by Blair Grey
So was it any surprise that the universe was fucking with me? Jesus, Lex, the leader of the Unknowns, was her father. Because of course he was.
I didn’t know how I had missed hearing about it. It seemed like something I should have known. But it had totally blindsided me.
I hadn’t reacted the right way. I had been so shocked by the whole thing that when Leila got angry at me, it was easier to just get angry right back. I still couldn’t believe I had accused her of being in on her father’s plans. It was Leila we were talking about. Leila, the sweet and shy nurse who just wanted to help people. Leila who had never been anything but caring toward me, even when I was being a jerk to her.
She could stand her ground, sure. But she wasn’t the type to get caught up with the Unknowns and their scheming.
And when I’d said that about the kid, god. I wished I could take it back. She’d looked absolutely devastated. She’d said that she didn’t plan on going through with the artificial insemination, so it wasn’t like there really was a kid. But by making that comment, I was basically telling her that she had no future, that no matter what she did, she was always going to be her father’s daughter.
That was such a dick thing to say. But she hadn’t given me a chance to apologize. She had run away, and I had known I needed to give her time to cool off before I talked to her again. I just hadn’t expected her to freeze me out.
Between her and Ray, man, I was making a total shitshow of my life.
I headed to the bar and got as drunk as I could. On Thursday, I headed over to Ray’s.
When I got there, I had to take a deep breath before I knocked on the door. I had been tempted to go back to the diner to see Belle, to see if Ray had mentioned anything during their dinner the previous night. But I’d been too chickenshit to do so. What would Belle make of everything from yesterday? My conversation with Leila hadn’t been going that well even before Lex showed up. And afterward, it had only gone downhill.
It hurt me. It physically hurt me, knowing I had hurt Leila. I hated it. And I hated Lex even more for making me feel this way.
It was slightly irrational; I knew it wasn’t really his fault that I had fallen in love with his daughter. Nor was it his fault that I had waited so long without telling Leila that I was part of Red Eyes. But it was easier to blame him than it was to blame myself for all of this, so that’s what I did.
Ray didn’t look pleased with me when he answered the door, but at least he stepped back to let me in, rather than just slamming the door in my face.
“I’m sorry for Monday,” I said immediately, as I crossed the threshold.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ray said, shaking his head as he led me down the hall to his office. “But Belle tells me you saw Lex yesterday at the diner.”
“I didn’t fight him,” I said immediately. I grimaced. “I wanted to, but I knew you would kill me, even if the sheriff didn’t get involved.”
Ray’s eyes glinted with amusement, just for a moment. “Yeah, Belle vouched for you,” he said. “Otherwise I would have been pounding on your door last night.”
“I have a plan to get the sheriff off our backs, though,” I told him. It was something I’d thought of the night before. It would be risky, but it would work.
Ray shook his head, though, his mind clearly on other matters. “This woman that was at the diner with you. Lex’s daughter. Is she this mysterious woman that you’ve been spending all your time with lately? Belle wasn’t sure.” He paused. “She did say that whoever the woman was, she was pretty jealous about your conversation with Belle, though.” He looked amused, and I couldn’t help grinning back at him as I remembered the way Belle had defensively showed off her ring.
“She is,” I admitted. “Leila. We’re in a bit of a rocky patch, I guess.” I shook my head. “I didn’t know that she had any sort of ties to motorcycle clubs, let alone that Lex was her father. I would have been more careful if I’d known.”
“That’s probably for the best,” Ray said grimly. “I think it would be best if you stopped seeing her.” He paused. “I know Lex. From a long time ago. I didn’t recognize him at first. I’m not sure if that was his intention or just that the years have changed him. It would make sense for him to have tried to disguise himself. It’s not the first time he and I have gotten into it here, and once I realized I knew who he was, it gave me a lot of information about how he would likely choose to go about his attack on our territory.”
“And you didn’t choose to share that information?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
Ray flashed a grin in my direction but didn’t explain his reasons. Typical Ray, there was always a grand scheme there that was only revealed through time. Ray paused. “He and I are very similar in some ways. And because of that, I’m afraid that if he finds out that you’re seriously dating his daughter, he’ll come after us with a renewed vengeance. He won’t like the idea of her with you. Or with anyone else, for that matter.”
“I can’t stop seeing her, though,” I protested. “I know I don’t know her all that well, but to be honest, I’m really falling for her.” I frowned and shook my head. “I know things’ll be tricky now that Lex knows about us. But I’ll be careful. The Unknowns aren’t going to find out anything that I don’t want them to know.”
Ray slammed a fist down on the arm of his chair. “Damn it, Marcus. Do you ever listen to me?” he snapped. “I’m telling you that by continuing to see this girl, you’re only putting the MC in more danger.”
I stared at him for a long moment and then sighed and looked away. “I hear you,” I told him. “And I wish that I could promise you that I’ll never see her again. But I’m not going to lie to you, and I’m not going to just tell you what you want to hear. The truth is that I really like this woman, Leila, and I don’t know if I can stay away from her.”
