Jeffrey looked away before responding. He loved Cassia more than he loved anyone on the planet, revenant or mortal, and though he was certain the feeling was mutual, he knew on a primal level that there was still something between Jason and Cassia that needed resolution before it would stop hanging over his marriage like a storm cloud.
Maybe then she would be ready to have children.
Shaking his head to chase away the dark thoughts, he returned his eyes to her. “I honestly do not know. Gisele has never been the poster child for rational thought.”
“Still, she never gave me the impression that she was stupid. Cruel, childish and selfish, yes, but not stupid.”
“She is certainly not stupid, but she has been known to let her emotions do her thinking, especially when it comes to Jason,” Jeffrey replied immediately, regretting the use of his name when Cassia flinched slightly at the sound of it. He rushed to finish his thought, hoping to bury it with words. “She is angry, hurt and scared, and I am not sure I blame her.”
“Sympathy for Gisele? That’s a first,” Cassia shot back, delivered on a tone that pushed his buttons with unerring accuracy. Payback for using the name, or perhaps an attack simply because Cassia had no such sympathies, never could, and she viewed his stance as a betrayal of sorts. As much animosity as Cassia still held for Jason, her feelings for him were haunted by love, which made them more pain than anger. Not so for Gisele, who in Cassia's eyes was responsible for eradicating the last vestiges of the man she had once loved with all her being.
In his bleakest of moods, Jeffrey occasionally wondered why she failed to see that event as a blessing, something that had freed her from a trap of pain and misery that had almost driven her to suicide, but during his rational moments, he understood. No mortal would view the death of true love as salvation, regardless of whether or not that was exactly what it happened to be.
Cassia was the perfect spoiler to Jeffrey's fortified self-image and innate confidence. With a glance or a single misplaced word, she could inspire in him a cavern of doubt, something he simultaneously loved, hated and feared. It was his certainty that his feelings for her were real, so he could never bring himself to wish it were different, even as it cut deep and anger came to the defense.
“I would think that you of all people would be willing to cut her some slack,” Jeffrey snapped, irritation and fear lending more force to the words than he actually intended.
Anger flashed behind her eyes, churning their depth like muddy water. “Jason didn’t choose another woman over me, Jeffrey. He wouldn’t let me love him, and she stepped in to fill the void.” Jeffrey heard her unspoken words better than the ones that fell from her lips. And she didn't do it very well.
“Something for which I will be eternally grateful,” Jeffrey whispered quickly, interrupting her with a signaled surrender. He did not want her to continue and possibly say something that might prove the theory he secretly harbored: that if Jason were to change his mind, Cassia would be right there in line, pushing people out of the way.
Cassia opened her mouth to respond and stopped, the hard edges draining away from her face. In some ways, Jeffrey thought she could read him better than any revenant could. She smiled sweetly, an apology and forgiveness all rolled up in one. “You know, babe, maybe someone should just tell her that he didn’t really choose another woman over her; she just thinks he did.”
“What do you mean?”
“This thing with Alicia; it’s about me. I may not know the revenant he is today, but I know the mortal he used to be. His relationship with Alicia started because of what happened with me, and if Gisele’s not careful, she’s going to help make it into something a whole lot more powerful, and maybe even something permanent. If she hasn’t already.”
Jealousy sliced Jeffrey in two, even as he knew it was irrational. "Then again," she continued dryly, "she probably wouldn't listen anyway."
Jeffrey's response to that was halted by a sharp knocking on the door. His eyes went wide as his hand came up to check the time. It was an automatic gesture, and it distracted him momentarily from the spike of fear. Only a handful of people knew where they lived, and only two could make it to the door without being announced by the attendant in the lobby. Of those two, one would not have dropped in even if the world were coming apart and the penthouse apartment held the key to stopping it, and the other would have announced her presence well in advance, as mothers usually do.
