She loved him. Terror and excitement and joy made her breathing shallow and her heart race.
“I think she’s going to faint,” Tamara whispered.
“Or puke,” Caitlyn said. “Where’s the mopping bucket?”
Alice waved them away as they came toward her. “I’m not going to throw up. Or faint. I just…I just…” She looked at her friends with wide eyes. Now was the time when she would normally shut down, close herself off. Not because she didn’t care about these people—these friends who so obviously cared about her, but because it was part of her stupid protection policy. The fewer people you let in, the less chance of getting hurt. But that was fear talking, and she wouldn’t go through life being a coward—not anymore. So she wetted her lips and forced herself to say the words out loud. “I’m in love.”
After a heartbeat all three were beaming at her. “Thank God you finally realized it,” Caitlyn said.
Alice looked to her in surprise. “You knew?”
Caitlyn rolled her eyes. “Oh please. It was so obvious. I thought you were going to tear my eyes out when you found out we’d gone out on one terrible date.”
“Yeah and the way you two were looking at each other in the hospital?” Marc added. “It was like he was your own personal knight in shining armor. The two of you were so sappy in love it would have been gross if it wasn’t so cute.”
She looked to Tamara, who nodded her agreement. “Kind of gross,” she added.
“Gee thanks.” But she was laughing despite herself. A heavy weight had lifted from her chest, and her mind seemed to clear. The revelation had cut through the confusion and the mixed emotions. There was still some terror mixed in there, but more than anything she felt clearheaded and…excited.
She could do this. She wasn’t weak like her mother. She was strong—like Meg. Now she just had to figure out what she was going to do next, which was easier said than done. But it was a time for new habits and breaking out of her old way of thinking. So she did something she’d never done before. She turned to her friends for help. “You guys, what do I do?”
Cleaning was put on the back burner and a little while later Alice found herself sitting Indian style on the carpeted lobby floor, surrounded by her friends who were listening attentively as she told them everything.
Caitlyn was tearing up by the end, Marc was wide-eyed as if he’d been listening to a fairy tale, and Tamara… Well, Tamara’s eyes were unfocused, her chin resting in her hand, as if she was deep in thought. She focused on Tamara, knowing that her dating-averse, quiet friend was thinking this all through and that she would be the voice of reason.
“You’ve got to tell him how you feel,” she said. This was not a shocking revelation. It was common sense. But coming from Tamara’s quiet, sincere voice, it felt momentous.
The terror was back in a heartbeat. Especially when she remembered how it had ended the night before—with her walking away from him. He’d told her he loved her and she’d bolted, just like her mother’s boyfriends, just the way she feared someone would do to her. She was no better than them.
No, that was her old fears talking. “I walked away from him,” she admitted. “I hurt him. What if he doesn’t trust me?”
“Then you need to show him how you feel,” Caitlyn said.
Marc chimed in with a nod. “You know what they say, actions speak louder than words.”
“He needs to know that you’re willing to give it a shot, that you’re letting him in,” Tamara said.
Let me in, Alice, and I’m yours. Her heart squeezed painfully at the memory. Could it really be that easy? “You’re right. I have to show him. But how?”
Caitlyn gasped. “The bachelor auction. You could bid on him. Win him back…literally.”
Marc clapped his hands together. “That would be so romantic.”
The bachelor auction. Her stupid, ridiculous plan that was now mocking her with the fact that she had been willing to give him away to the highest bidder. How had she ever thought that she could let him go?
Tamara’s nose scrunched up. “The only problem is that’s weeks away. Do you really want to wait that long?”
Alice shook her head. Hell no. But talk of the bachelor auction had her mind racing. The auction was her chance at getting the promotion of her dreams. He’d been willing to walk away from his promotion—for her. That was a sign of trust and commitment. Could she do the same?
It was a no-brainer, really. Of course she could. And she would.
“I’m pulling him from the roster.” Her declaration had the other three staring at her.
“But he’s the star of the auction, the main event,” Caitlyn reminded her.
She nodded quickly. The bachelor auction would never be a success without the golden boy doctor. He was the big draw; the reason the event was already being buzzed about. Pulling him from the lineup would ruin all that and ruin her chance at the promotion. And she didn’t care. Not if it meant earning his trust—showing him that she was putting her trust in him.
Hell, this was her experience with love and she wasn’t going to half-ass it. She’d never backed away from a risk before. Why would she start now? Go big or go home, right? Her friends interrupted her internal pep talk.
“His promotion is riding on this event too, isn’t it?” Marc asked.
“And the children’s clinic,” Tamara reminded her.
Well, shit. She could sacrifice her own promotion, but could she really endanger the clinic’s success? How could she live with herself?
And then there was his promotion—yes, he’d offered to walk away from it for her, but that should be his decision. She couldn’t just take it from him. Just because he’d offered to walk away from it didn’t mean she wanted to steal his chance. It should be his decision. Their decision.
She let out a string of curses under her breath, her lips puckered in a scowl as she toyed with one of the cleaning rags that was sitting on the ground beside her. Her friends were sitting in silence, and they all looked lost in thought, trying to find a solution.