Ray looked like he was going to explode, but I held up a hand. “I have a plan,” I repeated. “I think I have a way that we can solve all of the problems we’ve been having.” It had taken me long enough to come up with the idea, and it wouldn’t be without its risks. But it was the only way I could think of where I could continue to see Leila.
And I wanted that. Even if right now things were rough between us, even if I was going to have a lot of apologizing to do. I only hoped it wasn’t too late. I only hoped that I hadn’t totally ruined things between us.
Sure, I wished that things were easier. I wished I had fallen for someone else, anyone else. There were plenty of attractive, available women in Las Cruces. Why did I have to be drawn to the one woman who was totally off-limits, the one who was the daughter of my biggest enemy?
It made me wonder about certain things as well. I had suspected that Ray might know Leila’s father if she had grown up here in Las Cruces and if her father had been a biker, once upon a time. But I had never expected that Lex might be her father. Now, Ray had just admitted to knowing Lex from before.
Was that why he was holding out, why he didn’t want to fight Lex? Because of something from their past? Not for the first time, I wished I knew more about the early days of Red Eyes. Back when my father and Ray were still partners. But whatever the stories were, I wasn’t going to hear them now. They were locked away in Ray’s memories for the rest of forever, I was pretty sure.
And when it really came down to it, it didn’t matter. I was done with all of this. I’d been on the edge of quitting for a while now. I just didn’t fit into this life anymore. I was becoming a liability for the MC; anyone could see that. Better that I do one final thing for the club and then extract myself from all of it.
Focus on the next chapter of my life. With Leila.
Ray stared at me for a long moment. “What’s this plan?” he finally asked.
I took a deep breath. “Before I tell you the plan, you have to promise me something.”
“I’m not sure I like where this is going,” Ray said, folding his arms across his chest.
I ignored that and pre
ssed on. “Ray, you’ve always been like a second father to me. And Red Eyes has been my family. You guys have been here for me, for my whole life.” I paused. “But as I’m sure you realize, my position here in the club is rapidly becoming uncomfortable, to say the least.” Ray opened his mouth to say something, but I held up a hand. “No, let me finish,” I said. To my surprise, he fell silent.
Respect. Even when I was an insolent brat, challenging him at every turn, Ray respected me. And I respected him. I only hoped that he agreed with my plan, or else I knew there was no way I was ever getting out of the MC.
“As much as I love and appreciate all of this, I think we both know it’s not a good fit for me,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s nothing to do with Red Eyes, not exactly. I just need something more in my life.”
Ray sighed and poured us each a drink. “You’re going to do what Will did,” he surmised. “One final sacrifice, and then you want me to cut you free.”
“Pretty much,” I admitted, taking a sip of my whiskey. “But I’m not going back to school. I’ve already done all that.” I tried to smile, but Ray didn’t look amused. He didn’t look much of anything, really. I started to feel nervous. “You must have seen this coming.”
“I did,” Ray sighed. “And you’re right. I know you’re right. But I can’t say that I like it.” He paused. “Even when you’ve challenged me, you’ve been one of the most loyal club members that I could ever ask for. I always could trust you to have my back.”
“Hey, vice versa,” I said, raising an eyebrow at him.
“What are you going to do with the rest of your life, anyway? Run after this girl of yours?”
“Maybe,” I admitted. “And maybe do something I’ve never done before. Like teach.”
Ray looked like he was trying not to laugh. “Teach? Really?”
“I’ve always liked academics,” I said defensively.
“No, I know,” Ray said. He shook his head. “Sorry, it’s just hard to believe.” He stared down into his glass, swirling the liquid around. “One last mission, and then I cut you free,” he finally agreed, looking up at me. “But if I don’t agree with the mission, you don’t do it. Is that understood?”
“Absolutely,” I said, having expected him to say that. “But you’re going to have to start recruiting more members to the core group or else you’re going to be pretty short-handed.”
Ray snorted. “I’ve already been thinking that, ever since Will took a step back so that he could focus on his studies. But we’ll pull in help from some of the other non-core members for now.”
“Makes sense,” I said, nodding.
“So what’s the plan?” Ray said.
“I think you’re right that we need to get the sheriff looking at the Unknowns, rather than focusing on Red Eyes,” I said. “But I think there’s a quicker way to go about it.”
34
Leila
Friday
Sometimes, I wished that I had a normal work schedule. You know, where Fridays were actually Fridays. Where I could look forward to two days off, back to back, with no work. Instead, I was pulling a long Friday shift, and I still had work to look forward to over the weekend. And where usually I enjoyed those Friday shifts, since they tended to be busier than most other days of the week, today it just seemed like I didn’t have the energy to pull through.
I didn’t want to let my personal life affect my work, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I wanted to blame it on the pregnancy, but I knew it was more to do with my mental state than anything else. Two days off would have been like a mini-vacation. It would have felt like paradise. All I wanted to do this weekend was strip down, crawl into bed, order takeout, and watch crappy TV dramas.
Although, to be honest, I couldn’t decide if that would be better or worse, after the week I’d had. Two whole days off might give me too much time to dwell on things. Maybe it was better that I kept myself busy.
