“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”
The words finally took form, softly echoing across the room, then disappeared, never knowing who they were destined for.
KAGEROU DAZE 03
The buzz of the cicadas echoed, raucous.
I stared at a tree next to the sidewalk, astonished that insects would have even considered city life. But I couldn’t see any up there.
You hear all the time that a cicada has an average lifespan of just one week. But it’s more complex than that: The larva can actually burrow into the ground and live for years and years down there, making their actual life expectancy quite a bit longer.
Maybe that meant the droning cry I was hearing now was the product of the reservoir of strength they amassed during all those years underground. One final release after all that buildup.
For someone like me—growing and building himself up deep under the surface my whole life, only to find myself squished on the sidewalk the moment I dared to crawl onto the surface—I found the concept both purely beautiful and purely envious.
“Um, we’re here.”
Hiyori’s arm, currently supporting a shopping bag from the nearby supermarket, pointed toward a cemetery on the other side of a low-hung stone wall. It was our next stop.
“By the way, are you, like, all right? ’Cause your face is, uhm, a total wreck?”
“Huh? Really?”
“Uh, yeah? You got these huge rings around your eyes. And have you even, like, eaten and stuff?”
The main culprit behind the emaciated look that Hiyori so expertly described involved the girl herself, mostly. But judging by her act, the thought had yet to so much as occur to her.
After all, the stress from everything that took place yesterday was far too much for someone with my physical stamina to take.
First off, Hiyori, who had gone head over heels for Konoha the moment we arrived at her house, was demonstrating less interest in me than ever. To her, I was nothing but an utter pest.
Yesterday was supposed to be the day Hiyori would help me choose a cell phone. No longer. He was the only appointment in her mind now. I pleaded with her to come along anyway, and after several dozen “What a pain” type of complaints from her, we finally set off…only to find that the department store we chose was closed due to “unexpected circumstances.” To my intense chagrin, I was forced to retreat from the scene.
We could have visited any phone store on the street, of course, but it turns out that you can’t sign a phone contract by yourself if you’re underage. The plan was to hit this department store—apparently Hiyori’s dad knew one of the executives who ran it—and have them make a special friends-and-family exception for me. Too bad it ended in bitter failure.
“Well,” Hiyori quickly interjected, “guess the phone’s gonna have to wait, huh?”
So I wound up spending all of yesterday in that accursed house, the sight of her flirting with the one thing I wanted out of my sight thrust before me for hours on end.
My only remaining question: Why am I being forced to live together with a freak like that?
The way she put it back home, Hiyori’s brother-in-law lived in another house. We were meant to have the whole place to ourselves. Just the two of us.
Turns out this brother-in-law is a pretty flighty dude. Judging by Konoha claiming he’s “lived here for a while” and being “taken care of by Mr. Tateyama,” I suppose he’s a more-or-less permanent boarder.
If he’s letting random students crash at his house, I’d like to think I’m entitled to some kind of explanation as to why.
Although maybe Hiyori did hear about this before…and just didn’t think to tell me. It was plausible.
Either way, it meant that my Glamorous Couple’s Summer in the City was now thoroughly a thing of the past.
I couldn’t keep much of my dinner down, and the burning pyres of jealousy in my soul made a decent night’s sleep a tall order. Hence, Hiyori’s appraisal of my frail, run-down visage.
“Hey, Hiyori? Why are we visiting a cemetery right now? I thought you were all amped up to go shopping…”
“Mmm, I dunno. Just kind of, like, felt like it? I mean, yesterday, when we went in my sister’s house, it was like ‘Oh, crap, I better visit here too.’”
Today was day two of our trip.
Earlier, Hiyori gave me an ultimatum: I’m shopping today, she said, and you’re coming along. Then, this morning, the story did an about-face. Shopping’s canceled, she explained. I got a gravesite to visit.
