by PV
She stood stiffly and unyielding in my loose embrace. Then, she began crying. ��
don’t believe you’re a priest, I want to go home.’
She huddled and sobbed against my upper belly.
��n domine Pater incubus dolorarum; et filia spiritu grandus magnum est. Non solere sanctum raro punctilios insularum, noncuninglingus variorum delictim. Habere est cogitare.’
She looked up at me.
`But why are you here?’
`Manes Patri, manes Patri. For you, my child, that we may come together in a love spiritus delicti et corpus boner.’
`You’re so strange,’ she said.
`This is a sacred moment. Go, and come.’
When she came out of the bathroom a second time two minutes later she was modestly holding a towel against her belly, but exposing two cheerful, round little pink breasts.
I threw back the covers on her side and she hopped in, a ten year-old child hopping into bed with her teddy bears.
Terry Tracy fulfilled her spiritual duties, my friends, with admirable warmth, poise, obedience and skill: Too much skill. When I had difficulty penetrating her at first, I encouraged her to baptize the uncircumcised child with the sacred water of her mouth and this she proceeded to do so devotedly that it was some several minutes before I recalled my central quest. By that time I was too spiritually primed to exert any pressure without the likelihood of my achieving immediate and complete divine grace. She sympathetically consoled me with her hands and then lowered her sacred mouth over the trembling child, bathing it: she spoke in tongues. I was groaning with total incoherence and indignity as one gets during such emotional services when I felt the Holy Spirit ascending. I tried to withdraw the uncircumcised child from the holy temple and whispered `Stop!’ but the angel did not cease her ministrations. The nebulae, the child and I all exploded at once in a divine fusion of feeling: I plunged away in her mouth. After ten or fifteen seconds during which I was completely out of the mere world of mortal men, I returned from my spiritual journey.
Her mouth and hands were still warmly engulfing my penis and balls as if nothing had happened. I lay still for another half-minute and then putting a hand on Terry’s hand I said ‘Terry.’
She raised her head from me for the first time in three or four minutes, but without even turning to me she swung her behind around much nearer me and said Touch me: Oh please touch me.’
When I put my hands between her legs and began to stroke and poke, she pressed back fiercely. This time I slid a finger inside the appropriate and proper opening. Her mouth was trying to swallow a relatively relaxed and thoroughly baptized member. She rolled over and for the first time made a groan. Of sorts: it sounded distinctly like one of disappointment.
I was feeling depressed, guilty, angry and inadequate, but being the dice man playing the professor-priest-customer I merely rolled away from her and told her that it had been delicious.
She didn’t say anything. We lay in silence for ten minutes. I was determined to ram home to victory as soon as I could rally my red army back into the peninsula, but for the time being all I could do was lie there and feel inadequate. I didn’t even wonder what she was thinking.
`Can you try again?’ she said.
We turned toward each other and fell into a passionate half hate embrace, until she clawed at my shoulder to tell me I was squeezing too tight. After a few minutes of love play I lifted her up on to her hands and knees and invited myself to try to enter from the rear. We placed the dragon’s head at the mouth of the cave and tried to encourage him to enter.
It was like pushing a dog down the cellar stairs for a bath. We pressed again. A marvelous thing happened: my dragon suddenly sprung past the outside barrier and plunged in a full three-quarter inch. She screamed and fell forward. I began to apologize, but she got immediately back on her knees and was groping back between her legs: a steering committee.
After a few more charges, the dragon had disappeared deep into the cave and seemed to be nuzzling contentedly at her stomach. My big hands manipulating her easily at the waist, I felt the present experience was well worth the wait. It was magnificent. The apartment doorbell rang.
For a moment both of us were so intent on the pleasure of my filling her insides that the noise didn’t register. When it did, she raised her head like a deer smelling a rifle and said: `What’s that?’
Stupidly: `The doorbell.’
She pulled herself down and away from me and rolled over. She was frightened.
`Who is it?’
Stupidly: �� don’t know.’
