by Susan Lewis
Her smile grew wider, then they both laughed as Paula crept out into the garden to retrieve her daughter.
When Cristos turned back it was to find that Corrie had come half way across the garden.
‘You lost some weight,’ he said.
She twirled. ‘Do you think it suits me?’
‘I kinda liked you the way you were.’ He winced. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, then, after a pause, ‘Your father told me he’s taking you and Annalise to the Caribbean for a month.’
Corrie nodded. ‘We go at the beginning of next week. It’s a sort of convalescence, I think.’
‘I see.’ He looked so dejected that Corrie’s heart twisted painfully. Had she really forgotten how impossibly handsome he was, or was it just that her fear of losing him hadn’t allowed her to remember? ‘Aren’t you going to kiss me?’ she asked, with not a little coyness.
He seemed so amazed that she laughed.
‘I won’t break,’ she told him.
‘Oh Corrie,’ he groaned, pulling her into his arms, and as his mouth found the softness of her lips his feelings surged through him with such an intensity as he’d never known before in his life.
‘Gosh,’ Corrie said shakily when he finally let her go. ‘I was going to tell you that you didn’t need to treat me any differently than you did before, but it seems I didn’t need to.’
The corner of his mouth dropped in a crooked smile, and she felt herself melting all over again as she gazed up at the teasing light in his eyes. ‘What changed your mind, about seeing me?’ he asked.
‘I had to be absolutely sure that I wasn’t going to run away from you. That I wasn’t going to hurt you by being unable to be the way I was before.’
‘And you’re sure now?’
‘I think so. But I guess we’ve still got a few things to resolve before it’s all over.’
Cristos’s insides turned over. ‘What do you mean, before it’s all over?’ he asked, his voice suddenly hoarse.
Corrie shook her head and removed her hands from his shoulders. He watched her as she started to look everywhere but at him. His chest was slowly binding itself into a knot of unbearable foreboding.
‘Corrie …’
‘Cristos …’
They spoke at the same time, and smiling uncertainly she took his hand in hers. ‘I don’t know if anyone’s told you,’ she said, ‘but Doctor Horowitz has been to see me, several times in fact. He’s been telling me about Luke’s life as a child – and, well, I’d like to go and see Siobhan. Would you take me? We could use Dave’s car.’
‘Are you sure that’s wise? Have you asked Horowitz about it?’
‘Yes. I called him this morning, after I called you. He’s expecting us. You see, I wanted you to come too.’
‘Why?’
‘I’ll explain later, but will you come?’
When they arrived at the clinic, a small pink solitary house perched up on the cliffs overlooking the sea, a nurse went to fetch Doctor Horowitz who, after offering them tea, which both refused, showed them to Siobhan’s room.
‘Does she know Luke’s dead?’ Cristos asked before they went in.
‘I told her, yes. There was no reaction I’m afraid.’
Corrie looked up at Cristos, then holding his hand tightly, they went into the sparsely furnished room.
Siobhan was sitting in her usual position by the window, her back turned to the door as she gazed blindly out over the magnificent sea view. Doctor Horowitz went to stand behind the wheelchair, explaining that she could walk, but rarely did. ‘You have visitors, Siobhan,’ he said to her, and taking the handles of the chair he turned her around.
Corrie gasped, and her grip tightened on Cristos’s hand. ‘Oh my God,’ she murmured. The sunken eyes were blank, the skin was pallid and the shoulder length blonde hair was as lank and lifeless as the emaciated body, but had she not been forewarned Corrie would have truly believed she was looking at Annalise.
‘The likeness is quite remarkable, is it not?’ Horowitz said.
Cristos was shaking his head. ‘And she’s not, she really couldn’t be …?’
‘Annalise’s aunt?’ Horowitz finished for him. ‘I think not. It was just one of life’s tragic coincidences, I’m afraid.’
Cristos looked down at Corrie as she let go of his hand and walked slowly across the room. When she reached Siobhan she crouched down in front of her. ‘Hello,’ she said softly.
Siobhan’s staring eyes registered nothing.