Konoha, the ultimate thorn in my side, wasn’t with us. He showed no sign of waking up this morning. “I wish he coulda, like, come with us?” Hiyori lamented. For me, it was an unexpected windfall.
Come to think of it, Konoha didn’t join us for the cell-phone shopping trip, either. “Mr. Tateyama said I couldn’t leave the house while he was gone,” he explained. What is he, five years old? That’s why we didn’t bother waking him—he wouldn’t have left with us anyway.
“Oh…huh. I guess it’s the Obon holiday, huh?”
Inside this cemetery, not too far away from our house, I could see a few other visitors. Considering this graveyard was on the small side, though, we didn’t have the big crowds you’d expect to see visiting family graves during the holiday.
“Uh, yeah? That, and today’s the anniversary of my sister’s death, you know? My family never told me a lot about her, but…like, I guess they wouldn’t? She probably never knew I was even born.”
Hiyori’s sister was apparently a pretty rebellious girl from a young age. One day she told her parents “I’m going out to see the world,” ran away from home, and that was that.
The family cut off all ties with her after that. By the time Hiyori finally met her sister, she was lying in a casket.
“My brother-in-law looked, like, super broken up about it at the funeral. I totally remember everything about that day.”
We walked down the narrow path, checking each grave marker as we did.
Many of them were lined with fresh offerings for the deceased—flowers, traditional sweets, even things like toy cars. I tried not to stare at any of them for too long.
“I mean, the guy was, like, really polite to my mom and dad and stuff. But get this: He wouldn’t talk to me at all! It’s like, wow, thanks a lot! You were with my sister the whole time after she ran off, and that’s what you do to me? It’s like, man, grown-ups are such a pain in the ass.”
Hiyori drawled on, her face expressionless, betraying nothing in the way of anger or sadness.
Maybe she resented her parents back then for being so stubborn.
But when I thought about it—how Hiyori’s parents bottled their anger up, with no place to unleash it now that she was out of their grasp—I found myself unable to say anything.
“Oh, speaking of, my brother-in-law was too busy to come home yesterday, but he told me to be there this afternoon ’cause he’ll bring my autograph over. So once we’re, like, done here, we’re gonna have to run back to…Um?”
Suddenly, Hiyori stopped.
Ahead of her was a young man in a black, short-sleeved hoodie, palms held together as he piously observed a certain gravestone.
“Uh, that’s my sister’s grave?”
Hiyori started walking again.
I hurried on behind. The man, finally taking notice of us, swung around.
His hair was a pale shade of brown, and his eyes noticeably large, as he stared at us.
“Um, I’m sorry…That grave belongs to my older sister. I’m, uh, glad she has company today.”
Hiyori bowed politely at the man. He studied her face for a moment, and his face tensed up.
“Wh-wha? Whaaa? Your sister?!”
“Right. Did, um, did you know her very well…?”
The man’s face instantly brightened, an innocent smile sprouting upon it as he excitedly ran up to us.
“Oh, wowww, you totally remind me of her! Did I know her? Dude, you gotta be kidding
me! She was a huuuuuuuuuuge part of my life!”
After he finished expressing his abject joy at this encounter, the man stopped himself for a moment, suddenly realizing something. He brought a hand to his mouth, coughing once as he arched his back upward.
“Um, I’m sorry, I guess I got a little carried away. Are, uh, are you this girl’s companion or something?”
He was talking to me.
“Yeah. Well, really more like her errand boy, but…heh-heh…”
I felt like a fool the moment it escaped my lips. I turned my eyes away, scratching a cheek in distracted shame.
“Errand boy…Oof. Must be rough, man.”
Surprised by the response, I turned back to him. He looked distressed, as if honestly saddened by my plight.
“I mean…Well, you know, I mean, I reeeeally know what you mean. Totally. I got this scary dude bossing me around all day, too. Man, all the abuse I get…”
The man spread his arms out in front of him to emphasize the extent of his daily torment.
