by Rafael Hines
Men die in war and John had buried a lot of buddies over the years. You stay on the front lines long enough you bury friends, or friends bury you. Period. He lived this, he knew this, and still he just couldn’t get past Sammy’s death.
Finally, after starting three fights on base and volunteering for every hot mission he could Major Burke pulled him into his tent and sat him down for a talk. “Look Johnny, I know Sammy’s death hit you hard, but you’ve got to let him go.”
“I’m trying, I’m really trying.”
“We’ve known each other a long time, and I care too much about you not to tell you the truth when it needs telling. Johnny, you’re probably the greatest fighting man I’ve ever seen or ever heard of. That’s the truth. You’re the best. Not ‘cause you’re the bravest, though you are one heroic son of a bitch. No, you’re the best cause when the lead’s flying and the bombs go off, most guys, no matter how tough, no matter how brave, and no matter how well they’re trained, still get a little nervous. They’ll flinch, or hesitate, or rush, or do something foolish that gets them or their pals killed. Not you Johnny. You stay cool. I’ve seen you, man. It’s almost an eerie cool. It’s like you slow everything down and you kind of float across a battlefield. You always seem to know which guy to take out first or last. Somehow, you instantly know the sequence. It’s like you’re playing chess out there Johnny, and it makes you real special, but it scares the shit out of a lot of guys who are some pretty scary motherfuckers in their own right. When it comes to killing you’re one spooky dude, my friend.”
“What’re you saying, Tommy?”
“What I’m saying is this man: you’ve got to bury your dead. You told me a long time ago about your mom and dad being murdered in front of you, and you’ve seen a lot more death since then. You have ‘em all wrapped around you like a blanket and it makes you one deadly motherfucker out here, but it’s not letting you have a life, man. Outside of your patchwork quilt of dead family and friends you’ve got nothing. You’re afraid to go home. You’re afraid to live.”
John was shaking with anger and ready to rip Tommy Burke apart for what he’d just said, but Tommy continued on. “Johnny, I can see you want to kick my ass right now. All I can say is, do what you gotta do man, no hard feelings. Just know that I’m saying what everyone else out here knows, but are too chicken shit to tell you. They’re too scared of what you might do to them, and too scared that you might lose your edge and not be there to save their sorry ass in the next fire fight.”
He’d looked down at his feet for a moment, then added, “Johnny, I love you, and I don’t want to see you get wasted out here. You’ve done your share. You’re not even fighting the enemy anymore. You’re just trying to kill your own demons. That is guaran-damn-teed to get you blown away, son. Bury your dead and leave them here. Go home and get a life, man. Marry Maria if she’ll still have you.”
“What about you? Majors don’t lead A Teams, Captains do. So why’re you still out here?” John asked in a shaky voice.
Burke had shaken his head slowly and then with disappointment in his eyes said, “You already know the answer to that. First off, you guys on Razor are the sons I never had, and I can’t put my boys in the hands of a stranger while we’re at war. I called in every favor I could, and then had to beg and plead to keep my command. Second, I’m a working man. My whole check, every dollar I earn goes directly to Amy and the girls. I’ve got seventeen years in this man’s army. Three more till retirement and a full pension, then no more humping through the mud shedding my blood. It’s watching my lawn and my baby girls grow, giving them all lots of TLC, and waking up with Amy in my arms for the rest of my life. And I’ll tell you something else. If, God forbid, I catch a bad break and get blown away out here, I’ll be real sad about it, but I’ll also accept it and die a happy man. You wanna know why?” Burke asked looking deep into John’s eyes, piercing him.
“The reason is that I gave my country the full measure of my devotion and service, the same way I gave my wife and kids all the love in my heart. So I’ll be real sad that I won’t get to walk my girls down the aisle and grow old with Amy, but I’ll die knowing how much they loved me, and how much I loved them in turn. With my last breath I’ll whisper their names and ask God to protect them for me.”
Burke started getting angry then.
“Johnny, the only two guys out here who’ve known about your money are me and Sammy. Sammy’s dead, and I’ve never told a soul and never will. I’ve never thought less of you for it, or that you were some rich punk with something to prove. But, the fact is you don’t need to be here, man. You don’t need this job. Your papers are here. I took it upon myself to have them prepped and ready. In a month you can be back home. Walk away Johnny, walk away. You saved my life four times out here, and I’ll miss you, but do it. Go home before it’s too late. Walk away before you’ve got nothing left inside. It’s time to stop the killing and start the living.”
John had stumbled out of the tent feeling drained and beaten by Tommy’s words. It took him two days to fully digest it all. Then the storm clouds in his head parted. He realized that almost everything he believed in was a lie. He’d warped his own truths to cover up his guilt, sorrow, and anger. He’d run away from his family and from the woman he loved. He’d lied to himself and to her. He knew he’d wasted a lot of years of their happiness and he was suddenly desperate to get to Maria and to start a real life with her.
He signed his discharge papers that afternoon. He’d had many more talks with Tommy Burke over the next few weeks while he waited for his release and his ticket home. He told the major that he’d saved his life and he wanted him to be at the wedding. Tommy had two weeks of R & R in August so they would schedule it then.