‘I’m Corrie,’ Corrie said, taking Siobhan’s limp hands between hers. She glanced at Horowitz and he smiled. She looked back at the empty face and searched her mind for something to say. ‘Do you like books, Siobhan?’ she asked. ‘Perhaps I could bring you some books. I could read to you, if you like. Would you like that?’ She looked down as she felt a pressure on her fingers, then looked excitedly towards Horowitz. ‘She squeezed my hand,’ she said.
Horowitz shook his head. ‘A reflex, I’m afraid. It means nothing.’
Corrie stood up. ‘There’s no one to visit her now, is there?’ she said.
Horowitz shook his head. ‘But she is well taken care of, Luke’s will has seen to that.’
‘I should like to visit her,’ Corrie said. ‘From time to time.’
‘You would always be welcome,’ Horowitz smiled, ‘won’t she, Siobhan?’
Corrie turned back to look at the skeletal, inanimate features, so filled with pity her heart ached with it. She looked up then as Cristos came to put an arm round her. His face was taut, his eyes reflecting a pained disbelief at the tragedy that had so cruelly destroyed an innocent life. ‘Is there nothing to be done?’ he said to Horowitz.
Horowitz shook his head. ‘I’m afraid not.’
Corrie and Cristos drove back to Amberside in silence. Seeing Siobhan had had a profound effect on them both, probably Cristos most of all, for he knew now why Corrie had wanted him to come too. But he wasn’t going to press her, she would tell him in her own time.
They had dinner with Paula and Dave that night, neither of them saying much about their visit to the clinic, but it was never far from their minds as they laughed and joked with Paula at the lengths she had gone to these past six weeks to get the two of them back together.
‘And then, just as I was beginning to make headway, bloody Phillip goes and steals my thunder!’ she grumbled. ‘Anyway, at least I can say it happened in my garden … You can laugh, but I’ll bet I make a fortune selling photographs of my little plot out there once everyone knows. I reckon I’ll even be able to hire it out for weddings before much longer … What are you pulling that face for?’ she said to Dave. ‘You look like you got a bee up your backside.’
‘Subtlety never was your strong point, was it my darling?’ Dave said, throwing an ironic look at Cristos. ‘Why don’t you have some more wine and give someone else a chance?’
Cristos looked at his watch. ‘I guess I’d better get going,’ he said. ‘Phillip’ll be sure to wait up for me and it’s already late.’
‘You’ll come again tomorrow?’ Paula said, as Corrie got up to walk to the door with him.
‘Sure I will,’ Cristos smiled.
‘Thanks for coming with me today,’ Corrie said, as she closed the hall door behind them. ‘I know we haven’t said much about it yet, but we will, tomorrow.’
Cristos pulled her into his arms. ‘You don’t know how good it feels just to look at you,’ he said, gazing down into her eyes.
‘I think I do,’ she answered, raising her lips to his.
He kissed her very gently, then started to pull away.
‘You don’t have to go,’ she said. ‘You can stay here, if you like. With me,’ she added, when all he did was look at her.
‘Are you sure?’ he murmured, stroking her hair away from her face.
‘I want you to hold me,’ she said.
‘Then I guess I better call your father.’
‘We’ll get Paula to do that.’
&nbs
p; They undressed in the dark, even so Cristos kept his head averted. Moonlight was streaming in through the window and he was afraid that if he saw her he would be unable to control his desire. When he heard her get into bed he was on the point of saying he couldn’t go through with it, knowing that his body was going to betray him, but somehow managed to stop himself. She needed him and he wasn’t going to let her down. A moment or two later he lay down beside her and almost instantly felt himself tense as her hand sought his.
‘Can I put my head on your shoulder?’ she whispered after a while.
‘Sure.’
As she sat up for him to raise his arm he caught a glimpse of her breasts. Immediately he closed his eyes. He’d thought she would wear something, that her skin wouldn’t touch his … Then not quite knowing how it happened she was in his arms and he was rolling towards her pulling her to him and feeling the unbearable softness of her nudity. Their lips met and Corrie pushed herself closer.
