He turns his head to the side, letting out a sigh.
“This,” he says, lacing his fingers through mine. “How this feels,” he continues, dropping my hand and running his palm up my arm and over my shoulder until his hand is pushing through my hair. His fingers graze the back of my neck before coming up to my jaw.
I close my eyes at the sensation, his fingers slipping across my cheek.
“Noah, you have to stop,” I say, opening my eyes back up.
“I know. I thought I could just forget these feelings. I thought that I could push them away. I thought that the more I saw you and Harry together, the more I would get used to it. I would be happy for him. For you. But …” he says, swallowing hard. His eyes are filled with pain, and it makes my stomach harden. “But I can barely stand it. I want you, all the time. I can always hear you in the next room. Your smell lingers in the hallway. Pieces of your hair stay on my bed after you study. It’s too much for me, Mal.”
Noah looks away from me, his head falling back against the sofa again. He drops his hand from my face, letting it fall onto the couch.
“You just feel that way now because you’ve been drinking,” I offer, trying to lessen the words he just said.
“Right,” Noah says, almost snorting at me. “It must be the alcohol.”
He runs his hand across his face, blinking his eyes a few times. I can tell he’s trying to wake himself up. Pull himself out of whatever state he’s in.
“What else am I supposed to say?” I ask, frustrated. “Great, you smell me in your house. You think about me. So what, Noah? You want me, but the next second, you don’t. You want me to be with Harry, and then you don’t. You want me in your house, and then you don’t. You’re the most up-and-down person I’ve ever met. You can never just tell me how you feel and stay feeling that way for twenty-four hours. You’re all over the place.”
I cross my arms, upset. Because he can’t just keep doing this to me. Telling me these things. Telling me that he notices all of these tiny, important details.
It’s not fair.
Because I want someone to do that.
I want someone to notice.
Of course I do. Everyone does.
But more than that, I just want someone consistent. Whatever it is, no amount of pent-up sexual whatever can compare to day-after-day caring.
Sure, Noah and I might be intense and amazing for a day. But the next day?
What about then?
Will I have ruined my friendship with Noah for one amazing night? Is it worth ruining my relationship with Harry to give in to whatever this is?
“You just don’t understand. I’m trying so hard to be a good person here. I took myself out of the equation. The moment I learned about you and Harry, I stepped back,” Noah says, sounding equally as frustrated.
“I know,” I reply. “And that’s exactly my point. You just let me go. You say all of these things—how much you want me, how much you think about me. But when it comes down to making a decision, a choice, you’ll never choose me.”
He’s always going to choose Harry.
“I have to,” Noah comments, snapping his head toward me. “I love him, Mallory. I love him,” he repeats. “And what, I’m supposed to choose you? You’re leaving in a week.”
“Wow,” I reply, getting up. Because I’m not going to sit here and listen to this. I’m not going to sit here and get dragged into his drama.
Because Noah is just pissing me off.
“Stop,” Noah says, clutching on to my arm. “Mal, I’m sorry. But it’s just like my project,” he comments, grabbing my attention.
“What?” I say, turning toward him.
“My project for Art,” he says, continuing. Noah sits up further, sucking in his cheeks. “The one I had so much trouble writing out my story for.”
“Yeah? What about it?”
“It was about you,” he replies, looking up at me. “It was about you.”
I stand there, not sure what to say. Because my stomach is betraying me, and those butterflies are back.
“What about me?” I ask, sitting down on the edge of the sofa again, making sure to keep space between us.
“I couldn’t write the story because we were supposed to write about an emotion. And I couldn’t decide what emotion to write about,” he replies.
I sit up further, looking over at Noah. “What emotions were you between?”
He glances over at me. “I think you know the two,” he says.
I stare back at him and watch those rich brown eyes filling up with tears, like at any moment, they might burst over the edge and drip down onto his creamy cheeks. But they never do.
“Love and hate,” I say, feeling my heart break a little.
He nods at me, and he looks a lot like he did the night that we went to Harry’s.
He looks helpless.
“I can’t hate you. I could never hate you. But I can’t love you either,” he says. “I don’t have a choice.”
“I can’t believe you,” I say, feeling tears form in my eyes.
“I’m stuck,” Noah says colder, pulling himself together.
But he’s left me feeling all undone. Like every string within me that was knotted and tied perfectly, keeping my relationships where they needed to stay, is slowly unraveling. And now, all I feel is confused. And hurt.
“Just let it go, Noah,” I say, knowing that even though I care about him, I can’t be with him. I can’t give up Harry for him.
I won’t.
And he will never give Harry up for me. And I would never ask him to.
“I know,” he says, nodding. “I’m sorry I pulled you away from the party. You should get back.”
“I can’t leave you.”
