When dinner was over, I decided that we had spent enough time being sociable and I couldn’t face more of Mike’s questions. “We’re going to go and listen to some music in my room.”
“No, you’re not.” Mike clipped the words out, surprising me with his tone.
“Why?” I stood still, Flynn’s hand in mine.
“Because I’m not having any hanky-panky going on around Sylvie,” was Mike’s ridiculous answer.
“Are you kidding?” My building anger was evident in the volume of my reply.
“No, I’m not. I don’t mind what you get up to elsewhere but I won’t have any of it going on under my roof.” I waited for Mum to step in but she remained silent.
“We’re not going to do anything, just listen to music.” I tried to keep my voice from sounding petulant.
“Not here you’re not,” repeated Mike, looking me straight in the eye.
“Mum? Can we go upstairs?”
“If Mike says no Cass, it’s a no.” Her eyes pleaded with me not to turn this into a full-blown argument.
Flynn spoke up before I lost my temper. “I think it’s best if I go now, Cass.”
“No Flynn. I’m almost eighteen and have never done anything to suggest I can’t be trusted. Come on.” I tugged at his hand, ready to go to my room.
“Cass, I’m going home. Walk me out to the car. Thank you for a lovely dinner.” He pulled me towards the front door. When we got outside, Flynn put his arms around me. “There’s no point making things more difficult between you and Mike, Cass. We know not to expect it next time.”
“How can you be so calm about it? He has no right to be like that!” Anger was still pulsing through me.
Flynn held me tight whilst he said, “But he does Cass. If it’s his house, he’s entitled to make the rules. Don’t let this ruin what has been a really nice day.” He gave me a tender kiss and disentangled our arms. “I’ll give you a ring tomorrow.”
“I don’t want you to go,” was my childish reply.
“I know. But you have to go back in or else it will turn into a bigger argument.”
“Since when did you become the voice of reason?”
“Since I started to care about you. I don’t want to think that you’re spending your time at home surrounded by aggro. This is difficult enough as it is.” He kissed me again. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I said, with a lingering trace of huffiness, as I turned back to the house. I waved as he drove off and steeled myself to face Mike.
But when I got back in, he was nowhere to be seen. Mum was sat on the sofa, some TV gameshow playing quietly in the background. She patted the space next to her and I sat down.
“I’m sorry about that, Cass.”
“You shouldn’t have to apologise for him, Mum. But he was unreasonable. I’ve never done anything to make him think I can’t be trusted.”
“I know, love. But he’s old-fashioned; you knew that already.” Her voice had a placating tone.
“But it’s not his decision. He’s not my dad and can’t make decisions about my life.”
“Come on Cass, you know that he usually doesn’t get involved. Which means that, if he has made a stand, I have to respect it.” Her face was completely serious.
“You’d respect his wishes over mine?” I wanted to make sure I had heard her right.
“Don’t twist my words, Cass. I mean that I will respect him when his wishes don’t have a negative impact on you. If they did, I wouldn’t go along with it. I know he’s not your dad but he has provided for you; he never questions what I do for you.” Remembering what Mike had said about Mum saving up for my tablet, I knew she wasn’t being completely honest, but I also knew that she wasn’t going to budge.
“It doesn’t look like I have a choice then, does it?” I asked. “Does he get a say in whether I’m allowed to go away with Flynn for Valentine’s?”
“No. He doesn’t want anything happening here, that’s all. The rest of it is nothing to do with him, Cass.” Knowing that this was the best outcome I could hope for by this point, I opted for a change of topic and, after a couple of minutes of pointless chat, went up to my room.
Me: Well that was awkward :(
Flynn: I know. At least your mum is on side. What did he say?
Me: Nothing. He was hiding so mum had to do his dirty work.
Flynn: What was said?
Me: I’ve got to suck it up :(
Flynn: :( Can I see you tomorrow?
Me: I’m working all day and I’ve got homework :( This is crap
Flynn: I know. I’ll see you in 2 weeks then :(
Me: We’ve got Valentines to look forward to x
Flynn: I can’t wait x Night Cass xx
Me: Night Flynn xx
Although it was fairly easy to cope being apart from Flynn during the week, as life was filled with school, Neve and work, just as it had been before Christmas, the weekend without him was more difficult. Neve was spending more time with Jake and I was unused to filling a full day without having to work. By the end of Saturday I had caught up with all of my assignments from school and had cleaned my room. But none of this had stopped me obsessively thinking about Flynn. We were in daily contact but it wasn’t the same as seeing him in person. I admit that I had moments of wondering whether we were going to be able to last like this, but then I’d speak to him or chat on Skype and my fears would fade.
By Thursday of the following week, I was focussing on the weekend ahead. School had gone quickly, as had work. With only a few minutes left until closing, I had ticked off everything on the list of jobs Mum had left and was reading a magazine to fill the time. Just as I was engrossed in an article in Glamour, the familiar creak of the door opening announced a customer. Looking up, my smile disappeared instantly. Rob was standing in the doorway, a menacing sneer on his face.
