by Emma Alisyn
“Ah, fuck, where am I?”
She sat up, Jaron leaning back to avoid her forehead smashing into his.
“Ayita.”
She glanced at him, tired dark eyes wide. “Jar Jar! What’s going on? Where’s Sam?”
“Mila and I retrieved you. Mila is unwell.”
She glanced around, probably taking in her surroundings. Not many human dwellings appropriated Yadeshi decor. And she wasn’t stupid.
“We’re at YETI? Where’s Mila?”
“Asleep.” He paused. “She seized.”
Ayita grimaced, shoulders slumping. “Ah, my baby. I thought she was getting better.”
“That’s what we need to talk about.” He set aside the syringe and rose, affixing a pleasant expression on his face as she eyed him warily. “There are some papers I want you to sign. We’ll talk about what is in it for you.”
***
Mila awoke, head pounding and mouth dry. It wasn’t like in books where she had to remember where she was or anything melodramatic- she already knew. The place smelled like him, and the decor certainly wasn’t anything human inspired.
Sitting up, her head didn’t swim. Her thinking felt clear, vision sharp. Was this what it felt like to be healthy? On top of that feeling came resigned anger.
Jaron.
He entered as she was swinging off the bed to her feet, stopping just inside the bedroom door. He watched her, expression anticipatory in a vulpine, nearly smug fashion.
“You did the glowy thing while I was out, didn’t you?”
“You feel better.”
“Much better. Good enough to knock you out.”
He smiled, eyes gleaming. “I’m delighted you want to try. Ayita is having a meal. You should join her. I’ve sent the kitchen a diet plan for the both of you for the next several weeks. You have vitamin deficiencies I’d like corrected.”
She stared at him. “You drew my blood?”
“I’m your attending physician. I have to have information to develop a proper treatment plan.”
“You high handed blue bug.”
He lifted a hand. “You’ll appreciate the rationality of my actions once you’ve become used to operating at full strength.”
Mila sighed, frustrated, and walked towards him. “That’s the problem, though. It’s temporary.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” he said as she pushed past him.
She stopped in the middle of the living room, taking a deep breath. “It’s not just about how long it lasts. It’s about the possibility of it lasting. I don’t want it to last, Jaron. I need to die.”
“You want to atone for what happened to your mother.”
Mila turned. “Do you understand that? Atonement?”
His eyes showed no emotion. “Of course. But atonement isn’t yours to pay- it’s your father’s.”
“He isn’t here, he can’t pay. I’m his daughter.”
He didn’t respond right away. “Normally, I would agree with you. But this circumstance is one of the few where a child should not be responsible for the crimes of the family.”
“But there’s a concept in Yadeshi culture- a family assuming responsibility to a victim?”
“Of course.” He moved forward, closing the distance between them. “But, Mila- your mother doesn’t want your penance. She’s in enough pain. How do you think she will feel, suffering the same crime twice? Did you think your death wouldn’t harm her?”
“Of course it will! But she won’t know it could have been prevented. And the government will take care of her.”
“I will tell her.”
His words robbed the breath from her lungs. It took her several tried to begin speaking. “You wouldn’t.”
Merciless eyes. Eyes as blue as deep night, as unyielding. “What do humans say? Try me.”
Anger fled, the heat of the emotion robbing her bones of marrow. She collapsed against his chest, grief too great even for tears. He held her anyway, arms wrapping around her and holding her close as she wept silently. She should hate him. Somehow she couldn’t.
“I spoke with Ayita,” he said after a while, voice soft and deep. “She’s signing herself into YETI. She’ll be under my guardianship.”
Mila didn’t move for a moment. “Are you sure?”
“Mila.”
Her head rose. He searched her face and then his lips curved. “Good. You’ll become used to the idea of living soon. I plan to give you a very good reason.”
She sniffed, not pretending to misunderstand. “Sex? That doesn’t really mean anything.”
His brow rose. “Is that a challenge?”
Mila scowled. “No. That’s stupid.”
“But still a challenge.”
She wasn’t surprised when he lowered his head, lips brushing against hers with the comfortable warmth of familiarity- except they’d never kissed before. But he felt old, familiar. Undemanding.
Mila softened against him, sliding an arm around his back. Muscles flexed under her touch, his body shifting slightly. She tensed, but he didn’t move. His tongue traced her bottom lip, teeth nipping gently. A gentle tingle tickled her core, her body encouraging further exploration.
He pulled away, eyes studying her, a sheen of warmth peeking through the impassiveness. “Good?”
“I… yes.” She was good. She stared up at him, surprised and pleased.
“Again?”
She licked her lips. “Okay.”
“Somewhere more comfortable, I think.”
She squeaked involuntarily when he lifted her into his arms. Once, a long time ago, she’d been a pleasingly plump girl. Her illness and effects of the treatment had slowly leeched away her figure. Maybe now that she was getting better- thanks to Jaron, damnit- she could start putting on weight again.
He took her into his sleeping area, laying her down on the bed and stretching out next to her, propping his head on an elbow as he studied her. Mila stared back at him, a little annoyed.