A glance at Cassia confirmed that their thoughts were running parallel. When her shield snapped into place, he knew that they had both guessed who had come knocking. Dear God, Jason, what have you gotten me into?
He woodenly approached the door, casting several glances back to Cassia as he moved. She vacillated between going with him and bolting out the nearest window, but in the end, she did neither, watching his progress warily as any prey animal might watch a nearby predator.
When Jeffrey disappeared into the vaulted-ceilinged hallway leading to the door, Cassia found herself finally able to take a breath. Her heart slammed against her ribs with such force that she thought it might be attempting a jail break, and she could feel a few cold droplets of sweat running down her spine. For the first time in many years, Cassia found herself wishing that Jason was around.
Out of habit, Jeffrey leaned into the door to check the peephole, squinting to bring the view on the other side of the door into focus. Before the picture completely cleared, something came up to cover the lens from the other side.
“Open the door, Jeffrey,” Gisele commanded, her voice loud enough to be understood clearly through the door.
“This is highly improper, Gisele,” Jeffrey replied, force feeding calm into his voice to keep it from trembling.
“I am not going to ask again, Jeffrey. You will either open this door, or I will break it down.”
Jeffrey hesitated for only a moment, not doubting for an instant that she was telling the truth, and then he unlocked the deadbolt and unlatched the security chain. As the door lumbered inward, Jeffrey took a deep breath in an attempt to keep his skin from jumping into the nearest corner. He moved his body around the door, staying in the center of the doorway, clearly avoiding even the hint of invitation.
Gisele stood in the hallway, wrapped in a full-length leather coat that was belted at her tiny waist. Her face was grim and determined, a scary combination in a face so beautiful, and she looked as if she was debating whether or not to march right over him and into the apartment. Thankfully, she was not yet probing his mental shield.
Small blessings.
“Gisele, you know the rules. My apartment is off-limits. If you need to speak with me-”
Gisele waved him off with an impatient gesture that stopped his admonition immediately. “I am not here to speak with you, Jeffrey. I am here for Cassia.”
“What?” Jeffrey gasped, eyes going wide with panic and horror, his face draining of every ounce of color.
“Relax, Jeffrey. At the moment, I am only here to talk.” She tilted her head a bit to give him a pointed look, and then she brought her hand up in a gesture that told him to stand aside. “And I will do so with or without your permission.”
Jeffrey swallowed, hesitating again, his mind furiously trying to figure an equation that had a satisfactory solution, but there wasn’t any to be found, purchased or stolen. He had about as much chance of keeping Gisele out of his apartment as he had of keeping a popsicle intact in the bowels of Hell.
Jeffrey stepped aside, his movement tense and robotic. Gisele breezed by him without a sideways glance, heading straight for the living room and Cassia. He recoiled as the air from her swift passage fluttered past him, and he instinctively held his breath like a child passing a cemetery in a car. Silently cursing his superstition, he shut the door quickly and hurried after her, his mind still churning with a nasty combination of disbelief, fear and nausea.
Gisele turned and looked over her shoulder, her voice wrapped in an airy tone that sent shivers dow
n his spine. “You should be careful what you say, Jeffrey. You never know who might be listening.”
◆◆◆
My eyes snapped open, and everything felt wrong. I knew immediately that the sun hadn’t set, so something else had sprung me from Slumber. A quick sweep of Alicia’s vital signs told me it wasn’t her; she was still sleeping soundly in my arms. Something was rattling around inside my head, but I couldn’t make it out.
Closing my eyes, I centered myself and opened the gate to the BloodHunger. Like a ravenous fire, it flared powerfully as soon as it was freed, but I ignored the heat and quickly picked through the different sounds that combined to make the throbbing cacophony in my Blood. I located the Awareness and Power Sounds, twisting them together like a garbage bag tie to open my psyche up to the tiniest of ripples in the fabric of my consciousness.
I realize this sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo, but I’m only trying to give an accurate description of what it’s like. If I start to sound like the Dalai Lama, either chant along with me or grin and bear it...
