My dad sat down next to my mom with his arms around her. She sank into his chest like she used to do when I was little. My eyes began to tear, and I got choked up at the sight. They’d said things I’d been longing to hear for years. Now I knew for certain I wouldn’t have to worry about either of their wellbeing, and I had good news for them too.
“I know we all planned for me to move back in with you guys, but I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you you’ll actually have to house to yourselves.”
“Why?” my mother asked with confusion on her face.
My dad cocked an eyebrow, like he already knew.
“Because I plan on moving to New York.”
Lesson # 17
The pain of letting go can never be measured
“I crawled onto his bed and laid my head on his chest with my arms wrapped around him.” -Lynora Minnelli
Lynn
My parents and I talked for hours. They told me their concerns and I told them my wants and needs, that there wasn’t much left for me here. Now that they had each other for sure, there was even less of a concern on my part that they’d be lonely. The way they looked together, I hadn’t seen them so happy in years. I left their room feeling a buzz of excitement that all of us were embarking on a new and interesting phase of life.
By the time I got back to the room, it was afternoon and Dane had already left for the office. He was due to be in meetings most of the day, from what he’d told me, which was great for me because I had business to attend to myself.
I lied down on the bed; feeling exhausted from the marathon sex we’d had the night before and my morning efforts in the shower. Plus, the emotional conversation with my parents had been somewhat of an energy drain. My muscles were tired and sore, and my eyes were itchy. In no time at all, I fell into a peaceful sleep.
After a couple of hours I woke up feeling refreshed. I wasted no time getting dressed, and hurried downstairs to have the concierge call me a cab to take me to the hospital. I had to get there at exactly seven o’clock. I then called Bobbi to make arrangements for her to get there by seven thirty to pick me up. She didn’t comment on the fact that I hadn’t slept there the night before, and I didn’t feel like explaining to her I had spent the night with Dane.
Thoughts passed through my mind, like what the hell was I doing. I’d made a commitment to Dane. I planned to keep my commitment with Dane, but I wasn’t about to miss out on the chance to see Simon. A worrying feeling of doubt gnawed at my conscience. There was a clash between who I considered myself to be and how I was behaving. I was the girl who was sure of everything, was decisive and stuck to a plan. I kept my head down and powered through obstacles with tunnel vision, set on what I wanted to accomplish. Now everything had gone haywire. I was acting like a fickle brat who wanted to have my cake and eat it too.
It was like my mind changed from day to day, and I had no direction, from nearly rumbling with Katelyn over Simon in a waiting room, to telling Dane I would go with him to New York. I was flying by the seat of my pants at every minute. The truth couldn’t be avoided or ignored any longer. I was in love with two men, who were brothers. My life was becoming nothing like I had once envisioned. It was starting to look more like something for reality TV. I had to admit, thanks to the Fosters, my life was more exciting than ever before.
The driver pulled up to the front of the hospital, and I looked up to see if I could pick out Simon’s room from the many lighted windows, but of course I couldn’t. I had never even actually been inside his room. I paid the driver with what little cash I had on me and headed through the doors, still feeling a little tense. I could run into Caroline at any given moment, though Selene had promised none of them would be there. As I rose in the elevator, I noticed my fists were balled, my forearms were tightened, and my nails were digging into my palms.
I could hear the machines before I got to the room, before I stepped into the doorway. I hadn’t noticed that before. I waited for a nurse to exit the room. I kept my head down and walked past her so she wouldn’t recognize me. I was hoping to decrease the possibility of Caroline somehow finding out. But other than the lone nurse, there was no one around. I finally walked into the room, and there he was.
Simon looked like he was sleeping, comfortably, peacefully. He didn’t look as bad as I had imagined. His head was wrapped tight with gauze and his lips were dry and chapped. I reached up and, like Caroline, brushed an unruly lock of hair away from his forehead. I expected him to stir in his sleep or groan or start to blink, something to prove he was in there and conscious, but there was nothing but the heart monitor beeping and the slow rise and fall of his chest.
