by Carrie Elks
Her face crumpled. A long, slow sob escaped her lips. And he hated himself, because he’d made her hurt, too.
Damn, she was beautiful, even with red ringed eyes and a trail of mascara smudging her cheeks. He wanted to rub his fingers over her soft skin, to make it pristine again. Just like he wanted to forget any of this had happened.
But he couldn’t. He hurt too much, and he didn’t trust himself to do anything right now. Everything was only getting worse.
“Can you get one of your cousins to pick you up and take you to the theater?” he asked her.
Holly blinked. “Why?”
“I need to go back to my house.” He nearly said home.
“We can go together.”
“No. I need some time to be alone. To think.” And yeah, maybe to scream a little. Because that might take away the hurt. “You need to think, too. About how you really feel about me.”
“I know how I feel about you, Josh.”
He held his hand up. “I don’t want to hear it now. Not like this. I’m messed up and hurt and angry. And I need to find some damn peace and quiet to think about what’s happening here. We’re going in circles and it’s helping nobody. You have a show to help run, and your family needs you.”
“I don’t give a damn who needs me.”
“No. You don’t get to say that. Not after you’ve broken my damn heart by siding with them. Give me a chance to lick my wounds, and really think about what you want from me. If you feel the same way I feel about you, come find me after the show.”
She let out a long, ragged breath. “Josh…”
“I mean it. I’m not ready to talk now. I need to be alone.” He ran his finger along the trail of her tears. “You’ll probably want to wash your face before you go.”
Another tear fell. “I will.”
Nodding, he took a deep breath, but the tightness of his chest stopped him. He turned away, not wanting her to see the shininess of his own eyes. Grown men didn’t cry.
Even if he was about to.
He walked toward the door, as she sobbed again. He didn’t dare turn back, afraid he’d give in and hold her until she stopped.
And he couldn’t. Not if he wanted to emerge from this with some dignity.
“I do love you, Josh,” she whispered, as he walked into the hallway. “I love you so much.”
He grit his teeth, wincing at her words, and carried on walking toward the front door.
The auditorium echoed to the sound of “The Christmas Song”, Gray Hartson’s low, gritty voice singing about chestnuts roasting around a fire. And it made Holly’s heart hurt, because that was the song she’d played the morning she laid naked beneath Josh’s Christmas tree.
Everything made her think of him. Maybe that’s why she kept crying.
“You hanging in there?” North nudged her. They were standing in the wings, each holding a running order as they took over from Everley so she could get ready for her appearance on stage. Alaska had gone with her to the dressing room, saying she’d need help with her outfit, but they all knew she was trying to keep her big sister calm.
Gabe was at the front of the theater to help with the lighting. They’d flickered a few times, and Everley had panicked about that, too.
Now Holly was alone with North.
“I’ll be fine.” Just as soon as this was over and she could drive to Josh’s house and tell him exactly what a fool she’d been. Her heart had been battering against her ribcage ever since he’d walked out of her mom’s house, and her hand was cramping from holding her phone so tightly. Just in case he decided to reply to her messages.
She lifted the phone up. He hadn’t sent her anything. But she knew he’d received hers from the two little ticks next to them. It hurt to know he wasn’t responding, but it hurt even more to know why.
Because she’d hurt him. Made him think she didn’t care. She should have told him the moment she knew she was in love with him. Should have shouted it from the rooftops. He was right, she was afraid.
And she hated it.
Maybe she should send one more text, just to tell him she loved him?
“Don’t even think about it,” North said, taking her phone from her. “He said he wanted time to think. And you need it too, Hol. He doesn’t want a panic response. He doesn’t want you to throw yourself at his feet. He wants you to really think about this. To go to him willingly. To open yourself to him. Show him that you’ve taken the time to realize just how much he means to you.”
Holly blinked, her mouth agape.
“What?” North frowned.
“Where did you come up with all that stuff?” She sniffled.
“I spend a lot of time with Amber.” He shrugged. “She’s even worse with relationships than we are. And when they go wrong, I have to sit and watch movies with her.”
“What kind of movies?”
“Sad stuff. I dunno.” He shrugged. “But the advice still stands. Us Winters aren’t exactly great at relationships. We didn’t have good role models. And you’re even worse because you spend your life mopping up other peoples’ relationship messes. No wonder you’re cynical.”
“You think I’m cynical?” Her heart throbbed a little bit more.
“I think you wear cynicism like a comfort blanket.” North smiled to take the sting from his words. Not that it helped. “Because when something goes wrong, you can claim you knew it would all along. Somehow that makes you feel safer.”
Wow, that hurt. But there was so much truth in his words. “I guess I learned a long time ago that the only person I could rely on is me.”
He gave her a sad smile. “I hate that for you. For us. We had Grandma, and she was wonderful, but we deserved better parents. All of us. Have you looked around and wondered why we’re all still single at our age?”
Holly pulled her lip between her teeth. “We’ve had relationships. Everley got married. Alaska falls in love with pretty much everybody she meets. Even you date sometimes.”