Then, regaining my superman self: ��t must be someone at the wrong apartment’
`No. You’d better go see.’
Standing at the door was a short, thickset young man wearing glasses. He seemed stunned to see me.
��s this-‘ he glanced again at the door I was holding slightly ajar. ��s this apartment 4-G?’
Not remembering, I leaned my naked torso out and around to look at what he had just looked at. It was 4-G.
`Yes; it is,’ I said helpfully. He stared at me.
�� thought - I was supposed - to meet someone here at nine o’clock.’
`Nine o’clock?’
I was beginning to understand.
�� guess I’m a little late … Maybe’
‘Were you - were you supposed to meet a girl here who -‘
`Yes,’ he broke in. �� was supposed to meet a girl here.’
He smiled nervously and adjusted his blond-framed glasses. I noticed two pimples on his forehead.
`What’s your name?’
I asked, still holding the door ajar.
‘Er - Ray Smith.’
�� see.’
His real name as I remembered it was O’Reilly, and he was, according to his answers on the questionnaire, a smooth, uninhibited young man with women. He was to meet a prostitute, one I had personally hired and instructed to make him feel as inadequate as possible. He’d arrived ahead of schedule.
‘Come in, Ray,’ I said and swung open the door. ‘My is Ned Petersen. I’m here to make sure Terry - that’s our girl’s’
name - gives you her money’s worth.’
He looked at me - I was naked - and at the absolutely conventional furniture as if he were the first visitor to a Martian living room.
`Terry’s already in bed. I was warming her up. You want to give her a ride now?’
`No. No. You go ahead. I’ll read a book,’ and he stared toward the bookcase.
`Don’t be silly,’ I said. `She’s here for you. I was just tuning her up, breaking her in.’
`But if you …’ he looked at me conscientiously. There was egg or something near the shoulder of his sweater. Not too smooth.
`Tell you what,’ I said. `Let’s both go in to her. It would be lonely for either of us alone out here.’
`No,’ no. You go ahead.’
`Won’t do it. Absolutely refuse to leave you alone in the living room. Now come. Come on.’
I took him by the elbow and led him into the bedroom. The bed was empty.
‘Terry?’
`Yes,’ came a highly affected voice from the bathroom.
�� young student of mine is here. Young divinity student. Very lonely young man. Desperately needs companionship.
Can he join us?’
What Ray Smith O’Reilly thought of that I didn’t know. From the bathroom came silence.
`Who?’ she finally asked.
I walked over close to the door.
�� very lonely young anchorite needs your attention. He has a deep need. He’s almost crying. Can he join us in bed?’ ��h yes,’ she answered promptly.
Beside the bed where I had left him, Smith stood like an abandoned bulbless lamp. With great gentleness I helped him undress and guided him to the location of the bed. He pulled the covers up to his chin like an eighty-year-old preparing for thirty below. Soon Terry, clutching the same towel at the sam
e place, came modestly out of the bathroom. Smith stared at her as at another piece of Martian furniture.
`Terry Thrush, I’d like you to meet George Lovelace. George, this is Terry.’
��h, hi,’ said Terry; with a bright smile.
`How do you do?’ said George Ray Smith O’Reilly Lovelace, `How would you like to fuck her, George?’ I asked, my own penis lifting its head in more than idle curiosity.
`You first,’ he blurted.
��kay, me first, Terry. Give me your ass again.’
Terry looked a little surprised, but quickly hopped into bed beside our young man, and stuck her little behind plumply into the air. Her face on a pillow she turned, smiling brightly at George, whose head lay looking ceiling ward on the other pillow a foot away. George looked sick.
I place my penis; prodded and poked, and, with all deliberate speed, it plunged deep into Terry’s warm, wet interior. My God, that was good. Terry had helped aim me with her hands but now as I began easing myself in and out she moved herself on her elbows over to silent George and - undoubtedly smiling brightly to the last - moved her face over his and began giving him her sexy, snakelike kisses.
