by Blair Grey
I think it was a decision that he sometimes wished he had made when Belle was young.
“Nah, they’re not bothering us at all,” Ray said dismissively. “Nor is anyone else. We’ve reclaimed all the territory that we lost, and we’ve managed to make a deal with the sheriff, too. Things are going really well. And it’s all thanks to you.”
Ray cleared his throat, looking as emotional as I had ever seen him. “I can be a pigheaded fool sometimes,” he said. “I get stuck in my ways. It didn’t help that I knew Lex from back before. I didn’t really want to tangle with him. Even if that was clearly what needed to happen.”
I shook my head, finally deciding to just come right out and say it. “I’m not coming back,” I said. “If that’s why you’re here, to get me to help out with something or to try to delegate some of the work to me? I’m not coming back. My MC days are done.”
Ray laughed. “I wouldn’t dare come up here to try and drag you back into it,” he promised. “I just wanted to make sure you knew how much you were appreciated. We all wanted to make sure you knew how much you were appreciated.”
He led me over to the window and pointed out at a bike. “I know the weather is shit up here, but that’s for you. We all pitched in for the parts, and Will spent some time putting it all together. Surprisingly good with his hands, that one.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I can’t keep that.”
“Yes, you can,” Ray said firmly. “You sent me pictures of the house, and I know you have a garage. Keep it in there for the few nice days you get. A little treat. Or else give it to your kid, when they’re big enough to ride one. Send them on a trip across the country. But I’m not taking it back down to Las Cruces with me. I already have a flight booked.”
I continued to stare out at the bike for a long moment, trying not to get choked up.
It had been hard, leaving everything behind. Those guys were still like my family, and now I never knew when I was going to see them again. If I was going to see them again. I was under no illusions: the things we did in Red Eyes, they were dangerous. They were the kind of things that could get a man in trouble. I never knew if I was going to see Cameron or Ray or Will or anyone else again.
What’s more, now that the peace had been broken, I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before it was broken again. It was only a matter of time before the Unknowns came back to finish what they started, crawled out of whatever hole they had gone off to hide in. They’d need a new leader, sure. But Lex hadn’t been much of a leader to begin with.
And if it wasn’t the Unknowns, it would be some other MC. Someone who wanted to challenge the best, who wanted to gain all the territory that we had painstakingly amassed over our years in Las Cruces.
Or else the sheriff would crack down again and find some way to get everyone shipped off to prison, just like he’d originally threatened. You just never knew what might happen.
I would stay away from them for the most part, because I didn’t want my kid dreaming of growing up and joining an MC. But also because the allure of that lifestyle was pretty great, too. I loved my life here with Leila, and I was looking forward to raising our family together. I was looking forward to many semesters here at the college. Teaching suited me in a way I had never expected.
But there would always be some part of my heart that was born to run free. Some part of my soul that would always feel best when I had a bike thrumming between my legs as I hurtled down the highway with my destination unknown.
Ray gave me a quick, thumping hug. “You’re a good guy, Marcus,” he said seriously. “Your father raised you well. And now it’s your turn to raise your own kid.” He paused. “But if you ever want a place in Red Eyes again, you know it’s there waiting for you. It’ll always be there, for as long as I’m around.”
“Thanks, Ray,” I said honestly. “That means a lot to me.” And it did, even though I planned to never take him up on his offer. It still meant that I always had a home, somewhere out there.
“Your Leila is a very lucky woman,” Ray said, shaking his head. “If you sacrifice half as much to your family as you did to the MC, you’ll do all right.”
I laughed and knocked my shoulder against his. “Sacrificing for my family, it’s all that I’m good for,” I said, and even though I was laughing, I’m sure he knew I wasn’t joking. Because although that chapter was closed in my life, Red Eyes would always be my family. No matter what.
Epilogue
Marcus
The day of Marcus and Leila’s daughter’s birth
I rushed around the house, getting everything ready to go to the hospital. Leila’s water had finally broken. It was a few days after her due date, and she’d been getting crankier and crankier, threatening to go to “extreme” measures to get that baby out of her. Fortunately, it hadn’t come to that. Some of the stuff that she’d read online sounded like it would make her sick, rather than induce labor. And the last thing I needed was a sick, cranky, pregnant woman.