“Oh…That’s terrible. I guess we both got some problems…huh…?”
“Yeah…Gotta stay strong, you know…?”
We slapped our hands together in a firm handshake. We apparently shared a lot in common.
I thought I heard Hiyori say, “What is with you?” in the background, but I had other priorities at the moment.
“Anyway, I better get going now, so I hope you’ll excuse me. Are you guys busy later on?”
“Huh? No…Not, like, busy or anything, but we have to be home before too late in the afternoon, so…”
“Oh…”
Suddenly, in response to Hiyori’s refusal, I thought I saw a darker shadow emerge behind the man’s smile, a smile that seemed like a permanent part of his face until now.
But when I took another look, it was gone. The same smile as before. I worried for a moment that yesterday was so depressing for me that I was passing my pathos on like a disease, but quickly dismissed the thought.
Besides, if I was gonna gain a superpower, it’d better be a hell of a lot more useful than that. Invisibility, for example. That’s my first pick.
“Well, gee, that’s too bad! Would’ve been nice if we could relax together a little. The weather’s so lovely, too!”
The man clasped his hands behind his head as he pouted at us. Hiyori rewarded the act with a light chuckle.
“Ha-ha-ha…Uh, yeah. Maybe that’d be nice for a little bit.”
“Well, anyway, take care! I better get a move on. See you!”
The man beamed at us one more time before turning around and hurrying off somewhere.
“Seemed like kind of a nice guy, huh, Hiyori?”
“Yeah. Kind of, uh, weird, though. Like, my sister was way older than me. What’d she be doing with someone so young…?”
Hiyori’s face turned stern as she thought about all sorts of unthinkable things. Considering we were right in front of her grave, it seemed awfully inappropriate.
“Heh. Nice one, sis!”
But then she directed that at the grave marker. Was this really the kind of younger sister that woman deserved? If I could ask her, I would.
As I debated with myself over it, Hiyori placed some candy she purchased earlier by the gravestone.
The two had never met. There wasn’t much way Hiyori could have known what her preference was at all.
No, what Hiyori laid out by the grave was all of her own favorites.
She was giving what she liked to someone else. Something that I (at least) knew represented the epitome of affection, by her standards.
Once she had her offerings lined up, Hiyori placed her palms against each other and closed her eyes in front of the grave.
I followed after, copying her ritual.
What kind of woman was she? The man from before said Hiyori “totally reminded” him of her. I began to wonder if her personality was just as poison-tipped and fanglike.
“Uh, you gonna be doing that all day, or?”
Hiyori’s voice snapped my eyes back open.
“You aren’t, like, trying to ask my sister something weird in your mind, are you?”
“Wh-what? No! I, um, I was just wondering what she was like, and all.”
The accusation was totally false, but her sudden jab made me grope for words anyway.
Hiyori’s quizzical look soon melted back into her usual inscrutable stare. “I dunno,” she said. “She was just…normal, I bet.”
The sun began to quietly pound upon us as it cranked up the heat.
It wouldn’t be long before the appointed time Hiyori mentioned.
“Hey, so should we be getting back home, or? It sounds like that guy wanted to get to know us more, but…”
“Hmm…Well, I don’t see why we gotta, like, zoom back home. Maybe we should, uh, do some shopping after all? I mean, that shoe store over there looks nice…Ooh, but maybe I should, like, hit up that accessory shop by the rail station…”
She was firmly in her own world now.
“Wait, what?! We don’t have that much time, do we? Shouldn’t we say hi to your brother-in-law and get that autograph from him first…?”
“…Okay, uh, just one place. Follow me.”
Her mind made up, she briskly strolled away.
I had exhausted my arsenal. Nothing I could say would stop her now. I should consider it an honor that she even bothered commanding me to join her.
Once she exited the cemetery, Hiyori cut a quick right onto the sidewalk.
That was something else I discovered on this trip: Hiyori was blessed with an uncannily good sense of direction. Yesterday and today, she never once slowed her speedy walking pace, confidently and unerringly striding from point A to point B with ease.
