“Why do you say that?”
“We’re like oil and water. We just don’t mix. It must be a mother-daughter thing because her relationship with Grandma Meredith is just like the one she has with me. They love each other, but they don’t know how to show it.”
Jordan didn’t want to be rude and ask Tatum to change the subject. Thankfully, Tatum did it on her own.
“You’re getting really brown. Have you been spending a lot of time at the beach?”
Jordan looked at her hands. The tawny skin she had inherited from her father’s side of the family was several shades darker than it had been when she had first arrived on the island.
“Grandma Meredith gets up at the crack of dawn each morning to do an hour of yoga. While she’s doing that, I ride my bike to the beach, take a long walk, and get in a chill mood for the rest of the day. I could probably get into the same mindset if I did the yoga, but I’m not that flexible.”
“Neither am I.”
Tatum was obviously trying to make a joke, but Jordan didn’t know whether to laugh or be offended on her behalf.
“What do you do for fun?” Jordan asked after she regained her equilibrium. “Do you like the beach?”
“I love it, but I haven’t been able to go for a while.”
“Why? Too busy with work?”
“I have a hard time maneuvering my chair through the soft sand. It’s okay once I get to the hard-packed as long as I swap out my regular wheels for my wider ones.”
“Sort of like switching from a road bike to a mountain bike. From Lance Armstrong to Missy Giove, to be exact.”
“I never thought about it that way, but, yeah. It’s funny you used that analogy because I used to be a bike racer.”
“Do you miss it?”
“More than you know. I miss being in the saddle, feeling my lungs, calves, thighs, and glutes burn while I chase other riders or break away from the pack. During some of my physical therapy sessions, I ride a recumbent bike with my feet strapped to the pedals, but the sense of accomplishment I feel at the end of a run isn’t the same. I feel some of the same pain, but none of the same high.”
Jordan couldn’t imagine no longer being able to do something that had once meant so much to her. Judging by the wounded expression on Tatum’s face, Tatum could imagine it only too well.
“I bet Lincoln loves the water.”
Lincoln’s ears perked up at the mention of his name.
“Actually, he’s never been,” Tatum said with what sounded like genuine regret. “I do what I can to make sure he stays active and gets plenty of exercise. We take road trips to Savannah so he can roll in the grass in Forsyth Park, play fetch, or watch the college kids play Frisbee football, but we haven’t been to the beach.”
“But dogs are allowed, right?”
“Yes, on a leash or off-leash as long as they’re well-trained and in the owner’s control at all times.” Tatum reached down and gave Lincoln a scratch. “I’d love to watch him play in the water and feel beach sand between his toes for the first time.”
“Why do you drive all the way to Savannah when there’s so much for you to do right here? I’ve been reading the brochures. There are handicapped accessible ramps to the beach near the St. Andrews picnic area and the Convention Center. If you need some extra muscle to get through the soft sand, I’m sure someone would be willing to help you.”
“That’s why I prefer to hang out in Savannah in my spare time. If I need help, I’d rather ask someone who doesn’t know me rather than someone who does. I can handle pity from strangers, but not from family or friends.”
Jordan remembered Tatum’s initial unwillingness to accept her help on the day they had met. For someone as independent as Tatum seemed to be, it couldn’t be easy for her to accept being dependent on other people.
“How was your first week?” Tatum asked, changing the subject yet again.
“It’s a lot to learn, but I think I’m doing pretty well so far, if I say so myself.”
“You don’t have to. Larry sang your praises loud and clear.”
“Tell him the check’s in the mail.”
Tatum wolfed down the first half of her sub, but made sure to toss Lincoln a bite or two of steak from time to time. Jordan, in contrast, barely picked at her food.
“How’s your salad?”
“It’s good.” Jordan brought a forkful to her mouth and chewed without much pleasure, then went right back to pushing lettuce around her Styrofoam plate. “Like I said, I’m not very hungry tonight.”
Tatum wiped mustard off her mouth with her napkin. Lincoln greedily eyed the other half of her sandwich. She made sure it was safely out of his reach. “Is there something on your mind?”
“Besides the whole apologetic ex-girlfriend, unfortunate new hookup drama, you mean?”
“There are worse problems to have.”
Jordan speared some of her salad with her fork but didn’t eat it. “Is it true Lt. Col. Daniels is dying?”
“Billie, you mean? She’s a general now, but, yeah, I’m afraid so.”
Jordan rested her fork on the side of the container and propped her chin on the heel of her upraised hand. “Grandma Meredith wants me to meet her, but I’m not sure I’m ready to.”
“Why wouldn’t you be? Billie’s a wonderful person, even though she has no idea who she is most days.”
“My point exactly. Papa George was out of his mind on morphine by the time he reached the end. I hated seeing him that way. I wish I could have known Billie as she was in Grandma Meredith’s stories, not how she is now.”
“So do I.”
Jordan’s hand crept to the dog tags around her neck. She absently fingered the upraised letters.
“As close as you and your grandfather seem to have been, losing him must have been hard for you.”