“Hello, Cass.” With slow deliberation he flipped the lock. “Fancy meeting you here.” My brain frantically tried to work out my best course of action but all I could focus on was the slow walk he was taking in my direction. As I took my phone from my back pocket, Rob reached over the counter and yanked it out of my hand, flinging it across the counter, out of my reach.
“What do you want?” I asked with a tone that suggested far more confidence than I was feeling at that moment. I knew Rob was a bully and would prey on any weakness I conveyed.
“Now, don’t go playing hard to get, Cass. It’s not attractive. You owe me something and I’m here to collect.” His tone was one of calm menace. An icy panic filled my lungs but I fought to hide it from him.
“You need to go, Rob. I’m being picked up any time now.” He made his way behind the counter and I knew that we were almost entirely blocked from the view of any passers-by, not that there would be many, if any, on a cold night like this.
“Now don’t lie to me, babe.” My heart lurched with the sleazy endearment. “I know nobody picks you up. Don’t think I haven’t seen you walking home every night.” As he stroked the side of my face, my heart started to pound inside my chest. If he had been watching me walk home, he would feel confident in calling my bluff. “Your boyfriend’s not here to protect you tonight, is he? You’re all mine.”
His hand grabbed my chin and pulled my face close to his. I couldn’t look away from the piercing cold of his eyes. “Now you listen here, bitch. I’m getting what I’m entitled to. You need to decide if it’s going to be the easy way or the hard way.”
“Don’t do this, Rob. Just go now and I promise I won’t say a word.” The fake confidence had been replaced by a pleading note. I hated the way I sounded but was desperate to make him stop before he started.
“It won’t make a difference if you do. Everyone knows you want me. Everyone.” He crushed his mouth against mine and tried to force his tongue between my lips.
“Please. Stop Rob. Stop.” My desperate pleas only made it easier for him to gain access to my mouth and so I clamped it shut, leaving the silent flaying of
my arms and legs as my only defence. He slapped me across the face and the force stopped me momentarily. Taking advantage of the pause in my defence, he pushed me to the floor. My head banged against the wall and my right arm ended up twisted beneath me. My face and arm were burning with pain but I had no choice but to keep struggling. Rob pinned me down at the hips, straddling me, rendering any movements of my legs ineffectual. One hand clamped down on my other arm, holding it at a painful angle above my head. My brain registered fleeting hope in the fact that he couldn’t rape me from this position, but that soon disappeared when he single-handedly yanked both my tabard and jumper over my head, leaving them caught behind my neck as he couldn’t remove them without releasing my arm.
“You have the best tits ever. These are all I’ve been thinking about.” His eyes took on a hideous glazed expression as his hand reached out to paw at my breast. Just as he was roughly mauling it, my phone started ringing but he didn’t stop. “Aah, is that your boyfriend?” Rob asked in a mocking tone. “Shall I answer it? Let him listen to you crying? Eh, Cass? Would he like that?” I was taken aback by the utter malevolence in Rob’s voice and could tell that answering would only provoke him further. I knew it would be Flynn on the phone but also knew that he couldn’t do anything.
“Please stop, Rob. Please. Before it goes too far.” I looked into his eyes, in the vain hope that he would find it more difficult to continue. He smacked me across the face again, making my cheekbone feel like it had been set on fire. Panic set in. He was stronger than me and determined to get his revenge.
“Stop whining, bitch.” As the phone stopped its ringing, I felt the cold air on my breasts as he pulled down the cups of my bra and continued to manhandle me. It was the same bra I had worn one evening with Flynn and I hated that the two moments collided at that point. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the image of his face above me, as the assault continued. My phone started ringing again, its noise generating even more roughness from Rob. When I felt his hips shift and heard the sound of a zip, I felt a sickening sense of dread, but his position stayed the same. I could feel him moving slightly and he had stopped touching me, although my arm was still gripped in his one hand.
And then I realised what he was doing from the rhythm of the movement and the guttural noise of his breathing. The pressure of his hips on mine as he rocked back and forth. I still couldn’t open my eyes. I felt the warm stickiness of his release on my breasts and stomach as he grunted in satisfaction.
But the humiliation didn’t end there.
Opening my eyes as I heard the sound of his zip closing, I saw Rob pull his phone from his pocket and hold it up. The flash blinded me as he took a photo of me.
“It’s all about the money shot. The lads are gonna love this.” He moved off my legs and patted my crotch. “You can sort yourself out, love.”
That was the last thing he said to me as he laughed and walked out of the shop, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
I couldn’t move.
My body started shaking and I struggled to breathe. My hands were trembling so badly I couldn’t even pull my jumper down over my head. So I lay there, my breathing turning to huge sobs, the shaking turning to spasms. I wasn’t badly hurt but I couldn’t make myself move. I kept seeing Rob’s face and feeling the pain of each smack across my face.
The sound of the door opening seemed to bring me closer to consciousness.
“Cass? Are you there, Cass?” It was a familiar voice but I couldn’t work out who it was. “Cass?” I knew that nobody could see me in that state so forced my arms to pull the clothes over my head. I felt them smear Rob’s ejaculation into my skin and vomit rose in my throat.