George lay as rigid as a dried straw, except for his central limb, which was as limp as a wet straw. I pulled Tiny Terry’s thighs against me and more or less picked her bodily up and deposited her face on Georgie’s belly. Discovering a poor, lonely, unloved cock, she did her duty.
The long and the short of it, Reader - and that is the usual sequence in these affairs - was that I made a splendid splash in Terry’s interior and Terry did enough favorable groaning and straining to please everyone, presumably including herself. When she finally let go of old Sir George his limb was just as limp as before. However, as Terry rolled onto her back away from him I saw that the rest of him was at last limp too. Sir George too had seen the Holy Grail.
`Terry has a very nice mouth, don’t you think, George?’
‘Er, yes, she does,’ he said.
`You’re exceptionally beautiful in the interior, Terry,’ I went on.
‘Thank you,’ she said. My two young friends were lying on their backs side by side while I had settled back on my knees near the foot of the bed. I was feeling very tired and depressed, and my mood was manifesting itself by my heavy-handed irony.
‘Is your ass as warm and juicy as your cunt, Terry?’
�� don’t know,’ she said and she giggled.
`Live and learn, or in the immortal words of Leonardo da Vinci: “Anus delictoris ante uturusi sec.”
Tell me, George do you feel now that someone loves you, that life does have a meaning after all?’ �� -
beg pardon?’
�� was telling Miss Truss that you came here tonight very unhappy and lonely and unloved. Has she given you the spiritual nourishment which you needed?’
‘A little bit, I guess.’
`Hear that, Terry, only a little bit. George must really be depressed. Don’t you realize, George, that Terry kissed you and caressed you without your even asking? She gave herself unrequested and unselfishly for your pleasure and enlightenment. Now what do you say?’
His face contorted nervously; he looked at me. Finally he said: `Thank you, I guess.’
`You’re welcome,’ said Terry. �� like to help people.’
‘Terry is unusually helpful, wouldn’t you say, Ray?’
`Yes, she is.’
`Let’s all have a drink. Scotch for you, Mr. Lovelace?’
`Yes, thank you.’
As I plodded off nude to the liquor cabinet, I found myself for the first time wondering about the reliability of our questionnaires. Little Miss T., the inhibited Catholic virgin, had showed all the juiciness and technique of a fortythree-year old nymphomaniac. And lover-boy O’Reilly … Well, back to the old data sheets.
After we’d finished our drinks, during which we had several sporadic conversations on (a) the weather (we need snow), (b) Renaissance history (Rabelais was actually a serious thinker), and (c) religion (it’s frequently misunderstood), I said firmly to George: `Your turn now, Lovelace.’
��h yes, thank you.’
Terry lay on her back to receive him, and after several youthful giggles, he seemed to enter the promised land. The doorbell rang.
For a moment I wondered if there weren’t some electronic device deep in Miss Tracy’s womb which triggered the apartment bell. It seemed unlikely, but…
I located a bathrobe this time, told the little ones to carry on without me and marched stoically to the door. There, as I leaned my slightly debauched face around the edge of the door, stood Dr. Felloni. We exchanged stares in total disbelief for five full seconds. Then she blushed so fully that I can only describe it by saying that her head, which was of course nodding vigorously, had a climax. She turned and ran down the hall. The next day her secretary phoned to say that she was attending a conference in Zurich and would be away for two weeks.
Chapter Twenty-nine
My experience with Terry Tracy and the results of the Columbia Copulation Caper in general were a revelation to me.
After Dr. Felloni had left the apartment door that night and taken a taxi across the Atlantic to Zurich, I had returned to the bedroom to find Tracy and George moiling in the bed and as oblivious of my presence as they had apparently been of my absence. I stood there watching the sheet which covered George’s behind rising and falling in regular rhythm and as the sheet shuddered I had something like a Religious Revelation. Other people also were capable of playing artificially imposed roles - and therefore dice-dictated roles. If Terry had in fact been even somewhat virginal, she was this evening demonstrating a remarkable ability to open herself to new experience. If she were in fact a nymphomaniac, she had earlier demonstrated a shyness and inhibition in marvelous contrast to her natural open-door policy. And George Lovelace seemed to be a good learner too; from clod to copulator in thirty minutes.
