by Raven Scott
“Don’t worry about it, Nicole. If he does anything, Ron and Sam are gonna haul his ass out into the snow. I know you probably didn’t wanna start shit, and you were just gonna grin and bear it, but seriously. I mean this with love, Nicole, you need to stand up for yourself sometimes and say ‘no.’ You can’t please everyone. If Tom makes you unhappy, kick his ass to the curb.” Jackie’s attempt to ease my anxiety only made it flare up and clog my throat, and I covered my head with my hands. “You know, I think in your case, it may be that he doesn’t make you happy more than making you unhappy. Being explicitly unhappy isn’t worse than not being happy.”
“I was gonna break up with him after the wedding, but then I found the stupid ring box in his car center console, and—” Jackie held my bicep to stop my miserable ramble, and I held my breath as apprehension crowded my lungs. “I’m sorry. I think, when I invited him, Tom took it as me wanting to get serious, which I do not wanna do, especially not now. God, I know this sounds horrible, but I just wanted to date him until after this wedding so that I wouldn’t be the sad, pathetic single sister there. I just don’t understand why he thinks this is a good idea.”
“Because it’s his idea, and you don’t matter to him, so your protests don’t matter to him, Nicole. You’re too nice, I swear. Just because someone’s not explicitly making you miserable doesn’t mean you have to put up with their shit.” She reached to nudge my cheek with her knuckles, and I smiled small as my stomach stopped churning so violently. Jackie had such a polar opposite way of thinking of things compared to me; I’d never considered Tom to not care about me, but that was the way it was, wasn’t it?
“Yeah, okay. At the gas station on the way up the mountain, I got so mad about it I told him to go to the car.” Surprise rose Jackie’s slender brows, and I blushed at how something so seemingly inconsequential had such an impact on me. Pride bubbled in my veins, and she squeezed my arm as her smile brightened. “It didn’t last long. I mean, when Tom walked off, I sorta snapped at this guy that’d been watching us. I felt bad.”
“No, no, fuck that guy, too. Don’t feel bad! He’s necessary collateral!” She threw back her head and laughed, smacking my arm lightly, and a weak giggle escaped me. “Okay, all you gotta do is get through tomorrow. Wedding’s at one, reception at four, and we’re gonna be here all weekend before Sam and I go on our honeymoon. It’ll be fine. Just have fun! You’re gonna be with me tonight, anyway, so you won’t even see him, and hopefully, that’ll give him some time to rethink his position. It’s nearly impossible to get an Uber or something out here.”
“I don’t think I could just leave him here, though . . .” My sister shook her head, a fire raging in her brown eyes when they met mine. The conversation stalled, and I grabbed my glass of wine to take a deep sip. “Um, so . . . that aside, I’m gonna be finishing your wedding present while you’re in Europe. It’s gonna be amazing. You’re gonna love it.”
Changing the subject to something more cheerful, and I loved the way my sister absolutely lit up in excitement. I hadn’t told her what it was, exactly, but that was the fun of it, a surprise. All she knew was that I was making it, and I took another, more leisurely sip of my wine.
“Nicole, can I talk to you really quick?” Twisting to find Tom standing behind me, I nodded hastily before standing up, and my sister’s warning blared in my ears. Maybe I should ask him if he likes me or the idea of being in a relationship. Draining the rest of my wine to gather my courage, I followed Tom out of the event hall and into the lobby of the lodge.
“What’s up?” He whipped around to scowl darkly at me, and surprise launched my heart into my throat.
“The fuck, Nicole! How could you let her embarrass me like that?” Hissing furiously, Tom tinged red around his ears, and his eyes flashed brightly. The hairs on the back of my neck bristled, and he grabbed my wrist tightly when I tried to step back. Goosebumps blanketed up my arm, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Instantly, he realized he’d crossed a line and released me, and my skin burned even as he ran a hand through his thick, brunette curls roughly. “Look, okay, I know you have reservations, Nicole, but like I said, my parents were engaged for six years, and there’s absolutely no reason not to take advantage of the occasion. All your family will be there, and it’ll be fine.”