My hand found his, and I stroked his palm with the pad of my thumb. As I watched his unnatural stillness, my chaotic thoughts tried to put things into perspective. I wished I could speak with him, face to face. So I could look him in the eyes, and we could settle things once and for all.
Did I love Simon? I knew the answer was yes, but I also loved Dane…two different men for two different reasons, each pulling at a certain side of me. Dane was virile and masculine, tough and defensive. He was fiercely protective and unfailingly faithful. Even though expressing his feelings didn’t come easily, he was a man of actions rather than words, and he constantly showed me how he felt for me.
But Simon was intellectually stimulating, challenging and demanding, outside and inside the bedroom. He made me hunger in more ways than one— for more of his interesting conversations and his voracious, aggressive lovemaking, but I also loved his integrity and sensitivity. Our chemistry was incredible whenever we were together. He had shown me things about myself I didn’t even know existed.
I leaned in to whisper in Simon’s ear, “Is it strange that I don’t know what to do? It should be clear to me that I need to go with Dane, right? That I should start a new life somewhere else and see if it fits. Then why is it I’m feeling so scared? Why can’t I stop thinking about you? I couldn’t shake you if I wanted.” My words started catching in my throat. My cords were tensing up as I felt that familiar feeling. I didn’t want to start crying again. “You can be a real pain in the ass, you know that? I had plans before I met you. Graduate, get a job, get married one day, maybe. I think you have a knack for messing things up with me. Just looking at you makes me second-guess.”
I slipped my hand into his while the other one wiped at my face. I looked at the tears that rested on my fingers, a sign that I need to go before I really started to lose it. I kissed Simon gently on the cheek. His skin was soft and a little cool, so I warmed the sides of his face with my hands. “I don’t know if I’ll be gone before you wake up, but you will wake up. And when you do, no matter what Caroline or anyone else tells you, know that I love you to the very core of my being, Simon Foster. I may not be the right woman for you, and maybe you aren’t the right man for me. Regardless of all that, I can say that I love you now, and the only reason I’m saying it now is so you’ll know. Somewhere in there, you’ll know, whenever someone mentions my name to you, the thought of this moment and me telling you how I feel will linger in the back of your mind, and you’ll smile without knowing why. But it’s because for the first time in my life I’m telling a man that I love him, and that man is you. It will always be you. I can’t deny that…I’ve tried. If I could change how I treated you before, change all the fear I had, the angst, the anger, the childish mistakes that I made, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
Now my tears were coming like a stream, making their way down my face, dropping onto Simon’s bed and soaking wet spots into his blanket. I wiped my face once again and thought of heading for the door, but something kept me planted in my seat. The last thing I needed was to get busted by the nurse or Caroline, which would make it ten times worse.
I crawled onto his bed and laid my head on his chest with my arms wrapped around him, not knowing if I’d ever see him again or if I’d ever hear the deep tones of his voice. I would miss the sexy way he whispered in my ear
and made me give my body over to him, because the truth was, whether he woke up or not, there was a chance he wouldn’t want to have anything else to do with me.
He could blame me for the problems he had with his brother; blame me for breaking his heart; blame me for being too angry that night and the accident that put him here in this hospital. So many things he could blame me for, if he wanted. All those many things I would take, if it meant he woke up right now, today. I would consider all I had coming to me a fair and even trade, if he could just wake up.
“I love you, Simon, I do. With all my heart, but it’s time for me to go.” I got up and headed for the door, and as I got to the entrance I thought I heard a sound, a rustle of the blankets. I looked over my shoulder. It was nothing. Simon was still. But as I turned back toward the hallway, I heard…
“I…I lov…I love you too, Lynn.”
I felt unsteady on my feet. I couldn’t believe it.
Lesson # 18
Fairy tales can sometimes end unexpectedly
“Like Sleeping Beauty kissing the prince?” -Lynora Minnelli
Lynn
“Simon?” My heart was beating rapidly in my chest; my words seemed to hollow in my ears. I ran to his bedside. “Simon? Are you awake?”