“I date but I never get involved.” He pressed his lips together. “For exactly the same reasons you don’t.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“I’m having a deep conversation with North Winter. Who would have thought it?”
He snorted. “You have a very low opinion of me.”
She grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “I really don’t. I was born hero worshipping you. We all were. Remember all those snow fights when we were kids? We’d spend hours arguing over who got to be on your side. And look at this place,” she said, pointing out through the wings. “None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for you. We wouldn’t all be here, saving Grandma’s town. I have the highest opinion of you.”
His lips curled. “You’re kind of sweet, really. So let me ask you a question.”
“Okay?”
“If you had to choose between saving Winterville, and loving Josh Gerber, which would you opt for?”
Holly’s brows knit. “I guess I already chose, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t. Until earlier you thought you could have it all. You were going to tell him tomorrow, and you thought he’d understand. But right now you know he doesn’t. So I’ll ask again, if you had to choose, which way would you go?”
She swallowed thickly. Cold fingers of fear were prying her ribs apart, one by one. And her heart – the one she’d tried to keep safe from sadness for all these years – felt raw and exposed.
And by the way, I’m completely and totally in love with you.
She should have lifted the phone to her lips and told him she loved him, too. Should have told him about Winterville and found a solution together.
She should have trusted him. Trusted her judgement of him.
Instead, she’d pretended not to hear.
“Him,” she whispered roughly. “I’d choose Josh.”
North nodded, looking completely unsurprised. “That’s what you need to tell him. I think that’s what every guy needs to hear. That
they’re the top of your list. That you choose them.”
Her eyes watered. “I should have chosen him all along. Because that way I would have been choosing myself.”
“I’ll drive you straight there after the show.”
“I can drive there.”
“You’ve been crying for two hours. You can hardly see out of your swollen eyes. I think it’s safer if I do the driving. Think of it as my gift to you. For helping you mess things up.”
“I didn’t need much help,” she mumbled.
“No, but I still made you promise not to tell him. And that’s on me. So let me help you tonight.”
She nodded, her words caught in her throat. “Thank you,” she managed to croak.
Gray Hartson was finishing his song, and the whole audience was standing, swaying to the music. Damn, he was a good looking man. His wife and children were on the other side of the stage, smiling at him like he was some kind of Rock God. Everley had introduced them earlier, and Holly had found them to be so warm and kind. Maddie Hartson had hugged each one of them, and promised to come visit Winterville with the family once the upheaval was over.
He hit the last note, and the audience began to scream. Feet stamped and hands clapped. Gray lifted his hand in salute to them all, then glanced at the wings for direction. North nodded to him.
“Ladies and gentlemen, before I leave I’d like to sing you a couple more songs. But this time I’d like a little help. Anybody know somebody who can sing like Candy Winter?”
“Everley!” a voice shouted. “You should ask Everley.”
“Yeah! We need Everley Winter,” somebody else agreed.
Suddenly, the theater was filled with chants for her to come to the stage. Everley walked into the wings, her face as pale as the snow.
“You ready?” Holly asked her. She hadn’t told Everley a word about her problems with Josh. She was too highly strung for that.
“Not one bit,” Everley admitted, frowning when she looked at Holly. “You okay? Your eyes are red.”
“Gray Hartson always makes me cry,” Holly lied. “Now enough about me. You need to get out there.”
Gray shouted out, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your hands for the one and only, Everley Winter!”
The volume of cheers increased, making Holly’s ears throb. Everley hugged Alaska and North, then grabbed Holly’s hands. “It’ll be okay, right?”
“It’ll be wonderful. You’re fantastic. Now go out there and have fun.”
Everley took a deep breath and walked onto the stage, and the audience erupted.
“She’s been pacing the floor of her dressing room,” Alaska whispered to North. “I’ve never seen her this nervous. I guess performing here means a lot to her.”
Gray was kissing Everley’s cheek, and she was beaming out at the audience, as though she didn’t have a care in the world, let alone that she’d been full of anxiety moments before. Holly had forgotten just how much of a natural entertainer her cousin was. She’d inherited Candy’s star quality, that was for sure.
“Well, what are we going to sing?” Everley was asking, raising an eyebrow at the audience. “One of your songs?”
“I was thinking we should sing one of yours.”
“But I don’t have any songs,” Everley pointed out. “I’m not a mega superstar like you.”
The audience laughed at her sassiness. She was so good at this.
“In that case, let’s sing a Christmas song. I have the perfect one all lined up.” Gray nodded at the pianist. The low plaintive notes of “Fairytale of New York” struck up, and Gray leaned into the microphone, singing about Christmas Eve in the drunk tank.
The audience sighed as Everley sang back to him, all playful and cheeky, telling him about all the Christmas promises he made her that he didn’t fulfill.
Holly blinked back more tears. Because her cousin was so damn beautiful and deserved to be on that stage. She was holding her own with a rock superstar, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats as she told him he was a scumbag and a maggot.