Anyway, with my awareness in high gear, it wasn’t long before I located the rattle and managed to catch up with it, and when I did, it was so shocking that I almost lost my center and freed the BloodHunger to roam. Not wanting that to ever happen again, I reeled back in panic, scrambling madly out of the cage, throwing the door shut, and slamming the bolt a fraction of a second before the Hunger slammed into the other side of the barrier. Mentally leaning against the rough, deeply scarred surface, I took a breath and pondered my discovery.
Clear as day, though it was the barest of whispers, and as familiar as my own voice, despite the years of absence, I heard Cassia’s mental voice.
Help.
◆◆◆
Phobos.
Phobos’ eyes went wide as Jason’s call broke through as clearly as if he were standing right next to her. His voice was the very last thing on Earth she expected to hear at that moment, and she froze solid. A second later, her lack of motion became painfully obvious to Kane, bringing him to an immediate halt.
“What?” he said worriedly, his eyes drilling holes into her face as he hovered above her, the instant transition from passion to fear making him dizzy.
Instead of answering him, Phobos closed her eyes and extended her mental voice. Jason?
Sorry to bother you, but your son and his wife are in danger. Gisele’s in their apartment, and I have no way of getting there. His direct delivery multiplied the force of the words tenfold, and Phobos flinched as each word fell. Kane’s face darkened and then went wide with shock as she all but threw him off her, leaping to her feet and throwing clothes on with abandon.
“What’s going on?” Kane demanded, but she ignored him. He thought of physically halting her progress, but he had only seen her this agitated one other time, so he quickly decided against it. Instead, he hauled on his own clothes and followed silently behind her as they stormed out of the Ekhaya and into the night.
◆◆◆
Even if she had been inclined to try, Cassia could not have hidden her reaction as Gisele stepped into the living room. Her hands fisted at her sides, mimicking her powerfully clenched jaw, eyes narrowing to fine slits. Even after all this time, she was powerless to fight the bitterness that immolated her as if she were coated with jet fuel. Although rational thought said that it was probably an unfair judgment, Cassia placed more blame on Gisele than anyone for the final death of all that had once existed between her and Jason.
Gisele stopped abruptly, as if she had physically encountered the wall of hatred emanating outward from Cassia like microwaves. She was not used to such open animosity, and it was a bit disconcerting despite the fact that Cassia was utterly powerless in this situation. Well, technically that was true, but plenty of power stood behind her and Jeffrey, a wrath that Gisele would rather avoid provoking if at all possible. She was angry, she was hurt, and she was desperate, but she was not stupid.
Or suicidal.
“I realize that I am not your favorite person in this life, Cassia. Believe me, I do not wish to be here any more than you want me here.”
Cassia eyed Gisele directly for a long moment, her gaze critical. “Maybe that’s true on one level,” she replied caustically, “but some part of you is enjoying this.” Jeffrey barely suppressed his gasp at his wife’s boldness. Gisele arced one perfect eyebrow, a small smile forming, but she chose not to comment.
The silence lingered. To her surprise, Gisele found herself searching for a tactful way to continue. Cassia spared her the trouble.
“Why are you here, Gisele? What do you want?”
Gisele’s smile broadened; she knew well which traits Jason found most appealing in Cassia, but it had been a while since she had witnessed them in person. “Answers,” she replied smoothly, folding her arms across her chest. “Three to be precise. If you are honest, this will take minutes; if you are not...” As her voice trailed off, Gisele shrugged. Jeffrey shuddered, her unspoken threat carrying much more danger than any spoken word could have.
“What makes you think I have any answers?” Cassia asked at length, the edge in her voice softening at the depths of desperation she began to sense in Gisele.