“Don’t you think you better propose first?”
“Planning on it, sir.”
John had gone on his last mission just before his papers came through. He traveled through the mountains near the border and placed surveillance equipment in an old shack that was a suspected enemy meeting place. It took him two days to make the round trip. He could have done it in one if he’d killed the enemy scouts and lookouts he’d come across, but his fighting days were over. He chose to go around instead of through them.
He said goodbye to his many friends, the operators from his ODA, Team Razor, and he told Tommy he would send a letter with the wedding invites for him and his girls. John felt like a new man, as if he’d been reborn. He felt lighter because he was. He left most of his dead in Afghanistan. Most of them. The final moment of cleansing had been his talk with Felix and even though they’d gone to jail right afterwards it was well worth it. The last of his demons were gone and he could finally start living a real life.
He’d planned to tell Maria all this in time. He just didn’t want to blast her with everything on their first day together.
“I’m so sorry, Maria,” he said.
She immediately burst into tears, falling face first into her pillow.
“No baby, you don’t understand,” he said pulling her close. “I’m sorry for all the years I wasted for both of us. I’m sorry I kept running away. I’ve loved you from our first kiss. No, from even before that. From the moment I first saw you in the fourth grade. Then it took me three years to get up the nerve to kiss you. I loved you then, and I love you now more than ever. I left the service, honey. I left to come home to you. We’re getting married in August. Tommy has leave then and he has to be there.”
Maria pounced on him and screamed at the top of her lungs, squeezing his neck until he could hardly breathe. They kissed and laughed and kissed again. Then she pulled back and said, “Two things. One, you didn’t kiss me first, I kissed you. I waited and waited for you to make a move, but you were such a big chicken I knew I had to do something or end up an old maid. I kissed you first, you big liar!” she said and gave him a punch in the chest.
“Okay, okay you kissed me! What else?”
“What else and second is this: What ki
nd of lame ass proposal was that? You didn’t even ask me to marry you. You just said we’re getting married in August. How do you know I’ll even say yes?”
“What? You just told me that you wanted to… You’re driving me cra…” He stopped in mid-sentence and composed himself. He picked her up and gently sat her on the edge of the bed. Getting down on one knee he asked her.
“Maria, will you marry me?”
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” she screamed, then quickly kissed him and ran to call her mother.
Feeling dizzy from the morning’s events, he leaned back against the bed and shook his head. He smiled while he listened to Maria squealing on the phone and realized that for the first time in his life, or at least as far back as he could remember, John Michael Bishop was truly a happy man.
Chapter 10
Always a Green Beret
Maria was going dress shopping with her mother and the newly-engaged couple planned to meet for dinner around seven. John called Felix and met him at his apartment on East 9th Street. When John told him about the wedding plans Felix immediately grabbed him in a tight head lock.
“It’s about fuckin’ time, man. That woman is a saint and she’s finer than Beyonce, J Lo, and Halle Berry all rolled into one. You know, she hasn’t gone on a single date in the three years you’ve been gone. I don’t know why, but Maria’s always loved you, man.”
John slipped out of the hold, pulled Felix’s arm up behind his back and flipped him lightly onto the rug.
“You’re getting soft, Cat. You been sparring against little kids?”
“I don’t wanna send you back to Maria all broken and bruised. Plus, I figure I owe you for last night.”
“Owe me for what?”
“Man, you had all those chicas at your party primed and ready. When you left with Maria there was nothing left but drunk, jealous, horny women. You used to be my cousin, my brother. Now I’m just gonna call you my fluffer!”
“So I guess you did your duty and took care of ‘em all.”
“To the best of my ability, son,” Felix said, giving a mock salute. “Calixto has a big house and I left wet spots all over it. I’m drained, bro. I got to Angie last and she wore my ass out.”
“She’s a big girl.”
“Yeah she is, but big girls need love too, and whenever I drink I tend to go heavy. I’ll tell you one thing, whoever ends up with that heifer is gonna need steroids and Viagra mixed in with their cornflakes just to keep up. That woman is no joke.”
“Sounds like marriage material.”
“I could do worse. Hey, you remember that big sister who ran the laundry on Avenue D?”
“You’re talking about Willemina? Now that woman was huge. Looked like she had bowling balls in her bra, and that ass. Yikes.”
“Well, I used to jerk off to that hefalo every night before I went to sleep.”
“Yeah, I remember you making love to your tube socks all the time. Didn’t know it was big Willemina making you rub yourself raw.”
“Yeah it was, asshole. Anyway, Angie reminds me of her.”
“Whatever makes you happy, primo.”
They laughed and talked some more and decided to have a fancy brunch to celebrate. They headed to Blue Water Grill at Union Square Park and passed through the basketball courts in Tompkins Square on the way.
“Remember how I used to light your ass up out here when we were kids?” asked Felix.
“You know you never came close to beating me, and I used to let you score just to keep it interesting.”
They borrowed a ball and John put on a dribbling exhibition in front of Felix, who kept lunging for steals. John had been a real magician when it came to hoops, but hadn’t played in years.
