by K. B. Wagers
“Oh, could I?”
He either missed or ignored the sharpness in my voice. “He’s not a noble, ma’am, but the Shivans are an old family who have been in favor of the throne for a long time. You were paired once. And it would cement an alliance with the Upjas.”
I dropped to the couch and set my mug down before I threw it at Zin’s head. My buried grief surged up my throat and choked me. Portis’s face and his dying words rang in my head, clamoring for my attention.
“Has everyone forgotten that only a little over a month ago I woke up covered in blood next to Portis’s body? Because I haven’t.” I slammed a hand down on the table, making everyone but Emmory jump. “I lost the only man I ever loved and you all just want to farm me back out with a smile on my face and my gods-damned legs spread.
“All for the good of the empire. Fuck you. I won’t do it.”
Gita gasped. Zin swallowed.
I stood up, my hands curling into fists. “I will not. Do you hear me? I will not get married. I loved him. Only him. I—” Tears clogged my throat and I pressed a hand to my mouth. The grief sliced through me so painfully bright and sharp I couldn’t breathe.
“You three, out.” Emmory’s voice was soft.
As the door slid shut behind my BodyGuards, I sank back to the couch. My sobs rang in my ears. My breath was choppy, catching and wheezing as I fought for air. I folded over, my head on my knees, and cried until exhaustion set in.
Emmory’s hand settled onto the back of my neck with gentleness I didn’t realize he was capable of. “Get your breath, Majesty.”
I dragged in a shaky breath and then another before I lifted my head. Emmory handed me a handkerchief and after I’d wiped my face and blew my nose, he handed me a glass.
“Find your center, Hail, or you’re going to fly apart here and there’s nothing I can do to save you.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered. “I thought—I fooled myself into thinking the grief was gone. I’m not over him. I don’t know if I ever will be.” I took the drink from Emmory and tossed it back.
“You don’t have to be over him.”
“Can’t they just be happy with Alice? She’s a better option than a newborn anyway.”
He took the glass from me and rose to fill it again. I blew my nose a second time before I followed him.
“I can’t do this, Emmy.”
“I know, Majesty.”
“No, I mean I physically can’t have children.” The story of the fight on Candless spilled out of me.
Emmory listened, handing me the drink midway through without comment. “I know.”
“How can you know? Portis didn’t tell anyone. There’s no way you would have bothered with dragging me home if you’d known.” I tossed back the drink. “Did you hear me? I can’t have children. What’s the point of protecting an empress who can’t produce an heir?”
“I heard you, and I already knew.”
I stared at him, the expression on my face one of abject shock. “How?”
Emmory smiled. “I’m not an idiot. I was standing right there when the technician did his scans. He may have been too distracted by you to flag it, but I saw the results.” He took my empty glass and filled it a third time, but he didn’t hand it to me, instead he drank it himself.
I gaped at him as my brain grappled for something, anything about this to make sense. “You knew all this time.”
Emmory nodded.
“Why?”
Emmory raised an eyebrow at me. “Why what, Majesty?”
“Why are you here? Why did you stay? Why didn’t my mother find out about it?” I waved my hand in the air. “I’m useless, Emmory.”
“Your empress-mother didn’t find out because I erased the results of the scan.”
“Why would you—”
“Hail,” Emmory said, giving me the Look. “Your value as the Empress of Indrana is more than your ability to bear children. The empire needs you. As you’ve been pointing out, the issue of who’s taking over after you is the least of our worries right now. I can’t afford to worry about dynasties when we don’t know if Indrana will last out the year.”
I stared at him for a good ten seconds before I snapped my mouth shut. Clearing my throat, I turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears suddenly burning my eyes. “So, what do we do now?”
“I’d advise against making this information public,” Emmory said, and I laughed.
“That would not go over well.”
“Only you and I know. I haven’t even told Zin. It’s probably best to keep it that way until things calm down. You’ve already told Matriarch Desai to back off, and Alba will schedule or not based on your desires. She knows better than to let someone else influence her in that regard.”
I turned back to look at him and shook my head. “I can’t believe you’re backing me on this.”
“I have backed you from the beginning, Majesty.”
“The beginning?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
Emmory gave me a half smile. “From the moment I swore my oath. Happy?”
“Less sad.” I mustered up a smile of my own, looking at my tearstained face in the mirror above the fireplace. “Zin’s going to want to apologize. Just tell him it’s fine. I’m sorry for snapping at him.”
“I will.” Emmory headed for the door. “Get some rest.”
I nodded but poured myself another drink in the glass Emmory had left sitting there and sipped at it as I stared out the window. The sun reflected off the dolphins playing in the water, casting a rainbow sheen upon their dark gray sides.
“Majesty? May I have a moment?”
Looking over my shoulder at Gita, I tipped my head toward the window. My BodyGuard joined me. Her curly black hair was pulled back into twists that were caught at the base of her skull. She didn’t look at me, instead focusing her dark eyes on the ocean lapping at the edge of the beach.
“What’s on your mind, Gita?”
“If you’ll forgive my boldness, I have been there, ma’am. Blank with grief and then mad at the universe for reminding me how little we matter by continuing to move on when my world ended.
