“There had always been a string of boyfriends,” she heard herself say. “My dad left when we were little, and we never saw him again. And after that, there was always someone. They never lasted long, and they were always skeezy creeps.”
She felt Nicholas stiffen beside her and heard his unasked question. Shaking her head, she said, “They never took much notice of me and Meg. We were just the annoying brats who happened to hang around the apartment occasionally. The boyfriends usually spent all their time in Mom’s bedroom or passed out high on our couch to give us too much trouble.”
Until him.
She couldn’t continue. She wouldn’t. Alice hadn’t even told Meg the full truth about Ronnie. She hadn’t wanted to make her sister feel any worse than she already had after their mom passed. There was enough guilt to go around between the two of them, and Alice refused to add any more to her sister’s plate.
But then Nicholas wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close and the rest of the story spilled out as if he’s squeezed the words out of her. “Her last boyfriend came along after Meg left. He wasn’t like the others. He noticed.”
She shivered slightly at the memory of his leers and crude comments. “I was older then—in high school. I was starting to…develop.” “Develop” hardly seemed fit to describe her sudden transformation from gawky tween to curvy woman.
Nicholas was rigid beside her, his arm tight around her shoulders. The reassuring feel of his body pressed against hers made her relax slightly and she let her head fall onto his shoulder. “It wasn’t as bad as it could have been,” she said. “I managed to avoid Ronnie most of the time. I got really good at finding excuses to stay away from home, to sleep over at friends when I knew he was around. He never touched me….” She shivered with disgust at the memory of one “accidental” hand slip when Ronnie had reached past her for the remote. “Not really, at least.”
She let herself soak up some of Nicholas’s warmth and his quiet strength before she continued. “But Ronnie was different in another way, too. He was a pusher. He didn’t just do drugs with my mom, he got her trying new ones. He was always there with another fix, always egging her on and urging her to do more.”
She swallowed back the lump in her throat. “I knew that. I’d seen him in action, but I still stayed away.”
She stopped just short of choking on a sob. Biting her lip hard, she waited for it to pass. “Maybe if I hadn’t been such a wuss… If I’d stuck around and been there for her…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish.
* * * *
Nicholas thought his jaw might shatter from the strength it took not to throw a chair against the wall in rage. He’d seen his share of domestic horror stories working in pediatrics, but he’d never had it be so personal. It had never happened to someone he cared about.
And he did care about her. He couldn’t deny it any longer. This was no infatuation or just the thrill of the chase—he cared. He liked her. A lot. And right now she needed him, whether she wanted to or not.
“Alice,” he whispered against her hair. “It wasn’t your fault.”
She nodded, but he knew she didn’t believe him. No words from him or anyone else would heal that kind of pain. She needed to talk to someone…a professional. But until then, he would hold her and try to give her whatever it was she needed.
And apparently what she needed was silence. He understood that. Holding her tight, he waited patiently as her breathing slowed and her body relaxed against him. He glanced at the clock. It was going on 1 a.m. They had time—plenty of time. From what Meg’s doctor told him it would be many hours yet before Alice became an aunt.
Long nights at a hospital were not new for Nicholas, but he’d never been so happy to be there before. He was content just to sit in silence. Just to feel her against him. He had a feeling this woman didn’t lean on many people, and he considered himself lucky that he was one of the chosen few—for tonight, at least.
Nearly an hour passed in companionable silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When Alice did speak, her words were unexpected and seemingly random.
“How do you know Caitlyn?”
Nicholas blinked at the far wall, trying to focus through an exhausted haze. Long nights were a common occurrence—but a long night after an evening of dancing and drinking champagne were a new experience altogether.
Caitlyn. Caitlyn? Then he remembered the brunette from earlier tonight. The sweet woman he’d gone on one date with because she’d sounded like just his type in her profile. It had come as something of a shock to see her here, hugging Alice. But then, he’d learned a long time ago that for a city of eight million, New York was a surprisingly small world.
“We went on a date,” he said.
She stiffened beneath his arm. Interesting. He wished more than anything that he could see her face but her head was still resting against his chest. Was she…? No, she couldn’t be jealous.
“You went on a date?” she echoed.
But then again…could she?
“Mmm.” He resisted the urge to explain to her what an abysmal failure that date had been. If she was even a little bit jealous, surely that had to be a good thing. Right?
She shifted against him, as if trying to find a comfortable position. “So what happened?”
He shrugged, knowing she could feel the gesture if not see it. “We weren’t as alike as I’d thought we’d be.”
She sat up then, turning to him with a scowl. “What do you mean? Caitlyn is the best.”
Her defensive tone on her friend’s behalf was as sweet as it was disheartening. Maybe she wasn’t jealous after all. “She seemed very nice,” he said in all honesty. “We just… We didn’t want the same things.”
She turned to face him for the first time in nearly an hour, and he was struck anew by her beauty. She’d been stunning tonight at the gala, her makeup and dress exquisite, her hair styled perfectly, her curves elegantly highlighted and accentuated without being tacky. The woman was gorgeous, and she knew how to use her looks to her best advantage.
