angry reaction was to pull away, so I did. “Don’t! Don’t even.”
Maxxus grasped me gently by the arm and urged me to turn around. I fought him, but after a moment I reluctantly spun around and faced him. I dared to look up into his face. His eyes sparkled with the saddened tears that refused to fall. “I’m sorry, Leo… I should have said something.”
I didn’t say anything, just allowed the tears to fall to my feet from my eyes.
“I was selfish. I… wanted—well my reasons aren’t important. I didn’t want to be just a friend or someone you just liked because you thought I was the only one that liked you. But I should have… I should have been there, more.” Maxxus’ voice quavered, and I had to struggle, to fight wrapping my arms around him in a comforting hug; I was determined to be mad. “I should have been a friend. Even if you didn’t want more—that’s what you needed. That’s what I should have been. I think that’s why I felt so compelled to assist you now, with… well whatever this is. Because you needed someone. I couldn’t go on…”
I spoke then, meekly. “You should have given me the choice to either like you or not.”
Maxxus dropped his arms at his side and turned away. “You’re absolutely right. I should have.” He cursed under his breath. “I knew I’d eventually mess everything up.”
His self-pity only frustrated me more. “You? Why is this all about you? I should have been able to decide that for myself! And… why now? Why do I have to live with this now, right now when everyone is expecting something out of me? Gabriel expects me to shun you and focus entirely on him. I’m not sure I can, even knowing that he was right! He has a reason to be paranoid about you. He probably sensed it!
“Finnian somehow expects me to fight the Shadows. Kiarra expects me to be this big magic-wielder like her grandfather. Everyone fucking thinks they know something about me, knows what I should be doing, but did anyone ever ask me what I wanted? Do I want to learn magic? Do I want to leave everything behind and be a recluse in a city of other outcasts? Do I want to save Anarach? What if I didn’t? What would happen… would everyone be forced to come up with another way? What if there is no other way? What if I can’t do all they think I can! What if I fail!?! What if—”
Out of the blue—Maxxus grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me against him. I saw his eyes briefly—a look of desperation, of both sadness and panic—before he crashed his mouth against mine.
I pulled away at first, but… even though I felt guilty allowing it, the kiss was divine and I quickly lost myself in it, allowing myself to relax against him. I parted my lips slightly to allow more access when he pulled away abruptly.
“Gods, Leorah… I’m so sorry…” he looked away briefly and looked back again with pleading eyes.
My fingertips brushed my lips where his had just been moments ago; I could still feel the electricity of him there. A few moments ago I felt angry, and frustrated… now I was just confused. “Why do you keep apologizing?”
Maxxus chuckled. “I just keep doing the wrong thing. I… shouldn’t be taking advantage of you when you’re hurting, and vulnerable. You have enough to deal with.”
I narrowed my eyes. “How about I decide what I can handle and what I can’t? Everyone keeps making all these decisions without me; it’d surely be nice to make up my mind for myself, just once.”
“But… you… you’re with Gabriel,” he protested.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, yes and no. Maybe. We aren’t really anything right now. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been at all, if you’d told me how you felt long ago. How do you know you weren’t exactly what I needed?” I challenged.
He said nothing, just allowed his expression to fall.
I don’t quite know what I was hoping for, really. I didn’t know if I wanted him to stand up boastfully and declare he was challenging Gabriel to a duel to the death for the honor of my love or if I wanted Gabriel to come bursting in at this moment and claim me for himself.
Mostly, I just wanted someone to show some conviction. I felt insecure enough myself, I didn’t need either of them being so themselves. I needed…
…well I didn’t know what I needed.
No one was giving me a chance to decide for myself.
Frustrated again, I stared at Maxxus, daring him to make a move; say he was stepping aside, claim he would fight for me. Something. But he just stood there, dumbfounded and sullen, and looked at me expectantly.
In a huff, I turned on my heels and started for the door. He didn’t reach out to stop me, just let me go.
“You know, for a couple men who claim to be so in love with me, neither of you are having a hard time watching me walk away.” I stared daggers at him, challenging him to do or say something, but he remained still. I snorted and opened the door, allowing it to slam behind me as I stormed off to… where, I didn’t know.
Chapter 6
I had to trudge through the center of town—through the bonfire gathering in order to get wherever I was going. I heard someone call my name, but I kept
on walking briskly, not acknowledging anyone’s presence. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to, but I wanted to see Kit. Seeing as how she was one of the only people I could count on to not have messed up feelings towards me right now, she was exactly what I needed. I needed a friend.