We had put together the hospital bag weeks ago in anticipation, but now I felt like I was fumbling for everything. Bag, check. Keys, check. Jacket, check. I still felt like I was forgetting something.
“Come on,” Leila said, and at first, I thought from her tone that she was just that annoyed with how slow I was being. But one good look at her face showed me just how much pain she was in. Another contraction, then. God, this was really happening.
We were going to be parents.
When Leila had first talked about having kids, I had been sure I wasn’t ready. Not yet. I wasn’t at that stage in my life. But over the past nine months, we had worked hard to get to that stage. I was pretty sure that Leila had read every book on newborns that had ever been written. I’d done my research as well, albeit not quite as thoroughly as she had. We had gone to birthing classes, and we had baby-proofed the house.
Our house. Because we had moved up here to Portland together, to start a new life together.
I couldn’t resist grabbing Leila and pulling her close as I walked to the front door. I kissed her forehead and smoothed back her hair. “You’re amazing,” I told her, never ceasing to be amazed by how strong she was.
Right now, she scowled at me. “Yeah, yeah, I love you, too,” she said. “But your timing sucks.” She was grimacing again. Was I supposed to be timing these things? Or would they handle all of that at the hospital?
Oh god, I hoped we made it to the hospital. What the hell would I do if she started giving birth in the car? Did I even remember where the hospital was anymore?
I was a nervous wreck by the time we made it there, and I could barely sit still to fill out the forms. “Give them to me,” Leila said, grabbing them out of my hands. She had seen a thousand of these forms over the years, and she quickly had all the pertinent information filled out. Then, she waddled up front and slammed them down on the counter. “Get me an epidural now,” she said to the scared-looking receptionist.
“She’s not usually like this,” I promised, trying to herd Leila back to a seat.
Meanwhile, I was still trying to think about what I had forgotten. Suddenly, I grabbed the camera out of the overnight bag. “Say cheese,” I said.
“Get that thing out of my face now,” Leila said, glaring at me.
“Come on, we’ll want to remember this later,” I told her, even though I was mostly just joking.
Whatever she said in response, something that she was going to make me remember later, was lost as the doctor came back to get her and usher her into a room.
We had agreed before that I wouldn’t be in the birthing room. I had protested at first. I wanted to be there to support her. But she had decided that she didn’t want me there. As she put it, why would I want to see all of that anyway?
She probably knew what she was talking about. She didn’t specialize in childbirth, but I assumed she had seen one or two in her time, and she knew exactly what I would be looking at.
Now, I was kind of gla
d that she had insisted I stay out there. Not only was she cranky, but I also was more nervous than I had expected. I was tempted to call Ray, or to call everyone I knew maybe, to tell them the news. To get them to talk me down. But I wanted to wait until there was actually news first.
Jesus, this was nerve-racking, though. And what I was most worried about was that if the nurses found out that we weren’t married, they would refuse to give me any information on her if I wasn’t right in there with her. I didn’t know if that was actually a thing, but it was something that I definitely didn’t want to fight today. Not today. Not ever.
It took hours, until I was wondering if it was supposed to take this long. Maybe there was something wrong. Maybe there had been some complications. Maybe they couldn’t tell me what they were because I wasn’t family and we weren’t technically married.
I fingered the box in my pocket, already prepared to give the nurse some sort of speech about we might as well be married, about how I was going to propose as soon as this was all over, about how we were living together, damn it. About how we had moved up there together to start our lives together.
But the woman at the front desk just smiled at me. “She’s still in labor, but one of the nurses stopped by just a couple minutes ago to say that she’s doing fine,” she said warmly. She paused. “If you want to head to our cafeteria, it’s up on the third floor. They have coffee, sandwiches, all sorts of things.” She paused. “It could be a while.”