But somehow, tear-stained and rumpled and under the harsh fluorescent lights, he thought she looked more beautiful than ever.
She frowned at him, her brows drawing together as she studied him. “What do you mean?”
He held back a sigh. Why were they talking about Caitlyn? It had been one date—a half hour tops—and nothing had come of it. But she had that relentless look in her eyes so he answered. “I was very specific about what I was looking for in a wife,” he started.
Alice’s eyes widened instantly, and he inwardly cursed. Way to go, Hot Doc. You scared her away for good. He tried to back up and start again, shifting in his seat so he could face her better. He had to get this right or he risked scaring her away forever.
“I’ve always had a plan,” he said. Some of the tension eased out of her shoulders at that. “I’m a big believer in life plans, in setting goals and moving toward them…in every area of my life.” God, he sounded like a boring square when he said it out loud.
“And finding a wife was one of those goals?” Alice asked.
To his relief, there was a hint of laughter in her eyes, and she wasn’t bolting out the door.
He nodded slowly. “Yes. It makes sense at this point in my life to find a suitable mate.”
Her lips were twitching, and he knew exactly how clinical he sounded. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I realize that doesn’t sound terribly romantic—”
Alice interrupted using a surprisingly silly robot voice. “This is the appropriate time for a suitable mate.”
The unexpected glimpse of this side of her shocked him into a short, loud laugh that seemed to echo off the walls. “All right. Okay. I deserve that.”
She was watching him with a small smile, one that was intoxicatingly real.
“My parents were in love.” He caught the flicker of surprise at his turn in conversation, but now that the topic ha
d come up, he wanted her to understand. He needed her to get it. “They had this connection.” He struggled to come up with a better word for it but failed.
But when he looked at Alice, she was nodding. “That’s what Meg has with Jake.”
There was something so wistful in her expression that he had to physically resist the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless.
“That’s what I grew up with,” he said. “And that’s what I hope to find for myself.” He left off the next part—the part that would send her running out the door faster than he could say, “Boo!” I think I already have.
Her smile grew a bit, and she punched him lightly on the arm. “Now that sounds far more romantic.”
He laughed softly. “I suppose it’s easier for me to think of everything clinically—in terms of steps and goals and checklists.” He met her gaze. “But that doesn’t mean there aren’t real emotions driving me.”
She shifted in her chair, and her eyes darted away as if she was uncomfortable with his sudden seriousness. Or maybe she could sense that he was talking about her—about them.
He refused to ease up. This was his chance to be honest with her—to avoid the games and the teasing and man up. So he leaned forward, his gaze meeting hers once more. “I want a wife. I want a family. But more than that, I want it to be with someone who I have that connection with.”
He thought she might look away again, or walk away from him even, but she remained where she was, and her eyes stayed locked on his, though he saw them grow distant as if she was lost in thought. Finally, she nodded decisively. “You deserve that—all of that.”
Her unexpectedly kind words were a shock to his system, and he drew back in his chair. It wasn’t so much what she said as what she didn’t say that brought a stab of pain to his chest. She wasn’t saying everyone deserved it. More important, she wasn’t saying she deserved it, he noticed. And he knew, without her saying anything, that she didn’t believe that she deserved that kind of connection or all of the benefits that came with it. Like a family of her own.
He had no idea what he could say that would change her mind. Maybe there was nothing he could do or say—maybe it was something that had to come from her, something she had to realize and accept. No amount of his telling her she was worthy of love would make her believe it—he didn’t need to have his doctorate in psychology to know that.
Still, he struggled for words that would help her or that would tell her that he understood, at least.
But before he could think of anything, she was leaning toward him, a fresh excitement making her vibrate with intensity. “You deserve it,” she said again. “The family, the connection. All of it.”
His heart squeezed painfully in his chest as the meaning behind her words struck him. He hadn’t expected her to accept the truth so readily. They couldn’t deny their connection. They both deserved to see this through, to see where it might lead—
“I can help you find that,” she said.
He was sure his face was comically surprised. Um… What?
But she kept going before he could respond. “If you do this bachelor auction, I can help you find someone who you have a connection with. Someone you could have the family with…” Her voice trailed off, and she was watching him expectantly, as if he should be ecstatically cheering that the woman he wanted more than anything in the world was offering to help him find a girlfriend.
Yay?
He bit back the bitter sarcasm. So it was back to this—the stupid bachelor auction.
Frustration had him clenching his jaw as he thought of how best to respond, but a new anger made it difficult to focus. Not only was she trying to sell him off to the highest bidder, but this woman—his woman, goddamn it—was now hoping to marry him off to the winner!
There was no way he would passively sit by and let her push him away. Not when he knew, as he did now, what caused it. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him—there was chemistry between them if nothing else—it was that she didn’t think she deserved a real relationship.
Well, like it or not, she was going to get one.
She was still perched on the edge of her seat, her wide sea-green eyes fixed on him, waiting for a response.
