by Susan Lewis
‘Do you want to eat it here?’ she said, lifting herself up on one elbow. ‘In bed.’
He nodded, but when Corrie got up and began to put on her robe, he caught it and pulled it away. ‘Uh, uh,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘No clothes. You’ve got one sensational body, I want to look at it.’
Rolling her eyes and surprising herself by how unselfconscious she felt, Corrie padded off down the stairs to reheat the Chinese in the microwave. A few minutes later she looked up and saw that he was leaning his arms on the balcony watching her.
‘I’m beginning to think you’re kinky, Bennati,’ she told him.
He laughed. ‘Just get your ass back up here woman and quit messing about down there.’
‘Messing about!’ she declared.
‘Don’t think I don’t know what you’re about, keep bending over the refrigerator that way. You haven’t taken a single thing out yet.’
Laughing Corrie raised a chopstick at him and turned away to load the cartons onto a tray.
When she carried them upstairs she found he had stacked the pillows against the brass head rail and opening his legs he pulled her between them so that she sat with her back resting against his chest as they tonged their food with chopsticks, fed each other, laughed, kissed, fought over the tastiest bits and kissed again. Then Cristos dipped a finger in sweet and sour sauce and after circling it around her nipple, pushed her back in his arms to lick it off.
As he did the same with her other nipple Corrie could feel his erection pressing against her, and lifting the tray onto the bedside table, she turned around, pushed him back against the pillows and sat astride him. Then, deliberately teasing him with her movements to reach for food, she began feeding him, sometimes putting the chopsticks straight to his mouth and sometimes smearing the sauce over her breasts and leaning over for him to take it from there. In the end he stopped her, and taking the chopsticks from her hand he said,
‘I want you now, just you.’
This time, as they made love, he told her he loved her, he said the words right out, ‘I love you,’ but still Corrie couldn’t bring herself to say them back. He didn’t even comment on her silence, which only made Corrie feel that she was right to hold back. Now was simply too soon, and as certain as she felt about him right at that moment, there was no knowing what tomorrow would bring.
Later, they dozed in each other’s arms and when Corrie woke and saw he was still sleeping she got up and went downstairs to make herself a coffee. It was ludicrous even to think she could sleep the night through – feeling as she did, it just wasn’t possible.
‘Smells good,’ she heard him say a few minutes later. ‘What time is it?’
She looked up to where he was leaning over the balcony. ‘Just after midnight,’ she answered, wondering if her heart would always contract this way when she looked at him.
Wrapping a towel round his waist he came down the stairs to join her on the sofa.
‘I don’t know how the hell I’m going to get through tomorrow,’ he said, sipping his coffee.
‘What time do you have to be up?’
‘Around five.’
She nodded. Then sitting on one leg she turned to face him. ‘Will I see you again after tonight?’ she asked.
‘Shit, Corrie!’ he exclaimed, almost spilling his coffee. ‘You have to ask?’
She grinned. ‘No. I just wanted to hear you say so.’
‘You wanna hear me tell you I love you again?’
Quickly she shook her head. ‘No. I don’t want you to wear the words out.’
‘Well you sure as hell aren’t,’ he remarked.
She looked down at her coffee and he let the silence tick by until she said, ‘I can’t say it, Cristos, it’s not because I don’t feel it, it’s just that … Oh, I don’t know … It’s just … Well, it’s different for you. You’ve probably told a hundred women you love them, and more than a hundred have said it back. But I’ve never said it to anyone …’
‘I’ve told one woman I love her before you,’ he corrected. ‘I’m only telling you that so’s you know, not to try and force you in to telling me something you don’t want to say.’
‘Do you mind?’ she asked.
‘No.’ He grinned. ‘Because I know you do.’
‘You’re so Goddammed sure of yourself,’ she laughed, punching him gently on the arm.
‘Steady! You sounded almost American there.’
‘Do you wish I were?’
‘No. But I guess it would be easier if you were.’ He reached out for the photograph on the table beside them. ‘Is this your mother?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’
‘She’s beautiful.’ After a while he put the photograph down and turned back to look at her.