“I’ll wait here,” I said. I was too jittery for coffee—and definitely too jittery to eat. But I appreciated her words.
Finally, in the early hours of the morning, they brought me back to see her. Leila was propped up against the head of the bed, a mountain of pillows behind her. She had dark smudges under her eyes, and her hair had come partially out of its messy bun.
She had never looked more beautiful. Especially not when the nurse brought in her baby, our baby, and lay the tiny infant down in Leila’s arms.
“Come here,” Leila murmured. “She won’t bite.”
“She?” I breathed, hardly daring to believe. I took a few hesitant steps closer, and Leila held her out to me.
“She wants to say hello to her daddy, I think,” Leila said.
I reached out carefully, automatically moving her into one of the recommended positions. The little girl yawned, her eyes squinting open. “Hey, little girl,” I whispered, giving her a gentle bounce.
I could feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes, and I quickly handed her back to Leila. “She’s beautiful,” I said, reaching out to stroke the baby’s fine little hairs. Then, I reached up and caressed Leila’s cheek. “Just as beautiful as her mommy,” I said.
“More beautiful than her mommy,” Leila said. She wrinkled her nose. “Especially right now. I can’t tell you how badly I need a shower.”
I leaned over and kissed her. “You’re the most amazing woman in the world,” I told her. Then, I paused, looking down at our daughter. “But you’re right. This one might give you a run for your money.”
Leila laughed, a joyful if tired sound. “I guess I should let you rest,” I said, wondering if I was supposed to leave or if they would let me sleep in the chair right next to her bedside. I didn’t want to go far. I didn’t want to leave my two beautiful angels or let them out of my sight for even a minute.
Leila reached out for my hand, though. “Stay a while,” she said.
We sat there quietly for a long time. I was tired, too, now that this was all over. The adrenaline was wearing off. But I was so proud of Leila, and my heart spilled over with joy.
I continued to sit there, even after they took our still-nameless daughter back to the nursery for the night. And no one asked me to leave, for which I was grateful.
“Do you regret this?” Leila asked suddenly, her voice barely audible.
“Regret what?” I asked in surprise, stirred from my almost-doze.
“Being here. With me.” Leila paused, looking uncertain. “I know I kind of surprised you with the pregnancy. That you weren’t really interested in having kids. Or at least, not yet.”
“It was a surprise,” I finally said, taking both of her hands in mine. “But I couldn’t be happier.”
“Don’t you miss the MC, though?” Leila asked.
“Of course I do,” I told her. “Just like I’m sure you miss Rachel and Gavin.” I paused, trying to think of how to explain it to her. Because even though I missed them all, I didn’t want to be in Las Cruces right now. In fact, if I had been in Las Cruces right now, I would have given the whole world to change places, to be here at the hospital.
“Red Eyes was a big part of my life,” I said at last. “But I have a new life now. One that I wouldn’t trade for anything.”
“You really mean that?” Leila asked, sounding sleepy.
I fingered the box in my pocket. I had pictured so many different ways that I could do this. So many more romantic ways. But really, this was the perfect opportunity.
“I have something I want to give you,” I said softly. I pulled out the box and flipped it open, showing her the beautiful, ornate ring that Rachel had helped me pick out. “Leila, will you be my wife?”
“Oh, Marcus,” Leila said in a hushed voice. “It’s beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you,” I said solemnly. “But I did my best. With Rachel’s help.”
Leila’s eyes widened. “She knew about this?” she said. “And she didn’t tell me?”
I winked at her. But then, I got serious. “Is there a yes somewhere in there?”
“Yes!” Leila said. “God, do you even have to ask?”
I laughed and leaned in to kiss her for all I was worth. “The ring probably won’t fit right now since you just gave birth,” I told her. “But that doesn’t change anything. I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life making sure that you know you’re the most beautiful and wonderful person I’ve ever met.”
“I love you, too,” Leila said, leaning in for another kiss.
Then, even though all my research had led me to believe that it wouldn’t happen for a little while longer, I imagined our little baby was smiling.
Copyright © 2018 by Blair Grey
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