She nodded and then did a gesture with her hands as if she were writing.
“Oh. Right.” Gage grabbed the clipboard, a pen, and then handed it to her.
We watched as she scribbled on one of the sheets. She looked up at me, grinning as she turned it around.
“Can I be with him alone for a few minutes?” I read out loud. “Oh! Yeah! Of course.” I stepped forward and kissed her cheek. “You’ll get through this. You’re strong.”
She shrugged again, closing her eyes briefly. As I pulled back, I turned my gaze on Gage, who was forcing a smile.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
I kissed his cheek and then turned around with a tightness creeping up my throat.
I pulled the door open and stepped out. I was halfway down the hall when I realized I forgot my cell phone. As I hurried down the hall and met at the door, I stopped completely and gasped. Gage was smiling, but when Kristina shook her head and looked away, his smile evaporated and he broke down. Literally broke down. His face fell into her side and she stroked his hair. One single tear fell down her pale cheek as she started humming to him. It wasn’t a loud hum, but I could make it out from the door. It was their mom’s melody. With each stroke of her hand on his head, my heart ached and the tears collected. I couldn’t watch anymore, so I turned quickly and walked down the hallway with tears blinding me.
Kristina died two mornings later, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t tear Gage to shreds.
The funeral was that Saturday. I wore a black dress with pearls. Ben didn’t know much about Kristina but thought it was best to come.
Standing by Gage’s side, watching them lower her casket into the ground, was heartbreaking. Kristina was a sweet person. She had a kind heart. She cared about her brother. She loved him and I knew she’d do anything for him, but knowing she was gone—that he could never hold her again. Touch her. Be near her… It sucked. It was like stepping on glass… walking on eggshells… lying on hot coals. Painful.
The priest spoke, but I don’t think any of us were really listening. The boys were standing behind Gage. Roy had his arm hooked around Kelsey, his head lowered and his hair in his face. Montana had a grip on Gage’s shoulder, and Deed and Megan were standing beside me, quiet and still. Zion was there and was pretty torn up about it. He couldn’t bear the sight of her in the casket, lifeless. He broke down as soon as he saw her. None of us could say a word because, just like that, Kristina was gone. Just like that, she was no longer a part of our lives.
I held on to Gage, but he was motionless. Lifeless. He didn’t move. I couldn’t even tell if he was breathing until a few tears spilled down his cheeks and he swiped them away. It was hard, but what made it harder was the fact that Gage’s dad showed up. He had been standing at the back of the funeral the entire time and what surprised Gage most was that his dad was crying.
“You have some nerve,” Gage hissed, marching up to him.
“Gage.” His dad shook his head. He was a tall man with bulky muscles. He looked like Gage. He had the same hazel eyes, same stubble surrounding his lips, only he was a bit taller. “Look, I know I fucked up. Okay? After your mama died… I just… I couldn’t cope. I know I was a bad husband to your mama… I was a bad father to you and Kris, and I’m sorry. Y’all deserved better than me.”
“Damn right,” Gage muttered, looking away.
“Look, I’m not here to argue. I’m not here to make you feel any less than you do now. If I could take it all back, I would. I lost my wife and my daughter. I could’ve been there for the both of them, but I fucked up. Big time. It would kill me if I lost you, too.” His dad gripped his shoulders and Gage stared at his hand with a scowl. He didn’t pull away, though. Even as his dad reeled him in and squeezed him into a hug, he didn’t pull away.
Gage was doing a good job at controlling his emotions before, but with the embrace from his father, it set off all the waterworks. He cried over his dad’s shoulder and clutched him. I knew this was what he wanted for a long time. Family. His dad. Someone to hold on to that still had his blood.
“You left us for bait, Dad,” Gage choked out over his shoulder. “She wouldn’t be dead if you would’ve taken care of us like you were supposed to.”