‘Oh God, I’m sorry,’ he gasped, suddenly wrenching himself away. His undershorts could do nothing to disguise the treacherous hardness of him.
‘It’s all right,’ Corrie whispered. ‘Cristos, please, it’s all right. I want you too. I want you very much.’
‘Are you sure? Oh, God, Corrie, I don’t want to force you …’
‘Sssh,’ she said, putting her fingers over his lips. ‘Do you think I’d have got into bed like this if I wasn’t sure? So why don’t you undress too?’
They made love with such searing tenderness, holding one another so close and never parting for a moment, that by the time it was over both had tears on their cheeks.
‘God, I missed you,’ Cristos murmured, his lips still on hers.
‘I missed you too.’
‘Do you feel OK?’
‘What do you think?’
He chuckled softly. ‘You feel great to me,’ and rolling onto his back he pulled her with him.
When finally she slept, her head on his chest and her legs entwined with his, Cristos lay awake for a long time, wanting to be there if the nightmares came. But they didn’t, and eventually he too fell asleep.
In the morning when he woke Corrie was sitting on the window seat looking out at the garden. He watched her for a while feeling all the pain that she did at what he knew was running through her mind. He wanted more than anything to put it off, to pretend that everything could go back to the way it was, but it couldn’t. Last night had shown them both how desperately they still wanted each other, how very deeply their love ran and how much they needed to be together. But seeing Siobhan had shown them – had shown him, because Corrie had already known – why it just wasn’t going to be possible.
Eventually she turned to look at him and smiled with such sadness that he turned away. But there was no point in hiding from it, they had to face it, so getting out of bed, he pulled on his jeans and a shirt and went to stand behind her.
‘You ready to talk?’ he said, as she leaned back against him and he ran his hands over her shoulders.
‘I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready for this,’ she answered, turning her face to kiss his hand. ‘Do you know what I’m going to say?’
‘I guess.’
‘My father told you that he’s handing TW over to me and Annalise?’
Cristos nodded.
‘Of course neither of us is experienced enough actually to run it, particularly me, so Bob, the exec. producer, will manage things until we’re ready to take over.’
‘Sounds reasonable,’ Cristos remarked. Then, ‘Looks like you got a great future ahead of you. Head of your own TV company.’
‘Yes,’ Corrie sighed. ‘Beyond my wildest dreams. Or perhaps it was my wildest dream.’
Cristos turned away and went to sit on the bed. He watched Corrie until finally she turned to face him. ‘You’re going to do something about Siobhan’s life, am I right?’ he said.
Her eyes fell to the floor. ‘Cristos, you saw her,’ she said. ‘You saw what damage has been done to her. I know there’s nothing I can do to change that, but there is something I can do to help the thousands upon thousands of children who right now, even as we speak, are undergoing some kind of abuse at the hands of an adult. I have to make people understand, to show them that every child in the world needs their protection, whether we are parents ourselves or not. We can’t just sit by and pretend it’s not happening. It is, and the repercussions go on and on, throughout their lives and into future generations. Phillip and I have been talking this over for weeks, ever since we were in France. We’ve discussed it with Annalise now too, and she’s willing for the whole story to be told. Even her own mother’s part in it. Of course it’ll stop Octavia’s blackmail …’ Corrie gave a dry laugh. ‘Phillip told Octavia the last time he saw her that she had more to fear from me than either him or Annalise. She didn’t know what he was talking about then, but she’ll find out soon enough. Not that revenge on Octavia is either of our motives, but the exposure will ruin her completely. Annalise doesn’t want to be involved in the making of the programme, right now she’s saying that she wants no more involvement with TV ever. Maybe she’ll change her mind one day, but until then it’s up to me. And this is something I have to do, Cristos, you must see that. If I don’t then Luke’s death, the horrible tragedy of his and Siobhan’s lives, will have been in vain.’
Cristos stood up and went to her. She looked up at him as he ran his fingers over her cheek. ‘So what you’re trying to tell me is that there’s no room in your life for us?’
‘Oh no, please, don’t put it like that. It’s just that I can’t come to Los Angeles. I have to be here for Annalise, and to try to make some sense of this Godawful mess.’