“Nothing I can say will help, but I wanted to let you know I am here if you want to talk about him.”
“Who did you lose?”
“My husband, ma’am. He was killed—” Gita stopped and inhaled, clearly struggling. “It was an accident. Drunken kid in an aircar who didn’t use the auto-drive. It was stupid and senseless and ten years ago, but I still wake up sobbing some nights because I miss him so much.”
“I’m sorry.”
Her laugh was tinged with grief. “Thank you, Majesty. That’s not why I told you though. It never goes away. They leave us and we have to wake up every day after that without them.”
“How do you do it?”
She shrugged. “Some days it’s easy and you go about your day. Some days you’re going to wake up cursing his name.”
We fell into silence and I watched my BodyGuard chew on her lip as she wrestled with whatever she wanted to say next. Finally I laughed. “Just spit it out, Gita. I promise I won’t fire you.”
“Given your understandable reluctance to involve yourself with someone, perhaps Your Majesty should consider having a tubed-baby?”
I blinked at the suggestion. “It’s not done, Gita.”
“With your pardon, ma’am, nothing about your reign thus far has been anything close to conventional. Why start now?”
“Point,” I replied with a quiet chuckle. “Wouldn’t that turn everything upside down?” Gita didn’t respond and while I wasn’t sure even a tubed-baby would solve my problems, I did realize the importance of naming Alice as my heir.
I only hoped she would be able to hold the line should something happen to me.
11
Your Majesty?” The captain in front of me cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, but have you been—”
“Listening? Yes.” I tapped a hand on my desk and looked up at
General Prajapati’s lawyer. “The court convicted the general of conditional treason and several other lesser charges, but realistically the treason is the only one we’re concerned about here. Despite this ruling and General Prajapati’s own confession that she was involved with my late cousin’s attempts to kill me, both you and the court seem to think that the throne should grant clemency.” I shot a look at General Pai. The head of the tribunal was a short woman with close-cropped dark hair. “What that really means is no one wants to take responsibility for the actual sentencing and so you’re tossing it in my lap.”
“It is traditional—”
“Oh hush,” I snapped at her. “You should know better by now than to say that to me.”
The weeks had sped by, but thanks to Emmory’s stubbornness my schedule remained as light as he could force Alba to make it. General Prajapati’s trial had wrapped up three days ago, and since then there’d been nothing but endless back-and-forth from the army tribunal and the general’s lawyer.
“How many people have you killed?”
General Prajapati blinked at me from where she stood by the door, her arms shackled behind her back and my BodyGuards flanking her. “Majesty?”
I grabbed a stack of photos off my desk and came around the edge of it, throwing them at her. They rained down, settling around her boots.
“I could give two shits about you trying to kill me, Maya. It’s been attempted too many times over the years for me to worry about holding grudges over it. However, the people you backed killed children. Killed my sisters. My niece. My mother. They destroyed anyone in their way and so many who just had the bad luck to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.” I leaned against my desk and crossed my arms. “I’ve killed people. I’ve never denied that. I’ve probably been indirectly responsible for the deaths of thousands. I’ve made my peace with it, just like I’ve made peace with the fact that as empress I’ll do it all over again. The only difference between the two is it’s supposedly legal now that I have a crown on my head.
“You told me that you did what you did for the good of the empire. I haven’t yet heard an argument that proves to me that killing you isn’t in the best interest of my empire.”
“That’s because there isn’t one, Your Majesty.”
Her lawyer swore under her breath at the general’s quiet reply. Maya didn’t notice it; she was still staring at the face of a three-year-old boy on the toe of her left boot.
“His name was Ronson,” I said. “His mother told me he loved dogs and never stopped laughing.”
Maya closed her eyes and swallowed. When she opened them again, they were shiny with tears. “As I told the court, I wasn’t aware of the plot against your family and thought it was awful circumstance and nothing more. I joined with Matriarch Khatri when you returned home because I couldn’t see how allowing a criminal onto the throne was good for Indrana. I am still not convinced it is a good idea. You didn’t seem interested in leaving quietly, so killing you was the most expedient solution. War with the Saxons is coming; Indrana can’t afford to wait for you to prove yourself.”
“I’m not interested in proving anything to you, General.”
She raised her head, dark eyes meeting mine. “I know, Your Majesty. It is presumptuous of me to even think it.”
I shoved away from my desk and got in her face. “You’re Shiva-damned right it is! I should take my Ekam’s sidearm and drop you right here.” I held my hand up and Emmory put his gun into my hand without question.
Several people shifted uneasily at that, but the general didn’t move or look away.
“You’re right, General. Indrana is about to go to war,” I said. “I’m trying like hell to stop it, but even I might not be able to hold back the Saxons. The only thing keeping you alive is that I know our forces would suffer from the loss of your expertise. Think about that the next time you wonder about my commitment to this empire.”
I handed Emmory his gun and walked back to my desk.
The stunned silence bounced around for several minutes before General Prajapati finally lost her composure. “You’re not going to execute me?”