“I’m gonna tell you one time, and one time only.” The wine in me stiffened my spine some, and I took my turn to shove my hand in Tom’s face. His eyes widened, and I pushed him back as the urge to slap him tingled my palm. “I said ‘no.’ I’m not saying it again. I’m this close, this close to kicking you out of the wedding and breaking up with you and leaving you stranded here, Tom. Don’t push me.”
“Nicole, you wouldn’t do that.” Flames licked up my neck and cheeks as Tom dismissed me with a wave of his hand. He smirked bemusedly, a light dancing in his eyes as they met mine. “I promise, it’ll be fine. It’ll be fine!”
Taking my hand, Tom tugged gingerly, and I gave up trying to reason with him like a sane person. I gave up hoping he wouldn’t make a fool of himself and me. I told my sister, everyone knows. He wouldn’t dare risk being humiliated in front of everyone tomorrow.
Hopefully.
Chapter Five
Nicole
My stomach churned, my anxiety threatening to crawl up my throat and making it impossible to even look at the gorgeous, expensive plate of food in front of me. Instead of something traditional, my sister and her new husband opted to have Indian food at their wedding. I wasn’t sure what made it unappetizing to me, not knowing the amount of spices or the pressure I was under.
I couldn’t breathe under the stress looming over me, and my dress clung to me awkwardly from the cold sweat that permeated the fabric. Glancing around dartingly, I clenched my jaw when I saw Tom hanging out with my cousin by the open bar.
“I hate myself.” Muttering sluggishly, I cupped my cheeks to smack them lightly and sucked in a wheeze of a breath. Shaking my head furiously, I grabbed my glass of wine to drain it. I was at a wedding, anyway. It was acceptable for me to drink a bit more than usual. My gaze slid to my sister, table elevated on the dais, as she and her handsome new husband fed each other and glowed happily.
“No more worrying about Tom. This is Jackie’s day.” Even as I mumbled to myself, my stomach twisted, and I gulped down the rest of my wine. I need some bread, carbs always make everyone feel better, so I was sure it would make me feel better too.
Through my tunnel vision, I saw a breadbasket that had a few rolls on the table next to mine. My parents had abandoned it. I stood, my weak legs wobbling with dread, and shuffled over to grab two of them and a few packets of butter. Throwing myself back in my chair, even that short distance drained my energy, and my hand shook as I opened the plastic cup.
“Nicole . . .” Tensing at the voice, I glanced up as my dad put his hands on the back of my chair with a warm, comforting smile. “Need some help?”
“I think I need a good therapist,” My dad’s eyes crinkled around the sides as he sat next to me, taking the butter from my cold, clammy fingers. I sighed shortly, shakily, and flexed my hands while his mere presence gave me something solid to grapple onto. “Why doesn’t anyone ever listen to me, Dad? Am I not assertive enough or something?”
“You’re a light in the darkness, baby girl. Always have been. Unfortunately, that means you attract people that want to steal it. I know it’s not the time, but I distinctly remember telling you not to invite Tom.” I scowled slightly as my dad grabbed a bun and gingerly cut it open, but I nodded anyway. My gaze slid back to my ‘date’, and I picked at my nails on the table as Tom and my cousin talked animatedly about something. “I’m not going to rub your nose in it, baby girl. Learn from this kinda thing. And don’t date tools.”
“Dad . . .” Groaning softly, I nudged my dad with my elbow, and he smirked despite the seriousness in his eyes. Finally, I managed a proper breath, and I held it for a long moment before sighing heavily. “Yeah. I just hate making pe
ople feel bad. I know I should’ve broken it off months ago, but then he asked me who I was bringing, and . . .”
“And that’s exactly why you’re in this mess, Nicole. But don’t worry. You know, there’s a reason you’ve never met your mom’s sister. It’s because she announced her pregnancy at your mom’s and my wedding.” He handed me the buttered bread with a pointed look, and I nodded knowingly. This wasn’t the first, or the fourth, or the tenth, time our father had told this story since Jackie announced the wedding date. “It’s easy to tell someone else to fuck off, Nicole, but it’s not so easy to do it. You’re not sixteen anymore. I can’t ‘force’ you to break up with your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, it was a lot easier back then.” Sharing a smile with my dad, I didn’t protest when he stood up and grabbed my wine glass to head to the bar. My heart grew so full, and I smiled for the first time in a few days. At least it felt like a few days. Propping my elbows on the table, I held my chin on my palms and glanced around.