How could she get him out of the auction and not ruin the entire event? The only option would be to find someone to take his place—someone with equal draw. A flicker of hope had her sitting up straight, and her friends’ eyes were on her.
“What if I could get someone better?” she asked.
All their eyes widened with excitement…and a question. “Who?” Marc asked.
She racked her brain, trying to think of all of her connections. It wasn’t until her gaze fell on Tamara that the answer clicked into place. “Gregory Blanchard.”
Tamara’s eyes grew comically wide, and color rose in her cheeks. “Gregory?” The name came out as a screech.
The movie theater’s new owner was perfect. Excitement had Alice rising to her feet, no longer able to keep still. Tamara and the others rose as well, and Caitlyn and Marc seemed to share her excitement. It was only Tamara who continued to stare in wide-eyed horror.
He was her boss, and from what she’d heard from her friend to date, he was a bossy one at that. But it wasn’t like she was asking Tamara to date him, though she did need her friend’s help.
“Do you think you could talk to him?” she asked. “Convince him to participate?”
Tamara chewed on her lower lip. “Gregory Blanchard?” she said again, her tone hesitant and strained.
Alice grabbed her friend’s hands. “Think about it, Tam, he’s perfect. Rich, hot, and available? Not to mention, he’s going to be in the top five of Manhattan’s most eligible bachelors list, if not in the number one position. He always is.”
“He is?” Tamara’s brow furrowed in confusion, and Alice rolled her eyes. Her friend was woefully out of touch with the gossip pages.
“Of course he is. He’s a billionaire, and he’s a bachelor. If we could get him to do this, it would be the event of the season. Of the year!”
Tamara still looked wary but she wa
s nibbling on her lip, clearly deep in thought.
“And just think what good exposure it would be for the theater,” Caitlyn added.
Tamara hesitated briefly before nodding. “He does want to get more exposure for the theater with fundraisers and private events.”
“So maybe he’d say yes…if you sold it as a business proposition.”
Her heart leaped for joy as she saw her friend’s posture shift and a resolute look fill her eyes. “Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll talk to him. But I can’t promise anything.”
“He’ll do it,” Alice said as she pulled her friend in for a hug. “Who could deny you anything?”
“Certainly not Gregory,” Marc said, his tone teasing.
She caught a funny look between him and Tamara, but then it passed and she had to get out of there. She had to find Nicholas and tell him she’d been wrong—so very wrong.
Nerves and excitement had her racing out of the theater and catching a cab uptown—it wasn’t every day one had to face their fears and leap off a cliff. But that was exactly what she was about to do.
She just hoped Nicholas would be there to catch her when she fell.
* * * *
Nicholas stared at the empty pizza box on the floor in front of him. He’d been up all night and at some point had called a twenty-four-hour pizza place for a delivery in the middle of the night and had just polished it off for breakfast, unable to contemplate leaving his apartment long enough to grab breakfast. Was this what depression was? It sure as hell felt like it.
For the millionth time he picked up his phone and started to type in Alice’s name to call her. He stopped himself just in time. It was in her hands now, isn’t that what Claudia had said?
He had to wait for her to come around. Wait and see if she could bring herself to trust him, to open herself up to him. He had to wait.
Bullshit. He couldn’t wait any longer. He’d never been the type to sit around and wait—he was the guy who made things happen. He shoved himself up off the floor and grabbed for his winter jacket, ignoring the fact that he was wearing ratty old sweats.
He would find her, and he would talk to her, and he would… What? Make her love him? He paused mid-step on the way to the door. What did he think he could do? Maybe Claudia was right and it was out of his hands, but there was no way he could just sit here passively and wait. He had to see her, talk to her… He had to do something.
And with that he crossed the rest of the distance to the door and threw it open. He inhaled quickly at the vision before him.
Hand raised to knock, Alice was frozen in his doorway, her eyes wide with surprise at his sudden appearance. “H-hi,” she said.
His hands itched to reach out and pull her into his arms. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her senseless, he was so freakin’ happy to see her. But then he registered her appearance, and concern rapidly overshadowed his excitement.
Dark circles shadowed her red-rimmed eyes. She hadn’t slept either, and she’d clearly been crying. Her hair was pulled off her face in a ponytail that made her look younger, more vulnerable than he’d ever seen her before. And her clothes... She was wearing an oversized T-shirt and ill-fitting jeans—as if she’d borrowed someone else’s clothes. Jesus, had she even made it home the night before?
He opened the door wider. “Come on in.”
She led the way inside and paused as if hesitant to go any farther. It was her first time in his apartment, he realized with a start. Funny how much had happened between them in such a short period of time.
Crazy hope had adrenaline coursing through him, making him unable to stop moving despite the fact that he hadn’t slept all night. Maybe Claudia had been right—she would come around given a little time. She’d changed her mind. He hurried around the room cleaning some of the junk off the surfaces and throwing it into a pile in his bedroom. He cleared the pizza box off the couch and gestured for her to sit down while he went to throw it away.