‘Will I see you next weekend?’ she asked.
‘If that’s what you want,’ he shrugged.
Corrie felt a sudden breath of cold air blow around her heart. ‘Isn’t it what you want?’
‘Sure it is. But you’ll have to come to Wiltshire.’
‘I’ll come,’ she said, leaning forward to put her arms around his neck. He made no move to kiss her and Corrie felt a swift and irrational panic. What had suddenly happened to make him back off like this? ‘Will Paige Spencer mind me being there?’ she heard herself ask.
‘That’s over.’
‘Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to cause any difficulties. After all she is your star.’
‘I told you, it’s history.’
‘But there was something between you?’
‘Yes.’
A sixth sense was already telling her that she should stop there, but she seemed unable to. ‘Who was the other woman you told you loved her?’ she asked.
‘It doesn’t matter.’
She could see how his face had darkened, but still she didn’t stop. ‘Was she another leading lady?’ She laughed uneasily. ‘Maybe you make love to all your leading ladies?’
‘No.’
‘But most.’
‘No.’
‘Then how many? Or have you lost count?’
‘Look, Corrie,’ he said, ‘we both know I’ve been around the block a few times – Christ, I’m forty years old, but you’ve got your own history and I’m not questioning you about that …’
‘I know. But tell me, have they all been as beautiful as Paige?’
‘Let’s go get some sleep.’
‘Just tell me.’
‘Corrie, leave it.’
‘Are you hiding something from me?’ she said, her heart twisting with sudden and irrepressible jealousy. ‘Perhaps you’re still in love with one of them.’
‘Corrie, I said leave it. Now let’s go to bed,’ and putting his cup down he got to his feet and started up over the stairs.
Furious with herself, Corrie carried the cups to the kitchenette. She had no idea where that sudden rush of insecurity had come from, but it had been upon her and basking itself in the heat of her jealousy before she had known it.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, as she sat down on the bed and picked up the alarm to set it.
‘Forget it.’
Corrie turned out the light and pulling the duvet over herself she lay beside him in the darkness. After a few minuted he turned over and took her in his arms. ‘How about we make a pact?’ he said. ‘You don’t ask about my past, I don’t ask about yours.’
‘OK,’ she said, hoping her misery didn’t sound in her voice. But what chance did they stand together, she was asking herself, if they were already hiding things from each other?
It was only in the early hours of the morning when he was fast asleep and she was still lying awake in his arms that Corrie suddenly remembered his affair with Angelique Warne. Restlessly she turned away from him. So that was his raw nerve! It had to be, and she wanted to tear out her tongue for what she had said about leading ladies. Angelique Warne, she was convinced, had been the other woman he’d told he loved and now Angelique was dead. Corrie couldn’t even be
gin to imagine how Cristos must feel about that, since she had no idea about the truth of their relationship. All she knew was that he must still feel something to be shying away from it the way he was, and she, in her ignorance and despicable jealousy, had managed to reopen the wound. But she hadn’t intended to, it had been a genuine mistake on her part and because of it he had withdrawn from her. So much for loving her, she thought, angrily digging her fingers into her eyes to stop the tears. If he’d truly meant it he’d be honest with her and tell her what had really happened between him and Angelique. He was still in love with her, Corrie was certain of it, and realizing that she was right not to have told him the way she felt about him didn’t make her feel any better, if anything it made her feel a whole lot worse.
She had no idea what time she finally fell asleep, but when she woke in the morning it was to find that Cristos had already left. She looked at the clock and saw that it was still a quarter to five. She felt wretched, and rolling over to the spot where he had lain buried her face in the pillow. Everything had been going so well before she’d started to antagonize him, and now he’d gone without even leaving a note. She tried to reassure herself by remembering all the things he’d said and done – if his feelings were that strong, surely she couldn’t have killed them so easily. He would call, later today, she told herself vehemently, and everything would be all right again.