“Cass? Where are you, Cass?” My brain made the link between the voice and name: Simon, Neve’s dad.
“Here,” was my whispered reply, not wanting him to see me but also knowing that I couldn’t hide forever. As he came around the counter, the shock on his face when he saw me conveyed what I must have looked like.
“Oh, Cass. What happened?” He knelt down next to me but, even though I knew him to be someone I could trust, I couldn’t stop myself crawling backwards away from him. The sobbing and shaking continued, rendering me incapable of answering him. Simon stood up and picked up my phone. After a series of swipes and taps, he started talking. He introduced himself to my mum and then said that she needed to come down to the shop straight away as there had been ‘an incident’. At the end of the call, he knelt back down but kept more of a distance.
“That was your mum, Cass,” he explained in a soothing tone. “She won’t be long. I’m going to stay here until then. You don’t need to move. You’re safe now.” He leant back against the wall, allowing me some privacy by not looking at me directly.
By the time Mum arrived, the shaking and crying had slowed considerably and my breathing was almost back to normal. Simon stood up, showing her where we were and, as she walked behind the counter to find me huddled against the counter, her face collapsed. “Oh Cass, my baby.” Falling to her knees, she hugged me to her chest and my crying turned into heaving sobs which shook her as much as me. Holding me tight, one hand stroking my hair, she turned to Simon.
“Do you know what happened?”
“No. Flynn rang me as Cass didn’t answer her phone and he was worried that it might be some boy who has been bothering her. He asked me to check that she was OK as he didn’t have your number.” I wondered how long it had been before Flynn asked his dad to come round. Was it straight away or was it after the second time my phone went unanswered?
Could he have got here earlier?
Could he have stopped it happening?
“What boy, Cass? Is that what’s happened?” Mum’s questions were interrupted by the sound of Simon’s phone. He moved to the other side of the shop and answered it in hushed tones, whilst Mum continued to ask questions that I just couldn’t answer. “What happened, Cass? Did he hurt you? Cass, you need to tell me.”
“Umm, Mrs Jones, I think you might need to call the police.” Simon’s statement made Mum go pale.
“Why?” She looked at my dishevelled clothes and then straight in the eye as though she could read into my soul. “Oh God. He hasn’t, has he? Oh God, Cass.” She cried and held me tighter, rocking me in her arms.
“Do you want me to ring them?” Simon offered.
Mum looked at me before asking once again, “Cass, you need to tell me what he has done to you. The police will want to know.” I tried to answer but couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. Simon moved away. “Cass, did he, umm, force himself on you?” I shook my head and could hear the relief in her sigh. “OK, did he touch you?” I nodded. “Down there?” She asked, nodding her head towards my groin. I shook my head but still couldn’t give her the details she wanted. “I’m ringing the police now, Cass. OK?” I nodded my head, knowing that I couldn’t avoid it this time. If I had contacted them last time he attacked me, like Flynn said I should, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe.
Mum took my phone and went into the back of the shop to make the call. I was grateful that I didn’t have to listen to her explain what had happened but worried about how I was going to talk about it to a stranger when I couldn’t even tell my mum.
“They have said that it would be best if we can take her to the station, rather than sending a police car. Can you give us a lift?”
“Of course. Are you ready now?” Simon came over to help me up but I couldn’t bear the idea of him touching me and shrank away from him. “It’s OK Cass, I’ll bring the car to the door.” I took the hand Mum offered instead and stood up, still feeling the shaking in my knees. She helped me to the car and into the backseat.
“I just need to ring Mike and tell him what is going on,” she said before making the call from outside the car. I could tell from her face when she sat in the passenger seat that it had not been an easy call.
“The police said that we should go to the side entrance and ring the
bell. That way we won’t have to go through the reception,” she told Simon when he pulled into the police station car park.
“Please let me know if there is anything else I, or we, can do to help you or Cass, Mrs Jones,” Simon said as we got out of the car.
“It’s Helen, and thank you for everything you have done tonight. I dread to think what might have happened if you hadn’t turned up.” Mum gave Simon a watery smile before closing the car door. “Come on, love,” she said, taking my hand, “I’m here, right by your side.”
When we found the side door, Mum rang the bell and a female police officer in her mid-thirties opened the door. With a sympathetic smile in my direction, she told us to follow her to the Family Room. It was located a couple of doors down the corridor and seemed completely out of place with the rest of the building. It was decorated like my nan’s lounge used to be: a floral three piece suite, flouncy pink curtains and prints of flowers on the wall. When I noticed the small plastic table in the corner with toys scattered around it, including a selection of dolls in varying states of undress, I realised where I was: the room you see on TV dramas where they ask the child about whether anyone has touched them. As the vomit rose again in my throat, I caught hold of Mum’s hand, desperately hoping it would stop me from sinking.
“Take a seat,” the police officer instructed us, still smiling, pointing in the direction of the sofa, as she sat in the armchair. “I’m Kate Giles. You can just call me Kate. I’m an officer based in our Venus team and we work with victims of sexual assault and rape. I will be your case officer until the case is closed. I know that this is a really hard time for you Cassie-”
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