On the doorstep of Esmè's home Kiarra finally caught up to me.
“Leo!” she said, breathlessly. “Shit, girl… what happened?”
I spun around to look at her. I knew my expression was grim, but the tears flowed freely now down to my cheeks.
Kiarra frowned. “Oh, Leo…” she opened her arms and against my better judgment I allowed her to wrap them around me as I buried my face into the shoulder of her sweater as I sobbed. “I wondered when all this was going to get to you.”
“Now. It’s now is when it’s going to get to me.”
She sighed. “So… what happened with Maxxus?”
I looked up at her, sniffling. I wiped my face with the sleeve of my robes and pressed my fingers to my eyes, hoping to force the river of tears away. “He… he told me he loved me.”
Kiarra took in a breath. “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. It’s pretty obvious—to everyone.”
I raised a brow. “Since First Year of school.”
It was her turn to appear surprised. “Now… that I didn’t expect. Why didn’t he—”
“—say anything?” I scoffed. “I really don’t know. He wanted me to love him because I just did, not because he was the only one who didn’t shun me.”
She narrowed her eyes. “That’s just… ridiculous.”
“Right?” I retorted, with a short laugh.
“That’s… so un-dragon like!” She waited for me to continue. When I didn’t, she spoke instead. “So, how do you feel?”
I shrugged, throwing up my hands in exasperation. “I don’t know. I don’t know! Everyone’s deciding everything for me, really. I mean…” I heaved a heavy sigh. “Everyone is telling me I’m some super magic user, I’m going to help save people from the Shadows… all I wanted was to sell coffee with Kit at her shop!”
Kiarra nodded slowly as I continued.
“I don’t know what to think,” I mused aloud.
“I don’t know either.” Kiarra patted the side of my arm and offered a sympathetic look. “Perhaps you just need some time? You’ve been… bombarded with an awful lot of shit the past few weeks. I’m surprised you’re doing as well as you are; anyone else would be calling for the Paddy Wagon right about now,” she said, with a chuckle.
I smiled wryly. “What other choice do I have but to deal?”
She glanced at me earnestly. “I just think it proves that you are way stronger than you think you are. But… you need to catch up to your reality. Even if you decided to walk away from ‘saving Anarach,’ there is no going back to the way things were. Unfortunately.”
“I know,” I said with a groan.
The door I was leaning on squeaked open then, and I had to catch my footing to keep from stumbling in the doorway. A pixie-haired brunette with deep smile lines around her eyes and mouth and chocolate brown eyes greeted us with a warm smile.
“Ahh… Leo the Pink Dragon,” she said, motioning for us to enter. We walked past her and waited for her to shut the door behind us. “I thought I heard someone out here.”
I took a quick look at the cuckoo clock hanging on a wall nearby; it was late at around 10pm and I smiled sheepishly at her. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late but—”
She cut me off with a wave. “Say no more. You’re here to see your friend? Had a trying day?”
I raised a brow. “How did—”
“Esmè,” she replied with a chuckle. “She saw your Knight storm off tonight at the party. I’m Becka, by the way… in case you couldn’t figure that out,” she added with a twist of sarcasm.
I nodded at her. “Nice to meet you finally.”
“You too. Your friend is resting, though. Esmè gave her a pretty good sleeping tonic to ensure she got proper rest, but she’ll be awake and ready for visitors again tomorrow. She may be able to be released then, as well. She’s doing… way better than anyone could ever expect of her. You keep good company indeed; all of you are so strong,” she said, in admiration. “But, I’m glad you’re here anyway. Esmè has something she wants to talk to you about. If you’ll follow me…” She led us through the house and to a room at the back, that contained a couple of sofas and chairs, some pagan symbols drawn on the wall draped with more sachets nearby to what I recognized to be a witch’s altar. Esmè was standing before it, speaking softly and crushing herbs with a mortar and pestle.
“Perfect. I’m glad you are here.” She turned and offered us a grateful smile. “I can’t say much more, but… things are going to escalate. Quickly.”
“Escalate? More than they already have?” I squeaked.
“Indeed. We may not have the luxury of time to work on perfecting your magic,” Esmè said. She continued to grind her herbs and sprinkle them into a small cauldron and the contents from a handful of vials she had on the table. She turned to Kiarra. “Water, if you may.”
