by tani shane
Furious gray eyes glared at him. “And help him you did!” she accused him through clenched teeth. Her wet eyes watched him intensely for a while before a look of sheer helplessness overcame them. Tears trickled down and she fell into Jeff’s arms as deep sobs once again claimed her.
“I think this is enough for the day,” he whispered against her head and then laid her back on the bed. “I’ll get the doctor for your meds and are you hungry or thirsty? I’ll get the nurse for you.”
She simply nodded frailly before closing her eyes. “Leave me alone please Steven. Thank you for being around but I don’t want you to be here when I wake up.”
The unemotional tone in her demand hit Steven hard. He was close to crumbling into a full blown panic attack. Jessica, his Jessica didn’t want him around? What the hell was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t just walk away from her! He couldn’t live without her!
Jeff’s sudden comforting grip on his shoulder broke his reverie. He found him nodding towards the corridor outside. They left the room and Steven blew out a harsh breath of despair. He leaned against the wall his head hanging down helplessly.
“I blew it with her,” he finally let out unhappily.
Jeff was sympathetic enough to shake his head in sad denial. “She’s just doing what she’s good at; denying those who love her and punishing herself because she feels she deserves it.” He caught Steven’s surprised look and smiled sadly. “From the bits and pieces I’ve got from Mark, I don’t know all the details about Jake Wallace and exactly what he did to my sister but I’m somehow glad Mark was there even if I wasn’t.”
Jeff sighed, feeling as helpless as Steven. “I wasn’t a good brother. It’s my fault she’s like this Steve. I wasn’t there for her when she needed someone. Sometimes I wish mom and dad were back. I would’ve just been her older brother then and not someone who was trying to be an over indulgent parent.”
Steven nodded. “Mark’s a good guy. He loves her too much. I think I’ll give her some space. She needs help Jeff, you see to it she gets it.”
“Yea, I will.” Jeff shook hands with Steven and then embraced him briefly on impulse. “You hang in there, okay?”
Steven’s blue eyes relaxed with a smile for the first time in days. “I will buddy, I will. I love your stubborn little sis and I can only hope she comes to her senses soon enough.” He walked away, his heart heavy but he knew he had to work hard to get Jessica’s trust and if possible love.
Jeff sighed out aloud. Two people close to his heart were suffering and he wished he could wave a magic wand to set it right.
Chapter Twenty one
“Congratulations, Mrs. Hart, you’re pregnant.” Jessica went visibly pale and the gynecologist leaned towards her with a worried look. “Are you all right?”
The gray eyes were wide with a dazed look. “Y..yes,” Jessica managed to mumble, “Are you sure, doctor?”
The lady doctor sensed her skepticism and smiled encouragingly. “Yes, of course I’m sure. I know you had probably not planned to have a baby right now but it happens sometimes. No matter what precaution you take, nature takes over.”
Nature takes over. The words echoed in her mind as Jessica sat in her office staring vacantly out of the windows. Of course, nature takes over, she thought, especially when you take no precaution. Scenes of her passionate love making with Steven flashed before her eyes. She closed them rapidly to shut them out but they still appeared, mocking her ruthlessly. She had given herself to the man she had loved, the man she still loved. The tears cascaded down her cheeks as she touched her stomach with curious hands. This was the result of that love.
Uncontrollable sobs shook her slight form. Part of her wanted to rush out into the world and announce the coming of a new life but part of her wanted to cry for the child who would be part of a broken family even before it was born.
A month and a half had passed by since the attack at Maui and she was yet to come terms with the incidents that had occurred there. Her therapy sessions were what Jeff called a healing process but she still had a long way to go. Try as she did, she was not yet ready to accept Steven’s innocence on the matter. She kept up her argument; if he cared even one bit for her, he would’ve confided in her. But to leave her after one of the most traumatic incidents in her life; she just couldn’t accept any explanation whatsoever.
In all this, the therapist did mention her own selfish desire to be loved by him as the culprit but it made no difference to Jessica. She knew what she had shared with Steven was extremely special and she knew he had felt it too. She couldn’t share those memories with anyone and perhaps the day she could, would be the day she finally forgave Steven.
And now she was pregnant with a child who was the symbol of her love for Steven. She touched her flat stomach tenderly and smiled absently. This baby was hers and hers alone. Steven Hart would never get the satisfaction of knowing he had fathered a child. Nor would he ever get a chance to take it away from her. She would go away if she had to and hide in the darkest corner of the earth but she would never let him know about their child.
The thought sobered her enough to wipe away her tears and start thinking seriously about the future of her child. She would leave for Paris immediately. It was a city she was most familiar with and had a few friends there to call her own. It was also a city that would hide her from Steven- forever. But before that, she had to meet Mark.
***
He sat at the waterfront bench, his brown hair blowing slightly in the breeze. He wore his trademark denim jacket with a checked shirt and simple jeans. Her heart went out to him when he looked up at her and smiled easily.
“Hey.” He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.
“Hey yourself, stranger.” Her voice was husky, her smile heartbreaking. “May I?” She nodded at his lap and he opened his arms to her. She sank on his lap, clutching the lapels of his jacket, breathing in his incredible masculine smell. “Ty..”