Jordan nodded mutely and let her hand drop. “It was the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced. It sucks watching someone you love die.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Jordan watched Tatum flash back to Afghanistan, where she’d undoubtedly seen too much blood, brains, and gore spilled on the sand. Tatum wrapped up the rest of her sandwich as if her appetite had abandoned her.
“Did I remind you of the war? I didn’t mean to bring back unpleasant memories.”
“It’s okay.”
“What was it like for you over there?”
“It wasn’t a walk in the park, that’s for sure. I think Charles Dickens said it best. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. I made memories that will last a lifetime, not all of them pleasant. I made friends that were as close as family, but not all of them made it home.”
“But I bet you’d do it all again if you could.”
“I’d do it without thinking twice.”
“Why?”
“Wouldn’t you?”
Jordan’s knitted her eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“Even though losing your grandfather was painful, wouldn’t you go back and relive the good times if you could?”
“In an instant,” Jordan said as tears clouded her vision.
“See?” Tatum said gently. “We have something in common.”
“More than one thing, I hope.” Jordan felt her interest in Tatum begin to grow. “Do you know how to shag?”
Tatum blushed. “That’s a pretty loaded question, don’t you think?”
“There are more connotations of shagging than Austin Powers movies would lead you to believe. I read somewhere that shagging is the kind of dancing you do to beach music.”
“It’s kind of like swing, except it’s never gone out of style.”
“Right.”
“And you’re asking me about it because?”
“The Beach Music Festival’s coming up in a couple of months. I’d love to go, but I don’t want to go by myself. If you’re not doing anything, perhaps we could go down to the pier and check out one of the sessions.” Tatum didn’t answer right
away, so Jordan kept talking to fill the silence. “If you don’t want to go or you have other plans, that’s okay. I could ask Larry if I could be his and his wife’s plus one.”
“August is two months from now. I don’t know what I’ll be doing two weeks from now, let alone two months. But I don’t have any entries on my social calendar for the foreseeable future, so I’ll be sure to pencil you in.”
“Could you make that pen instead?”
“Anything to make you stop reading the brochures I see you poring through in the lobby. Otherwise, you’ll want to try kiteboarding next.”
In the new extreme sport that was steadily taking over the beach, kiteboarders harnessed the power of the wind to glide and flip over the water or jump the waves.
“I’ve already read that brochure. It sounds like a lot of fun. Are you sure you don’t want to go?”
Jordan rested her hand on Tatum’s leg, the one a Taliban sniper’s bullet had left riddled with scars. Could Tatum feel the weight of Jordan’s hand against her leg? Could she feel its warmth? Jordan felt the atrophied muscles in Tatum’s thigh spasm. Tatum’s right foot began to twitch, causing her knee to bang against the underside of the desk. The noise sounded like machine gun fire. Horrified, Jordan drew her hand away. “Did I do that?”
“No.”
Tatum lowered the desk chair and slid into her wheelchair. She looked like she was having some kind of seizure. Jordan felt trapped. She didn’t mean to stare, but she didn’t know how to help. She just wanted whatever was happening to be over.
Tatum reached for her ankle, pulled her leg straight, then propped it on the bottom drawer of the desk.
“Whenever your body gets tired of sitting in the same position, you can get up and walk around to ease the tension,” Tatum said. “I can’t.”
As Tatum kneaded the muscles in her leg, her foot flopped around in the junk drawer like a fish out of water. When the tremor finally—mercifully—stopped, Tatum put her hand under her knee and positioned her foot above the metal footrest attached to her wheelchair. Then she let her leg drop into place.
“There. That’s better. Now what were you saying about the Beach Music Festival?”
“Um.” Jordan looked across the lobby. The family of five she had checked in a few minutes ago was staring at her and Tatum with disgusted looks on their faces. From their vantage point, they hadn’t been able to see everything that had gone on, but they’d apparently been able to see enough. And Jordan had seen too much. Hoping her expression didn’t match the guests’, she turned back to Tatum. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“The Beach Music Festival. Did you want to go?”
Jordan realized she had been fooling herself when she told Hayden and Willow she could date someone with a disability. There were so many things she didn’t know about Tatum’s condition. Things she needed to know if she planned to go out with her. Things she didn’t know if she could handle.
“We should poll the employees and see how many would like to go as a group,” she said, opting for safety in numbers. “We could treat it as a company outing. Instead of embarrassing trust exercises everyone hates, we could have a few drinks, listen to some good music, and get to know each other better.”
“And you could hide in the crowd instead of being forced to deal with me or my issues on your own.”
Tatum’s voice was filled with disappointment. As if she had gotten her hopes up and been let down. Jordan hadn’t expected Tatum to see through her explanation or call her on her BS. Tatum’s familiarity with enhanced interrogation techniques probably allowed her to see through even the most well-crafted lies. The flimsy one she had come up with on the fly never stood a chance. “No, that’s not what I meant at all.”
“Right.” Tatum wheeled around the desk. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of the guests. I’ll hide myself away in my office so I won’t embarrass you any further. Lincoln, come.”
Lincoln jumped to his feet and followed Tatum across the lobby. He looked back before he rounded the corner, his soulful eyes giving Jordan a silent rebuke that was just as devastating as Tatum’s verbal one had been. He needn’t have bothered. Jordan didn’t think she could feel much worse.