At nine o’clock Corrie and Annalise were once again sitting in the edit suite with Colin ready to start the laborious plough through to the end of the programme. As soon as Colin punched up the pictures Corrie could see that he and Annalise had accomplished very little after she’d left the night before, which didn’t really surprise Corrie, it just meant that she found it even more difficult to put her heart into what they were doing. All she wanted was for the phone to ring, to hear Cristos’s voice telling her nothing had changed. Of course he wouldn’t call, she told herself, he’d be filming, so there simply wouldn’t be time, but still she continued to hope.
It was probably because she was so distracted by her own dilemma that Corrie didn’t at first notice the strained atmosphere in the room. When at last she did she was more than a little baffled by it, since, she realized, it wasn’t just Annalise being awkward with her today, Colin was too. Not that he wasn’t doing his job, or answering her politely when she spoke to him, it was just that he didn’t seem able to meet Corrie’s eyes. Surely he couldn’t be angry that she’d gone off like that last night, that just wasn’t like Colin. Maybe Annalise had said something to him, but then, as Corrie started to watch Annalise a little more closely she noticed something distinctly odd in Annalise’s behaviour. Her movements were jerky, almost frantic, her eyes were glittering with a disturbing brilliance and if she laughed at all it was so high-pitched as to make Corrie wince. And she was laughing too much, far too much, at things that just weren’t funny. Not that Corrie was ever included in the joke, if anything it was generally at her expense.
At first Corrie thought that Annalise was putting on some kind of show to let her know that it didn’t matter a jot to her that things had worked out last night with Cristos, when they obviously hadn’t with Luke. But, as the morning wore on and Annalise became noticeably worse, Corrie began to realize that there was a lot more to this strange conduct than false bravado. It was as though Annalise was teetering perilously close to the edge of a precipice while the hand of hysteria crept ever closer, preparing to give her that final push.
‘Annalise, are you feeling all right?’ Corrie asked in the end, starting in gently.
‘Of course I am!’ Annalise snapped. ‘Why the hell shouldn’t I be?’
Corrie shrugged. ‘You just seem a bit tense, that’s all.’
‘Of course I’m tense, I’m trying to get this fucking programme finished, aren’t I? But don’t you concern yourself about me, I’m sure you’ve got far more important things on your mind.’
‘No I haven’t,’ Corrie said. ‘If something’s upsetting you …’
‘Shut up! Just shut up! Nothing’s upsetting me. Nothing that you need concern yourself about anyway. And why should you concern yourself about me? Well, don’t, do you hear me? Don’t bother about me! I don’t want you to. Now let’s get on with it!’
If ever Corrie had heard a cry for help that was it, but as Annalise turned back to the monitors Corrie could see that breaking down this barrier of guilt Annalise was shielding behind was going to be anything but easy. Something must have happened though to have brought things to a head like this, and whatever it was must have happened overnight – the question was how was she going to find out?
At last Corrie managed to catch Colin’s eye, but reading the question in her own he simply raised his eyebrows and shaking his head turned back to his controls. If he did know what had happened he obviously didn’t want to say.
A few minutes later Annalise slammed her hand violently on the desk for the fifth time declaring that Corrie was a fucking idiot and didn’t know what she was talking about. Corrie leaned across Annalise to point out something in the background of the picture, and suddenly Annalise’s clenched fist hit her full in the face.
‘Get away from me, you bitch!’ she screamed. ‘Just get away!’
‘For God’s sake!’ Corrie gasped, holding her cheek. ‘What is going on?’
‘Just get out of here! I don’t want you near me! It’s your fault! It’s all your fucking fault!’
‘What is? Annalise, wait!’ but Annalise was already running out of the door and Colin quickly got up to grab Corrie and pull her back.
‘Leave her,’ he said. ‘Just let her calm down.’
‘But what’s going on?’ Corrie demanded. ‘What’s my fault?’
‘You can probably answer that better than me,’ Colin told her, sitting her back into her chair. ‘All I know is what happened here after you’d gone last night.’