Even on the sort of side paths I’d lose my way in even if I had a map, she never made a single wrong turn. I had to hand it to her.
For the next fifteen minutes, all I did was follow behind her. There was nothing for me to think about, nothing to ask her.
The crowds began to swell, giving me at least half a clue that our destination was somewhere close to the center of town.
It began to dawn on me yesterday, but now I was sure of it: I was starting to doubt I’d ever become used to the big city.
All these billboards, all the cars whizzing to and fro, all the laughing and conversation overlapping with each other…It all formed a vast cacophony in my ears, a flood of stimulation that whirled and eddied around me.
That, and this heat.
And I idolized life in the city just a scant few days ago. Reflecting on this stupidity on my part made me sick to my stomach.
If I tried living here alone, I doubt I’d make it half a day, even.
In fact, I was starting to question my ability to survive the summer at all.
“Oh, there it is. You wait here for me.”
We were on a street lined with colorful storefronts. Hiyori stopped in front of one with no advance warning.
Judging by how she strolled inside without any further confirmation, this must have been the spot.
“Wow. Pretty fancy place.”
Meekly obeying Hiyori’s command, I stared up at the store entrance.
The wall was painted a shocking shade of pink, festooned with cookie- and candy-themed decorations. The store sign, blaring the name of the place in bright-yellow characters, was covered in neon that no doubt made the shop an even more formidable presence at night.
It was a feast for the eyes, one far too rich for my tastes. It, and the heat, began to make me nauseated.
We should buy something to drink once she comes back…Otherwise, I’m gonna dry up like a prune and they’ll probably make more of those stupid cookie ornaments out of me.
With a recorded “Come back again soon!” the automatic doors opened to reveal Hiyori, a pair of small bags in her hand.
“Oh, hey. You find what you want?”
Hiyori sneered victoriously as she nodded an emphatic yes
.
It was so cute, I thought my heart would jump out of my throat.
I’m so glad I’m here. Watching her do that made the whole day worth the trouble.
“This’ll be the perfect gift for Konoha!”
I take that back. I wish I’d never left my room.
Not him again. Seriously, what was her deal with him?
A gift?! What the hell?!
“A gift, huh…? What kind of…?”
“Um? Like, why do you care?”
My ego sliced neatly in two, I found myself unable to respond.
Apparently this entire trip to the city was a kind of emotional boot camp devised to build up my immunity to mental anguish.
“Oh, uh, but I got something for you, too.”
“Oh, neat…Wait, huh?! For me?!”
“Uh, yeah? Here.”
Hiyori brought an apathetic arm forward, offering me one of the bags.
The moment I took it in hand, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. It moved me to tears.
“Th-thank you…so much…”
“Uh, why’re you crying? Gross…”
I know I took it back just a second ago, but I’m so glad I came here. Never in my dreams did I expect such a pleasant surprise to be lying in wait for me.
“No, I…I really appreciate this. Um, can I open it up?!”
“Huh? Uh, yeah, I guess?”
Judging by the weight, the light pink polka-dot bag in my hand contained…a key chain, maybe? Or maybe some kind of writing tool?
Radiant with anticipation, I smiled my biggest smile of the day as I opened the bag.
I was rewarded with a smell akin to rotted fish.
“Urghh! It stinks!”
I shouted it out despite myself, so perplexing this whole sequence had become.
And no one would chide me for it. I’m sure of that. How else would you respond to a girl exiting a fancy designer shop and handing you a bag that smelled like the inside of a fish cannery?
No. Nobody could’ve predicted this.
Gingerly, I used two fingers to reach into the bag and pull out its contents. It was a key chain, all right—a key chain of some freaky monster, one that looked like a slice of raw salmon with a pair of legs attached to it.
“Uh? What? You got, like, a problem with it?”
The Children Reason Page 9