Tears fell down his dad’s cheeks. “You don’t think I know that, Gage. I know. I’m sorry. When she called and told me she was passing away… I don’t know. I couldn’t believe it. She told me she forgave me… for everything. For all I put her through. She was freeing herself from hatred, burdens… everything. And it made me feel like shit.”
Gage pulled away and looked him in the eye. “That’s why she gave me the note about where she wanted to be buried and the time…” I knew about the note. Kristina gave it to Gage the night at the lake—when she told him how long she had left.
“Yes. She wanted me here. Her dying wish was for me to make things right with you. I can’t lose anyone else, son. You’re all I have left. I know it’s too late, but you gotta give me a chance. Just one.”
They stared at one another until his dad pulled lifted his arm and pulled him in for a tighter hug. And Gage didn’t fight it.
Ben stepped to my side and pulled me against side. He kissed my cheek and smiled down at me warmly. “You’ve gotta take care of him,” he whispered. “Cope with him. Help him heal. It’s gonna be tough and it will take time, but you’re all he’s got now. It’s just you and his band.”
“I know,” I whispered, burying my face in his chest. “I will.”
It was busy at Arts Global, and I was wondering why the hell Frank pulled me off the floor and had me sitting in his office. I’d been training someone, but he told me it was urgent. As I stared out the window, people were rushing around with stacks of paper in hand. They were all the FireNine employees, all the people who created things for the band.
FireNine had just landed an international deal. They could now travel and perform in England, Brazil, Argentina, Hawaii, Africa… you name it. They were excited about it, too. As soon as Gage signed the contract, he called me and shouted in my ear. I was happy for them, and Ben was happier than a pig in shit. This meant more freedom for him. He wanted so badly to travel more with the band, and this was their big break. They were going to be known worldwide.
We thought shit would go downhill after Kristina’s funeral—and it did a little—but things were now picking up. Gage couldn’t sleep for weeks after the funeral. He didn’t touch his guitar. He didn’t talk to the boys much. He didn’t want to record or write songs or speak with anyone. The only person he wanted to be with was me. So I stuck with him as much as I could. As much as he wanted me to.
A week after the funeral, there was a magazine floating around. It had everything about Gage’s past in it, topped and polished with a bunch of lies and even pictures of us at the funeral. There were things about Kristina being a druggy and abandoning him as a teenager. Things about how his dad owned a strip club and cared more for his strippers than his family. Things about how his mom was “dumb” enough to leave her kids in a messed-up world on their own. The part about his mom destroyed him. They were calling her dumb, when in reality she was clever and generous enough to save her child. We finally figured Penelope must’ve been gathering more pictures and proof that Gage’s sister was really dying. She wanted the most dramatic story possible. Sneaky, dumb bitch.
On the other hand, she didn’t win with getting her dad to drop the band. Mr. Binds was about money. Yes, he loved his daughter and would kill for her, but he wasn’t stupid enough to drop his best band. We all knew that, and I hated Gage didn’t see that. It was a tough decision for Mr. Binds because he was the kind of man who would do anything for his daughter. I heard that Penelope whined and bickered to him about how Grendel broke her heart, but her dad couldn’t do it. He told her she had to get over it. As soon as the magazine hit the press, he knew his “princess” was blackmailing Gage and forcing him to stick around. He was smart not to let the boys go, and he made a promise t
o them to keep Penelope away from the band. She could no longer come on tours or shows… And I was so damn glad.
Gage cleared up most of the rumors. He usually didn’t go for telling people about his life, but he’d been invited to a popular talk show to speak all about it. He told the truth about his childhood, the good and the bad, and for that, his fan base grew. The band grew by name and everyone wanted to know about FireNine. If anything, the shit Penelope pulled helped them out in the end. She thought she was going to bring the band down, but she was wrong. I made Gage fight. He didn’t want to do it, but in order to get some respect, he had to go public with it. I was proud of him for finally taking the risk. In the end, his risk became a reward—not only for him, but also for the entire band. The name FireNine got way bigger than any of us thought it ever would.