Gisele surveyed Cassia oddly for a moment and then seemed to snap out of it just before a trance could set in. “You may not,” she whispered, her voice soft and fragile. “I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it,” she added quickly, injecting a semblance of reassurance into her tone. Cassia got the feeling that Gisele was very afraid, like she was holding onto shelter with her fingernails as a tornado tried to rip her into the sky. Her fear whispered conspiratorially to Cassia’s, and both of them began chattering away like two biddies at bingo.
“And if you don’t like my answers?” Cassia whispered, trying and failing to beat her fear into submission by staring it down. Her voice faltered a bit at the end. Jeffrey crossed the room slowly, placing his arm around his wife’s slightly trembling shoulders. She was thankful for his warmth and for his calm, supporting touch, despite knowing that the protected feeling she got from it was illusory. Jeffrey had been around revenants so long that he really didn't know how to fear them, and it was the first time Cassia could remember being thankful for naiveté.
Gisele sighed, her eyes closing, and it was then that Cassia sensed the depths of her weariness. Gisele might look fragile, but she had never seemed the slightest bit weak until that moment. “I knew coming here would make you afraid, but I had hoped you of all people would understand.”
“Understand what?”
“You are in no danger from me; harming you would make my situation far worse than it already is, and though I cannot imagine such a state, I know it exists, and I am in no hurry to see it realized.”
“Gisele, your actions are only half my concern, and at the moment, actually the smaller half. It’s the desperation behind them that really bothers me. Desperate creatures often do unthinkable things.”
It was a tossup as to which woman was more stunned. Both sets of eyes went wide with the words that hung in the air between them, cloying like secondhand smoke. Jeffrey would have burst out laughing if he could have found the slightest bit of his sense of humor; he had never seen either woman so dumbfounded.
“Well,” Gisele responded after recovering, “I see that I have come to the right place. If you do not have the answers I seek, no one will.”
Cassia let out a long sigh, suddenly unable to maintain her image of Gisele, the ice princess, the caricature of unfeeling evil that had stolen the love of her life away. Somehow, she had suddenly become a real person to Cassia, and the unexpected (though not entirely unpleasant) new discovery made it impossible for her to deny Gisele what she came for. “Ask your questions. I’ll answer them as best I can.”
Triumph flashed behind Gisele’s eyes, but she kept it from the rest of her face. Then came the fear, also limited to her haunted, obsidian orbs. Finally, exhaustion and just wanting it to be over.
“Is the relationship Jason shares with Alicia some kind of atonement for you?”
Before the question was even fully verbalized, Cassia expected to be stunned by the insight it represented, but somehow, she had known it was coming. “At first it probably was, but he knows the truth by now.”
“The truth...” Gisele whispered, her eyes locked on Cassia’s face with rapt attention, her posture sagging.
“There is no atonement. There’s only forgiveness, and she can’t give him that.”
A look of true pain flickered across Gisele’s face. “Then he does love her...” she moaned, her voice coated with anguish.
Cassia had always thought she would be overjoyed to see the day when Gisele felt some of the anguish she had known since Jason made his choice, but now faced with the reality, she truly would not have wished that pain on anyone. “Yes,” she replied evenly, seeing no way to truthfully deny the claim.
Gisele lowered her head with a gasp, her face falling and Blood tears spilling down her cheeks. Cassia took comfort in the fact that Gisele’s pain would be short-lived and felt herself healing as she realized that she would be the one to take that pain away. “He does, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why that bothers you so much.”
“What?” Gisele gasped again, this time with incredulity, her head shooting back up to spear Cassia with a gaze reserved for mortals who suddenly sprout wings and a halo.
“It’s mortal love, and it can’t possibly compete with revenant love. That was a hard lesson for me, but you taught it well.”
“Me?” Gisele replied, her eyes crinkling as she could not quite grasp the whole picture. “Jason chose Phobos over you long before I came into the picture.”
“True, and it took me a while to realize that he chose her because she made sense of the insane world he’d been dropped into, not because he loved her any more than he loved me. She loved him, revenant love, but in his heart, Jason was still mortal, and therefore his love for both of us was also mortal.”
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