Kiarra gave a small nod of acknowledgment and with a gesture of her hand, she summoned a small amount of water over the cauldron and guided it into the vessel. My thoughts perked, witnessing her summon her own magic: she hadn't had to use any of her dragon fire, she just summoned it like a sorcerer would. I'd have to ask about that later.
“Thank you,” Esmè said, with a small chuckle. “I never tire of seeing that.”
I smirked despite my sadness, and Kiarra gave me a slight wink.
Esmè reached for a silver athame, and placed it into the concoction and stirred a handful of times, mumbling rhythmically to herself.
She reached under the table through a blue cloth draped over and produced a glass vial and a small dropper. She sucked up a bit of the liquid into the dropper, squirting it carefully into the vial. She placed a cork on top and shook the vial gently. It had been clear, but it shifted into a murky black. Satisfied, she set down her supplies and handed it to me.
Gingerly, I took it. “What is this?”
“A very dangerous potion,” she explained. My eyes widened in shock and she spoke quickly.
“Dangerous in the wrong hands, I mean,” she explained. I breathed out, relieved. “This is a potion to unlock your full magic’s potential in a very short period of time.”
“Oh?” I said, holding it in front of my face and shaking it lightly. It sparkled slightly and settled at the bottom, swirling through the black of the potion. I frowned nervously. “Just how short a period of time?”
“A matter of hours. Maybe even minutes, depending,” Esmè said.
I swallowed. “Oh…” I began to uncork the top, but Esmè stopped me.
“You must wait; it has to turn pink, first,” she insisted. “I’m not sure how long that will take; no more than a day I believe. After it does, you have until sundown to drink it before it is ineffective. And, I cannot make more; at least not without a great deal of effort and time is not a luxury right now.” I nodded.
“And why is this so dangerous?” Kiarra inquired.
“Because even though it is attuned to Leorah, here, in the wrong hands it could be used to subdue her magic,” she said. “Or if they took it themselves, amplify their own magic for a period of time.”
I gulped. “That is not good.”
“No,” Esmè agreed. “Normally, I wouldn’t even consider such dangerous measures, but Finnian insisted. Don’t ask me why,” she said, with a dismissive gesture and a roll of her eyes. “He insisted it was imperative for you to reach your full potential, sooner rather than later. Time is of the essence and for whatever reason, he believes we are running out.” I could tell by the glint in her eyes, she was hiding something, but as a seer, she wouldn’t be able to share the information anyway, if it was from a vision she’d had.
I held the vial up to my eyes, holding it between my thumb and index finger gingerly. I watched it s
wirl around like a small tornado, different shades of misty gray in the vial. “Can I ask how it’s specifically attuned to me?”
Esmè furrowed her mouth, looking hesitant. “Please don’t think less of us; we took some of your blood you donated to Evie to test for your bloodline.”
I raised a brow. “Oh?” I shrugged off my initial displeasure. What was done was done.
Esmè turned, rummaging underneath the altar, and pulled out a small black velvet sachet on a string. She handed it to me. “Here; to keep the vial in. Please keep it near you at all times until it’s ready.”
I slid the potion in and pulled the string shut and wrapped it around the opening of the bag, sealing it tightly. I extended the cord over my head and tucked it into the front of my dress between my breasts. I chuckled to myself; at the rate I was going, it should be pretty safe. No one was going to be looking there anytime soon. “I… guess that’s that, then. I will be by sometime tomorrow to see Kit.” I was disappointed that I couldn't see her now, but I understood. I did just see her a few hours ago, anyway. But I couldn’t think of anyone else I'd rather talk about my man problems with.
Esmè nodded, and I turned to follow Kiarra down the hallway when Esmè stopped me.
“Make sure you are not alone when you take this potion, but make extra sure you are around people you trust when you do. You may be vulnerable for a time, or you may have a burst of strength that you may need help containing. No matter what your quarrel with the Knight, it is his duty to assist you with things like this. But, you’ll need your friends as well. Okay?”
I assured her I wouldn’t be alone. The worried expression on her face quelled at that, and she allowed us to leave.
I wasn’t sure where I was going. I let the door to Esmè and Becka’s close behind me and I stood on the doorstep, shoving my hands uncertainly into the pockets of the robes and sighed. “Well. What now?” I looked into the night. The woods surrounding the haven of Castle Danger were illuminated by a nearly full moon and millions of sparkling stars in the inky sky. Over the treetops, dozens of wisps danced around, speaking melodically to each other, darting in and out of the trees and around each other. I smiled despite my cloudy demeanor, watching the happy entities, carefree just enjoying the night.