“Ssh.” He placed a finger on her lips, content in just holding her one last time. He knew she had come to tell him that it was finally over between them, that he had to move on. She sat with her arms around his neck, allowing him to bury his face in her tresses. He had to take whatever memory of hers that he could.
“My batman!” She laughed suddenly making him grin into her eyes. She traced his lips with her finger. “He’s gone, Ty, he’s finally gone! You made him go away.” She hugged him desperately, wanting to thank him in any way that she could. “I still can’t believe you actually killed him for me.”
“Hmm, neither can I,” he declared upon which she punched him lightly making him laugh. “Seriously, Jess! You made me a killer!”
“I made you a hero!” she laughed with him. She slid onto the bench to sit next to him, drawing his arm around her shoulders. They sat in silence for a while, watching the calm waves hitting the beach at a distance.
“So now what?” he asked not really wanting the answer.
“I’m leaving for Paris.”
If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. “Why?”
She shrugged as if the decision was a simple one. “I have to get away from it all I guess…”
“You shouldn’t leave him, baby girl, he loves you.”
Her breath caught in her chest. “If he did, he wouldn’t have gone with Ida.”
“Women!” he scoffed, earning a frown from her. “Don’t look at me like that, okay? I’m just telling you facts.”
“Facts? Facts?” she almost shouted, turning to face him in anger. “He was in her bed nude! How the hell do you justify that?”
“He was drugged…”
“I know that!” she yelled in his face. “Why in the world are you taking sides?”
He flinched, his eyes narrowing over her angry ones. “I’m not taking sides. I just don’t want you to go.”
His simple statement immediately calmed her. She sat back with a sigh. “You’re dumb.”
“So are you,” he gave back, hi
s tone nonchalant. “Will you always keep running from the ones who love you?”
“Steven doesn’t love me.”
“I wasn’t talking about him.”
“Oh.”
“How can I protect you if you go to Paris?”
“I’ll shine the bat signal.”
“Yea, cool.”
“Jake’s dead. Why would I need protection?”
“Yea, true.”
“I’ll need a friend though. You will come when you see the signal?”
He turned to face her, his eyes narrow with irritation. “Are you an idiot, Jess?”
She glared at him once again. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
He cupped her face in his large palms to peer into her eyes. “Baby girl, I will follow you to the end of the world if you want. But Jess, you need to open your eyes. You can’t do this to yourself. You love him, for crying out loud! Go get him and be happy!”
“I can’t! Not after he left me!”
“Stubborn fool! Look at yourself in the mirror. You’ve lost your color! Your eyes have sunk and…”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Shit.” He hands dropped abruptly from her face as he stared at her in surprise.
“Yea, what can I say? I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t think I needed protection.” Her smile was wry and sad. “How you gonna protect me now, batman?”
He opened his mouth to speak then shut it again. He ran a hand through his hair before gazing back at her. “I’m going to spank you now.”
“Whaaat?”
“You heard me,” he stated simply.
“Why?”
“Why? Why?” he shouted in her face making her cringe. “You’re having the man’s baby and you’re talking about leaving? What the hell is wrong with you?”
She jumped to her feet, her beautiful face flush with anger. “Don’t tell me what to do!”
He rose towering above her with a ferocious scowl. “Go back to Steven!”
“You can’t tell me what to do!” she yelled back. They stood staring at each other, heaving with anger. Finally her shoulders slumped in defeat. She couldn’t be angry with Ty. She stepped closer to him and smiled up at him, snaking her arms around his neck. “I love you, Ty. I always will. Just be there when I need you.” She tiptoed to kiss the corner of his mouth and whispered, “You’re taller than you should be Ty.”
His arms came around her as he let out a helpless groan. He held her in the safe cocoon of his embrace for one last time, kissing the top of her head. They both were aware it was time to let go.
Jessica tiptoed and gave him a chaste kiss on his lips. Then she stepped out of his arms and was gone, disappearing into the crowd, leaving him all alone.
***
“I don’t believe this!” Jeff exploded, his gray eyes black as thunder. “You mean to say your marriage was a business deal?”
“Jeff, I…”
“You lied to me?” he accused her looking deeply hurt, “You found it in your heart to lie to me?”
Her smoky eyes pleaded with him tearfully. “Jeff, I’m sorry. Please, please forgive me.” She broke down, dissolving into pitiful tears. After coming back from the hospital, she had been staying with Jeff and Cheryl. She had managed to hide the truth behind the terms of her marriage to Steven from Jeff so far but now when she had decided to leave for Paris, he had to know the truth.
Jeff was naturally shattered. He sighed in defeat and gathered her in his arms. “My angel, my sweet little girl.” He cupped her face, gazing into her shattered face. “You love him don’t you?”
She avoided his searching question. “I’m leaving for Paris. I can’t stay here.”
“Don’t leave. Stay here with me. With us. Cheryl and the kids would love to have you around.”
She shook her head miserably. “He’ll take my baby away if I live here.” Her eyes clouded with pain. “I couldn’t bear it, Jeff. It’s mine. It’s all I’ve got.”