“You have to. I need to be alone,” he replies.
And his words hurt.
Noah has always been so certain, so sure. From the moment I met him, he’s had an attitude about everything. He’s always seemed so strong-willed, so stubborn. He made it clear when he didn’t like me, and then he made it clear when we were friends. He made it clear when he wanted me and then again when he didn’t.
And that’s what has my insides rolling.
Right now, nothing seems clear.
Noah looks confused. And it makes me confused. Because I am always able to take in how he’s acting, how he’s feeling, and make my decisions based off of it. I’m able to figure out what he wants and means and then go from there. But now, it’s almost my turn. I think if I kissed him tonight, he would let me. But I think it would be a mistake. And the fact that he’s so willing to go one way or the other, to let me decide …
Well, it’s getting to me.
“I’ll go get you a water and put you to bed, okay?” I say, knowing that I still need to help him. I still need to be there for him.
Despite wanting to just go back to the party, to leave him in his misery, I know I can’t.
“All right.” Noah nods, his head falling.
When I get back to the party, I feel like I might cry.
Or puke.
But all of a sudden, Harry’s hands are wrapped around my waist, his chin tucking over my shoulder.
“Hey, babe,” he whispers into my ear, his chest pressing up against my back.
And I feel relief.
I turn around, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, grasping on to him, and hugging him tightly.
“Are you all right?” he asks, looking concerned.
“Kind of,” I say, connecting my gaze with his.
His blue eyes are clear and crisp, and his neck smells of shower gel and fresh laundry. He smells the opposite of Noah, who, right now, smells like alcohol and his typical, overpowering musk.
“I just talked to Noah. He’s not feeling great actually. I’m going to take him a water and put him to bed in the guest room.”
Harry nods. “He just needs to sleep it off.”
I search his eyes, knowing that he’s right.
Noah
just needs to sleep it off.
Tomorrow, he will wake up, and things will go back to normal.
We can return to our friendship and pretend like tonight never happened.
That’s the one thing I can always count on with Noah. He is a great liar, especially to himself.
“I’ll go get him a water, and then I’ll be back,” I say, placing a kiss on Harry’s lips.
He returns my kiss, his lips warm and comforting.
“Hurry back.” His eyes are soft, but he’s grinning at me.
“I will,” I say, pulling him back to my lips one more time.
I take a glass of water into the sitting room and see that Noah has fallen asleep on the couch. His head is leaning back, his neck exposed. He’s breathing easily, and I’m not sure if I should wake him. He looks peaceful.
I step into the room, deciding I probably shouldn’t let him sleep like that all night. He’ll wake up in the morning with a dry mouth and a stiff neck, and I know he has an important match in the afternoon that he shouldn’t be hungover for.
“Noah,” I say, shaking his shoulder.
“Hmm?”
“Come on,” I say, lifting up his heavy arm and draping it over my neck. “Let’s get you to bed.”
Noah eyes flutter open and he looks at me confused. But at some point, my face must register because he gives me a smile.
“Hey,” he says, looking at me almost like he took one too many hits of weed. He looks calm and relaxed, unlike before.
I get him to stand. He sways a bit, leaning on me for support. I decide to leave the water on the table, figuring I can come back for it.
Noah’s eyes keep falling closed, but with each step, he opens them a bit more, just for them to fall back down again.
“Almost there,” I huff, struggling to keep him upright.
I push into one of the guest rooms, letting Noah slip easily out of my arms and onto the mattress when we finally get in front of the bed.
“Stay here,” I say, turning around to go get his water.
When I get back, Noah’s rolled onto his back.
“You still have your shoes on,” I say more to myself than to him, taking in his fully clothed body. I unlace his sneakers, pulling them off, and put them onto the floor next to the bed.
I look around the room, finding a chair in the corner with a throw draped over it.
“Here we go,” I say, lying the throw across him. I sit down on the edge of the bed, tucking it in at his sides.
He sort of looks like he’s in a cocoon or wrapped up in a burrito, but at least he won’t get cold.
“Thanks,” Noah whispers, his eyes still closed.
“Don’t worry about it. These things happen,” I admit, thinking back to the party.
“You know why I drank so much,” Noah says, batting his eyes open and looking at me.
He looks sleepy, and I push away a piece of hair that has fallen into his eyes. His hair is soft and fluffy under my hand.
“I really don’t, Noah,” I reply, running the back of my fingers against his cheek.
“All day,” he says, his eyes still closed, “you and Mohammad … everyone kept going on and on about this big night.”
“Noah,” I say, my eyes going wide.
Noah barely opens his eyes, sleepily looking up at me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t blame you for the way I acted. For how much I drank,” he comments. “I just couldn’t take it, the thought of it.”
My stomach falls with his words.
The thought of it.