Ben called me with good news while Gage was in the middle of clearing things up. Debra tried pressing charges on Ben for shit that happened in the past. Of course, she was being an idiot. I never thought she’d do something this stupid, but she and Jason were just out for his money. It was obvious they didn’t think things through. Jason was convicted of domestic and child abuse. Ben had taken pictures of all my scars and bruises when I first moved in with him as a teenager and had saved them for this particular situation. He knew, even though there was so much shit he could charge Debra for, she was bound to be greedy and take it to court one day.
Ben had never really gotten official custody of me. He said he admitted to not being a good father when I was younger, but he would’ve never harmed me. I told Ben to drop all charges because I was an adult now and it was over with. He was pissed, but after a while, he calmed down and agreed it was best to get them some help instead of taking away everything they had. She was still my mother. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t even be alive.
She and Jason were sentenced to rehab by a judge for a maximum of two years and from what I’d heard, they were doing better drug-wise, but Jason was still an asshole and Debra was still a selfish bitch. Yes, Debra wrote Ben hate letters about how he was never going to be a good dad to me, but he didn’t care. He would rather he got the letters than me. Jason ended up escaping rehab and overdosed on some over-the-counter pills about two months after their court incident. Debra probably didn’t care, but Ben said she was trying to clean up her act after she found out he died from drugs. But I knew even if she were to clean herself up, I could never take her in as a mom again. I would keep in touch with her, just to check up on her and see if she was still alive, but that was it. I don’t think I could’ve done more than that after all she put me through. But I forgave her. She may not have known it, but I did. She just had to forgive herself.
“These people are driving me insane!” Frank slammed his office door behind him and interrupted my thoughts.
I perked up as he stepped around his desk to sit. “What’s going on?” I asked.
“There are people here with cameras. They heard FireNine will be stopping by to perform for the employees today.”
“They’re performing today?” I asked, confused.
“Yes. In the auditorium on the twelfth floor. Kelsey thought of it. Thought it was best to get some heads cleared and some motivation going.”
“Oh.”
“Yes. So I need you to help her set up.”
“That’s what you called me in here for? Frank, I have lots of work to do. The project I’m working on won’t be wrapped up in a week if I’m fooling around with the setup—”
“Mr. Grendel wants you to be there.”
I clamped my mouth shut, but I couldn’t fight the butterflies that’d taken over the pit of my belly. “Why?”
He shrugged. “Don’t know. He said he has a new song he wants everyone to hear. It’ll be his first time singing it. He needs feedback from the employees… and, of course, his girlfriend.”
I sighed, tucking my medium-length hair behind my ears. “All right. Fine. I’ll stay for that song and that song only. I really have to finish up.”
“Oh, there’s another thing,” Frank said before I could stand. “We’re kicking you out of the Arts Global building.”
My heart nearly stopped beating. “W-what? Why?”
Frank smirked, grabbing his mouse and clicking away on his Mac. “You’ve traveled with FireNine before, am I correct?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“And you want to travel with them again… permanently, right?”
“Yes, but how did you know that? I only told…” Kelsey. Damn it, Kelsey!
“Well, I’m giving you the opportunity right now. You will get to travel any and everywhere with FireNine, and in return, you will create artwork and graphics for the band and AG. Whatever you’d like to create, we’ll be sure it sells to the right people. And when they’re not on tour, you can come here and work.”
My jaw literally dropped. “Seriously, Frank? You’d do this for me?”