Jeff watched her distressed face unhappily. “Jessica, Steve loves you. I know it’s not my place to tell you this…”
“No, it’s not!” She brushed away the sudden tears that sprang to her eyes. “He doesn’t love me, he never did. And now he has Ida.”
Her brother frowned. “Jessi, I don’t know if you’ve read the papers, but Ida is back with Senator David. They’re spending New Year’s Eve visiting cancer patients.”
Her eyes dilated briefly in surprise before her shoulders slumped once again. “It doesn’t make a difference.” She squared her shoulders bravely. “Look, I’m going to be just fine. You can visit me whenever you want.”
Jeff gave up the argument reluctantly. “All right, go. But after Christmas.”
She nodded her head, going into his secure arms. She was glad for his support. Glad he respected her decision. “I’ll miss you,” she whispered, “I’ll miss you a lot.”
***
“Are you sure it’s okay with you?” Cheryl asked anxiously, leaning out of the car.
“Relax, Cheryl, we’ll be just fine”, Jessica replied, holding onto Mallory and Jamie. She smiled down at them. “Won’t we, champs?”
Mallory’s blonde head nodded vigorously. “Yes, mom, we’ll be okay.” She kissed her mother and nudged Jamie to followed suit.
Cheryl groaned, almost getting out of the car. She was stopped by Jeff who put a comforting arm around her narrow shoulders. “Honey, we’ll be gone only a couple of days. They’ll be fine with Jessica.”
“Please go, mom!” Mallory pleaded, “You’re gonna make Jamie cry.”
Jessica stood with the children waving at the car that disappeared down the drive. Jeff and Cheryl were off for an emergency visit to Cheryl’s mother in Cleveland. Old Mrs. Diana Stuart had slipped in the bathroom and suffered a fractured hip. Jessica had immediately offered to look after the kids while they were away. Mallory and Jamie were well-behaved children and fond of her.
It was still only the second week of December and she planned to leave for Paris sometime soon after New Year’s Eve. Over the days since her honest talk with Jeff, she had spent her time packing slowly, taking time to choose the essentials. The process was painful especially when she came across her wedding gown. She had just sat staring at it with unshed tears when the urgent need to throw up had rushed her to the washroom. That was one problem that she found difficult to cope with.
Pregnancy had made her stomach strangely hypersensitive to any unexpected emotion along with her favorite foods. A sudden rush of tears and it all came out. Hot pancakes, a whiff of Chinese food and she was doomed. The kids, especially Mallory, were very curious of her plight. They were particularly alarmed when she ran away with a disgusted look at the sight of popcorn. Jessica convinced them her case was not as bad as it looked and that she was only ‘a bit unwell’. They seemed to accept the explanation well and gave it no further thought especially when she announced their itinerary for the next few days. Since school holidays had begun, she thought visits to several adventure parks were surely the right places to keep them busy.
The trips went down well with Mallory and Jamie, although Jessica stayed away from the monstrous rides where most people turned green after a single round. With Jeff and Cheryl having to stay with Granma Di for a while longer, they paid several visits to malls and movies in succession and soon got bored with too many outings.
***
As the weekend approached, Mallory came up with a suggestion of a picnic at Dana Point Harbor, a small port town mid-way between L.A and San Diego. She had ‘searched’ for Santa on the net and had come upon the town’s website that announced an exciting cruise with Santa and his elves. The suggestion sounded refreshing and Jessica found herself piling them into her car, early on a Saturday morning to head for Dana Point Harbor.
The kids were excited and sang almost all the way to the port town. Jamie was strapped safely in the back seat while Mallory sat in the passenger seat reading signs that told them how much furthe
r to go. Jamie, who was only five, fell asleep after nibbling on peanut butter sandwiches. Jessica was glad for Mallory’s constant chatter that relaxed her mind enough to let her enjoy their day out.
When they arrived at Dana Point Harbor, she was not surprised to find it under siege by the holidaying crowd. She drove into the parking lot of Dana Wharf Sportfishing and easily located the ‘Seahorse’, the boat that was to take them for the ride with Santa and his elves.
Chapter Twenty two
Steven saw the familiar chocolate brown head glowing in the sunshine with a strange emotion overwhelming his senses. At first, he wondered if he was hallucinating but he had already seen Mallory and Jamie and knew it had to be her. He watched her feeling as though the entire world had disappeared and only she existed. The sheer joy that he felt upon seeing her took him by surprise.
His dark head shook absently. It can’t be. He had tried his best to forget her over the past month and thought he had almost succeeded. Why then was his heart beating a wild beat at the very sight of her? His fingers raked his hair in exasperation. What are you doing to me, Jessica? he sent a muted question that was as desperate as a thirsty man in a desert. Why does my life feel empty without you? Is this what it feels to love someone to the point of madness?
***
Amidst thrilled squeals and shrieks of children and parents alike, Jessica managed to get Mallory and Jamie aboard for a twenty-minute Harbor cruise. They had a wonderful time with Santa who listened to all their Christmas wishes. When Mallory’s turn came, she took so long that Jessica had to practically drag her off. Jamie blushed beautifully asking only for a small ‘horsie’ to play with.