The thought of me losing my virginity.
The thought of me with Harry.
“Come here,” Noah whispers, pulling me out of my thoughts.
He slips his hands out from under the cocoon and pulls me against his chest. I lie with my eyes open, feeling his heartbeat in my ear.
Noah runs his hand down across my hair. “Always smelling like vanilla,” he says, his hand sliding from my hair down to my back.
I close my eyes, not saying anything.
Because my chest—my heart—is on fire.
But there’s nothing to say.
There’s nothing to add.
“Good night, Noah.”
I hold on to him, knowing that this needs to be—it has to be—our last hug. I wrap my arms around him, knowing that when I pull away, I can’t come back to this place.
I can’t let him hold me.
I can’t fall back into his chest.
I can’t let his words calm me or upset me.
I can’t continue to come back to him after this.
A tear rolls down my cheek when I pull away.
Noah lazily looks up at me and wipes my tear away. His eyes bat closed, and his face looks perfect.
Even though he’s been a pain all night, he looks almost angelic now.
I pull myself up off the bed, knowing I need to get out of this room.
Noah reaches out and grabs on to my wrist, sliding his hand down mine, lacing our fingers together.
“Don’t sleep with him,” he says.
“Noah.”
I look at how our hands are intertwined. At how the shadows dance across his face, highlighting his perfect bone structure. My gaze moves to his plump lips and then to his eyes, finding them closed.
“Please … just don’t,” he whispers. “Don’t sleep with him tonight. Promise me?”
Get London Prep: Book Three.
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READ MY BOOKS:
London Prep Series
New exchange student Mallory is causing quite the stir at London Prep -- specifically with best friends Harry and Noah. Their fast friendship makes way for a tricky love triangle in this entertaining tale of high school drama!
London Prep
London Prep: Book Two
London Prep: Book Three
The Keatyn Chronicles® (If you love London Prep, you will love The Keatyn Chronicles!)
Discover a breathless fairy-tale romance with swoon-worthy characters, suspense, and a glittering celebrity world. Fans of Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, and reality TV will devour this pulse-pounding, sexy teen drama set against the backdrop of Hollywood and an East Coast boarding school. A USA TODAY BEST-SELLING SERIES.
Stalk Me
Kiss Me
Date Me
Love Me
Adore Me
Hate Me
Get Me
Fame
Power
Money
Sex
Love
Keatyn Unscripted
Aiden
That Boy Series
Small-town contemporary romance series about falling in love with the boy next door.
That Boy
That Wedding
That Baby
That Love
That Ring
Kitty Valentine (New chick lit series!)
When author Kitty Valentine’s latest novel totally bombs, her editor suggests she dates different kinds of men for inspiration.
Kitty Valentine dates a Billionaire
Kitty Valentine dates a Doctor
Kitty Valentine dates a Rockstar
Kitty Valentine dates a Fireman
The Love Series
Vegas Love
Caught up in a firestorm of tabloid gossip, actress Ashlyn Roberts doesn’t expect to end up in Vegas — or to wake up married to the sexy Cash Crawford. A USA TODAY BEST SELLER.
Broken Love
Does catching the garter and bouquet at a wedding
really mean you belong together? For Palmer and Cade it could be the second chance they’re looking for in this sexy romance.
Spy Girl® Series
A sizzling romance series filled with action and adventure. Fans of The Selection and The Hunger Games will discover a heart-pounding thrill ride of espionage and suspense set in glittering high society. (And there’s a really handsome prince.)
The Prince
The Eagle
The Society
The Valiant
The Dauntless
The Phoenix
The Echelon
Girl off the Grid
When fashion blogger Camille and eco-photographer Adam meet, their feelings are mutual—they hate each other. Can these two stop fighting long enough to complete their magazine assignment? Or will Camille give up and go home when she discovers there’s nowhere to plug in her hair straightener? Or will they both realize that sometimes you have to go off the grid to find yourself?
Books by my daughter, Kenzie Hart. Also FREE with Kindle Unlimited.
The Curious Swan
A sweet, whimsical romance set in the English countryside with a Jane Austen/Alice in Wonderland vibe.
I Fall Apart
This beautiful love story told in verse will take you an emotional journey—from the happiness of falling in love to the sadness of heartbreak.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jillian Dodd is the USA Today best-selling author of more than thirty novels.
She writes fun romances with characters her readers fall in love with—from the boy next door in the That Boy trilogy to the daughter of a famous actress in The Keatyn Chronicles to a spy who might save the world in the Spy Girl series.
She adores writing big fat happily ever afters, wears a lot of pink, buys too many shoes, loves to travel, and is a distracted by anything covered in glitter.
EXCERPT OF GIRL OFF THE GRID
THE OFFER
London Prep: Book Two Page 38