Putting the ball effortlessly through his legs and behind his back while Felix kept reaching, John said, “Speaking of name changes, Cat just doesn’t fit anymore. You’re looking real slow and sloppy out here, Dancing Bear.”
“I’ll let you dribble all day long, but you ain’t gonna score.”
“You know, I just realized something,” John said, still quickly moving the ball from hand to hand.
“What’s that?”
“I’m jealous of you.”
“That’s understandable.”
“No seriously. I can’t see myself play. I’m jealous cause you get to watch me.”
“Whatever,” Felix said, rolling his eyes.
“So, tell me the truth. All those times I busted your ass, was it as good for you as it was for me?” As he finished his question, John lifted off the ground from twenty three feet out, and in one smooth motion effortlessly shot the ball over Felix’s outstretched hand. With perfect rotation and a high arch it sailed into the hoop, ripping through the net.
“Why punish yourself like this?”
“Asshole.”
“By the way, you’re my best man at the wedding.”
They left the court with their arms over each other’s shoulders and walked the ten blocks to the restaurant. They toasted the upcoming wedding, tossed back fresh oysters, and ate steamed lobsters. After the meal they stepped out into the bright afternoon sun and onto the crowded sidewalk facing the park.
“I need a new pair of sneakers,” Felix said. “Wanna walk me to Paragons?”
“Think I’ll just wander around the market till you get back. I’ll stay in this area, but call me if you can’t find me in the crowd.”
Amir Khan was restless and full of nervous energy as he sat in the cab next to Blue Water Grill. He saw the two men exit the tall front doors of the restaurant. He could only see his profile, but the one with the crew cut was vaguely familiar. He couldn’t remember where he’d seen him; just that something about the guy bothered him. It nagged at Amir for a moment, then he dismissed it and focused his attention back on the mission. His teams were in place by now and his palms were wet with anticipation.
Man he was feeling good. The sun was shining, people were laughing, and he finally felt right again with Felix. Best of all he had Maria back. And, oh yeah, he was out of the army and getting married. Take his night in jail off the table, and it was one hell of a home coming.
Looking at all the afternoon shoppers he was amazed at the amount of children. There were boys and girls riding on their fathers’ shoulders and mothers pushing strollers everywhere. It made him realize for the first time in his life how badly he wanted his own kids.
Soon, he thought.
John was happily strolling from stall to stall when the hair on the back of his neck stood up and alarm bells suddenly began ringing loudly in his head. His “Spidey Sense” as he called it had saved him countless times against unseen enemies, and it was now telling him that he was once again in harm’s way. Hearing the laughter of children and seeing all the smiling faces around him he thought he must be imagining things and tried to dismiss it.
Probably just decompressing from combat.
He slowed his breathing and did a three hundred and sixty degree scan of the area, then shrugged. “I’m losing it,” he said aloud a split second before he spotted two men standing rock still in the middle of the moving crowd. They were both wearing matching black long sleeve jackets, which was odd for such a warm day and their weathered skin and thick beards reminded John of the Taliban soldiers he had just been fighting against. One of the men had his head down and seemed to be talking to himself while the other was nervously looking about.
These guys were wrong. John edged closer. Moving casually with the flow of tourists and shoppers, he angled his way towards the two men. He stopped a few feet behind them, but kept his back turned and pretended to be reading a text message on his phone. He did his best to tune out the background noise and zero in on what the bearded Muslim was saying. John immediately recognized the man was speaking in Dari and realized he wasn’t talking to himself, but reciting an excerpt from the Koran. John turned slightly to get a peripheral view. He stayed relaxed when he saw the hand held detonator and the wires running up into the sleev
e of the terrorist’s jacket. The other man had an unzipped bag at his feet and John could see the butt of an automatic weapon poking out of the top.
Most suicide bombers act alone. After a few had been stopped and overwhelmed by crowds before they could blow themselves up there were now instances of two man teams. One is the bomber and the other acts as security, ready to shoot down any good Samaritans that try to intervene.
What made the scene so incredible was that no one else noticed or paid any attention to these guys. People were just walking by and standing next to two suicide bombers in the middle of downtown Manhattan!
John was glad that no one noticed. If someone shouted an alarm the crowd would panic and the terrorist would release the trigger and detonate. John knew he had to act fast.
Retired or not, civilian or not, he would always be a Green Beret. He took the Swiss Army knife he always carried out of his pocket, opened the blade, and slid in behind his two targets. He didn’t hesitate. His body coiled like a spring, from two feet away he exploded forward with deadly speed and precision, plunging the knife into the back of the security guard’s neck. The blade entered right above the shoulders, severing the spinal cord so swiftly and forcefully that the man was dead before he could make a sound.
The bomber was unaware of what just happened and was finishing his final prayer when he saw his partner fall forward. His mouth shot open and his eyes bulged wide with surprise. They bulged even wider when John hit him with the same knife blow from behind, instantly killing him where he stood.
He knew the dead man would spasm so he grabbed the hand with the detonating button before the terrorist’s thumb released the trigger. Holding on tight, John fell to the ground with the body.