As I stood there I began to feel that I had only been playing at the dice man. It had been a jeu d’esprit of which I was proud but nothing more: a maladjusted man’s way of epater les bourgeois without the bourgeoisie knowing about it.
But had I innocently discovered gunpowder and then used it for firecrackers, when a larger man would have used it for explosives? Or a magnifying glass which I was using to create pleasant images but which might be used to see something new? Shouldn’t I try to turn other people into dice men? If Arlene enjoyed housewife-with-a-lech for a day and Terry call-girl-for-a-day, might not each enjoy other roles the dice might fling her way, as I had? Shouldn’t I be using dice games as dice therapy for my friends and patients? My dice life had become almost a joke; at that instant it seemed a mission - a quest I might pursue to lift my fellow men to new heights. I had cast the dice as a bitter game I’d played against the world; now I would cast them to build New Selves, Random Men. Boredom would be wiped out with the vaccine of the dice, like polio. I would create a New World, a better world, a Place of Joy and Variety and Spontaneity. I would become the Father of a new Race. Dicepeople.
‘Could you please get us a towel?’ Terry asked, most of her face and body hidden by the sheet and George’s ample bulk. Even this rude interruption did not destroy my elevation. During these glorious minutes I was taking myself totally seriously. I went to the bathroom and got them a towel and after a giggle or two they lay together silently, again oblivious of my presence. As the sheet lay limp and still over their silent forms I tiptoed to the spot where my trousers were deposited on the floor and extricated from the pocket my dice.
��dd,’ I would begin dice therapy, with George and Terry tonight; ‘even,’ I would not. Confidently I flipped a die onto the foot of the bed: a six. Ummmm. Like the good fairy who his left a dime under the pillow, I picked up my clothes and stole away into the night, the immortal words of Christ echoing in my ears ‘Physician, help yourself: thus you help your patients too. Let this be his best help that he may behold with his eyes the man who hea
ls himself.’
I was determined to rip from my body the undistinguished clothes of Dr. Lucius Rhinehart and stand forth before my patients naked and revealed: The Dice Man.
Chapter Thirty
The first adult human being to be introduced into the dicelife by Dr. Rhinehart was Arlene Ecstein, inconspicuous wife of Dr. Jacob Ecstein, noted analyst and writer. Mrs. Ecstein had been complaining for several years of various nervous ailments which she attributed to sexual frustration caused by the sporadic nature of her husband’s attentions. Dr.
Ecstein, who didn’t have time, finally decided in mid January that she would enter analysis so that her problem might be treated in depth. With her husband’s encouragement (`Give it to her, Luke, baby’) she began analysis with Dr.
Rhinehart. The first few sessions had been penetrating and Mrs. Ecstein found herself able to open up more frequently than before. Her husband noted that her nervous symptoms declined or disappeared and that her compulsive sexuality seemed relieved.
It was after a little over six weeks of this treatment (three times a week) that Dr. Rhinehart, following his Religious Revelation during the Rhinehart-Felloni Study of Amorality Tolerance, determined to begin dice therapy. He began with the quiet dignity which so marked this whole stage of his life.
`Don’t take off your bra, Arlene, I want to talk to you about something important’ `Can’t it wait?’
`No.’
He took out two new silver dice, fresh from the factories of Taxco, Mexico, and placed them on his desk. He requested Mrs. Ecstein to seat herself in front of the desk.
`What is it, Lukie?’
‘Those are dice.’
�� see.’
`We are going to begin dice therapy.’
‘Dice therapy?’
Dr. Rhinehart explained with great clarity the practice and theory of casting dice to determine action. Mrs. Ecstein listened with close attention although she squirmed frequently on her chair. When it was clear that he had finished, she remained silent awhile and then heaved a deep sigh.