A smile curved his lips. “I’ve heard human women must say ‘yes’ at each stage of a seduction.”
“So you’re waiting for me to wave a big white flag of surrender?”
He laughed, covering her with his body. “I think I’d like that, Mila. I should take advantage now while you’re not yet at full strength.”
His thumb brushed her lips, fingers trailing down her skin. He cupped her breast and she hissed from the sudden contact, back arching.
“Yes?” he murmured.
He lowered his head, mouth replacing his hands. Even through her t-shirt, the touch seared her skin. The muscles of her inner thighs relaxed, preparing to spread wide for his pleasure; for hers.
“What are we doing?” she gasped.
His mouth moved to her neck, teeth nipping her skin, biting down, not quite gently.
“Exploring.”
Another bite, lips on hers, hot and demanding as he released a little more of his strength, relaxed a bit more into her body. He was holding back; she was beginning to realize that. Could her laid back, snarky, blue Clark Kent have a darker side?
Of course he did. He was a Yadeshi warrior, even if he now practiced healing. She’d be stupid to think his gentleness with her was a lack of strength, or intensity.
“I can feel your panic, Mila,” Jaron said, lips on her jaw. “You’re safe with me.”
“I know, I- what are we doing?”
He sighed, pulled back. “Let’s take it a day at a time and find out. But for now we need to go speak with Ayita.”
Some of the pleasant glow evaporated in the face of reality. “I know.”
Jaron rose from the bed and took her hand, pulling her to her feet. As she walked past him she thought she saw a flicker in his eyes, a slight narrowing as a decidedly ungentle smile curved his mouth. But when she paused and looked over her shoulder, he was following at her heels with his usual bland expression.
Must have been the light.
5
CHAPTER FIVE
Unexpectedly, he left Mila to talk to Ayita alone.
“Resolve your issues,” he said, though his face wasn’t unkind.
“Not that simple,” she muttered, knocking on her mother’s door.
Ayita opened it a moment later, glancing down the hall as Jaron turned a corner.
“Hi, Ma.”
Ayita stepped back so Mila could enter. She stopped in the middle of the room- one single unit efficiency was just like another- then turned. Ayita stood at the door, hands at her sides.
“Jaron says you’re going to get better,” her mother said.
“Yeah. Looks like.”
Ayita blinked rapidly. “Good. I’m okay with being here, Mimi. It’s a decent place.”
She studied her mother. “You know you don’t have to do this for me. The whole program, being under Jaron’s patronage. He’s a bossy bug.”
Her mother smiled a little. “I think it will be okay. It’s time we both started to live.”
Mila took a deep breath. She wanted to believe her mother so badly. “What makes this time different?”
How many times had Ayita promised a change? That she would get help for her pain, stop the drugs and be a mother to Mila? How many times had Mila checked herself into a children’s home so she could get a few days of regular meals and peace from her mother before running away home- because she knew Ayita couldn’t take care of herself?
Ayita’s eyes were dark, her brow tight. “I think I’m just ready now. To heal. It’s why I left the hospital. I realized it wasn’t where I needed to be.”
“And went to Samson’s.”
Ayita sniffed. “I have unfinished business with him, don’t worry about that.” Her mother paused for a moment, voice quieting. “I don’t want to lose you because I was weak.”
“You’re not weak, mother,” Mila whispered, hands clenching. “No one helped you, not even your own mother.”
Ayita smiled, a sad quirk of her lips. “And I didn’t help you. But you’re going to break that cycle. Your children will have the mother they deserve.”
Her mother came forward, touched Mila’s cheek. “Let’s start over, okay? And it looks like you could use something to eat.”
***
She stayed long enough to eat a meal with her mother and then left for her assigned room. The reflective, quiet, striving for calm Ayita was someone new- Mila wasn’t sure how to handle her now that her mother seemed to want to reverse their roles back to where they should have always been. Ayita Mom, Mila Child.
But Mila agreed to stay in the complex while her mother adjusted. Gayle dropped by her new quarters, prowling the small student efficiency with the restless energy and long legs of a panther.
“You’re going to stick with the training, right?” Gayle asked, and finally choose a portion of the floor to stretch out on.
“Yes. I’m getting stronger.”
Gayle’s eyes were sharp, knowing. “I think I know why, too.”
Mila hadn't told her, mostly because Gayle had a big mouth, no shame, and a propensity to meddle.
“I'm going to take everything slow.”
“We can do some extra sessions, maybe get you caught up on the forms if you’re feeling better.” Gayle stretched, rolling onto her back. “I’ll talk to Ithann, too. He really is an ass, but if you know how to work around him, he can be handled.”
Mila arched a brow. “You’re going to handle an Adekhan?”
Gayle's smile was all predator. “It gives me something extra to do.”
***
Mila returned to her apartment outside YETI to gather Ayita’s clothing and personal items. Plus, she had her appointment at the medical center. Jaron might not like it, but she would continue to participate until she could figure out a plan for the future. When her health was completely improved, she would need to begin applying for work again- and it had been two years since she’d been granted medical disability. In order to become marketable, she might have to enroll in a government funded training program, gain some new skills.