‘Well?’ Corrie prompted, as he sat down. ‘What did happen?’
After stopping the play-in tape he’d left running Colin turned his chair to face her. ‘Quite frankly, Corrie,’ he said, ‘this is none of my business and I don’t want to get involved, but I will tell you this: you’d better get yourself sorted out with Luke Fitzpatrick, and you’d better do it soon, or you’re going to send that girl round the bend.’
‘What are you talking about?’ Corrie cried. ‘What’s she been telling you?’
‘Nothing. She didn’t have to, I saw it, heard it for myself. He came in here like some fucking madman …’
‘Who?’
‘Fitzpatrick! Who do you think? He came in last night about five minutes after you’d gone. He was looking for you and when you weren’t here I thought he was going to tear the bloody place apart. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life, and I don’t want to ever again. Then when Annalise told him you’d gone off with Bennati … Shit, Corrie, I thought he was going to kill her. I had to pull him off her or he would have.’
Corrie was shaking her head, stupefied. ‘Why was he looking for me?’
‘Why was he looking for you? You tell me.’
‘I can’t,’ Corrie answered, ‘I don’t know. Didn’t he say anything that might have given you a clue?’
‘Not a thing.’
‘Well why was he so angry that I wasn’t here?’ Corrie asked, this time more of herself than of Colin.
‘Like I said, it’s none of my business,’ Colin repeated. ‘I didn’t ask, and I don’t want to know. But that girl’s in a bad way, and it’s to do with you and whatever you’ve got going with Fitzpatrick.’
Corrie’s face hardened. ‘I haven’t got anything going with Fitzpatrick,’ she told him. ‘You should have seen that for yourself when Cristos was here last night. Anyway, what happened in the end? Did she go home with Luke …?’
‘Oh she went home with him all right. At least she followed him out of here sobbing like her heart would break and pleading with him to wait for her. He just kept yelling at her that he didn’t want her,
he wanted you … And why the fuck had she allowed you to go off with Bennati when you were supposed to be editing here? She was hysterical and he was … Well, as I said, he was like a fucking madman! God knows what happened once they got home, but … Well, you’ve seen what she’s like this morning.’
‘I’m going to find her,’ Corrie said, and ignoring Colin’s protests got up and walked out to the main office.
Eventually Corrie found Annalise, hunched in a corner of the stationery cupboard, hugging her knees to her chest and sobbing into them so convulsively it was like her entire body was in spasm.
Closing the door quietly behind her Corrie walked across the narrow space, sat down on the floor beside Annalise and pulled her into her arms. To her relief Annalise didn’t resist and as Corrie held her, while she choked and shuddered, Corrie was looking at the rope burns on her wrists and through the mesh of her tights the same burns on her ankles.
After only a few minutes Annalise turned to bury her face in Corrie’s shoulder and, like a child, wrapped her arms around Corrie’s neck.
‘That’s it,’ Corrie soothed, ‘let it all out now. I’m here, I won’t let you go.’
‘Oh Corrie,’ Annalise sobbed. ‘Corrie, it was so awful. I should hate you for it, and I keep trying to make myself, but I can’t.’
‘I’m glad about that,’ Corrie smiled. ‘I just wish I knew why he was doing it.’
‘He said … He said …’
Annalise’s words couldn’t get past her sobs and Corrie hugged her saying, ‘It’s all right, sweetheart, you can tell me later …’
Suddenly Annalise’s tears were coming faster. ‘I’m sorry I hit you,’ she gasped. ‘Corrie, I didn’t mean it. It’s not your fault, I know it’s not. It’s just that he wants you, not me … But I know you don’t want him. I told him that, and he got so angry … Colin had to pull him off me – I thought he was going to kill me, Corrie. His hands were round my neck and it was like … It was like he hated me. And then … When we got home last night …’ Annalise stopped and her eyes rounded with horror. Corrie drew her head back to her shoulder and held her tightly as she started to shake so badly that for a panicked moment Corrie thought she was having some kind of attack.