‘So this is goodbye?’
Corrie closed her eyes. ‘Please try to understand,’ she begged him.
‘I do,’ he said. Then kissing her gently on the forehead he turned away and started packing up his things.
When he had gone Corrie was inconsolable. Paula tried to comfort her, but neither of them could say if Corrie had made the right decision. All Corrie knew was that she would never, not ever, forget the look in his eyes when he’d turned away.
– 32 –
PHILLIP, CORRIE AND Annalise had been at the Secret Harbour Hotel in Grenada for just over two weeks. It was one of the island’s more exclusive hotels, sprawling across the hillside on one side of the horse shoe bay looking out on yachts of all shapes and sizes which sailed in and out of the moorings each day. The swimming pool, where they were relaxing now, was in front of the huge Italian-style villa which housed the hotel’s restaurant and bar at the top of the hill. Below the pool were the hotel rooms, each like a small villa with their own half-moon terraces jutting out over the sea.
Corrie and Annalise were both in their bikinis, Phillip was sitting beside them under an umbrella reading the paper, Annalise was stretched out in the sun, but Corrie was sitting up, hugging her knees and staring down at yet another luxurious yacht as it inched its way into the harbour.
After a while Phillip put his paper down and looked across at Corrie. Annalise glanced up at him then she too looked at Corrie.
‘Corrie,’ Phillip said, sensing her pain as though it were a nimbus surrounding her, ‘there’s no point in trying to fool yourself any longer, sweetheart. You didn’t …’
‘Please, don’t let’s go over it again,’ Corrie groaned, burying her face in her arms. ‘It’s done now, so let’s leave it.’
‘No, we won’t leave it,’ he said firmly. ‘I’ve been thinking, and maybe there is a way you can be with him and still do all you want to do.’
‘How? I want to make that programme, more than anything else, I want to make that programme.’
‘More than you want Cristos?’
Corrie shook her head.
Annalise looked up at her father, and reading her expression he said, ‘I’m going to take a shower, you two talk.’
‘Corrie,’ Annalise said when Phillip had gone, �
�Daddy and I have been talking about this a lot and we think that you feel obligated to make the programme because of us. But you don’t have to, really you don’t.’
Corrie shook her head. ‘I do. I can’t run away from it, Annalise, and pretend it never happened. Luke wanted me to help him …’
‘But Luke’s dead, Corrie. Nothing you do can change that.’
‘Siobhan isn’t dead though, is she? And how many more children are there out there suffering the way she did?’
‘A lot, I know. But you’re suffering too. And so is Cristos …’
‘Oh Annalise, I never told him I loved him. I should have told him. I should have …’
‘Corrie stop doing this to yourself and work out a way to be with him.’
‘I’ve been trying to do that ever since he left, and maybe …’ she looked at Annalise, then turned away.
‘And maybe?’ Annalise prompted.
‘Nothing.’ She didn’t want to tell Annalise that she had worked out a way. That she could go to him and do all that she wanted to do, but it would mean leaving Annalise and Phillip. ‘Phillip said just now that he’d thought of a way,’ she said. ‘Do you know what it is?’
Annalise smiled. ‘I’ll let him tell you.’
Much later in the day they were sitting on Phillip’s balcony sipping cocktails. Phillip and Annalise had just returned from a walk, while Corrie had spent the afternoon alone writing a letter to Cristos she knew she would never send. But writing what she felt in her heart helped her to feel close to him, as though she was speaking to him. She knew she was tormenting herself imagining his responses, but she couldn’t stop herself doing it.
‘So,’ Phillip said, watching her as she twirled the paper umbrella in her drink, ‘tell me what’s on your mind, what it is you really want to do.’
‘I can’t,’ Corrie answered. ‘But I thought you had something to tell me.’
‘Yes, I do,’ he said.
Corrie looked at him from the corner of her eye then continued to fiddle with the umbrella.
‘I am thinking,’ Phillip said, ‘that you have worked out a way to make this programme and be with Cristos, but it will mean going to America and you don’t want to say goodbye to Annalise and me when we’ve only just come together. Am I right?’