She hadn’t meant to hurt Tatum’s feelings, but she had been thrown by both the episode and her reaction to it. An apology was in order, but for some transgressions, “I’m sorry” just wasn’t good enough. And this one? This one definitely qualified.
Chapter Thirteen
Meredith tucked Natalie’s copy of To Kill a Mockingbird under her arm as she and Jordan slowly walked up the hall of the Peaceful Manor nursing home.
“I’m thinking of changing my major,” Jordan said.
“Again?” Meredith smiled at the amused exasperation she hadn’t been able to keep out of her voice. “To what this time?”
“Hotel and restaurant management.”
”Your job at the hotel must be working out well if you’re thinking of turning it into a full-time occupation.”
Jordan looked thoughtful—despite her I’m with Stupid T-shirt. “My other forays into the service industry drove me crazy after a few days, but this one’s different. I’m working with a bunch of great people and the guests are really interesting. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but I’m really having a good time.”
“At work or in general?”
Jordan stopped walking. “I’ll be honest. I wasn’t having very much fun the first few days after we arrived. I’m sure I owe you an apology or three. I doubt I was a joy to be around.”
“But then you met Hayden. Isn’t that her name?”
“Get with the program, Gran. Hayden’s old news.”
“Good. Because I wasn’t very fond of her. Are you seeing someone else now?”
“Not really. I’ve been hanging out with the people at work because there isn’t anyone else to talk to during the wee hours of a late shift, but I’m not seeing any of them.”
“What about Tatum, Natalie’s niece? Have you been spending time with her, too?”
Jordan shifted her weight from one foot to the other as if the question made her uncomfortable. “We had dinner once. At work, I mean. She’s quite a fascinating character. Gruff on the outside, but tender on the inside. A little flinty until you get to know her.”
Meredith chuckled. “Sounds familiar. Must be a family trait.”
“Did Natalie tell great stories, too?” Jordan asked wistfully. “The day we met, Tatum told some that made me want to listen to her all day.”
“Natalie kept to herself as much as she could because she didn’t want to lie about her sexuality, yet she couldn’t be honest about it and expect to be allowed to stay in the military. Not in 1967. Unlike some other female service members who were in the closet back then, she didn’t make up stories about an imaginary boyfriend waiting back home or serving at some remote outpost. She always craved respect rather than recognition. I’ve always admired her for that.” Meredith had never told her so, but she intended to rectify the error as soon as she could. “Work kept us so busy we didn’t have many opportunities to share stories about our personal lives or the loved ones we’d left back home. The few times we did, though, are moments I’ll always treasure.”
Jordan seemed solemn today. Meredith had initially attributed it to their surroundings, but now she thought something else might be to blame. Something Jordan either didn’t want to talk about or didn’t want to face.
“Has talking with Tatum changed your opinion of the war?”
“No, I still think most differences could be settled diplomatically rather than militarily. But between the two of you, you’ve given me newfound respect for the people who have chosen to wear the uniform. I used to think of military service as a way to pay for college for those who couldn’t afford it otherwise or an alternative to a jail sentence for delinquents who were running out of options, but it’s more than that. It’s patriotism at its highest level, and it requires a serious commitment I
, for one, would never have the guts to make. But you did. So did Tatum. I’ve always suspected you were a real badass back in the day, but Tatum puts you to shame.”
“No argument there.”
“She’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. I’ve never known anyone so dedicated to protecting others at the expense of herself. Even after everything that happened to her in Afghanistan, she’d re-up if she could. Can you believe that?”
“You sound smitten.”
Jordan didn’t receive the jibe with the humor Meredith had intended.
“It isn’t like that,” Jordan said testily. “Like I said, she and I are just friends. At least, we used to be. Now, I’m not so sure.”
“What happened?”
Tatum leaned against the wall and blew out a breath. “When Hayden and Willow asked me if I’d ever date someone with a disability, I said, ‘Sure. No problem.’ But the night Tatum and I had dinner, she had some kind of spasm in her leg and it freaked me out. If I can’t handle a freaking muscle spasm, how am I supposed to handle the more serious stuff?”
“Like what?”
“Urine catheters or colostomy bags or—”
“But Tatum might not have either.”
“I know. I was using those as an example. But you get the point, right?”
“I do, but the real question is, do you?”
“I have a three point seven GPA, Gran. I’m not an idiot. I know the wheelchair is part of the package.” Jordan put her hands in her hair and drew it away from her face. “I thought I’d be able to handle it, but I can’t.”
“When you look at her, I’m sure she wishes you’d see her, not the chair.”
“I do. That’s why I’m kicking myself right now. Because I see her and I like her, but I’m not ready to tackle anything that life-changing. I’m on vacation. I came down here looking for a good time for the summer. Nothing serious and nothing long-term. Tatum deserves more than that. She deserves someone who’s going to be in her life for the rest of her life. That isn’t me. I’m only going to be in town for two more months. Then I’m out of here. I don’t want to start something with her knowing it’s going to end badly, but I guess I already did.”
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