“I’ll do it,” he said. “But you know my conditions.”
He heard her inhale sharply. Surely she hadn’t forgotten the terms. But then her lips pressed together and her nostrils flared, and he knew without a doubt that she remembered… And she was not pleased that he’d remembered too.
He arched an eyebrow in challenge.
One heartbeat passed, and then another. He found himself holding his breath as he waited for her response.
“Fine,” she bit out. “I accept your terms.”
Elation shot through him, though he realized how ridiculous that was given the hard tone in her voice.
Way to go, Hot Doc. You just blackmailed the woman you love.
The woman you love… He struggled to inhale as the word struck him like a physical blow to the gut. His mouth fell open, and his eyes widened as shock set in.
He was dimly aware that Alice’s eyes had narrowed on him. “Are you all right?”
He tried to form a response but was interrupted when the door to the waiting room flew open and a large man with a grin from ear to ear came in.
“Jake! How is she?” Alice shot out of her seat and ran to hug the man he assumed was her brother-in-law. As they chattered happily and Jake led her back through the double doors, Nicholas sat there frozen in his seat staring after her.
He was too stunned by his own realization to move.
The woman you love… The phrase played on a loop in his brain as he struggled to wrap his head around it. Love. Did he love her? Before he even finished phrasing the question, he knew the answer. Yes. Hell yes. He was in love. With Alice.
Now he just had to make her see that she felt the same way.
Chapter 9
Alice leaned over Ena’s shoulder as her friend swiped through the hundreds of baby photos that now filled up all the storage on her phone. She’d flipped through them all herself multiple times—and had seen the little miracle with her own eyes just that morning—but she couldn’t seem to get enough.
“She’s darling,” Ena murmured for the hundredth time, apparently just as smitten as Alice with the newest addition to the family.
The sound of Fred and Ginger singing “Pick Yourself Up” filled the background, adding to Alice’s feeling that her heart might burst out of her chest with joy. This was exactly what she’d needed tonight. After returning home from the hospital she’d slept all morning, waking this afternoon feeling…off. That was the only way she could put it.
Oh, she’d still been over the moon about her baby niece and the fact that Meg was healthy and happier than she’d ever seen her, but Alice no longer had the immediate distraction of a baby in her arms, and she could no longer avoid the memories from the night before.
She shut her eyes now as they threatened to return. Shit, had she really told him all of that? But spilling her guts wasn’t even the worst part—the worst part was that she’d caved. She’d agreed to date him—the man who now knew everything about her. Well, her deepest, darkest secrets, at least.
As if she hadn’t already felt naked around that man, now she didn’t know what she would do the next time she saw him. He would see straight through her.
“Are you all right?” Ena asked.
Alice’s eyes shot open and she quickly forced a smile and a nod. Fine, she was fine, though something deep inside her felt exposed and raw.
But that was one of the reasons she’d found herself at Ena’s door tonight. Her friend always stayed up late watching movies, and tonight, Alice hadn’t wanted to be alone. She needed someone, which was rare for her, but there it was. She’d needed the quiet comfort of Ena and the black-and-white movies that had always saved her as a kid.
Ena passed back the pho
ne, and the two of them settled back on the couch with their mugs of tea. Alice let her mind go blank as she watched Fred twirl Ginger in his arms in a world where everything was right—where men didn’t leave and women didn’t ugly cry in hospitals and where happily ever afters were a guaranteed fact.
They hadn’t gotten far in the movie when there was a knock at the door, startling Alice. Ena got up and headed to the door as if midnight callers were an everyday occurrence. Alice followed a short distance behind her but froze in mid-step as Ena swung open the door to reveal Nicholas standing there in a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt, the most casual she’d ever seen him.
And the most handsome.
That was the only thought her brain could conjure before it went blank. She could almost hear her synapses fizzling and dying as a deep-seated fear took root in her gut, leaving her standing there paralyzed.
Nicholas hadn’t seen her standing there, and for a moment she watched him interact with Ena like they were old friends. Of course they’d become friends. She’d known that, hadn’t she? Ena mentioned that he’d become a daily visitor when she was at the hospital and checked in on his neighbor on a regular basis now that she was home.
He heard Ena’s laugh as Nicholas held out a box of “get well” chocolates, as he called them. Then, even though she’d known it was coming, Alice’s heart stopped in her chest as Ena opened the door wider and invited him inside.
That was when he saw her. She saw the surprise in his eyes as his gaze met hers. Then there was that soft, kind smile, the one that felt like a warm blanket was being wrapped around her.
“Come on in,” Ena was saying. “Alice and I were just watching an old movie. She showed me the pictures of her new niece. Have you seen them?”
He shook his head, following her inside. “I haven’t had the chance.” To Alice, he added quietly, “Congratulations, by the way. I hear mother and baby are doing great.”
She nodded, forcing a polite smile. “They are. Thanks.” But he already knew that—he’d probably checked in on them as well, or at least called one of his buddies at the hospital to get their status. Of course he had—that was the kind of guy Nicholas was.
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