“FireNine is a popular client of Arts Global. We have to be sure they’re happy with us at all costs. The only thing that was keeping them from being one hundred percent satisfied with us… was keeping you here.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Mr. Grendel drives a hard bargain. But I told him you’re one of my best employees. Your artwork is astounding, and we need that. We need someone who strives for perfection, and that’s you. I wanted to keep you here on a daily basis, but he wants you with him. So I thought we could settle things so we both got something out of it.” He folded his fingers on top of his desk. “I told him there are traveling jobs. You get to travel with him as long as you keep working for us… wherever you are. And as long as you come back here after the tours. You can always send us what you create while on the road—whatever. There are ways. Since you have a baby on the way, well, we thought we’d just let you off early, before you’re due. We know there’s a tour coming up.”
Wow. I couldn’t believe this. I wanted to slap Frank for toying with me but hug him extremely hard. To travel with FireNine and create artwork was a privilege only a few could get. But he was giving this to me… permanently. I couldn’t thank him enough. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to take it easy. I wanted the best for my baby, no matter what. I wanted Gage to be able to witness the first kick, and maybe my bitchy side every once in a while, just to scare him a bit. “Frank, wow. Thank you!”
“Don’t thank me. Thank the lead singer.” He winked and stood to his feet. Stepping around his desk, he swung open the door. “Now, hurry and find Kelsey. Go set up. They’ll be here shortly. We can do all the paperwork tomorrow.”
I nodded and rushed out the door, hugging Frank along the way. “Thanks, Frank. This really means a lot to me.”
“I know it does, Ms. Smith.”
I told Kelsey the news as we set up the chairs, and it didn’t take us very long. My excitement may have been the cause of that. I really couldn’t believe it. I’d been trying to work something out with Frank for a while, and he would always tell me he’d get back with me. He didn’t want to lose one of his best employees, but I was glad he was giving me this freedom. I could paint, draw, and snap photos whenever I felt like it. I didn’t have to go with a schedule or wake up at seven in the morning and puke all over the place anymore.
I was ecstatic for my future.
The room filled up nicely. There were more employees working for the FireNine department than I thought there’d be. Kelsey and I decided to stick with the crowd. We sat on the very first row, eager like schoolgirls seeing their crush for the first time each day. From what I saw, she and Roy were doing great. And sometime during the past six months Roy had opened up to her. She wouldn’t tell me, but I could respect that. His business wasn’t mine. I had no right to be nosey, but I was curious.
The boys finally came on stage and the crowd went wild for them. They weren’t as wild as the normal FireNine crowds, but they were close. I don’t think anyone could beat the real fans—the ones who attende
d every single show and made sure to scream until their voices went hoarse.
Gage met up at the mic as Montana and Roy strapped on their guitars and Deed hopped on the drums. “Good evening!” Gage yelled in the mic.
The crowd shouted and hollered again.
“Wait… hold on. I really couldn’t hear y’all,” Gage said, turning his head a little and cupping a hand around his ear. “I said, GOOD EVENING!”
The crowd yelled even louder, especially the girls. I giggled as he took a look around, smirking and winking at a few people, most likely girls, but I was certain it was all for show.
“That’s much better! All right…” he said, picking up the black-and-blue guitar beside him and strapping it on. I studied the guitar and as I recognized it, I grinned. It was the guitar he used when he sang Single Doves to me in Times Square. “Today, we’re doing things a little differently. I have this song I’ve been working on and I need feedback from y’all. Now, it’s easy. Y’all don’t have to write shit or put thought to it, just scream if you like it, boo if you hate it. Got it?” He gave a charmingly wicked smile, nodding his head at the screamers.
Deed then did a countdown, Montana and Roy ripped at their guitars, and with that, the crowd went wild. He hadn’t even started singing yet, but they were going crazy. Leaning in, Gage strummed his guitar and sang into the microphone. And as he sang, my heart pumped faster. He smiled playfully, thrumming again and again until he finally released his guitar and grabbed hold of the mic. He cupped it with both hands and sang into it.
We’ve been through it all.
I’m not leaving no more.
We’ve been hurt and all,
But I’m not leaving no more.
This is my statement,
I’m here to stay.
This my heart,
Who We Are (FireNine #2) Page 25