Then the lights flickered, and she held her breath until they came back on again.
“Where the hell is Gabe?” North muttered.
“I’m here.” Gabe stalked over to where she and North were standing. “And we have a huge fucking problem.”
26
“What kind of problem?” Holly frowned at Gabe. He was shifting his feet like he couldn’t stand still. The lights flickered again.
“You know the storm we promised Everley wouldn’t happen? It just reached Marshall’s Gap.” That was the next big town. “Took out their power. They’re working on getting it back up, but of course everything’s so damn slow because it’s Christmas Eve.”
“What does that mean for us?” North asked, running his thumb along his chin.
“The storm’s heading this way. It’s likely to take our power out, too, and since we rely on Marshall’s Gap for backup, it isn’t going to happen.
“The storm’s coming here?” Holly shook her head. “I thought it was headed south of here.”
Gabe grimaced. “It’s already snowing like crazy out there. The winds are picking up. It’s only a matter of time before the eye hits us.”
“Shit.” North looked out at the stage. “We have all these people who have to get home.”
“Should we stop the performance?” Holly asked. “Give them a chance to get out of here?”
“It’s too late.” Gabe’s voice was grim. The lights flickered once more, this time staying dark for five seconds before they came back on.
“Can somebody put a dime in the meter?” Everley yelled from the stage, and the audience laughed.
Gray Hartson started singing again, and the murmurs from the audience quietened.
“Okay, let’s think.” Holly put her hand to her temple. Her brain was mush. It was hard to form a coherent thought. “Um, the Inn has a generator, right?”
“Yep. And a few of the houses do, too.”
“So we get as many people as we can to safety. Between the Inn and the local houses we should be able to take care of most of the audience. We could even get some heaters and cots into this place as an overspill if necessary.”
North nodded. “I’ll make an announcement as soon as they finish their song. We need to get people out while the power’s still working.”
“Alaska and I will head over to the Inn now,” Gabe said. “Get things as ready as we can for an influx of people.”
Holly let out a lungful of air. “I need to get to Josh’s cottage.”
Gabe and North exchanged a look. “You can’t drive in this weather, Hol. You’ll kill yourself.”
“I’ve driven in snow before.”
“Not this kind of snow.” North shook his head. “Seriously, we’ll have to wait it out. You can go to Josh in the morning.”
“But he doesn’t have a generator. We need to get him to the Inn.” Panic gripped her.
“Holly, you can’t go out. People will follow you. Hell, I’ll follow you. And we’ll all end up getting hurt.” Gabe put his hands on her shoulders. “Call him and tell him about the storm. I’ll give him some tips for keeping warm. Then as soon as it passes, we’ll go get him, okay?”
She let out a long breath, taking her phone from her pocket. “Okay.”
Bringing up her contacts, she pressed his name, lifting the phone to her ear.
“Hi, this is Josh Gerber. Leave a message.”
“It’s his voicemail,” she mouthed at Gabe.
“Tell him about the storm then pass it to me,” he told her.
“Josh, this is Holly. There’s a storm coming. You need to get ready for it, because nobody can get to you right now. Gabe’s going to tell you exactly what you need to do to be prepared, but stay safe, okay?”
She passed the phone to Gabe, barely listening as he listed the things Josh could use to bunker down and keep warm. He’d be all right, she knew that. He had a fireplace and there had t
o be candles somewhere. And the storm would pass soon, wouldn’t it?
Gabe finished rattling off instructions. “Okay, man. Stay safe. We’ll get you when we can.”
He passed her the phone. Everley and Gray were still singing about the Boys of the NYPD choir, their voices rising to a crescendo that thrilled the audience.
Then the lights flickered again, before plunging them all into darkness, and people started to shout and scream.
Holly turned on her phone’s flashlight. Gabe and North did the same.
“I need to get on the stage and tell them what’s happening.” North frowned.
But then something magical happened. One by one, everybody in the audience turned their own flashlights on, holding them up in the air and swaying them from side to side.
Everley started to sing again, and Gray joined in, the two of them performing without a back track or mics, until they ended the song and everybody applauded.
North was by their sides as soon as they finished singing, whispering into their ears. Everley nodded, and turned back to the audience.
“Friends,” she shouted out. “I’d like to ask each and every one of you for a favor. Please stay seated and listen carefully to my very handsome and clever cousin, North Winter.”
Gabe slid his hand into Holly’s, squeezing it tight. She squeezed back, thankful he was here.
“Hello everybody,” North said, yelling so he could be heard at the back. “We have a little problem. A winter storm has decided it wants to join in the festivities. But I don’t want you to worry, because we have a plan. Listen carefully, and stay seated until we evacuate you row by row. It looks like you’ll be spending Christmas Eve with us in Winterville this year.”
Josh couldn’t sit still. He’d been pacing the floor of his living room for what felt like hours, thinking about her.
Holly laughing with him while they ate dinner together.