Being explicitly unhappy isn’t worse than not being happy. Jackie lived her life by those words; if someone didn’t brighten her day, she cut them out without looking back. If someone took advantage of her, she didn’t give them a second chance. My sister was brutal, maintaining herself with ease even though it couldn’t have been that simple or easy.
“Here, Nicole.” Smiling gratefully at my dad, I took the wine glass to take a deep sip. My heart stopped racing, and the gnawing discomfort in my gut eased as the white wine coursed through my veins. “Better drink that fast, here comes Tom.”
I tensed, and true to form, Tom was skirting the dance floor toward me. My muscles instantly seized, and my dad put a hand on my shoulder to squeeze comfortingly. Gulping harshly, I prayed to any deity that would listen that Tom didn’t make a fool of himself or me. Draining my glass, I closed my eyes briefly to gather myself as my dad’s hand fell from my shoulder.
“You wanna go dance, Nicole?” My heart stuttered as Tom shot me a charming smirk, and foreboding gnawed deep into my gut. He held out his hand for me, and blood drummed in my ears as the pressure beat against my eyes. I set my glass down to stand up, but I didn’t take Tom’s hand as I caught his gaze.
I didn’t like what I saw in their depths, and my cold sweat prickled up my back and under my arms. I thought it was blatantly obvious that I was only suffering through this day for my sister. Tom had long overstayed his welcome in my life, and I was reaping what I sowed. This anxiety was the consequence of ignoring my gut, something I’d never do again.
“Tom, when we get back to Utah, I—” He held up a hand to stop me, and flames engulfed my cheek as Tom shot me a sly smile.
“Relax, Nicole. You’re at a wedding. Just enjoy the here and now. Let’s go dance.” Tom took my hand, and I clenched my jaw hard against the irritation that sloshed up my throat. I couldn’t even hear the music above the horror that was ringing in my ears, slowly intensifying and loudening as resistance stiffened my muscles.
Tom swept me onto the dance floor, but there weren’t many other people dancing. Everyone was eating or drinking, and the DJ wasn’t playing anything particularly upbeat if the low bass rattling my legs was anything to go by. He hooked an arm around my waist, knocking the air from my lungs, and my skin crawled when he drew me close almost forcefully.
“Why are you so miserable, Nicole?” My jaw almost hit my chest in surprise, and I couldn’t believe my own ears. Tom’s concern almost seemed fake. How could he not know why I was nervous? Did my concerns just go in his nose and out his eye, not even reaching his brain?
“Do you not listen to anything I say, Tom? Why are you even with me?” Surprise rose his brows, and Tom’s eyes brightened with thoughts that raced behind them. He pursed his lips, and expectation flooded my system as we swayed back and forth. “I wanna know. Why are you with me?”
“What do you mean? I like you, and you like me, and you’re a great girl, and we’re gonna be great together.” He chuckled almost condescendingly, and fire raced up my spine when he shook his head with that stupid, amused smile. “Why are you asking? I wouldn’t date you if I didn’t like you, Nicole.”
“That’s not a good enough reason.” I wasn’t in love with the man, but if he was going to propose, he could’ve used the word ‘love’ at some point. Whenever the time came when I did get married, I wanted to be in love with the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and for him to be in love with me as well. I certainly didn’t want him to like me.
I didn’t know where my sudden assertiveness came from, but it blew Tom away, and I was the one that shook my head this time. Taking his hands off me, I stepped back to frown at him as his smirk drooped noticeably. “I invited you to this wedding to be polite because we were involved, but I made it very clear that I didn’t want anything serious. You’re trying to push something serious on me, and I don’t like it. I don’t like you enough to put up with this anymore.”
“Come on, you don’t mean that. Things are going great so great that . . .” The blood drained from my face when Tom knelt down, and the music instantly stopped pumping from the speakers. He fished the ring box out of his pocket, and a wave of wooziness slammed into me. Popping the box open, he smiled charmingly, and an invisible fist punched me in the gut.