But at some point, I was going to need to process things. I just didn’t even know where to begin. I was pregnant, and not because of the artificial insemination procedure I had been planning on for weeks. No, this baby wasn’t the son of some Irish cutie with soulful blue eyes and a talent for music.
He or she was the child of some biker dude who was tangled up in one of the most powerful MCs in New Mexico.
I had done my research once I had gotten over the initial shock of it. Or once I had quit crying in Rachel’s kitchen, rather. I had read everything I could find online about the Red Eyes. There wasn’t much. Then, I had called up one of Dad’s old friends, the guy who had practically raised me while Dad was out drinking and fighting his life away. I was just trying to figure out how much trouble I was really in. What had I just gotten myself into the middle of?
It didn’t sound good.
I hadn’t talked to Bobby in years, so he had known something was up before I even said anything. “Make it quick,” he’d muttered under his breath. “Your dad’s going to get curious otherwise.”
“Red Eyes,” I said, and that was all I got out.
“Don’t tell me you’ve gotten yourself mixed up with them,” Bobby groaned. “Red Eyes owns this area. The city, the state. Jesus, I don’t know, they might even own the whole southwestern part of the country. They’re bad news, sweetheart. Bad, bad news.” He paused. “Now you listen close because I’m not going to repeat this. Your dad was in thick with them when they first started. But he turned on them. Wanted a bigger slice of the profits. He was skimming off the top. Ray Thompson—he’s their leader—he turned a blind eye to it for a while, but your dad just kept getting worse. Your dad didn’t decide to leave Las Cruces. He fled.”
I frowned and shook my head. “But there are some guys in Red Eyes who don’t seem to know him that well,” I protested.
“This was all years and years ago. When you were younger. Your dad’s been back to Las Cruces since, but when’s the last time you can remember him having a motorcycle? He told them he was on the straight and narrow. That he didn’t want anything to do with them anymore. But he was plotting. He’s back now, with some buddies that he’s pulled from other MCs. Not the sharpest tools.”
“Jesus, Bobby,” I said, shaking my head. What the hell was I going to do?
Unbidden, my hand strayed down to my stomach, fingers splaying over my pelvis. I wouldn’t start showing for months, and maybe I could convince everyone that I really had gone through with the artificial insemination. Maybe I could avoid Marcus forever and never let him know that he had a child.
But that didn’t seem fair to Marcus. And what’s more, I couldn’t imagine just cutting him out of my life. What he had said to me was beyond cruel, but I could tell that he was upset. And I had been upset, too. Besides, I hadn’t had the chance to properly make up with Marcus before Dad had come in and screwed everything up. For all Marcus knew, I still intended to have this baby without him.
I couldn’t blame him for being upset. The more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt for having kept it all from him to begin with.
Bobby didn’t know anything else about what Dad was up to or the specifics of his plans. But he did warn me to steer clear of Red Eyes, as though I didn’t already know that.
Marcus kept calling me, and I wanted to answer, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew just how much trouble I would be in if Dad thought I was siding with Red Eyes over him. He might come after me, but more likely, he would go after Red Eyes. He wouldn’t fight fair, and he would take no prisoners.
Marcus was afraid of getting me into danger, by letting me know that he was part of Red Eyes. Now, I realized that it was the other way around.
Rachel came by around dinnertime. “Hey, have you eaten yet?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Keep meaning to take my break, but…” I trailed off. I didn’t know how to explain to her that I just simply wasn’t hungry. She’d chastise me if she heard that. Remind me yet again that I wouldn’t be able to help anyone if I drove myself into the ground. As t
hough this were a conscious choice on my part.
Besides, the main part of the problem had nothing to do with the food. I more just didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts while I was on break. At least right now, I could do something, even if it was just organizing supplies in the examination rooms.
“I figured you probably hadn’t eaten,” Rachel said. She held up a bag. “I brought takeout. Do you think it’s okay if you take your break now?”
I almost laughed, seeing that it was Chinese food. Just what I had been picturing for my weekend holed up in my place. I didn’t manage the laugh, though; the most I could manage right now was the ghost of a smile. But Rachel seemed pleased and all too ready to take that as my acceptance. She steered me down to the cafeteria and sat us at one of the back tables.
“How are you feeling?” Rachel asked as we ate. She held up her fork to stall what I was going to say. “Yes, I know that that’s a stupid question. Just humor me.”
I sighed. “I’m better than yesterday,” I said, taking a bite of sweet-and-sour chicken. I munched thoughtfully for a moment, trying to figure it out. The truth was, it felt like a void had opened up inside of me. And not just because it had been too long since I had eaten. I liked Marcus, and I wanted to answer his calls. I felt guilty for not answering them; I felt scared that he might show up here at work to try to talk to me, and most of all, I just felt like I was losing something.
And it might be that I could never have had a relationship with Marcus. A future with Marcus. But I still felt like something had been snatched out of my hands.
I just wished there was some way that things could have turned out differently.
“I just don’t know what to do,” I finally sighed.
“With Marcus or with your father?” Rachel asked.
“Both,” I admitted. I rubbed at my temples. “I never expected to see Dad again; you know that.”