“I’m not even going to demote you,” I replied. “You might, however, wish I had when we’re done here.” I waved a hand and the woman who’d been standing silently in the corner until now came forward. She was shorter than the general, with a shaved head and a nasty scar running from her left ear to her chin.
“This is Lou. She used to be ITS, now she’s mine. She answers to me, no one else. You answer to her. If she thinks for a second you’re plotting against me again she’s got orders to put a blast through the back of your skull.”
There were a few strangled gasps by those in the room who hadn’t been privy to my plans before the meeting started. I lifted a hand and silence descended.
“Now, before the captain here has a stroke, you do have a choice. If you don’t find this acceptable, I’ll bust you back down to corporal and dishonorably discharge you. You will never again serve Indrana.” I sat, folding my hands in my lap.
General Maya Prajapati’s whole defense had been based off her insistence that she’d done what she thought was best for the empire. Now that defense was on the line more definitively than it had been the whole trial. Would she take the badge of shame—a keeper outside the chain of her command with orders to kill her at the slightest provocation—just so she could continue to serve Indrana? Or would she prove herself a liar?
“Your Majesty.” Maya bowed low, an impressive feat given her shackled arms. “I will gladly accept Lou’s presence for the chance to continue to serve Indrana, and I thank you for being so gracious in giving me a second chance.”
I nodded in reply. “Zin, get her out of those cuffs. Admiral Hassan will brief you on your new assignment, General.”
“Yes, Majesty,” Prajapati said, bowing again as she rubbed at her wrists. She started to follow everyone else as they filed out of my office.
“General?”
She stopped and turned back to me. “Majesty?”
“Lou can take care of herself, but if anything happens to her I’ll be very upset.”
Lou grinned. General Prajapati nodded sharply and left the room.
“I really hope I don’t regret that,” I said to Emmory as I kicked a foot up onto the edge of my desk.
“I think it was the right choice, Majesty. Whatever her feelings for you, it appears she has Indrana’s best interests at heart. Colonel Nyr will keep her in line regardless. Was there any particular reason you gave the general the impression that Lou had been kicked out of the ITS?”
I grinned. “Reputations are sometimes best when shrouded in mystery. It helps that most of Colonel Nyr’s commendations are for classified missions and the general no longer has clearance for such things. If she thinks Lou is a criminal she might behave herself.”
“Let’s hope so.”
“Don’t be a pessimist, Emmy.”
“That’s what you pay me for, ma’am.” Emmory tilted his head to the side as a call came in on his smati. “Captain Gill, what have you got?”
I was still laughing when my own smati chimed and I answered the incoming call from Taz. I dropped my foot to the floor at the sight of his bruised face.
“We’ve found Christoph, Majesty. He’s cornered in the Hethan District.” Gun blasts echoed behind him. “My men have got him trapped in a building and they’re closing in. Captain Gill has called in reinforcements. As soon as they arrive we’re going in after him.”
“Take him alive if you can, Taz. I don’t want him martyring himself.”
Taz nodded once and cut the connection. I lunged out of my seat, but Gita and Zin were blocking the door.
“Majesty, what are you doing?” Emmory asked.
“I’m going down there.”
“Sit down.” I stared at him a moment before I sank back into my chair.
“Captain Gill is sending us a live feed,” he said, throwing it up on the wall. The ITS c
aptain was using her optic camera rather than the one in her hand, so we were watching the scene through her eyes. It was a little disorienting.
“We chased him into that building.” Ilyia pointed a gloved hand to the abandoned and crumbling warehouse on the right. “Taz has men in the building sweeping it floor by floor, but they’re meeting heavy resistance. Captain Hilts and her team are on the door. I’ve got the rest of my team and half of Taz’s people surrounding the exits. We’ll have him out one way or another, Majesty.”
The screaming of sirens echoed through the air as several ITS vehicles arrived. Within moments they were on the ground and Captain Gill had briefed the new arrivals.
I caught a glimpse of Taz as Gill nodded his way and they headed across the trash-littered street at a low run. I sank lower in my seat, tangling my fingers together.
They hit the main entrance. Captain Hilts and her people moved swiftly through the still-smoking door. Ilyia and Taz were on their heels.
“Clear!” They swept one room after another, the radio chatter limited to short bursts of tactical.
“Captain, I’m seeing—”
“Wired! This whole place is wired!”
“How did we miss it?”
“Get out, get out now!”
The view blurred as Taz grabbed Captain Gill and shoved her down the stairs they’d just raced up. The camera abruptly cut out, leaving us in silence.
“What happened?” I stood up from my chair. “Emmory, where did the—”
My Ekam was staring at Zin, who wore a look of horror. Gita swore, a gasping curse that was as much prayer as any solider could manage.
“What happened?”
“The building exploded, Majesty.”
“Taz.” I pressed a hand to my mouth, the only thing I could do to hold back the scream building inside me. “Dark Mother, Emmory.”
“Sit, Majesty.” He pushed me back into my chair, his hand lingering on my shoulder. “Yes, Admiral? No, the empress is still in her office. We all are. We were watching via Captain Gill’s cam when it went black.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that it would keep the tears at bay, but they slipped out as the names of those I’d lost echoed in my ears. Now Taz, and Ilyia Gill, and Fasé were—