He licked his lips, having a hard time pulling them apart. I poured a cup of water from the pitcher on the table and helped him sip slowly from the cup. “If I’m not awake…I’m having one hell of a dream. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.” He tried to smile, but the skin of his lips was too tight, brittle and chapped. I tipped the cup to his lips and gave him more water.
“Thank you.” He looked me over. His blue-green eyes were weak—tired, surrounded by veins of red, and half-lidded.
“You’re welcome. You don’t know how glad I am to see you awake,” I whispered, tears flowing freely. “Okay, stay right here. I’m going to get the nurse.”
As I got up, he grabbed my wrist. “No, no, don’t…please.”
“What do you mean? You’re awake I need to call the nurse…Selene…your mom.”
He shook his head and looked at me. “No, sit down. please.”
“But—”
“Please, Lynn.” He nodded toward the seat. “Sit down.”
I sat down, as he wished. His eyes explored mine.
“I heard everything you said.”
“What?” I was confused. “What do you mean you heard everything? When?”
“I don’t know for how long. I didn’t hear you come in, but I think I heard all the important parts.”
“Like?”
“Like you’re planning on leaving…moving to New York with Dane.”
“Oh, those important parts.” I sat back in the chair.
“Is there more to tell?”
“No, I think that covers the basics,” I said sadly.
“Good, because in my fragile state, I don’t believe I can take any more.” He grinned, a smile not unlike Dane’s. I found it ironic. “You told me you loved me.” I turned my head. My face began to flush. He would wake up just in time to hear my confession. “Did you mean it?”
I nodded. Reluctantly, but I didn’t want to lie. “Did you mean what you said? When you told me you loved me?”
“What? When did I say that?”
“Simon.”
“I’m kidding. Of course I meant what I said. How could I not love the woman that brought me back to life?”
“Like Sleeping Beauty kissing the prince?”
“It seems that way, doesn’t it?”
“I guess fairy tales can come true.”
“Depends on who’s telling the story.”
Simon tried to sit up, and I stopped him in alarm. “Hey! What are you doing? Lie back down.” I placed my hand on his chest and slightly pushed. He resisted for all of two seconds.
“Ugh, I hate hospitals.” He tried to sit up again. “I need to get out of here.”
“I don’t think that’s the best idea, Simon. The doctors need to examine you, now that you’re out of the coma.”
“The coma? Never mind that. Help me get out of here, Lynn.”
“Simon, I don’t know—”
“Lynn, help me get up…please,” he implored.
He pulled out his IV with a slight wince and grunt, and he lifted up his covers and groaned. “How many fucking lines do they have me hooked up to? Don’t look.” Then he gestured for me to turn my head, as he presumably dealt with a catheter. I heard him grunt again in discomfort, but he quickly freed himself. He reached to pull the heart monitor off his finger.
I didn’t know what else to do. I said, “I’ll help you, but keep the monitor on just in case removing it alerts the nurses.” I stepped away to send out an SOS to my friends to speed them along. If I was going to get Simon out of there, I would need help.
I texted: Need getaway driver. 911.
I knew my girls wouldn’t fail me. I walked to the cabinet to dig around, hoping it was where they kept his clothes.
I found a carry-on bag that must have belonged to Caroline, because there was mostly women’s clothes in her style packed inside, but there were also his clothes from the night of the accident. I pulled out the jeans that had been cut from his body by emergency room personnel. “Wow, these have seen better days,” I remarked. I held up his jeans over the foot of his bed to show him how they looked, and I also found his leather jacket. He had a pained expression at the sight of the tattered clothes. I hurriedly tossed them away.
Digging deeper, I came across a loose pair of jogging pants and a clean white t-shirt. The pants looked a little small, but that was all I could find that he might be able to fit. “Do you want to put these on?”
“Do I have a choice?” He made a face. I smiled at him. I couldn’t believe he was awake, alert, and well.