Fun.
Mila took a duffel bag of her mother’s things with her to the appointment, not wanting to double back afterward. The building was a glass and metal structure, the lobby open all the way to the top of the building, letting in light. Everything sleek, high tech and expensive looking.
She took the elevator to the seventh floor, entering a quiet, blue carpeted hallway with glass for walls allowing a view of the lobby below. Entering the office, she signed in, sat down, and waited. But not long.
Dr. Strahler emerged from the white door leading to the medical areas. “Mila? Come with me, I’m ready for you.”
Good, that meant it would be a brief appointment and she could get back to YETI before Jaron started asking questions.
Rebecca walked briskly, Mila pleased that she was able to keep up with the doctor.
“You look well, Mila. I was curious about how you seem to be responding to the treatment.”
Mila said nothing. She’d spent the bus ride trying to figure out what to say without actually lying. Being a terrible liar. Because historically she had no energy to tell lies. Rebecca held the door to the small bay open and Mila walked in, setting her things down and hopping up on the bench.
“We’ll want to do some blood work, of course. And maybe a series of endurance tests.”
Mila’s heart sank a bit. So it would be a more comprehensive exam. No choice though, if she wanted to continue receiving the stipend.
“No problem,” she responded because the doctor appeared to be waiting for a reply.
The blood work and tests took over an hour and the doctor left her in the room for twenty minutes. Mila took the time to attempt to nap, but wound up pacing the small area instead.
The door opened. “Mila, have a seat.”
The tone put her on alert. “Is something wrong?”
Rebecca smiled, the expression too… bright. “Not at all! In fact, I have excellent news. Your preliminary results show such promise that we’ve decided it would be well to have you check into the facility for more in depth examination. This comes with a substantial bonus, of course.”
Greed notwithstanding, Mila wasn’t stupid. “No, I don’t think I’d like that. I’ll stick with just the basic care and stipend. I have responsibilities I can’t really get out of.”
Rebecca took a seat, smile fading. “Mila, we really need to know what’s going on with your body. There are some odd things happening that necessitate future research. Whatever responsibilities you have, I can have the staff assist you with making arrangements.”
Mila rose from her seat. “No, I’m sorry. Can you just sign off on the paperwork so I can go? I’ll schedule the next appointment at the regular interval.”
Dr. Strahler also rose. “Mila-”
“I said no!”
She strode out of the office and down the hall, Rebecca hard on her heels.
“Mila! Mila, stop. It’s fine if you don’t want to check in.”
Mila slowed down, stopped.
“Can I ask you to schedule your next appointment for a week from now rather than the standard interval?”
She nodded, though reluctant. She couldn’t afford to be too uncooperative. She’d have to talk to Jaron- he would be upset she’d ignored his request to withdraw from the program.
“That’s fine,” she said.
“Good. The nurse will have your medication ready.”
***
But she remained tense over the next two days. Rebecca hadn’t liked her refusal, had simply tried to put Mila at ease. Likely so she wouldn’t withdraw from the program. Mila still needed to speak to Jaron about what the research might be able to find from her blood work, but found herself hesitant to broach the subject.
“Mila, don’t be stupid,” Gayle told her. “You have to let him know what’s going on, if only so he can treat you properly. Drug interactions are no joke.”
She finally made the decision to talk to him when
she received an email from SIA.
Communication from SIA was never good.
Skimming the email, her heart sank even as anger rose, choking her breath. Damn the doctor. She knew that somehow Rebecca was behind this notification.
It was before her training for the day started, so she veered towards Jaron’s office, blood boiling. Having enough civility not to barge in on him while he was with a client, Mila jerked her head towards the office to let Stacia know where she was headed. She’d discovered a few months ago Jaron had left instructions she wasn’t to be prevented from seeing him at any time. The preferential treatment both warmed her and came in handy.
She stewed in his office, swiping a piece of candy from the bowl on his desk, grimacing at the taste. The Yadeshi like their desserts savory, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing- but sugar never hurt anyone. If she were rich she’d make a fortune introducing them all to chocolate.
Jaron entered not long after. “Mila, what’s wrong?”
She was sprawled on the low couch set against one wall, an arm over her eyes.
“Who said anything is wrong?”
“I can feel it. Which you would know if you bothered to lower your barriers a bit.”
What she lowered was her arm, to glare at him. “I don’t know if I like the side effects of this glowy thingy. I don’t want you reading my emotions.”
He stood over her, arms at his side. Patient. “It goes both ways. Stop whining. What’s wrong?”
“That bitch at the research place wanted me to check in so they could study some weird properties in my blood work. Would you happen to know anything about that?”
His expression shifted, a thinning of the lips and tightening around his eyes. “I asked you not to return there. And now you understand why.”
“It used to be a free country. I said no, but she forwarded my test results to the state.” Tears pricked her eyes. Anger, frustration, the desire to shred something. She rose to her feet, pacing. “They kicked me out of the survivor’s program.”