When he came back into the living room, Alice was standing exactly where he’d left her, still as a statue. Some of the hope dampened. She didn’t look like a woman who was about to declare her love. She sure as hell didn’t look like she’d changed her mind. Her expression was grim, her mouth set in a firm line.
She looked determined and stressed out—not exactly a harbinger of romantic declarations.
He tried to steel himself for what was to come, crossing his arms over his chest and forcing a hardness into his tone. “What are you doing here, Alice?”
Her eyes turned up to his, and for a second he thought he saw a flicker of panic, but then she opened her mouth to speak, and he forgot all about her fear. “I’m here to talk about the fundraiser.”
Any remaining hope flickered and died and the void it left behind was filled with sudden irrational anger. The fundraiser? The bloody effing fundraiser. He should have known that was what she was worried about. That was the only reason she was here. A cold, harsh laugh escaped him, and he ran his hand over his face. Here he’d spent the night rehashing every word they’d ever exchanged, agonizing over what he could have done differently, how he could have gotten through to her.
And she’d spent the night worrying about her job security.
“I don’t think that you—” she started.
He cut her off, unable to hear whatever it was she had to say. “Don’t worry about it.”
She blinked at him, her brows temporarily lowering in confusion.
God, he couldn’t stand to see her there in his apartment looking so lovely and so sweet when he could never have her. He needed her gone.
“Don’t worry,” he said again. “What happened last night won’t affect the fundraiser. I’ll still go through with my part of the bargain.”
She opened her mouth and closed it. He watched her lick her lips as if nervous.
Of course she was nervous, her precious career was on the line. Misery made his tone more biting than he intended. “It might be fun, actually.”
Her eyes widened with surprise, and he forced himself to ignore the draw they had on him. He’d been a sucker, a fool. Well, no more. “Who knows. Maybe I’ll meet my future wife at the auction. There are a lot of eligible young women who actually want to be with me.”
Oh God, he sounded pathetic, trying to make her jealous. Trying to prove that he had something to give.
“I know, I—” Her soft voice cut straight through him. It was sadness he heard, or maybe pity.
He hurried on, unable to stand the idea that she felt sorry for him—the man she rejected. “You were right last night, you know.”
“I was?” She stared up at him with wide, unblinking eyes.
He nodded, hating himself for wanting to punish her. “Mmm. You were right that I deserve someone who isn’t afraid of commitment. Someone who wants the same things that I want in life.”
He watched for her response. Argue with me! Tell me I’m wrong. But she just nodded jerkily. “You do,” she whispered.
He nodded. That was it then. She’d confirmed it. Nothing had changed; she was still trying to push him toward other women. Women he didn’t want or need. Not like he needed her.
He forced himself to draw in a deep breath despite the stabbing pain in his chest. “I think you should leave.”
She nodded again, backing up toward the door before turning and racing toward it as if she was running for her life.
When the door closed behind her, Nicholas let out the breath he’d been holding, but the pain didn’t ease. It grew so intense he thought his heart might be splitting in two.
Chapter 12
Alice hated herself. Self-hate combined with self-pity led to two empty pints of ice cream sitting atop Ena’s coffee table as she remained curled up in a ball on one side of the couch, Ena patting her leg on the other.
“Now, now,” Ena said. “You’re making too big a deal of this.”
“Too big a deal?” Alice turned her eyes fro
m An American in Paris, which was failing miserably at its job of cheering her up, to look at Ena. “I ruined it. I ruined everything. I meant to go there and tell Nicholas I loved him and… I couldn’t do it.”
Ena looked toward her door. “Then why not go over there right now? He’s probably sitting over there in his apartment feeling just as miserable.”
“He’s not,” Alice said with a pathetic sigh. “He’s at the hospital.”
Ena gave her a questioning look and Alice felt herself flush beneath the stare. “I asked Carl to keep tabs on him,” she mumbled.
While Carl may have his moral standards on handing out information on Alice, he seemed to have no qualms about spying on the nice doctor. Ena’s mouth was pinched, but some snorts of laughter escaped through her nose.
Alice made a show of ignoring her amusement. This was not a laughing matter! She’d finally fallen in love, and she’d finally admitted it to herself—and then she’d let it slip between her fingers.
Ena gave her another pat of consolation. “You’ll have another chance to talk to him and make this right.”
Alice turned to her friend and didn’t even try to hide the desperate sadness. “But what if he was right? He said he deserved better….”
“Nonsense. He was angry and hurt, but he told you he loves you. A man doesn’t change his mind that quickly, especially not a kind, loyal, trustworthy man like Nicholas.”
Maybe she was right. Hope flickered in her belly… But hope was a dangerous thing. She didn’t think she could handle another disappointment. Still, she found herself practically begging for reassurance. “You really think so?”
Ena gave a little snort of amusement. “Of course. You’re right on track, as far as I’m concerned.”
Alice frowned at her. “Right on track?”
Her elderly friend gestured toward the TV screen. “This is how it always happens, you know. There’s always one last big misunderstanding just before the hero and heroine finally get together. It builds anticipation and makes the final scene—the one where they finally kiss—that much more satisfying.”
His Leading Lady Page 18