I tried to slip on his pants as carefully as I could, but there was some stiffness of his legs from disuse, and he groaned in pain. I pulled away, not wanting to hurt him, but he gritted his teeth and urged me to continue. Once that was done, he sat up slowly but still became a bit woozy. “Whoa!” He put his hand to his head. “I’ve never done drugs before, but if it feels anything like this, you can keep it.”
“Come on. Let’s get you out of bed before someone comes. They’re either extremely understaffed tonight, or we’re just lucky.”
I grabbed Simon’s ankles and helped him swing his legs out of bed. He stood up unsteadily with his arms around my shoulders. I dipped at the knees. “You’re heavy.” He was unable to support his weight and almost too much for me to handle.
“Never heard you complain when I was on top of you.”
“And impossible,” I added, chuckling. He winked. “Okay, so we have to be quick with this. You’re going to pull off the clip connected to the monitor, and we’re going to rush to the elevator.” I basically dragged him to the doorway. I looked left and looked right. There was one nurse I could see, but she was on the phone and not paying us any attention.
It was now or never. We made a break for it. “Okay, let’s go.” Simon hobbled and limped, but we made it to the elevator.
***
Like angels of mercy, Bobbi and Sonja met us just beyond the elevators when we got to the ground floor. “Girl, I broke all kinds of laws getting here. Jay would kill me if he saw how I was speeding.” They helped me get Simon out of the hospital and into Jay’s SUV. “Well, hello, Professor Foster. Good to see you again. I’m sorry it’s not under better circumstances.”
Simon smiled, but he knew Bobbi didn’t like him. “Thank you for this, Ms. Garner. I know I must’ve put you in an awkward predicament.”
“It’s Bobbi. Mrs. Garner is my mother. And it’s really no problem. I’d do anything for my girls.”
“Professor,” Sonja tersely said over her shoulder.
“Sonja,” Simon responded. “Nice to see you wearing more clothing.”
“I didn’t think I looked that bad.” She cocked a brow.
Simon looked at
me. I shrugged. “Somehow I don’t really think you looking bad is a possibility, Sonja,” he said politely.
Sonja fought a grin, flattered. She turned her face as she blushed so that Simon wouldn’t see. I playfully shoved him with my elbow, because I was glad to see him making amends with my friends. He seemed pleased.
Simon gave us the directions to his house. As we pulled in through the guarded gate and rode down the narrow drive marked by tall oak trees and meticulously manicured bushes and plants, Bobbi, Sonja, and I all took turns looking at him in our own not-so-subtle ways. We were all thinking the same thing. Simon’s house was amazingly fucking beautiful.
It was brick-faced, which was odd for a California home, with lighting around the property accenting its many features. The front entryway was recessed. Near the entrance was a rectangular planter with a concrete base, and water trickled down from a fount to water the plants. Above that, there was a master bedroom balcony with, from what I could see, blue sweeping drapes.
“Well damn, professor,” Bobbi said, looking back. “You’re making me feel a little envious here. Your house makes my place look like the projects or something, and I’ve never lived in the projects in my life.”
“Pretty snazzy, professor.” Sonja reached for her door to open it. “Maybe I should stay with you instead of Bobbi. You have more room.”
“Hey!” Bobbi shoved her.
“I’m kidding.” Sonja giggled.
We all opened our car doors and got out of the car to help Simon get into his house. He didn’t have his keys, but he had a spare key in a container shaped like a rock, and we let ourselves in. The inside of his house was nice, masculine and modern. There was some art on the walls, but not much; the great room was sparsely furnished in ultra-minimalist style, almost the exact opposite of Bobbi’s place, where her décor was more focused on comfort.
“You can put me over there.” Simon was pointing to a tan leather couch that looked impossible to sleep comfortably upon—not like I was staying, I reminded myself. As we laid him down, he grunted in pain, and we all stood over him, watching him try to find some comfort. It was cold in his house and there wasn’t a blanket or throw in sight. “Do you need anything?”
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