Inside the ring box was a ring I’d been promised when my grandmother died a few years ago. A ring my grandmother wanted me to have when a man like my grandfather came along and asked me a particular question. The sparkling, quaint diamond sparkled brightly, and my heart threatened to burst out of my chest. I loved that ring, but I never had the type of relationship where I ever thought I was going to be proposed to. The traditional, delicate setting and gem chips decorating the band reminded me of my mom’s ring that she passed to Jackie. She gave it to Jackie because it was our great-grandmothers, and as the oldest, she was going to get the opportunity to keep it before I ever would.
I’d never mentioned it once to Tom. So, how’d he even know this ring was for me? I bet someone in my family told him at some time, maybe when he got into a conversation with my father during a football game.
“Will you marry me, Nicole?” Tom’s voice echoed through the silent hall, and gasps of horror quickly followed. Goosebumps blanketed my arms and across my chest, and disgust crowded my heart and lungs. My stomach flipped, staring into his eyes as they slowly began to realize that maybe, this wasn’t going to go the way he hoped. I tensed, clenching my hands into tight fists by my sides as tears clogged my throat.
Shame blurred my vision, and I reached a trembling hand to take the box. Triumph and hope blazed in Tom’s eyes. I closed the box, the clap damning and ominous. The huge room was so quiet, it seemed like no one breathed, and I held the ring box in both my hot, trembling hands.
The punch Sam delivered to Tom’s face knocked him off his knee, and he sprawled across the dance floor with a horrendous thud. My eyes stung, my heart stung everything stings. He clutched his face, eyes flashing with hurt and disbelief as he stared, open-mouthed up at me. Sam shivered with rage next to me that not only his reception was awkward, now, but because Tom had explicitly been told not to do this.
“I never want to see you again, you fucking piece of shit.” My voice burned my throat, and I stomped my heel on the floor to seemingly reactive time. My dad and brother were instantly on Tom, hauling him to his feet with barely contained anger. I trembled with embarrassment and rage that threatened to rip my chest apart. Sam’s face was a mask of rage as he shoved Tom to the ground again, and my dad and brother picked him up to drag him out of the room.
The ring box seared my palm, and I tore my eyes off the place Tom had just been to blink back massive salty tears. Mortified wasn’t even a strong enough word, and I shuffled in a daze toward the bar.
“Nicole!” Ignoring Jackie’s worried call, I leaned over the bar to grab an open but mostly full bottle of white wine. Eyes skewered my body, and I wandered in a daze toward the back of the room, where an employee
entrance glowed like the entrance to Heaven. “Nicole! Wait!”
Chapter Six
Bruiser
“You wanna tell me what’s up, Rook?” Glancing over at my cousin, I frowned under tightly knit brows when he shook his head mutely. “Why not?”
“Because it ain’t none of your fuckin’ business.” His voice was raw, slurred heavily, and I could tell the ride down the mountain hadn’t been kind to Rook. Swiping his hands up his face and into his hair, my cousin dropped like a wet sack onto the dirt to groan torturedly. My chest tightened in sympathy, and I cleared my throat roughly as I walked around my bike.
Rook hid behind his forearms, shuffling around in a circle to face away from me. Crouching down, I gingerly clapped a hand on his shoulder to jostle him lightly.
“Unfortunately, it’s time to grow up, kid. When you realize you can’t handle this on your own, come find me,” I left Rook by himself to stretch his legs and contemplate what was going on. He was now an illegal alien, in a foreign country, with nothing but the clothes on his back and his demons at his heels. And as much as it sucks, we’re not close at all.
“How’s he doin’?” I glanced over at Parker, settled in his saddle, his black eye beaming at me, and shrugged lightly. “Really sucks, whatever it is.”
Parker spoke lowly, no doubt having learned his lesson, and I reached to rub the back of my head roughly in thought. We’d gotten a motel room last night after it was apparent Rook hit Parker a little too hard. I really wished we hadn’t, but Parker wasn’t known for his thick skull, just his big ass mouth.